Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

Erinslove

Because this thread has meandered away from the original question there are a couple of things about which I would like to share my 2 cents:

-I am not offended (as I don't think people were trying to be offensive); but, it is not really accurate to say that people who are agnostic or atheist don't have religious beliefs. They shared their religious beliefs when they proclaimed to be atheist or agnostic. I am agnostic (to clear up for some I believe in a higher power but not organized religion) and this is not the result of no interest in religion or lack of a spiritual journey. I spent a lot of time going to different churches, discussing religion with people, speaking to missonaries, reading the Bible etc and I came to have the faith that I have throughout that process. It can be different for different people (obviously) but I do have great faith in my beliefs.

-I personally think any arguments as to why you believe in Christianity would be so much stronger if people were to use other supporting reasons than "it's in the Bible." Why? Well, a couple of reasons. Many people (myself included) do not believe that the Bible is the word of God. So, you lose people like me immediately. Also, even if you do believe in the Bible as being holy scripture so many people misinterpret, take out of context or misquote the Bible.

What does the following phrase from the Bible mean to you? "...an eye for an eye..."

Seriously, think about it in your head. How do you describe the meaning of that phrase?

I have a dear friend who is a Christian and also a Christian scholar and professor of Christian ethics at a Christian university and he explained to me (and no, I can't explain like he did..I didn't write it down!) that calling for "an eye for an eye" was actually a call for less violence. (In very laymen's terms with a modern day twist I will give the following example -let's say my neighbor's dog poops in my yard and to retaliate I burn her house down - an eye for an eye would dictate that I lessen the gravity of my response to the perceived injustice perpetuated upon me). My friend explained to me that this type of thing was happening (like we kill one of your vllagers so you kill 800 of ours) and that the intent of an eye for an eye was to lessen violence. He uses the argument when people argue an eye for an eye in regards to the dealth penalty. (We are both anti death penalty activists.)

Does that explanation match what you thought? Or match what many people preach? Anyway, it's something to think about. I haven't researched myself but I do trust the source a lot. As far as an eye for an eye goes I prefer Gandhi's take "An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."

daffodilsoup

How did that work out for your parents? I'm Jewish but raised in a very non-observant household...when I was a kid friends would invite me to various churches and my parents always encouraged me to go and learn about other religions if I wanted to. They raised me to judge others by their character and actions, not by which house of worship they attend on Saturday or Sunday or Wednesday night...as an adult, I am probably the most "religious" in my family and I would consider myself more spiritual than anything else. I used to teach Sunday school for my synagogue...I had many students from interfaith families (one Jewish and one non-Jewish parent--sometimes the other parent was Christian, sometimes, atheist, sometimes I don't know). All of the families made it work and my students learned to accept people of ALL faiths (or lack of faith, as it were).

As for myself, being that Jews are pretty much a minority...I date very few Jews. I've dated people of many faiths, but frankly a really ultra-religious Christian guy wouldn't want to date me because I wouldn't espouse the same beliefs.

I wound up being raised Jewish - my dad's parents were Holocaust survivors so it was very important to them that their granddaughter be brought up to be a proper young Jewish woman (oops.). I went to Hebrew school three times a week, and we spent all Saturday at services. I knew I was an Atheist from a young age though - I remember sitting there listening to stories from the Torah and thinking, "Do people actually believe this stuff?" I only "came out" to my parents very recently - my grandparents have since passed, so it's just better that they didn't know, haha.

I've actually never dated another Jew, but probably because the Jewish population, especially where I live, is a minority, as you mentioned. I had one Catholic boyfriend in high school (that didn't work out, mostly for other reasons, though) but other than that, all my relationships have been with other atheists. I just sort of gravitate to the type, I guess.

christine24t

I am non-religious. I wouldn't have a problem with my future children doing religious activities with their father's religion, unless it was something very out there. I'm not sure if I would be willing to convert, because I don't really believe in anything and I don't know how that would work. I would just have a problem if he was TOO religious. I don't mind someone being religious, but if it was a part of their daily life, I don't know how I could deal with that. I don't think religion should be forced on anyone.

EuroReady

Let's talk about politics, abortion, euthanasia and global warming now.

Also which country is the best, and why we hate fat/skinny/anyone who isn't us people

Hah! What about gun control and gay marriage?

Happymom12

As a Christian, it is a big problem to marry someone who is not a Christian. In the Bible, Jesus tells us not to be "unequally yoked" with a non-believer (2nd Corinthians chapter 6). This is for our own good, let alone the good of any future children - how would you feel if you knew your husband was going to hell? That would not be good for a marriage. Also, your relationship with God would take a hit because your partner would not be building up your faith as a husband is supposed to. Couples are supposed to seek God together and support each other. God would be moved to the back burner if you are in a relationship with someone who doesn't believe. You would gradually lose the will to be in a relationship with God. So yeah, if you are a Christian, do NOT date a non-Christian.

agreed

danascot

I haven't read every single post on here, but just wanted to say that not all Christians feel the exact same way as some on here. I felt it necessary to get that out - I am Christian and think that it would be important to be with someone who believes in God. Once you have kids, it could get complicated in how they are raised. But I guess if you are just dating then maybe this is an area you can compromise, but not if marriage is a possibility.

Karrix

I'm not very religious. I dated a christian for 5-6 years, he would always put his beliefs onto me, I hated it.

I now only date those who have similar or same beliefs, it saves me numerous problems.

Thriceshy

I wouldn't marry someone who wanted our children to go to church--that would be a total deal-breaker, and for the same reasons why some who are religious wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't believe. I couldn't sit back and have my kids indoctrinated with what I know to be falsehoods. Before anyone gets all up in my face, remember, if you believe it, then those who say it's not real or not true are the ones uttering falsehoods--would you want your kids going to a class once or twice a week to be told your beliefs are lies? Same here--I don't want to have to do damage control six days a week to get the stuff out of my child's head.

Doesn't matter, though--I married a fellow atheist and all is well. I know that there are atheists who don't mind their kids going to church (and there are Catholics who are okay with their kids being reared Jewish or Methodist, for that matter), and that's terrific--whatever works. But I would mind. A lot.

Erinslove

I knew I was an Atheist from a young age though - I remember sitting there listening to stories from the Torah and thinking, "Do people actually believe this stuff?" I only "came out" to my parents very recently - my grandparents have since passed, so it's just better that they didn't know, haha.

So interesting...I thought I was the only one who rejected to the religion being taught to me while still being a young child. I thought I "had to be" a Christian. (I struggled with that one for years!) A few years ago I found a poen I had written in elementary school that started off "God, it's your bogus little servant again." Pretty telling.

Anyway, I found out even more recently that I am actually Jewish by birth! Interesting factoid to disvover in your 30s.

Bella1hud

I haven't read every single post on here, but just wanted to say that not all Christians feel the exact same way as some on here. I felt it necessary to get that out - I am Christian and think that it would be important to be with someone who believes in God. Once you have kids, it could get complicated in how they are raised. But I guess if you are just dating then maybe this is an area you can compromise, but not if marriage is a possibility.

Amen to that! The Word talks about being unequally yoked for a good reason! It is confusing for the children for sure. And like a number of people here, I too hate religion. Christianity isn't about religion (man's effort to reach God) but about relationship with Jesus Christ. (God's way of reaching man). I married my hubby 32 years ago, he was very open to things of God but wasn't a believer yet so I "knew it was just a matter of time".. Guess what, he's still not. Our marriage has been overall happy, but there is a HUGE chunk that is missing in our relationship, sharing of our spirituality. And it grieves me to see him carry burdens that he was never meant to carry, but twas meant to share them with the Lord. I love him as he is but would indeed love to see him experience the joy and peace of God in his life.

Pebble321

I would (and have), but it's going to depend how involved you are with your religion and how important it is to YOU that your partner shares the same beliefs. If you aren't prepared to be with someone who doesn't think the same, then its going to be difficult.
Everyone is going to have a different answer to this, because for some people religion is a critical part of their life, for others (like me) it's not a big deal.

jenj1313

I've seen it work for some folks, but I don't think it'd work that well for me. And I'm the agnostic one.

AlmstHvn

I've seen couples where one was Christian, the other Jewish, and they blended traditions together pretty nicely. For my own experience - I was half of a couple where one was Christian, the other atheist, and we divorced after a few years. It's not just "one" compartment in your lives - it touches everything - and that gets magnified when children are involved. I would think long and hard about it.

k0nfyo0zed

I am in almost the exact opposite situation. My husband is religious to the point he's currently earning his master's degree to become an ordained minister (he is Lutheran). I grew up going to church, maybe once a year, if that... only if we were at my grandparents' house on a Christian holiday and we were forced to go. I have struggled with faith my entire life, to the point I was claiming atheism. Seriously, at my bridal shower his mom gave me a book of prayers for women, and my mom gave me sex books - our families were that opposite.

I knew about the role faith played in my husband's life when I met him. I told him I was willing to give it a shot with him if he was not going to preach at me over dinner and he never did, but he did tell me that he would be willing to talk about it any time I brought it up. By the time he proposed I wouldn't say I'd completely accepted it, but I was willing to learn about it, and let him take the lead in our children's lives when it came to their religious upbringing. I wouldn't get in his way, but I likely wouldn't be able to contribute, with the exception of how and why I felt drawn to it later in life. Now that we've been married for a year, and I've been fully immersed in a religious community, seeing the various types of people who feel called to preach, and the various ways they go about doing it, I don't feel nearly as uncomfortable with it. We were counseled that a Christian marriage is like a triangle. with the base of it being the couple's love for each other, and the sides reaching up in a relationship with God.

Ultimately it's how you feel about the role of religion in your life, or in your significant other's life, and in your future children's lives. I told my husband with complete honesty it is up to him to teach the kids what it's about to be Christian, saved by Jesus, believe in, trust, and follow God, and understand the Bible. But forcing them goes against the nature of what it means to believe. They need to come to their own terms with it, just like I did. Having different perspectives on faith can be a wonderful thing for children, helping them to learn and make their own decision about it.

Good luck!

kimi131

I once dated a guy who was agnostic. He was open to the idea and I like to think that had things worked out between us he would have come around eventually. I was absolutely crazy about him and made sort of an exception for him. Normally I won't date someone who is a different religion than I am. In fact, because my dad is a minister, I even go so far as to think that if a guy is the same denomination I am he gets "bonus points." :laugh:

Ironically, since I've stopped stressing so much that a guy has to be religious, I seem to be finding them more easily. The guy I am currently dating happens to attend a church that is the same denomination as I am. We just happened to cross paths. I certainly wasn't looking for the prerequisite that he be my denomination.

It sounds like your ex is just trying to get you back. If you really love him and want to be with him, then give him a chance. Suggest going to church together a few times before getting serious with him again. How he reacts will tell you a lot about his intentions.



My parents first date was a blind date... they went to church

StevLL

I considered myself Agnostic as it is a catch all for the unknown. I believed in God, but was not a fan of organized religion. My wife is Catholic we've been together for 12 years. It never really was an issue and I even gone occasionally to the monastary where she goes. Recently I've had a change of heart and while I was raised in the jewish faith I feel more strongly connected to christianity today and know that people can change.

To the OP, if you decide to go back with your ex and he is serious I would suggest you guys watch Courageous, Fire Proof & Flywheel. Seeing Courageous re-introduced the importance of having a life filled with faith and the bible to me. Now I study the bible with my wife and have even gone to church (non-denominational) and really enjoyed it.

He may stay Agnostic, but should understand there is a truly honorable and calming spirituality that comes from finding a relationship with your higher power.

Good luck with whatever decision you make. Peace and light.

Smiler106

My ex was a very religious Christian, and I am an athiest. I repsected her religion and did not interfere or mock her beliefs, however she did not respect my lack of religion. One day we had this huge row over evolution, she just could not get her head around that I didn't believe in creation. We had been together a year at this point and she knew from the first day we met that I don't believe in God. How could she possibly think that I would believe in creation when I don't even believe in God?! Argh.

Looking back on it I wish we had ended it there, it would have saved a lot of wasted time. Although we didn't break up over religious differences, it was a constant strain on the relationship, she treated me like because she was a believer that her point of view was always more valid than mine, that her beliefs somehow more important and sacred than my own. I would never put up with that kind of treatment again.

SmartAlec03211988

As long as they don't wear it on their sleeve and aren't pushy/forceful about it, then I would certainly date a person of faith. I'd prefer an atheist like myself, but I wouldn't dismiss someone simply because they're of faith.

They'd have to be on the same wave length with me in regards to raising children, however. Meaning, speaking of religion is not to be initiated unless they ask, and only to educate them about it, not to try to push them towards it. I would like my children to come to their own conclusions on the subject, like my parents allowed me. Religion was never a topic of discussion unless I asked, and they never tried to push me towards one or the other, but let me discover it on my own and come to my own idea on the subject.

odownz

I'm sorry, I am going to go ahead and say that it's a recipe for disaster. If you are a christian, they also need to be one. I would say even as far as theologically you need to agree on major doctrine. Religion is number one and I would say money is the second thing that you need to agree on. Budgets, how it will be spent, saved and given.

Good luck!

InvidiaXII

:drinker:
I would date someone of a different religious belief as long as we didn't fight about it. If it caused a lot of conflict, I would consider it a good reason to break up.