I find myself becoming very judgemental

fitby38

Hmmm. You're projecting? When I eat something like ice cream in public, like I did the other day, I feel awkward, because I worry I'm being judged.

But you might consider that some of these folks have planned for their splurge, as some of us on MFP do. Or we count it and move on, even if we're over our calories for the day.

Ok. One of the instances that pissed me off. I was at a texmex place, on my spike day, eating queso, a huge burrito, etc. This family walks in (Husband, wife, about a 7 year old, and a 1 year old) They were all over weight. Parents were obese. They sat next to us, and when they got their food, the man *****ed at the waiter because he ordered 2 lbs of fajita meat. TWO FREAKING POUNDS!!!! And she said "oh, when you said two, I thought you meant you wanted fajitas for two." He wanted to eat enough meat for 4 freaking people. WHY!?!?!

sounds more like judgment than concern to me ... just my opinion.

CoryIda

As someone who was once morbidly obese, I know firsthand how daunting it can be to change. It is such a HUGE undertaking - the OP only had 25 pounds to lose... but if you have 100+, it can be difficult.
Exercise *is* harder when you are very heavy, for one.
It is intimidating to completely change your lifestyle, for another.

So I don't get judgmental, because I've been there, but I am living proof that it CAN be done, so I get sad. I want to go and tell them about my story - I don't do it, because I'm shy AND I think I would probably have been horribly offended if someone had done that to me - but I want to, just to encourage them.

I try to lead by example - if others choose to follow, that is great; if not, that is sad but is ultimately their choice.

sdrawkcabynot

quote from a lady at work "Well if I could not eat cake, I would be skinny as a pole"... Umm, excuses and laziness piss me off!

DieVixen

I think people just like to feel better than others and its not really concern

VictoriaFitness2010

Don't feel bad...we've all been there. It's important that you stepped back a bit and analyzed your judgement.

iuangina

quote from a lady at work "Well if I could not eat cake, I would be skinny as a pole"... Umm, excuses and laziness piss me off!

I like cake, it's not an excuse or laziness for me. I don't want to be skinny as a pole.

mandiemma

THEY KNOW what they look like, and I'm sure they are not okay with it. Someone pointing it out to them, is definitely NOT going to help.

Actually, I think there are a lot of people out there that DON'T know what they look like, or how big they actually are. It seems crazy that someone can look into a mirror and not actually see an accurate portrayal of themselves, but it's definitely possible. A distorted body image/body dysmorphia is not just for anorexics thinking they look fat when they're skin and bones, it can go the other way as well.

I agree with you here... I honestly did not realize how big I was/am... while I knew I was overweight, my perception of HOW overweight I was/am, was completely askew. Some people may know they're overweight, but they may not realize how overweight they really are. If you come from a family of overweight people and you're the smallest, in your mind you may feel skinny - you never know!

hiker282

I don't judge them too harshly, I pity them more than anything. I had a good 50 pounds to lose when I started. It was hard, and I had to have a fire lit under me to get me going. But every person has to make that choice for themselves. You can't force them. Of somebody asks gow, I will gladly tell them, but I haven't made it my personal crusade to fix obesity. I just do what I do and help others ad I can and pity those who don't think they can or don't want to make the change.

delilah47

Hmm.. almost everyone responding sounds like they think they have all the answers. Let's live our own lives. I'm sure we all have room for improvement rather than thinking of what we'd like to say to others to improve THEIR lives.

GeneveSparkles

I'm kinda surprised that so many people think their judgments come from an altruistic place. I think most people judge because of a lack of information, insecurity issues or just wanting to feel better about themselves.

If it's a friend or family member that is an entirely different situation, most of the time feelings are involved and more info is available about the situation.

Everyone does something that someone else might judge you for because "you're hurting yourself." Smoking, drinking, eating meat, driving without a seatbelt, bungee jumping, riding a motorcycle, the list goes on. I think people should focus on making themselves happy and healthy and not worry about what's going on int the cart beside you at the grocery store.

Really no sense in wasting emotion, thoughts and energy on someone/something you have no control over.

Happy Hump Day!!

kimad

I am the same way, but I find even for more things now -- like someone who is dieting but trying something I find 'dumb'
Like a coworker of mine is going to eat cereal for lunch everyday for a month and see how much weight she loses - ok??

mmw1978

quote from a lady at work "Well if I could not eat cake, I would be skinny as a pole"... Umm, excuses and laziness piss me off!

This is the one that gets me all the time. I'm seriously overweight and 25 lbs into my journey. It isn't nearly as easy to lose the weight as it was to put it on, but never once did I try to blame it on anything except myself. I don't know anyone's story or why they're heavy, but don't blame your size on McDonald's or Pizza Hut or Hostess. They didn't send someone to your house to hold you down and stuff that food into your body. MY hand opened the package, MY hand put that crap in my mouth, nobody but ME.

It's sort of like the day I was watching the news and some mom was on TV saying she thought it was a good idea for some city to ban the toy in a kids' meal if the meal didn't make a certain nutritional requirement. She literally said "I have to buy them a Happy Meal every day because they want the toy." I was STUNNED. Last time I checked, the word "No" and not stopping your car pretty much took the "have to" out of buying anything for a kid. The kids aren't supposed to run the show, the parents are. Don't blame the fact that you're too lazy to go to the store and buy healthy food to make for your children on the restaurant industry.

I have a 2 1/2 year old who is a healthy weight. He's the reason I started this journey. He would eat a chicken kids' meal with fries every day if I let him, but I don't. He eats the same things we do every day (including a veggie with every meal) and if we go out, then it's a treat to get that kids' meal. I'm hoping that with the things I'm learning on my journey, we are now setting a better example for him and he won't have nearly the struggles with his weight that I've had in my life.

People no longer want to take responsibility for themselves, it's always someone else's fault. That kills me.

FitLink

I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

WTF is wrong with me?

Maybe I can help. You say you think "It's not really hard to lose weight." It's lucky for you that it isn't. That's not true for everyone. I quit smoking seven years ago. I decided to quit, and I said to myself, "When this pack is gone, I just won't buy another." People said it would be hard, and went on and on about how hard it is to quit. My degree is in psych, and I also have a nursing degree, and we had been taught that nicotine was more addicting than heroin. So I bought two big boxes of Nicorette gum, just in case. The instructions said to chew at least 9 pieces a day no matter what, so I chewed a piece. In a few hours I chewed another. It's awful, and that was the last piece I chewed. I gave the rest to a coworker who was quitting. For me, quitting smoking was EASY! Nothing to it. I just quit and never thought about it again. Would it be fair to assume that it's just that easy for everyone, and that everyone who still smokes, and everyone who struggles with quitting and fails just isn't trying hard enough, doesn't care, or is not a virtuous as I am? I suspect it really is hard for most people and that I'm not special, just lucky. Like you're lucky. I figure I don't know how hard either of those things are for any random people I meet so it might be it really is too hard for them at this point in their lives.

Charlottejogs

Me too all of these things! I always feel bad but I have trouble- the couple at the grocery store yesterday blocking the aisle as they were so obese they were using motorized carts...the girl that seats near me at school who is very overweight that has a donut, juice, and large frappacino every day... I am going to work on trying to think of reasons they may the way they are at that time.

kristelpoole

I get frustrated by excuses. Particularly when someone complains about their weight, and then makes a million excuses for why they "can't" do anything about it. And if they say something like "Well, if I were lucky like you and had [____], I'd be able to do it to," then I want to smack them. I'm not lucky, I work hard for my health and my body.

Judgemental? Not in my opinion. I just don't like complainers who don't do anything about their situations.

Also, I was judgemental because my health insurance premium went up this year. A cited cause? Increase in obesity of employees. Ugh.

PonyTailedLoser

I'm like this and can't help it. It's like the more weight I lose the more snarky I get towards those who are obviously not interested in fitness.

FitLink

I'm kinda surprised that so many people think their judgments come from an altruistic place. I think most people judge because of a lack of information, insecurity issues or just wanting to feel better about themselves.

If it's a friend or family member that is an entirely different situation, most of the time feelings are involved and more info is available about the situation.

Everyone does something that someone else might judge you for because "you're hurting yourself." Smoking, drinking, eating meat, driving without a seatbelt, bungee jumping, riding a motorcycle, the list goes on. I think people should focus on making themselves happy and healthy and not worry about what's going on int the cart beside you at the grocery store.

Really no sense in wasting emotion, thoughts and energy on someone/something you have no control over.

Happy Hump Day!!

But I find I am judged more for my weight than for my motorcycle. Here's my thing: What another adult does that doesn't harm the person or property of a non-consenting other, is no one else's business. Those people who think that they are judging because they care are deceiving themselves. If you don't think you are better than someone else, you don't judge their behavior. And I guarantee it's possible to find something to judge in all the judges behaviors.

astrasburger

two comments...having worked at a grocery store in my early 20's (college years), watching people of all sizes walk thru the check out with junk food galore and soda for their family and pull out their food stamp card...that bugged me because i don't understand why the government doesn't regulate that. I judged them because they had "free" money to go pick whatever they wanted, fresh or frozen and they chose that...and they were tan with highlighted hair, and fake nails, or pulled out their fancy cell phones...that is when i would be irritated and judge . There are other programs such as WIC which is monitored and geared toward healthy choices for kids to make sure they got the better choices. My thought is food is fuel and not a luxury and certain kinds are not a necessity. I grew up in low income large family and we didn't get food stamps and we learned to live on necessities...not to open up a new can of worms.

I think someone said it best earlier about how today's society is just different then it used to be...more processed food available, more families on the go looking for "fast" meal solutions to get their kids to the next school event...both parents working all the time....more electronics to entertain your kids and each other.

I hope that at some point everyone can find a happy place to live a happy and healthy lifestyle both mentally and physically.

Edit: I was mainly pointing out that my judgement on what people eat at grocery store had nothing to do with weight. I get that it's easier to eat processed food over fresh food. However...there is a reason why i don't highlight my hair, tan, or get my nails anymore...because i can't afford it! I have diapers to buy, food to provide, and bills to pay on my own.

realia

I think it's easy to fall into a trap like that & forget where you came from. (Not "you" as in you personally, just using the term) Even if you weren't overweight, just eating unhealthy things wasn't good for your body. Sometimes we generalize other people & think "If I can do it then why can't they? I had the energy & want to so why don't they?" But not everyone is the same. A lot of people are going through a divorce, or a death or a job loss & they deal with things through emotional eating. Some people desperately want to be healthier but truly do not know where to start. Or they already feel defeated by life so why would they want to change? There are so many reasons people don't pursue weight loss or a healthier lifestyle. I spent most of my 20's overweight because I was in an unhappy marriage. We just never know what people are truly dealing with on the inside. Hopefully this helps stir your compassion for others. I have caught myself thinking the same thing before & then I realize I need a slap in the face because just not too long ago it was me that was unhealthy & had no plan to be healthy because I didn't see a way out. Just by your post I can tell you don't really mean to do it & you want to change your way of thinking. You will. We never know what people are going through or why they are the way they are. We all have our baggage. Best of luck to you in your fitness journey.

^

FitLink

I get frustrated by excuses. Particularly when someone complains about their weight, and then makes a million excuses for why they "can't" do anything about it. And if they say something like "Well, if I were lucky like you and had [____], I'd be able to do it to," then I want to smack them. I'm not lucky, I work hard for my health and my body.

Judgemental? Not in my opinion. I just don't like complainers who don't do anything about their situations.

Also, I was judgemental because my health insurance premium went up this year. A cited cause? Increase in obesity of employees. Ugh.

Of course it's not judgmental "in your opinion." But you really don't have any idea how easy or hard anything is for anyone but you. I quit smoking in 2005, and even though I'd smoked for 25 years, it was EASY PEASY! When I finished the pack I was on, I just...quit. I chewed two pieces of Nicorette, because I expected it to be hard, but Nicorette tastes AWFUL and quitting was so easy I just gave away the rest of the Nicorette. Never wanted another cigarette, never missed them. It would be easy for me to decide that people who try to quit and fail just didn't try as hard as I did. But you know what? I'M LUCKY in that regard. I didn't 'work hard for my health..." I was LUCKY! I'm not BETTER than anyone, just LUCKY! I don't care how hard you think you work for your health and your body, you DO NOT know you work harder than anyone else.

In my opinion, I'm not being judgmental of you, I just hate people who think they're better than other people. See how that opinion thing can be inaccurate sometimes?

Also, I don't believe "increased obesity of employees" was the stated reason for your insurance premium increase. And what were the other "cited causes?" Does even one of them apply to you in any way?