Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

_Bob_

Lorrie_73

I was not raised in an organized religion and neither was my husband. But I have always been inquisitive of other people's religion. I find the topic and differences fascinating. It sounds like you have a specific opinion and he has his own and neither of you were willing to compromise. So it sounds to me like love did not prevail, like it is not the cornerstone of the marriage you are seeking.

My issue with organized religion is it seems to bear some zealots. Why do you give up free will just because your parents chose to raise you in a specific religion? Did YOU choose how you worship or your beliefs, or are you continuing what your parents taught you? Are either of you willing to compromise for the sake of love? Sounds like he is, but sounds like you met someone else. Try talking to your pastor, you will get 1000 opinions on MFP.

jaymek92

Oh, and my husband is atheist and we have a fantastic marriage. We have decided that the children will know both sides because ultimately faith is their choice. Forcing one thing on them doesn't mean they share that faith and may even push them away from it. To have true faith they have to decide on their own and that is something we both agree on!

if only more parents were like you two!

Lorrie_73

guess what, everybody! your religion does not define who you are.
you define who you are. the choices you make, the things you think, and the things you say define who you are, not where you hang out on your rest day or what you believe happens after you die.
the biggest *kitten* ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist. on the other hand, the most good person ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist.
to judge people based solely on their religion is wrong. to say you can't be with somebody based solely on their religion is wrong.
if you believe that when you die, you go to heaven, great! if your significant otter believes that when you die, you are reincarnated, fantastic! as long as you're good people and treat each other right, there's no reason you shouldn't be together. if your significant otter is going to berate you as he or she walks out of the door every saturday on his or her way to temple and you're going to be saying what a horrible person they are for not joining you at the mosque on friday, then, no. it's not going to work out.
if you can go to your place of worship on your day of worship and don't feel that they need to be the exact same as you (which is boring, by the way. why would you want to be in a relationship with yourself? that's called bachelorhood.), then great! you can perfectly coexist as a couple.
when kids come into the equation, why not just educate them in both religions you practice as well as encourage them to look into other faiths? don't worry about what your deity thinks of their faith just yet. a two year old doesn't make a very good follower of a religion, anyway. they just tend to cry and run away. when they get to the point where they have looked into different religions, let them make the choice of what religion they believe. if you have been a good parent to them, they will (with some exceptions) be a good person, no matter what beliefs they hold.
why don't you teach your children not to pull the hair out of the cat or throw sand at people, not that people of every other religion are wrong and need to be converted to your specific religion? priorities, people.
if you have a child who thinks that pulling out hair and throwing sand is acceptable and also that everybody else is wrong, they are not going to have a very good childhood or make many friends.

Beautifully said. FREE WILL!!! I love the concept!

JNick77

Well said my friend.

AmberJslimsAWAY

Why didn't you name this topic "religious debate!!!" Keep it coming! These responses no longer have to do with the OP

Lorrie_73

Why didn't you name this topic "religious debate!!!" Keep it coming! These responses no longer have to do with the OP

You think? Seems like people are answering the OP of would you marry outside your religion.

Kell_Smurthwaite

I'm a non-religious Pagan and my ex-fiance was Muslim, but not a particularly religious one.

My hubby isn't religious at all.

Elzecat

+ 1000.

chuck5256

manda1002

guess what, everybody! your religion does not define who you are.
you define who you are. the choices you make, the things you think, and the things you say define who you are, not where you hang out on your rest day or what you believe happens after you die.
the biggest *kitten* ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist. on the other hand, the most good person ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist.
to judge people based solely on their religion is wrong. to say you can't be with somebody based solely on their religion is wrong.
if you believe that when you die, you go to heaven, great! if your significant otter believes that when you die, you are reincarnated, fantastic! as long as you're good people and treat each other right, there's no reason you shouldn't be together. if your significant otter is going to berate you as he or she walks out of the door every saturday on his or her way to temple and you're going to be saying what a horrible person they are for not joining you at the mosque on friday, then, no. it's not going to work out.
if you can go to your place of worship on your day of worship and don't feel that they need to be the exact same as you (which is boring, by the way. why would you want to be in a relationship with yourself? that's called bachelorhood.), then great! you can perfectly coexist as a couple.
when kids come into the equation, why not just educate them in both religions you practice as well as encourage them to look into other faiths? don't worry about what your deity thinks of their faith just yet. a two year old doesn't make a very good follower of a religion, anyway. they just tend to cry and run away. when they get to the point where they have looked into different religions, let them make the choice of what religion they believe. if you have been a good parent to them, they will (with some exceptions) be a good person, no matter what beliefs they hold.
why don't you teach your children not to pull the hair out of the cat or throw sand at people, not that people of every other religion are wrong and need to be converted to your specific religion? priorities, people.
if you have a child who thinks that pulling out hair and throwing sand is acceptable and also that everybody else is wrong, they are not going to have a very good childhood or make many friends.

THANK YOU! Thank you, thank you thank you thank you thank you. Thank you.

BeautifulRedButterfly

Jehovah witnesses piss me off.
But, im fine with any other religion!!

grassette

I saw some posts in the old thread about the bible being fact. I was Baptized Catholic went to Catholic school my whole life and did everything Catholics are suppose to. I started to question certain things and began reading books written by religious scholars that actually give a different viewpoint on how "factual" the bible is. Aside from the issue of simply recording his years teaching there are so many different Christian beliefs early-on that what ended-up getting recorded was so biased and slanted to the biases of individual groups. Some Catholics believed Christ was 100% divine, others simply a man, some both divine and man, some believed he was a 2nd god, and the list goes on.

In-short, the bible is so ravaged with errors due nothing getting written for several years (2 to 3 centuries in most cases) after Christ's death (Chinese telephone anybody?), to half-literate scribes making recording errors in the early centuries, to early Christian leaders having their own bias and personal agendas and changing passages to their own liking, to misinterpretations of Greek manuscripts (e.g. Lord versus God - not the same thing but written similarly in Greek) that there is no way anybody can claim the writing as true fact. There is no way to honestly believe what was is written in the New Testament is truly what Christ said. The errors are indeed FACT and there are books published that discuss this. One of the authors I very surprised to see was Evangelical, so he didn't let his personal beliefs bias his research.

Now, I'm not against religion; I think it's great to find something to believe in and have a philosophy to live one's life by. But to state the Bible as fact and worse yet quote Bible verses as some kind of law is a mistake. And to use this information to discriminate against people of different faith is wrong too. If you find somebody in-life that you click with enjoy that person and embrace the relationship and accept each other's difference in belief; marriage is hard enough without holding one to certain religious expectations too.

The main thing to keep in mind is that the Bible is a library, with books written in different genres, including poetry, epics, sayings, parables, etc. So you can't interpret them all in a literary manner. Some reading between the lines is required. Augustine defined several layers in reading and interpreting the Bible, of which the literal was the lowest. The Bible has been read allegorically since the time of Philo of Alexandria who was a contemporary of Jesus. He was a Neo-Platonist who tried to reconcile the Bible to the best philosophy had to offer. Reading and interpreting the Bible can be done in various ways. Academics study ancient scrolls including those of the dissident Gnostic sects found at Nag Hamadi. Others learn Latin, Greek and Hebrew to deepen their understanding. And then there is the man/woman in the pew who reads it so as to know how it speaks to his/her heart. All those ways are valid.

Jews and Catholics and Orthodox don't think that you can read the Bible on its own, without any reference to how those texts have been read in the past. Jews use Midrash. and Catholics and Orthodox, tradition. Sola Scriptura (scripture alone) came in as an innovation of the Protestant Reformation.

The key thing here is that Christians read the Bible very differently, and with sophistication and learning. So you can't generalize. And you certainly can't say Christians believe in an old man in the sky because they never have.

sdrawkcabynot

I am ok with it as long as we can agree to disagree.

WhittRak

guess what, everybody! your religion does not define who you are.
you define who you are. the choices you make, the things you think, and the things you say define who you are, not where you hang out on your rest day or what you believe happens after you die.
the biggest *kitten* ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist. on the other hand, the most good person ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist.
to judge people based solely on their religion is wrong. to say you can't be with somebody based solely on their religion is wrong.
if you believe that when you die, you go to heaven, great! if your significant otter believes that when you die, you are reincarnated, fantastic! as long as you're good people and treat each other right, there's no reason you shouldn't be together. if your significant otter is going to berate you as he or she walks out of the door every saturday on his or her way to temple and you're going to be saying what a horrible person they are for not joining you at the mosque on friday, then, no. it's not going to work out.
if you can go to your place of worship on your day of worship and don't feel that they need to be the exact same as you (which is boring, by the way. why would you want to be in a relationship with yourself? that's called bachelorhood.), then great! you can perfectly coexist as a couple.
when kids come into the equation, why not just educate them in both religions you practice as well as encourage them to look into other faiths? don't worry about what your deity thinks of their faith just yet. a two year old doesn't make a very good follower of a religion, anyway. they just tend to cry and run away. when they get to the point where they have looked into different religions, let them make the choice of what religion they believe. if you have been a good parent to them, they will (with some exceptions) be a good person, no matter what beliefs they hold.
why don't you teach your children not to pull the hair out of the cat or throw sand at people, not that people of every other religion are wrong and need to be converted to your specific religion? priorities, people.
if you have a child who thinks that pulling out hair and throwing sand is acceptable and also that everybody else is wrong, they are not going to have a very good childhood or make many friends.

THANK YOU! Thank you, thank you thank you thank you thank you. Thank you.

Thank you a million more times

chachita7

That is a big YES... that is if I wasn't married and I was looking to date. It isn't the religion or the God you serve it is the life you lead, what is in your heart. There are more than enough people out there who would even call themselves non-believers who lead a more righteous life than some who do say they believe.

penrbrown

guess what, everybody! your religion does not define who you are.
you define who you are. the choices you make, the things you think, and the things you say define who you are, not where you hang out on your rest day or what you believe happens after you die.
the biggest *kitten* ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist. on the other hand, the most good person ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist.
to judge people based solely on their religion is wrong. to say you can't be with somebody based solely on their religion is wrong.
if you believe that when you die, you go to heaven, great! if your significant otter believes that when you die, you are reincarnated, fantastic! as long as you're good people and treat each other right, there's no reason you shouldn't be together. if your significant otter is going to berate you as he or she walks out of the door every saturday on his or her way to temple and you're going to be saying what a horrible person they are for not joining you at the mosque on friday, then, no. it's not going to work out.
if you can go to your place of worship on your day of worship and don't feel that they need to be the exact same as you (which is boring, by the way. why would you want to be in a relationship with yourself? that's called bachelorhood.), then great! you can perfectly coexist as a couple.
when kids come into the equation, why not just educate them in both religions you practice as well as encourage them to look into other faiths? don't worry about what your deity thinks of their faith just yet. a two year old doesn't make a very good follower of a religion, anyway. they just tend to cry and run away. when they get to the point where they have looked into different religions, let them make the choice of what religion they believe. if you have been a good parent to them, they will (with some exceptions) be a good person, no matter what beliefs they hold.
why don't you teach your children not to pull the hair out of the cat or throw sand at people, not that people of every other religion are wrong and need to be converted to your specific religion? priorities, people.
if you have a child who thinks that pulling out hair and throwing sand is acceptable and also that everybody else is wrong, they are not going to have a very good childhood or make many friends.

Too bad it's not that simple.

For some people religion is just a cultural thing. Something they're born with but that's it. Or maybe they believe in God and title themselves a certain religion but also mix in their own way of doing things. Perhaps they put their own spin on that religion and make it their own. These people are probably more comfortable mixing with other religions.

But for others their religion is their way of life. They believe everything the religion teaches and try their best to follow all of these guidelines for living, as it were.

Things can get complicated when you have one partner who believes in something as a way of life and another who rejects the very same thing.

1) Catholics cannot use birth control. Now, some Catholics choose to use birth control but this goes against what the religion teaches. So what happens when you put a practicing, non-birth control using Catholic with an atheist, Jewish or Buddhist husband who refuses to NOT use birth control? Conflict. That's what. This isn't an issue that's easy to work out. It's not as simple as just compromising. For the Catholic side of the equation using birth control would be acting against his/her conscience and for the non-Catholic side of the equation not using birth control would seem irresponsible.

2) Jehovah's Witnesses CANNOT accept a blood transfusion. So what happens if the child of a JW and Atheist couple needs a transfusion and one parent wants to accept it but the other is dead set against it? What then? Or what if the JW spouse is injured and needs a blood transfusion but can't give consent so the non-JW spouse signs a form to accept a blood transfusion. For you this might seem an easy answer but the JW spouse will feel betrayed, amongst other things... this could tear the relationship apart. It seems so simple, save the life of the one you love but for some people this belief is so deep and so strong that it's way more complicated then that.

I could give so many more examples but I think I've made the point. For those who see their religion as their way of life, marrying someone of a different faith would just lead to a life of conflict. It's just not the best choice.

Whether it's right or wrong isn't the issue. Knowing who YOU are. Knowing who your mate is. And knowing what your relationship deal breakers are is a big deal.

No one should choose a mate based solely on emotion, attraction or anything else so frivolous.

I would suggest that some religions mix better then others though and as I said earlier it will depend how the person approaches their religion. As has been demonstrated on this long thread there are some mixed religion relationships that work and some that don't.

In the end whether a mixed religion relationship will work depends solely on the people involved. This isn't a black and white, one paint brush fits every single person kind of issue.

Know thyself and the rest will fall into place.

And I know myself enough to know I could not lead a happy life with someone who does not share my faith, simply because my particular religion asks a lot of me and I will not compromise on certain key life decisions and I don't believe it's fair to expect my partner to have to bend to my will all the time.

deadstarsunburn

I define myself around what I feel God has planned for me.

My boyfriend was not religious when we first started dating, but he now believes God.
Since I made God such a big part of my life I often struggled with being with someone who could make my relationship with God stronger.
I'm really glad he decided (with out me pushing) that that's what he believed in.

God gave me life, I live to please Him in everything I do because I wouldn't have nearly as good a life as I have without Him.

sauerkrautpolka

I was an atheist when my husband met me. He's a devout christian, with 5 years of Bible college under his belt. Friends and family said it'd never work. And while in my 12 years married to him, I've dabbled in christianity and questioned whether or not I was really an "atheist", I've decided that I'd never be a christian (or of any religious affiliation) and I just don't believe in a god. And that's okay. He's perfectly okay with my beliefs and vice versa. It does make him sad that he won't see me in an "after-life", but as far as I'm concerned, he wouldn't have seen me anyway as I believe we die and that's all there is to it. :P I try to comfort him the best way I can when that conversation comes up sometimes. Other than that, it's never been an issue in our marriage.

JNick77

I saw some posts in the old thread about the bible being fact. I was Baptized Catholic went to Catholic school my whole life and did everything Catholics are suppose to. I started to question certain things and began reading books written by religious scholars that actually give a different viewpoint on how "factual" the bible is. Aside from the issue of simply recording his years teaching there are so many different Christian beliefs early-on that what ended-up getting recorded was so biased and slanted to the biases of individual groups. Some Catholics believed Christ was 100% divine, others simply a man, some both divine and man, some believed he was a 2nd god, and the list goes on.

In-short, the bible is so ravaged with errors due nothing getting written for several years (2 to 3 centuries in most cases) after Christ's death (Chinese telephone anybody?), to half-literate scribes making recording errors in the early centuries, to early Christian leaders having their own bias and personal agendas and changing passages to their own liking, to misinterpretations of Greek manuscripts (e.g. Lord versus God - not the same thing but written similarly in Greek) that there is no way anybody can claim the writing as true fact. There is no way to honestly believe what was is written in the New Testament is truly what Christ said. The errors are indeed FACT and there are books published that discuss this. One of the authors I very surprised to see was Evangelical, so he didn't let his personal beliefs bias his research.

Now, I'm not against religion; I think it's great to find something to believe in and have a philosophy to live one's life by. But to state the Bible as fact and worse yet quote Bible verses as some kind of law is a mistake. And to use this information to discriminate against people of different faith is wrong too. If you find somebody in-life that you click with enjoy that person and embrace the relationship and accept each other's difference in belief; marriage is hard enough without holding one to certain religious expectations too.

The main thing to keep in mind is that the Bible is a library, with books written in different genres, including poetry, epics, sayings, parables, etc. So you can't interpret them all in a literary manner. Some reading between the lines is required. Augustine defined several layers in reading and interpreting the Bible, of which the literal was the lowest. The Bible has been read allegorically since the time of Philo of Alexandria who was a contemporary of Jesus. He was a Neo-Platonist who tried to reconcile the Bible to the best philosophy had to offer. Reading and interpreting the Bible can be done in various ways. Academics study ancient scrolls including those of the dissident Gnostic sects found at Nag Hamadi. Others learn Latin, Greek and Hebrew to deepen their understanding. And then there is the man/woman in the pew who reads it so as to know how it speaks to his/her heart. All those ways are valid.

Jews and Catholics and Orthodox don't think that you can read the Bible on its own, without any reference to how those texts have been read in the past. Jews use Midrash. and Catholics and Orthodox, tradition. Sola Scriptura (scripture alone) came in as an innovation of the Protestant Reformation.

The key thing here is that Christians read the Bible very differently, and with sophistication and learning. So you can't generalize. And you certainly can't say Christians believe in an old man in the sky because they never have.

Don't believe that I was taking a shot at anybody or commenting on beliefs in anyway, just more of a rebuttal to those claiming the Bible was factual or quoting verses as "gospel" per say. Because of the inconsistencies the Bible is very much open to interpretation which is why it should definitely not be taken literally or factually and that's all I'm saying. Interpret the bible how you choose and for what works for your philosophy, just realize it's not factual and that there are other ideals in the world; have an open mind.

Interesting your brought-up Philo. He was mentioned in one of the books I've read. I can't recall but it was either him or Jerome that came up with a Greek interpretation of the bible that historians consider to be the worst interpreted version because of problems with the early documents that were used. Consequently it was used for the King James Bible.

sdrawkcabynot

significant otter - it made me giggle.

jaymek92

guess what, everybody! your religion does not define who you are.
you define who you are. the choices you make, the things you think, and the things you say define who you are, not where you hang out on your rest day or what you believe happens after you die.
the biggest *kitten* ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist. on the other hand, the most good person ever could be a christian or a jew or a muslim or a buddhist or an atheist.
to judge people based solely on their religion is wrong. to say you can't be with somebody based solely on their religion is wrong.
if you believe that when you die, you go to heaven, great! if your significant otter believes that when you die, you are reincarnated, fantastic! as long as you're good people and treat each other right, there's no reason you shouldn't be together. if your significant otter is going to berate you as he or she walks out of the door every saturday on his or her way to temple and you're going to be saying what a horrible person they are for not joining you at the mosque on friday, then, no. it's not going to work out.
if you can go to your place of worship on your day of worship and don't feel that they need to be the exact same as you (which is boring, by the way. why would you want to be in a relationship with yourself? that's called bachelorhood.), then great! you can perfectly coexist as a couple.
when kids come into the equation, why not just educate them in both religions you practice as well as encourage them to look into other faiths? don't worry about what your deity thinks of their faith just yet. a two year old doesn't make a very good follower of a religion, anyway. they just tend to cry and run away. when they get to the point where they have looked into different religions, let them make the choice of what religion they believe. if you have been a good parent to them, they will (with some exceptions) be a good person, no matter what beliefs they hold.
why don't you teach your children not to pull the hair out of the cat or throw sand at people, not that people of every other religion are wrong and need to be converted to your specific religion? priorities, people.
if you have a child who thinks that pulling out hair and throwing sand is acceptable and also that everybody else is wrong, they are not going to have a very good childhood or make many friends.

Too bad it's not that simple.

For some people religion is just a cultural thing. Something they're born with but that's it. Or maybe they believe in God and title themselves a certain religion but also mix in their own way of doing things. Perhaps they put their own spin on that religion and make it their own. These people are probably more comfortable mixing with other religions.

But for others their religion is their way of life. They believe everything the religion teaches and try their best to follow all of these guidelines for living, as it were.

Things can get complicated when you have one partner who believes in something as a way of life and another who rejects the very same thing.

1) Catholics cannot use birth control. Now, some Catholics choose to use birth control but this goes against what the religion teaches. So what happens when you put a practicing, non-birth control using Catholic with an atheist, Jewish or Buddhist husband who refuses to NOT use birth control? Conflict. That's what. This isn't an issue that's easy to work out. It's not as simple as just compromising. For the Catholic side of the equation using birth control would be acting against his/her conscience and for the non-Catholic side of the equation not using birth control would seem irresponsible.

2) Jehovah's Witnesses CANNOT accept a blood transfusion. So what happens if the child of a JW and Atheist couple needs a transfusion and one parent wants to accept it but the other is dead set against it? What then? Or what if the JW spouse is injured and needs a blood transfusion but can't give consent so the non-JW spouse signs a form to accept a blood transfusion. For you this might seem an easy answer but the JW spouse will feel betrayed, amongst other things... this could tear the relationship apart. It seems so simple, save the life of the one you love but for some people this belief is so deep and so strong that it's way more complicated then that.

I could give so many more examples but I think I've made the point. For those who see their religion as their way of life, marrying someone of a different faith would just lead to a life of conflict. It's just not the best choice.

Whether it's right or wrong isn't the issue. Knowing who YOU are. Knowing who your mate is. And knowing what your relationship deal breakers are is a big deal.

No one should choose a mate based solely on emotion, attraction or anything else so frivolous.

I would suggest that some religions mix better then others though and as I said earlier it will depend how the person approaches their religion. As has been demonstrated on this long thread there are some mixed religion relationships that work and some that don't.

In the end whether a mixed religion relationship will work depends solely on the people involved. This isn't a black and white, one paint brush fits every single person kind of issue.

Know thyself and the rest will fall into place.

And I know myself enough to know I could not lead a happy life with someone who does not share my faith, simply because my particular religion asks a lot of me and I will not compromise on certain key life decisions and I don't believe it's fair to expect my partner to have to bend to my will all the time.

in response to point 1: just did some quick googling, so please, correct me if i'm wrong. but the searches i did have shown to me that there is no religion that forces you to use birth control. chances are, if you are in the situation where your significant otter wants to use birth control, he or she does not want a child. this is not a religious thing. i don't want a child. i use birth control. when my mother didn't want a child, she used birth control. my mother was catholic at that point and i am an atheist. the common factor here? no children desired. if your significant otter doesn't want children and you do, that's something you should probably talk about before you start having sex, anyway.
in response to point 2: if the child has chosen a religion, then follow the child's religious views. if not, then the child doesn't have a religion, so transfuse away. if the jw parent is unable to refuse a transfusion, then the non-jw parent shouldn't be consenting for them, anyway. this is not necessarily a religious thing. i'm a vegetarian. if i required a valve replacement and it was up to my significant otter to choose what kind of valve i would get, he would not choose the bovine or porcine valve. he would choose the mechanical valve. why? because there's this thing called respecting each other's beliefs. don't force your views upon others. i covered this already. if you can't exist in a relationship without forcing your views upon the other person, you shouldn't be in that relationship.

and i'm going to go ahead and disagree with you when you say attraction and emotions are frivolous. you can be married to a person who is the same religion as you, but if they are emotional or physically abusive, then that's probably the worst decision you can make. emotions, as human beings, are extremely important. if you're not emotionally connected to someone, then you're not connected to them at all. if you feel no emotions or attraction to your significant otter, then why the hell are you involved with them? emotions and attractions should be the main reason you date/marry somebody. or are you really going to go into your place of worship, close your eyes, spin around, point at someone, and marry them since they share the same religious values as you therefore what could possibly go wrong!?

jaymek92

significant otter - it made me giggle.

penrbrown

in response to point 1: just did some quick googling, so please, correct me if i'm wrong. but the searches i did have shown to me that there is no religion that forces you to not use birth control. chances are, if you are in the situation where your significant otter wants to use birth control, he or she does not want a child. this is not a religious thing. i don't want a child. i use birth control. when my mother didn't want a child, she used birth control. my mother was catholic at that point and i am an atheist. the common factor here? no children desired. if your significant otter doesn't want children and you do, that's something you should probably talk about before you start having sex, anyway.

You are wrong. The Catholic faith teaches that using birth control is disordered and sinful.

As to point 2, what about when the child is not old enough to have their own faith? When the parents must make the decision for the child?

I'm not sure you understand just how serious the blood transfusion issue is. This is something people are willing to die over... they won't take it lightly. Especially not when their children are involved.

Attraction and feelings do have their place but they shouldn't take first place. There are other things that are far more important when looking for a significant otter... er, other.

penrbrown

significant otter - it made me giggle.

Cute.

bhalter

in response to point 1: just did some quick googling, so please, correct me if i'm wrong. but the searches i did have shown to me that there is no religion that forces you to not use birth control. chances are, if you are in the situation where your significant otter wants to use birth control, he or she does not want a child. this is not a religious thing. i don't want a child. i use birth control. when my mother didn't want a child, she used birth control. my mother was catholic at that point and i am an atheist. the common factor here? no children desired. if your significant otter doesn't want children and you do, that's something you should probably talk about before you start having sex, anyway.

It is part of Catholic religious doctrine to not use birth control. I was raised Catholic and do not identify with the demonination any longer, but that was a BIG thing to my mom. They use "natural family planning" which is to sit there and count your ovulation days, blah blah blah. Yet my mom was using this method taught at her Catholic mothering classes when she became pregnant with all three of her children.

When I was a teenager, the doctor suggested I go on birth control to regulate periods and help with cramps - my mother flat out refused. When I finally told her a few years ago that I'm on BC, she literally started crying. She was more upset with the BC part than the having sex part. It's a big deal to Catholics.

BeautifulRedButterfly

significant otter - it made me giggle.

OMG I WANT ONE!!!!!

penrbrown

It is part of Catholic religious doctrine to not use birth control. I was raised Catholic and do not identify with the demonination any longer, but that was a BIG thing to my mom. They use "natural family planning" which is to sit there and count your ovulation days, blah blah blah. Yet my mom was using this method taught at her Catholic mothering classes when she became pregnant with all three of her children.

When I was a teenager, the doctor suggested I go on birth control to regulate periods and help with cramps - my mother flat out refused. When I finally told her a few years ago that I'm on BC, she literally started crying. She was more upset with the BC part than the having sex part. It's a big deal to Catholics.

Yup. And someone who takes it that seriously would have a very difficult time with a partner who was an advocate of using birth control.

Some things it's easy to say: That's what you believe and I respect that...

other things that influence life decisions so greatly are not as easy to dismiss and make it more difficult to be in a mixed relationship.

jaymek92

in response to point 1: just did some quick googling, so please, correct me if i'm wrong. but the searches i did have shown to me that there is no religion that forces you to not use birth control. chances are, if you are in the situation where your significant otter wants to use birth control, he or she does not want a child. this is not a religious thing. i don't want a child. i use birth control. when my mother didn't want a child, she used birth control. my mother was catholic at that point and i am an atheist. the common factor here? no children desired. if your significant otter doesn't want children and you do, that's something you should probably talk about before you start having sex, anyway.

You are wrong. The Catholic faith teaches that using birth control is disordered and sinful.

As to point 2, what about when the child is not old enough to have their own faith? When the parents must make the decision for the child?

I'm not sure you understand just how serious the blood transfusion issue is. This is something people are willing to die over... they won't take it lightly. Especially not when their children are involved.

Attraction and feelings do have their place but they shouldn't take first place. There are other things that are far more important when looking for a significant otter... er, other.

sorry, got caught up in the negatives! i did mean no religion forces you TO use birth control.

then the parents need to talk to one another, the child, and all available resources to determine what to do. what they need to decide is religion or their child: which is more important to them? if the jw parent is not willing to allow the child to receive a blood transfusion, then the child will probably die and the marriage will possibly dissolve.
i agree that beliefs are something you need to consider and talk about when deciding to get married or have children, but it's not just religious beliefs. will the children be vegetarian or omnivores? will they be steelers fans or packers fans? harvard or yale? i still hold that emotions and attraction are more important than necessarily religion, but obviously if you can't reconcile your beliefs then you should not be in that relationship. every relationship is give and take with both sides making concessions, even when religion is not a part of it.

penrbrown

sorry, got caught up in the negatives! i did mean no religion forces you TO use birth control.

then the parents need to talk to one another, the child, and all available resources to determine what to do. what they need to decide is religion or their child: which is more important to them? if the jw parent is not willing to allow the child to receive a blood transfusion, then the child will probably die and the marriage will possibly dissolve.
i agree that beliefs are something you need to consider and talk about when deciding to get married or have children, but it's not just religious beliefs. will the children be vegetarian or omnivores? will they be steelers fans or packers fans? harvard or yale? i still hold that emotions and attraction are more important than necessarily religion, but obviously if you can't reconcile your beliefs then you should not be in that relationship. every relationship is give and take with both sides making concessions, even when religion is not a part of it.

But even if you have the emotions and the attraction if you can't agree on the other important things then what good will that emotion and attraction do?

I think we're saying the same things but in different orders. I personally think things like omnivore/vegetarian, Christian/no religion, birth control/no birth control, head coverings/no head coverings, free range children/closely monitored children, etc. etc. etc. should factor in before taking into account attraction and emotion.

As to my hypothetical blood transfusion situation... I'm still not sure you understand. The question isn't religion or my child - which is more important? The question is GOD's will or my child... People who believe REALLY believe they're doing the will of God. That's why it gets complicated because it's not so easy to take an action that you truly believe will make God angry or upset with you. Whether you or I think such reasoning is silly doesn't matter. What matters is that there are people who REALLY believe these things and for them it's not so easy to just shake that off for the sake of their life partner and/or child. So to have someone that believes that strongly stuck with a life partner who doesn't believe the same would be a mess... to say the least. You're struggling to understand how the religious partner in that scenario would see things, would understand the situation... can you imagine now if you were actually the significant other in that situation? And your partner is REFUSING to allow your child to have a transfusion? And your child could possibly die because of this? That relationship definitely won't last... and in fact was doomed from the start so why even get into it?

I know I'm thinking in worst case scenario here but that's what I do. I'm a big believer in stacking everything in your favor when seeking a relationship. Now, even the most 'perfectly' compatible people can end up in a failed relationship but at least things were stacked in their favor to begin with!

Anyway. Just my two cents and I feel bad because I've now contributed to much derailing but there you have it.