Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

lickmybaconcakes

For myself it would not be that important unless they themselves held it to be significant, I know people are going to choose different things from me that I may or may not agree with, but from their side they are in the same position so it doesn't seem fair to oppose just for this reason. I am glad the people on these forums reconise that it is the person stating what they think about religion or atheism: not the denominations as a whole.

Remember do not beg the question just because you cannot answer and that if you cannot answer, it does not automatically qualify you as wrong or right.

scepterian

Timely question for me. I have been through a lot of relationships that failed simply because we were not both equally yoked (it's in the Bible). There's always blaming and both side see's it wrong. However, I believe for a relationship to really work, and not end in divorce, it takes strong team work and just like in the office, you need a agreed upon set of core values. Core values are often based on your beliefs, morals, etc... so that's where the conflict comes in.

I did date a satanist for a few weeks until I figured this stuff out. She did leave telling me if she ever converted, it would be because of me and how I never judged her. Yet, our core values were so different it just didn't work.

I'm just now breaking it off with my current girlfriend because she thought we had the same core values but in reality, we don't and that gets into the dreaded "You've got to change..."

So a relationship/marriage is the act of two people dying of their ways and resurrecting into a new being of one. If I being a Christian, can't die to that belief, I can't except a non-Christian to die to theirs... so the answer is to date in your own family of choice, someone who's equally (or close to) yoked as you are.

Hope that helps.
Jeff

TriumphNow

Dating or marrying someone whose religion is different than yours will lead to problems. Your belief in God should guide your path and decisions in life. If you are a Christian and he is not, I just don't see how it would work...you are striving for 2 different things in life. A Christian dating someone that does not believe in God at all seems even harder. Regarding children, if you believe strongly in Christianity, you would obviously want to lead your children that way.

Many people have not answered the original question. That's what happens when you post on an open forum. You get what you get. People respond how they want to.

Since you are a Christian, pray about it. Also, the person that called you gullible for believing his change of heart may have a point. I don't agree with how she said it but he really may be just trying to get you back by saying he agrees with something that you said is a deal breaker for you. Obviously I don't know you or him but it's definitely something for you to think about.

TriumphNow

This could go on and on and on...back and forth w/a debate on both sides.
If you believe in God, then ask God what you should do. Search the scriptures b/c the bible talks about this. There are those who believe and don't believe. I believe. God is the foundation of my marriage and my personal belief is that I wouldn't have the marriage I have w/out God in both of our lives.

Let the Word of God be the final say in your life b/c He is who you believe in.

I completely agree with this. Since you are a Christian, this should make a lot of sense to you.

Thriceshy

Athesists makes me sad.:frown: I feel bad that they do notblive in Jesus Christ. You all should rent or find the DVD series th Turth project and tat might open your eyes. Hell isscary adni woul dno want to face it. Will be praying for ALL athesists tonight

Not trying to be rude or "take that!" but devout believers make ME very sad. It breaks my heart to see them miss out on reason and logic and reality and the beauty of the world as it is, without any made-up stories to jam it into a tight little form more palatable to the frightened mind. Just as you see my eyes closed, I see yours closed. I see you living in a fantasy world with ghosts and invisible spirits in the sky, only able to be "good" or "moral" because you're hoping for some dream-world eternity in a celestial playground with your family and/or you're afraid some transparent, imaginary guy in space is going to smack you down into a lake of fire if you screw up. Looking up to the sky for reasons and praying for divine intervention? I find that heartbreaking and a waste.

So you pray for me, that's fine, if it makes you feel better. And I'll hope my hardest that someone gently thumps you with a reason stick and those eyes of yours open wide to the reality of this existence.

If reading this left you angry or insulted, please, it's not my intent. My intent is to show you that it's a two-way street, and how you view me is exactly how I view you. Lost. Misguided. That said, I have never approached a believer out of the blue and told them that I pity them for their faith--that only comes out of my mouth (or my fingers) when it's tossed up at me first. In fact, so long as it stays out of our legislation and classrooms (and doesn't deny medical care to children, of course), I'm the first person to stand up and say that people should be permitted to worship as they please, regardless of how others view their particular faith. If it made you feel bad or angry to have me say these things, think of that the next time YOU go to say something like "Atheists make me sad." Because the only difference between you and me is that you rejected all deities but one in this world--I rejected exactly one more than that.

daffodilsoup

Jello shots?

Sometimes it's sad being a vegetarian.

http://www.glueandglitter.com/main/2011/08/03/vegan-jello-shots-starring-agar-agar/

Vegan fairy, AWAY!

RachelsReboot

Haven't read all of the responses but no. I am very religious and very active in my Church and through missions. I can't imagine what life would be like trying to share such big parts of it with someone who didn't believe in the same. I believe that a relationship should have it's foundation in Christ and that a marriage should be centered on that same relationship in Christ and that together you grow and serve.

cessnaholly

Bump

AmwayMan

I really don't see how I can keep God in my life AND my ex at the same time.

As you can tell I am a Christian, I truly believe that the Father of the house should be the spirtual leader. It is scriptual!!! I hope that you will put God first in your life. He is our savior, and provider. I will be praying for you and your decision. In Jesus Name!!!

tripitena

I've been a devout Pagan for decades and I married a former Christian. His faith (or mine) was not a major concern.

I am secure in my faith and encourage others to follow their chosen path without condemnation of others.

He has his spiritual energies focused where he wants them and is fine with that. I am too.

I think the fact that we have a happy, secure,communicative and nurturing relationship allows us to have our individual beliefs, thoughts and opinions on every subject without damaging "us".

Thriceshy

Haven't read all of the responses but no. I am very religious and very active in my Church and through missions. I can't imagine what life would be like trying to share such big parts of it with someone who didn't believe in the same. I believe that a relationship should have it's foundation in Christ and that a marriage should be centered on that same relationship in Christ and that together you grow and serve.

This makes perfect sense to me, as I feel the same way--I can't imagine being married to a man who isn't an atheist. It's a core part of who we are and how we view this wonderful world. So I totally "get" what you mean, and I'm glad you've put a lot of thought into it and found what's right for you.

ks_mommaof5

I didn't just date someone ... I married him!!! (I am non-religious and my husband is Jewish) 12 years into our love affair, we have an amazing, inter-faith family with 5 children who have learned the single greatest lesson we can teach the next generation -- to respect, value and admire diversity.

Our oldest two children live with us, but attend church with their father (my ex-husband) and his wife. One chose to be baptized at 13. Our youngest three children attend synagogue with us.

At home, we celebrate both Christian and Jewish holidays. And our family has also celebrated Muslim and Hindi holidays with close family friends.

I am not presumptious enough to tell others what to do ... so I can't give you an answer about your boyfriend. I can only say that for me, I would find the world a much more enjoyable place if we all took the time to understand and value each other's beliefs ... perhaps more importantly, though, I'd love to see people respect each other's inherent right to their own beliefs (provided, of course, that those beliefs do not involve harming others).

NNAhuja

I'm Christian and I don't think it would be wise for me to date outside of my religion.
"How can two walk together lest they agree?"

emiliewright

Being a Christian I think it is very important that you believe the same way. The bible does talk about you needing to be evenly yolk with the person you are with. This is my opinion ofcourse everyone has their own.

^^this ^^

CrazyDaisysMommy

I didn't just date someone ... I married him!!! (I am non-religious and my husband is Jewish) 12 years into our love affair, we have an amazing, inter-faith family with 5 children who have learned the single greatest lesson we can teach the next generation -- to respect, value and admire diversity.

Our oldest two children live with us, but attend church with their father (my ex-husband) and his wife. One chose to be baptized at 13. Our youngest three children attend synagogue with us.

At home, we celebrate both Christian and Jewish holidays. And our family has also celebrated Muslim and Hindi holidays with close family friends.

I am not presumptious enough to tell others what to do ... so I can't give you an answer about your boyfriend. I can only say that for me, I would find the world a much more enjoyable place if we all took the time to understand and value each other's beliefs ... perhaps more importantly, though, I'd love to see people respect each other's inherent right to their own beliefs (provided, of course, that those beliefs do not involve harming others).

This is a beautiful post.

xTattooedDollx

I wouldn't date outside of my religion again. It causes to many problems in the long run.

Thriceshy

I didn't just date someone ... I married him!!! (I am non-religious and my husband is Jewish) 12 years into our love affair, we have an amazing, inter-faith family with 5 children who have learned the single greatest lesson we can teach the next generation -- to respect, value and admire diversity.

Our oldest two children live with us, but attend church with their father (my ex-husband) and his wife. One chose to be baptized at 13. Our youngest three children attend synagogue with us.

At home, we celebrate both Christian and Jewish holidays. And our family has also celebrated Muslim and Hindi holidays with close family friends.

I am not presumptious enough to tell others what to do ... so I can't give you an answer about your boyfriend. I can only say that for me, I would find the world a much more enjoyable place if we all took the time to understand and value each other's beliefs ... perhaps more importantly, though, I'd love to see people respect each other's inherent right to their own beliefs (provided, of course, that those beliefs do not involve harming others).

I think this is terrific--I'm glad it's worked so beautifully for you and your wonderful family!

HWeatherholt

I personally am not very religious, in fact, I'm not even sure what I believe. I was for the most part raised Catholic but do not currently practice any thing.

The guy that I'm currently seeing is a somewhat practicing Muslium. He doesn't attend any services but won't eat pork products. Although in discussions it is not something he is opposed to trying at some point.

I don't necessarily see a problem with us raising an future children - something I am so ready for, in general - when it comes to religion, but it isn't something we have necessarily talked about. Well, we have talked about what would happen/how we each would feel if I would get pregnant (we are not trying, but we are not not trying either) in general considering the nature of our relationship, we're we both are in our lives, mentally, etc.

saragato

I'm a Zen Buddhist, however I was raised a Christian and I respect all religions and their beliefs even if I don't agree with them. If I had a guy who was Christian and wanted the children involved in church personally I wouldn't mind. Would I go to church with them? No, but I would discuss the bible with them if they wanted and keep active in that respect because I am familiar enough with the word of God. I talk religion with my mother (who is Southern Baptist) all the time.

However if it was something like Catholicism or any religion that really asks for a lot of spiritual commitment from their followers, I could not because I know that would be a fight. Plus some religions highly encourage you marry someone of the same faith.

Luckily my boyfriend and I don't have a religion problem. He's Atheist and I'm Buddhist and since my beliefs don't exactly demand presence at a temple (not that there is one where I live, at least not for my branch of Buddhism) it's not a problem. If and when we have kids I'm going to let them choose their beliefs on their own but teach them the basics which are covered both in Buddhism and the 10 Commandments. If they want to become a Christian, I'll support that. If they want any other religion, I'll support it. In the long run to me it's just about them learning to be good people and if religion helps them find a way to that, then I'll consider it a success in parenting.

psychopiglet

No. I could never date someone who is religious.

soccerella

No. I could never date someone who is religious. Anything less than a 3 digit IQ is completely unappealing to me.

I don't get why this keeps getting brought up?

lickmybaconcakes

No. I could never date someone who is religious. Anything less than a 3 digit IQ is completely unappealing to me.

I hope there is a sarcastic tone here that I couldn't find otherwise...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Informal_fallacy

grassette

As someone who has lived a Catholic-Atheist marriage, I would recommend that you marry someone who shares your own beliefs. Life gets you to go deeper, and if you can do so as a couple, you will be able to weather the tough times.

The beliefs that you raise your kids to have is really important. And if you are a woman, your husband will influence your children more than you will ever be able to. There are studies that bear this out. When it comes to discipline, you have to have the same values as to what is right and wrong, and if your spouse doesn't feel the way you do, the kids get the message pretty fast.

The one thing that I miss the most (and we have been married 27 years), is being able to pray together. I've been really impressed by JPII's Theology of the Body, and I would love to live this ideal with my husband. But that is not to be.

For the question of your x, I would want to know if he is interested in converting to your faith. Is he willing to worship with you? To go to Church with you? If he is, I would encourage him along this path. Once you are family, your lives will revolve around the parish, and if he is a full participant, you will be able to share so much more, and so much more deeply.

grassette

No. I could never date someone who is religious. Anything less than a 3 digit IQ is completely unappealing to me.

If you are serious about the IQ business, you should do some actual research to see if that holds out. Otherwise you might be seriously limiting your pool of potential suitors. Just saying...

k0nfyo0zed

I would like to comment that I am saddened by all of the "religious people are stupid and intolerant" type comments. Isn't that a bit of pot calling the kettle black? That seems a bit stupid and intolerant to me.

My husband, in training to be a Pastor, getting his Master's degree in divinity... has his bachelor's degree in Aerospace Engineering. That is math/science/logic at it's finest, but he still believes in God. Favorite thing I've heard him say is "Sometimes science just can't explain science." As for intolerance, he seems to be more tolerant of different religions, beliefs, sexualities, races, etc than some people in those specific groups that 'hate' Christians because of what some talking head faux-preachers on the television said.

I don't use myself as an example, though I suppose I could. I was raised in a very culturally diverse area and the general rule of thumb was 'anything goes'... you were you, and that was good enough. I still feel that way and flat out told my husband our relationship was not going to work if he was not equally accepting of others who are different than he is, because I had those exact same "Christians are judgmental, intolerant idiots" outlook, until I actually got to be around some. He looked at me like I was an idiot myself for suggesting that he might not be accepting of others. We're big advocates of "judge not" around here.

To the OP... I am sorry your question generated a lot of hatred, name calling, and childishness. I hope you find a way to work things out with your ex that is satisfactory to you. It can work, if you are on different pages in regards to faith (it has so far for many I've seen - and for me personally!), as long as you are both a little open minded and willing to talk about it.

Bentley2718

The beliefs that you raise your kids to have is really important. And if you are a woman, your husband will influence your children more than you will ever be able to. There are studies that bear this out. When it comes to discipline, you have to have the same values as to what is right and wrong, and if your spouse doesn't feel the way you do, the kids get the message pretty fast.

Can you please post cites for these studies, I would love to read them.

WhittRak

No. I could never date someone who is religious. Anything less than a 3 digit IQ is completely unappealing to me.

Care to expand on what you mean? Surely you must be joking.

SwannySez

No. I could never date someone who is religious. Anything less than a 3 digit IQ is completely unappealing to me.

It is heartening to see Part 2 of this thread start off on such a positive note of tolerance and inclusion. I was worried that it would be more name-calling and bashing of one side by the other.

k8blujay2

I would like to comment that I saddened by all of the "religious people are stupid and intolerant" type comments. Isn't that a bit of pot calling the kettle black? That seems a bit stupid and intolerant to me.

My husband, in training to be a Pastor, getting his Master's degree in divinity... has his bachelor's degree in Aerospace Engineering. That is math/science/logic at it's finest, but he still believes in God. Favorite thing I've heard him say is "Sometimes science just can't explain science." As for intolerance, he seems to be more tolerant of different religions, beliefs, sexualities, races, etc than some people in those specific groups that 'hate' Christians because of what some talking head faux-preachers on the television said.

I don't use myself as an example, though I suppose I could. I was raised in a very culturally diverse area and the general rule of thumb was 'anything goes'... you were you, and that was good enough. I still feel that way and flat out told my husband our relationship was not going to work if he was not equally accepting of others who are different than he is, because I had those exact same "Christians are judgmental, intolerant idiots" outlook, until I actually got to be around some. He looked at me like I was an idiot myself for suggesting that he might not be accepting of others. We're big advocates of "judge not" around here.

To the OP... I am sorry your question generated a lot of hatred, name calling, and childishness. I hope you find a way to work things out with your ex that is satisfactory to you. It can work, if you are on different pages in regards to faith (it has so far for many I've seen - and for me personally!), as long as you are both a little open minded and willing to talk about it.

I totally agree... and this coming from a husband who graduated from MIT with duel engineering degrees, who is also a Christian... and myself as an Earth Scientist and a Christian... And we try to live the same "judge not" mentality around here as well. It saddens me when people demand tolerance and respect are also the same people who refuse to give it... :frown:

Bentley2718

No. I could never date someone who is religious. Anything less than a 3 digit IQ is completely unappealing to me.

If you knew much about IQ testing, you would be familiar with all of the criticisms of it. More than a casual glance at those might suggest that IQ is a poor criterion for almost anything, especially dating. Also, exactly how do you determine the IQ of potential dates? Do you ask them to self-report, or are you qualified to give an IQ test yourself? If you administer them yourself, do you give it on the first date, or make them show up for hours of testing before you agree to a first date?

I never dated anyone I did not find to be intellectually stimulating (not counting a few first dates), but I would not have phrased this in terms of either IQ or religiosity.

All of that said, if you plan to have children, I would imagine things are simplified considerably if you and your spouse are in agreement on certain issues.