Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

Dauntlessness

I think its a simple answer honestly. What are your "deal breakers"? What are you not willing to change about yourself?

Personally, religion would be one of mine if I were you. That is who you are and what you live for.

If you grew up going to church two times a week and you still live for God everyday first and foremost, how is that going to impact your relationship? If you put a deity that he doesn't even believe in before him, is he going to get resentful? If you have a whole community surrounding you and your children that doesn't involve him, how is that going to impact the way you live? Having both of you on the same page is an important part of being stable parents, is that going to confuse the kids? I know people make it work following two separate religions all the time but...they are the exception. It takes lots of hard work and lots of patience with each other. Saying that, for someone who doesn't believe at all, it would be very confusing to the kids. At least with other religions it usually teaches similar values, but having "all or nothing" beliefs could leave the kids choosing sides and that's just not fair to them.

edited:
I mean, all it takes is "Dad is not going to church, why do I have to"? That leads into a big dilemma. Respect his beliefs and let the children stay home, or make them come and dismiss what he wants.

That's my tid bit

rbn_held

I always said I wouldn't date outside of the Catholic religion, but ended up in a relationship with someone who doesn't follow any religion. It bothered me when we first started dated but am ok with it now. It shouldn't matter what religion he is as long as he doesn't disrespect my religion or try to get me to change religions.

ItsCasey

Depends on what you mean by "different." Someone of a different denomination of Christianity (I am Baptist)? Yes, I would date and consider marrying him. A non-Christian? No. Christians (Protestants, anyway) believe that the Holy Bible is the one and only source of authority for the Church. The Bible is clear about not being "unequally yoked with unbelievers" and also that the man is the spiritual leader of the home. As such, it would be pretty hypocritical of me, as someone who believes completely in God's Word, to be with a non-Christian man.

rml_16

My last relationship ended because he is Agnostic and I am a Christian. We finally had the "religion talk" and he said he wouldn't allow his children to go to church. That was a big deal to me, considering I grew up going to church 2x/week. I told him I couldn't raise children without bringing them to church, so we broke up.

Now that we have been apart for several months, I have been actually excited to meet someone with the same beliefs as me, because I have never made religion a priority in my dating life before.

Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church. He misses me, still loves me, etc, etc, and wants to get back together. Great! But is he going to ignore everything relating to God except the going to church part? For example, if I am having a conversation about God to my kids, is he just going to leave the room? I really don't see how I can keep God in my life AND my ex at the same time.

How important do you think it is to date someone who has the same religious beliefs as you? I want your opinions, please!

I haven't read all the responses. I just wanted to respond directly to you.

I think this is a VERY personal decision and what others would do isn't relevant. When children aren't involved, I think this is a very different and less important issue (assuming that both parties respect each other's beliefs and don't say derogatory things or criticize). But then again, if it's important to you to have a partner who shares religion with you (participates in church, for example), then that is the type of person you should be with.

And if it's important to you to raise your children with your religion, then any man who truly loves you will respect that. He will either agree to it or let you find someone who will. Sometimes love means letting go so the person you love can be happy.

Good luck with whatever you do. I don't know this man or how he will behave. It's certainly a conversation you need to have and maybe, if you're seriously thinking of marriage, see a counselor who can help you both communicate exactly what you expect from each other.

I'm not Christian. Honestly, I'm not sure what I am. But I wouldn't leave the room or be bothered by a discussion about God happening in front of me. I think someone who feels the need to belittle it is probably more afraid of it than he or she wants to admit. Someone content with his own beliefs (or non-beliefs) shouldn't have a problem with it.

fbmandy55

Religion is not my highest priority in a partner. My BF is getting ready to move in and we haven't talked much about it. But as in everything else we have different opinions on, we find a way to agree or agree to disagree. Our relationship is solid and easy going because we are both willing to give and take.

If you love the person, you will find a way to make it work. And let your kids decide on their own what they want to believe, I hate when people force atheism OR Christianity on kids. Or any belief or opinion for that matter.

ArroganceInStep

My last relationship ended because he is Agnostic and I am a Christian. We finally had the "religion talk" and he said he wouldn't allow his children to go to church. That was a big deal to me, considering I grew up going to church 2x/week. I told him I couldn't raise children without bringing them to church, so we broke up.

Now that we have been apart for several months, I have been actually excited to meet someone with the same beliefs as me, because I have never made religion a priority in my dating life before.

Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church. He misses me, still loves me, etc, etc, and wants to get back together. Great! But is he going to ignore everything relating to God except the going to church part? For example, if I am having a conversation about God to my kids, is he just going to leave the room? I really don't see how I can keep God in my life AND my ex at the same time.

How important do you think it is to date someone who has the same religious beliefs as you? I want your opinions, please!

A lot of it comes down to how strong your beliefs are and how strong his beliefs are. If you can both compromise a little it shouldn't be a problem, but if not it may be an issue.

coe28

To me, being agnostic/borderline atheist (if something's up there, it doesn't like me very much), I never wanted to date someone I would consider 'highly' religious. To me, insistance that my children go to church would be out of line. Should they decide to without parental influence then that's fine by me, but Sundays to me are a family day and that family doesn't include a deity.

There is too much potential for conflict, especially if one side is very commited to one religion and the other to another viewpoint, and especially in the case of children where both parents would want what they think/believe is best for them.

^^^ this 100%

TeutonicKnight

My wife and I have religious differences. She thinks she God, and I disagree.

Elizabeth_M

Yes, I would have, but I didn't. Only because HE never wanted to take things further because I wasn't Jewish. He wanted the Jewish wife and kids, which is fine. He couldn't deny his attraction to me, though, and kept making me confused as hell about it so I ended our friendship/flirtation. He wanted to continue, but I couldn't take all his innuendos, denying there was anything going on, and then when confronted with it, said that he couldn't do anything about it.

I'm a Christian (not practicing, never have - celebrate Easter, Christmas, etc - only as tradition, not because of the religious aspect to it) and married a Catholic. He would like to Christen our children, I am fine with it, although I am not myself. Whatever makes him happy and is not to the detriment of our children, I am ok.

As long as two people love each other and can work with the so-called 'differences' in their beliefs, then I think that it should all work out, but maybe I am being too idealistic. If someone is unwilling to compromise however, such as not letting their children go to church, when it's important to you, then that's something different.I know plenty of people in mixed religion relationships, and they are thriving.

auticus

I don't have a religion. I don't care what her religion is. The problem comes when she tries to conform me to her religion. I don't want a religion. If you try to make me religious, we will not be together.

EricNCSU

It depends on the religion. I was raised Methodist (very laid back)... but I haven't been to church in years. Doesnt mean I don't believe or want to believe.. i lean now towards agnostic, I want proof but I want to believe.

I've dated a Jewish girl before and a Catholic girl before, and even as a "Christian" that caused problems, since both were fairly strict and both situtations were "we can date, but never marry" so of course they didn't last long... what was the point?

thepetiterunner

Religion is one of my top 4 or 5 things I look for in someone long-term. Not in the sense that it has to be exactly the same, but in the sense that we need to agree on what we're going to do (if we're at the point where we're discussing marriage, children, etc).

While I don't think it's extremely important to be EXACTLY the same, I think it's important to agree on the level of importance faith will play in our future. My boyfriend and I don't agree exactly on faith, he was raised Catholic and I was Agnostic (well, technically Buddhist, but that's a long story), but it's not an issue in our relationship because we're both open to raising our kids (should we have any) with a more open attitude.

No one can answer this question for you personally, but it sounds like it's a bit of a deal breaker for you.

Gdzgal771

first of all--religion is rules and regulations..Christianity is a relationship with Jesus Christ. scripture tells us to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. GOD knew relationships would be a challenge and even more so, a marriage.He didnt tell us the things He did to keep us from having fun but to protect us. find someone that believes as you do--no-- actually ask the LORD to help your man find YOU- that will treat you as the princess you are!!! HUGGZ n GOD BLESS!!!

Dethea

Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church.

And you believe him, that's cute.

gee, thanks.

Thank you (everyone else) for your responses! Keep them comin'!

Do you think I'm joking? Honey. Think about it for a few seconds. He didn't suddenly do a 180 on his beliefs. He's telling you what you want to hear to get you back. Open your eyes OK?

That's not necessarily true. As people get older they tend to change their views. Perhaps something opened his eyes...

EllieMo

I doubt I'd actually be able to maintain a romantic relationship with anyone deeply religious, as I am a passionate atheist who disagrees with the whole basis of religion. The relationship would never survive the heated debates!!

rml_16

Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church.

And you believe him, that's cute.

gee, thanks.

Thank you (everyone else) for your responses! Keep them comin'!

Do you think I'm joking? Honey. Think about it for a few seconds. He didn't suddenly do a 180 on his beliefs. He's telling you what you want to hear to get you back. Open your eyes OK?

That's not necessarily true. As people get older they tend to change their views. Perhaps something opened his eyes...

Agreed. And sometimes it takes losing someone to make you realize some things are less important than you once thought.

SinIsIn

As long as I wasn't forced to go to church ... sure.

k8blujay2

I didn't read the multitudes of pages... but to be honest, no I didn't and no I wouldn't (if that ever came up again in the future)... the reason being that my faith is a big part of who I am and how I want to raise my children and just over all live... Also, when I date, I date to find someone to spend the rest of my life with... not just to "hang out" with for a while and see how it goes... There are enough problems in marriage already, why would I want to invite yet another conflict into it?

With that said, I do have friends of different faiths and backgrounds... but I don't have to physically live with them or make the hard life choices with them.

runbyme

No!

SoDamnHungry

Interesting. I'm kind of in the opposite situation. My boyfriend is really religious (but not obnoxious about it) and I'm agnostic. I think a lot has to do with how you view religion. I view it as kind of silly and hard to believe (no offense to religious people, because I respect and understand your right to believe in it), but I don't think it's a bad thing. Religion can teach a lot of good things. My boyfriend is a way nicer person than I am, and a lot of that comes from his faith in God and people. If we had children, the deal is this: if he's willing to get the kids up and take them to church, then he can. I refuse to go, and once the kids are old enough to decide, they don't have to go. Also, they aren't going to Catholic school, because I'm not paying thousands of dollars a year on that shiz.

bhalter

If it's going to create conflicts in the relationship or create conflicts and differences of opinion with raising children, I think it's a bad idea.

I'm a Christian, and my fiance had always identified himself as "agnostic." When we had our pre-marital counseling with the pastor at my church and my fiance talked to him about his beliefs, my pastor said he doesn't think "agnostic" describes him and said he should call himself a "seeker of truth" (lol). My fiance believes in God, has no problem with me taking his daughter to church, he'll say her bedtime prayer and dinner prayers with her, etc. Christianity is just not something he has found for himself yet, and he has no desire at this point to become active in church. It's not something that has created problems with our relationship or child-rearing though, because he is open to discussing religion and open to discussing how we will raise his child and our future children in the church. We have a minister marrying us, will have a Bible verse and prayer read during the ceremony, etc.

One of my friends though is Christian dating an athiest. She has a child from a previous relationship and discussed with him wanting to say a night-time prayer with her daughter and asked on nights that she wasn't home, if he would say it with her daughter. He flat out refused, said he wasn't going to "lie" to her, etc. I told her that his beliefs are his own business, but if he's already dictating how she'll raise her own daughter faith-wise (who has a father she spends weekends and holidays with, so it's not like the other parent isn't in the picture), that there will be even more problems when they have children together.

CDP114

i'm wiccan and married to a hindu. and when we have kids they'll be taught about all religions and all festivities, and given a choice.

Sepheara

Hey all,

I didn't read the whole thread so I'm sorry if this is posted elsewhere. My mom is Pagan, and my step dad is Christian. They both realize that many religions have similar core values, and don't let it come between them. My youngest brother lives with them still, and they go to church every sunday. When they were discussing where to go they had a hard time untill they had head of the Unitarian Universalists. Unitarian Universalism is a liberal religion that embraces theological diversity; we welcome different beliefs and affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person.
They welcome everyone of all faiths so my mom and stepdad can each practice what they believe and my brother can be exposed to multiple bliefs, so that he can think and form his own opinions and not be close minded.

So basicly, after seeing my mom and step-dad work through a combination like Pagan/christian I am willing to say that no, I would not let something like religion come between me and another in a relationship.

also in case anyone was interested: http://www.uua.org/index.shtml

montiy

As a Christian, I believe it's VERY important that you (when dating, seeking a mate, etc) choose a person that is a Christian, as well. Scripture commands (2 Corinthians 6:14) that you not marry an unbeliever, and if you're serious about following that command, I'm not sure if it makes sense to be dating an unbeliever. So, I very strongly encourage you to seek dating relationships only with Christian men...so that your relationship with Christ can remain the central and guiding relationship in your life. Don't compromise that just for the sake of companionship; trust that God will provide the right relationship for you (and, thus, your family)...in the right timing.

liverleef

If religion is important to you then your husband should understand this and respect this. You have a right to a say in how your children are raised. I'm an atheist and my wife is a devout Lutheran. She takes the kids to church with her on Sundays but I teach my kids critical thinking and reason. One thing I never do is try to undermine what my wife is trying to do with them. In fact, I've promised her I'll never do this because I love her and want her to have the opportunity to share some of her religious views with her children because I know it's important to her. I have MAJOR problems with people who infuse religion into politics, I'd put my foot down on this one thing. Fortunately, my wife is not one of those types of people.

beatnik236

I believe in God (but do not go to church) aka spiritual more then religious.. I was engaged to an atheist.. We respected each other's view. Really I think we all at a certain age decided for ourselves our own beliefs about religion.

i_love_vinegar

i dont follow any specific religion, so what i care most about is whether we share the same beliefs and viewpoints.

katiew00t

I'm very religious. In the past, I've tried to be "accommodating" to differing beliefs for the sake of the relationship.This usually ends badly, as the person making the concessions winds up being the doormat for the more dominant personality. Keep in mind this goes beyond holding to a particular credo. Your beliefs also color your core values, and if there's a conflict that arises because of this (and mark me, it will, eventually) then one party or the other feels they are compromising their values.

I'm also somewhat perplexed...if I read your OP correctly, you indicated you had moved on and already gotten into another relationship. So why are you contemplating looking elsewhere? Your ex had his "at bat"...he swung, he missed. Consider the impact such a move would have on your current partner. And I agree with the woman on the first page... he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear in order to have you back. Chances are likely he would renege on this arrangement once he got his way.

how did you get that I was in another relationship? Cuz I'm not...

crazycat80

My husband and I are not very religious, so for us, it didn't matter that much while we were dating. I am more religious than my husband. He follows the "we're experiments from another planet" philosophy while I follow the "there is a higher power" one. We both went to church when we were younger. We both agreed we would expose our children to different religions that interested them throughout her childhood and they could come to their own conclusions.

Now that being said, our daughter goes to a Christian daycare center and they teach the children about the Bible. She comes home singing church songs and telling us all about Jesus. I take the lead in these situations. My husband ignores her songs and comments. I agree with her when she tells me things like "Jesus is in our hearts" and I sing the songs if I know them. This works out well for our family. I think it's because at the core, we both know that regardless of what religion we raise her in (if any in the long term) she'll grow up and out and have her own ideas anyway.

Considering your situation, my questions would be - How important is religion to you? Can you both agree on an approach with your children and that it may potentially be that you lead the way and he isn't involved at all? And are you ready to accept that no matter who you marry or how you raise your children, your kids could grow up to be Buddist, Muslim, Agnostic, whatever? You can start them down a path but it doesn't mean they will stay on it.

andiechick

I was brought up in the Church of England going to Church every week and on every religious occasion, however, once I began to study religion at school I decided that wasn't the path for me and I didn't actually believe in God.

I chose to marry abroad in a civil ceremony and I have not had my 2 children christened, despite disapproval from my mother, as I did not want to be a hypocrite. Despite all this, I have no objection to my children going to Church with their grandparents and when they are old enough to decide if they want to continue with that path, I will support them in their decision. I also have friends from other races and cultures which I encourage my children to learn, along with our own.

If your boyfriend truly loves you, and you love him, you will have to learn to agree to disagree and compromise, which is what relationships are all about. I do believe that people can marry other religions/faiths/races and, with compromise can live a long happy life.

Good luck to you whatever you decide :flowerforyou: