Girls. . we need guidance. .

pinuplove

To the op, I highly recommend reading the book, the five love languages. It is sorta cheezy, but I think it would really help you.

I will check it out. thx!

Another vote! It was spot on for us. It's designed to help couples understand each other, but being aware of your own love languages and knowing how to recognize others' is very valuable I'm sorry you've had a tough time in the love department. Hopefully the best is yet to come!

robot_potato

It's more that men seem to want a hero cookie for every bit they do. I clean house, do all the laundry, majority of the dishes, sweep daily, mop weekly, do most of the cooking, errands, take care of appointments, work full time, and expect nothing for it. He does chores too, and i appreciate it, but needs to bring it to my attention every time like he's climbed a mountain every time he helps out. I don't get acknowledged for every thing i do, so don't expect steak and a b.j. every time you vacuum.

Natx83

Okay, I have every right to feel offended at his very generalized topic.

Lets look at his generalisations against women.
"We want you constantly, but you don't"- I, and many other women I know, have very healthy sex drives that often surpass our partners. Even if this is not interpreted as sexual, it implies that we don't want to equal amounts of time with our partners.
If he does something nice (candles, dinner, flowers) women assume it's either A. because he wants to get laid. Or B. he did something wrong.- So in the first scenario, again, women don't want sex? I must have missed that memo. Second scenario, implies that women jump to negative explanations and often put blame on their men. (Based on the implication that if he didn't do something wrong, and brings us flowers, then we "invent" some sort of wrong that he must be making up for. If he DID do something then brings flowers... yeah, logical conclusion.)
We find it hard to "hook them up with some appreciation"- Not all women are like this, many of us are quite good at appreciating our men.

Lets look at his generalisations against men.
"We want you constantly"- really? So there's never a moment that you want alone time? Want to do something other than sex? Bull.
All men "try candles... dinner... flowers... cleaning the house", they "work hard for" us- Um, no. Not all men do that. Congrats that you're one of the few that does! That's awesome. But, no, many men do not do these things.
"We try cleaning the house! ... ok... we don't do that very often!" - Um, really? So men are untidy? Unclean? Wallow in their own filth if there isn't a woman around to clean for him? I call shenanegins. Many men I know are quite self-sufficient and would be offended that the idea that men only "try" to clean the house, and not very often.

It is understandable for you to feel frustration if your past experiences with women have been negative, but you are NOT going to get sympathy from me by making broad generalizations and promoting stereotypes that are offensive to women AND men. My oringinal point was that you have to take responsibility that you are allowing people to treat you this way. There are plenty of women, and men, out there who appreciate their partners. If you stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship, of course things aren't going to get better. And having an attitude that "all women are this way because these women were that way!" will not get you anywhere. Because the truth is, the women who you want to attract are going to be turned off by that attitude.

Sir. Yes sir!

_Christine_

Sir. Yes sir!

Ohhh, you're going to get in trouble!!

foodfight247

I personally have never been the lovey dovey person. If I care for you, if I let you sleep at my place, if I call you my woman, if I work hard to provide for you, if I take care of YOUR kids and try to become a good male figure in their lives, thats my way of saying I love you.

Also, while we at it, please, do not think I'm afraid of commitment or responsibility. I'm a responsible person and that is exactly why I dont jump into labeling the relationship or having kids. I have to think of the future as a man. How am I going to feed the kids? What kind of a parent would I be? How can I bring this child in this F'd up world? Can I handle the responsibility of having a daughter who might endup having big time daddy issues? Would my son make the same mistakes as I did when I was a kid? These questions drive me crazy and THATS my reason to not want kids.

Edit: yes I know my post didnt made alot of sense. Just try to understand that we are trying our best for the family and sometimes that might keep us from being the romantic person

Awesome. There are some good guys out there! :-)

Karrix

I've never had issues showing appreciation and affection to my partners. I also give 100% back. Those who I've been with
expressed how lucky they were. Looks like many men aren't looking at the right women. It takes two to make a relationship

Kenzietea2

Id like to help you out with an answer but my husband does none of those things. He doesn't even make his own dentist appointments.

Hahaha I just made an appointment for my husband!

As far as everything else, yeah... he would if I asked him too but he isn't creative enough to think of the rest on his own. But I definitely appreciate him, more than enough. He is a good man and does a lot for me!

By the way, OP... If you did clean the house, you would never have to worry about feeling under appreciated. Women love that.

BlueInkDot

Oh honey, I know. I know you need guidance. It's okay.

Men... are almost like children sometimes. You need to guide them and you watch them learn and mature and grow. Sometimes they're so dumb. And other times they really surprise you.

My fiance and I are together because we have the same ethical and moral standings, we have the same religious views, we love spending time together, and we have our own unusual brand of humor. He has this way about him that keeps me grounded and keeps me from stressing out too much. Being with him makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.

So..... when he's kind of an idiot when it comes to romancing, or buying me things, or doing things for me - despite how much I do things for him, buy him things, romance him, whatever..... I guess it's not a huge deal. He'll figure it out someday. We've got time. :P

Monti_e_lmt

We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...

Whoever you are with is one lucky girl! I have only had one guy bring me flowers and that was for a dance, and whenever he took me to dinner he would insult me. And the candles would be very romantic. I would melt to have a man do all that for me especially since I spend everyday lighting candles and massaging people. No one ever does that for me. And if your girl doesn't appreciate that then she has never truly been treated like crap, you have to see the bottom to appreciate what is at the top. If a man did that for me, I'd do stuff for him, I already have some ideas of what to do for my man but in order for him to appreciate them, I feel like I need to drop a few pounds and gain some confidence. That, and actually find a man lol.

SueGremlin

I hate feminists :grumble:

Thanks.

taunto

Just wow ladies. Seriously....WOW!

Monti_e_lmt

Just wow ladies. Seriously....WOW!

I second that motion. :noway:

Carnivorekat

It is often tough when you come out of a relationship that is tough - have been through abusive relationships but keep positive and one day the right person will come along - you shouldn't try to change yourself to be right for someone, the right person should love you for being you x

pa_jorg

We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...

Do you have a single brother? PLEASE send him my way...thanks!

boomboom011

well here is my view.

If my husband cleans our home, I make a big deal out of it. Because it is. I let him know in so many ways how much I appreciate him cleaning OUR home..


if my husband buys me flowers, im gonna be upset cause flowers are expensive and unnecessary. i would prefer a nice dinner.

in my house, the way my husband shows me he loves me is by accepting me as I am. He doesnt try to change me. He has loved me at my worse.

one of my favorite gifts is every summer he and i take a trip. its just us, at an all inclusive resort. i dont have to do anything but just focus on him and vice versa. its our re-kindle time. this year we are going to jamaica for 5 days. i cant wait!

boomboom011

I hate feminists :grumble:

. That comment seems to come from left field or maybe I'm missing the ironic tone or something?

Looks like it came from right field...Feminists are generally on the left.

:drinker:

boomboom011

Um what are flowers, candle light, a house I didn't clean, or a phone call made for one's self. My husband has it pretty damned easy I do it all and don't get the kind words back. I notice any little thing he does and say thanks because I don't know when he will put up a roll of TP again. I would love to appreciate the little, feel wanted and all that jazz.....who would like to train mine?

me! I say stop. stop doing everything for him. when he says why you arent doing xyz, tell him its because you love him.

Aleara2012

We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...

Actually... it sounds more like you work hard for YOU rather than, well, us... I would think that working hard for somebody would mean doing things so they feel well, not so they show appreciation for the one doing those things? Or am I completely off the mark?

There is of course also the other side of it... most women would agree that they clean, cook, look after the children, take care of their husbands and get close to 0 appreciation for what they do... And what they really want is a partner to share the load rather than a bunch of useless flowers.

megonzalez1230

I personally have never been the lovey dovey person. If I care for you, if I let you sleep at my place, if I call you my woman, if I work hard to provide for you, if I take care of YOUR kids and try to become a good male figure in their lives, thats my way of saying I love you.

Also, while we at it, please, do not think I'm afraid of commitment or responsibility. I'm a responsible person and that is exactly why I dont jump into labeling the relationship or having kids. I have to think of the future as a man. How am I going to feed the kids? What kind of a parent would I be? How can I bring this child in this F'd up world? Can I handle the responsibility of having a daughter who might endup having big time daddy issues? Would my son make the same mistakes as I did when I was a kid? These questions drive me crazy and THATS my reason to not want kids.

Edit: yes I know my post didnt made alot of sense. Just try to understand that we are trying our best for the family and sometimes that might keep us from being the romantic person

It made since to me.

tashaa1992

I've never really had this with any guy I've been with, but that may just be because I'm young and they were young too. Though that being said, my oldest boyfriend was twenty six and he never did anything like that for me either. I was only at his on the weekends but I did everything for him when I was there, got no thanks tash or anything though. I hope the right guy will come along one day though:/
You sound like such an amazing partner, your partner should count themselves lucky:)