"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"
TiasF
Posts: 58 Member
Hello you all. This is an article copied from the link below in which a woman talks about the social stigma of losing 100 lbs. I have read this multiple times. I'm interested in hearing what some of you think about it.
"I come from a small-ish town in Oklahoma where we’ve never met a vegetable we couldn’t fry and the only thing more super-sized than our portions are the huge church complexes that alternate with fast-food restaurants along our roads.
So it maybe isn’t such a big surprise that by the time I graduated from high school, I weighed 260 pounds. My prom dress was a size 24, and my mother had to help me zip it up, a five-minute ordeal during which we grunted and cursed at one another. My aunt had to custom-make my graduation gown, a huge white tent in which I resembled the Stay-Puft marshmallow man. Still, I left for college in New York City feeling relatively confident. After all, I wasn’t just fat. I was also stylish, managing to alter and combine pieces in a way where they overcame their origins as shapeless sacks designed by people with the gall to decorate plus-size garments with ice-cream cones and slices of pizza. And I was hilarious, *****y and sexually brash, defense mechanisms mastered by fat women and gay men everywhere.
I wasn’t immune — hurtful things would happen on occasion. Groups of rowdy teenagers sometimes yelled insults at me from car windows. I gave my phone number to a nice guy, only to find out when he called that he had a fetish for overweight women, shamelessly telling me that he likes “something to grab onto” during sex. Or someone would approach me out of nowhere on the street and tell me not to worry about how I look; someday — when I’m ready — I’ll lose the weight. And of course, I compared myself endlessly to the impossibly thin women in magazines, just like the average-weight women I knew, to whom I also, by the way, compared myself.
Despite these blows to your self-esteem, for the most part nobody close to you really tells you to your face what they think about your weight. As a result, a fat girl’s worldview is missing vital pieces of information. When you don’t get invited on your friends’ man-catching all-girl outings, or when men who enjoy sleeping with you over and over again fail to want to date you, you can’t quite comprehend that all this is really caused by the way you look.
But then, the summer before my junior year of college, something changed. I made a promise to myself to diet just for one summer, and for the first time I saw results. On a low-carb plan, I started melting away, shrinking inwards. I began to grow collarbones and hipbones, sprouting bony, sharp spots all over my body. By the end of the summer, I was 50 pounds lighter, and within a year I was down to 160 pounds on my 5’11″ frame, a solid size 10.
It’s been six years now that I’ve maintained that weight loss, and it is far and away the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Not because I’m healthier and will probably live longer, but because I now reap the benefits of a society set up to punish fat people for the unforgivable crime of eating too much.
I hear the fat jokes right out loud now, instead of just a whispering breeze brushing past my ear. Men who used to let the door swing shut in my face now hold it open for me politely and look me up and down as I step past. My own boyfriend, a man I began dating a few months after reaching my goal weight, sees the picture on my driver’s license and admits he probably wouldn’t have gone out with me when I looked like that. I appreciate his honesty. It’s better than the good-intentioned people who gush upon seeing the new me, “You’re so pretty now!” before stammeringly adding, “Not that you weren’t, uh, pretty before.”
Finding yourself suddenly thin after a lifetime of being fat is a bit like stepping into that “Saturday Night Live” sketch where Eddie Murphy goes undercover as a white guy and discovers that white people act completely differently when there are no black people around. With no outward sign of my former body type, I became a renegade spy for Team F.A.T.
Of course, I didn’t discover that thin people drink cocktails and dance when fat people get off the bus. But when I lost weight, I was rewarded with membership in a club I never knew existed, where the benefits included better treatment, greater professional success and, above all, a new status as qualified participant in the social world including romantic relationships.
Of course, I lost weight to reap these benefits. But it doesn’t stop me from being angry that I had to lose weight to reap these benefits. Of those who are nice to me now, who would have been rude to me before? Which ones made the cruel jokes? Who can be trusted?
As the years pass, it is easy to forget. I have even, on a few occasions, found myself looking at an overweight person with faint disdain, forgetting those years I struggled with the very same issue. I hope never to gain back the weight I lost. But I have seen another side of people that I cannot forget. And with any luck, I never will.
I hope I always stay fat on the inside."
http://www.thefrisky.com/2010-08-09/girl-talk-i-lost-100-pounds-and-found-out-what-the-world-thinks-of-fat/
(there are pictures on the website)
"I come from a small-ish town in Oklahoma where we’ve never met a vegetable we couldn’t fry and the only thing more super-sized than our portions are the huge church complexes that alternate with fast-food restaurants along our roads.
So it maybe isn’t such a big surprise that by the time I graduated from high school, I weighed 260 pounds. My prom dress was a size 24, and my mother had to help me zip it up, a five-minute ordeal during which we grunted and cursed at one another. My aunt had to custom-make my graduation gown, a huge white tent in which I resembled the Stay-Puft marshmallow man. Still, I left for college in New York City feeling relatively confident. After all, I wasn’t just fat. I was also stylish, managing to alter and combine pieces in a way where they overcame their origins as shapeless sacks designed by people with the gall to decorate plus-size garments with ice-cream cones and slices of pizza. And I was hilarious, *****y and sexually brash, defense mechanisms mastered by fat women and gay men everywhere.
I wasn’t immune — hurtful things would happen on occasion. Groups of rowdy teenagers sometimes yelled insults at me from car windows. I gave my phone number to a nice guy, only to find out when he called that he had a fetish for overweight women, shamelessly telling me that he likes “something to grab onto” during sex. Or someone would approach me out of nowhere on the street and tell me not to worry about how I look; someday — when I’m ready — I’ll lose the weight. And of course, I compared myself endlessly to the impossibly thin women in magazines, just like the average-weight women I knew, to whom I also, by the way, compared myself.
Despite these blows to your self-esteem, for the most part nobody close to you really tells you to your face what they think about your weight. As a result, a fat girl’s worldview is missing vital pieces of information. When you don’t get invited on your friends’ man-catching all-girl outings, or when men who enjoy sleeping with you over and over again fail to want to date you, you can’t quite comprehend that all this is really caused by the way you look.
But then, the summer before my junior year of college, something changed. I made a promise to myself to diet just for one summer, and for the first time I saw results. On a low-carb plan, I started melting away, shrinking inwards. I began to grow collarbones and hipbones, sprouting bony, sharp spots all over my body. By the end of the summer, I was 50 pounds lighter, and within a year I was down to 160 pounds on my 5’11″ frame, a solid size 10.
It’s been six years now that I’ve maintained that weight loss, and it is far and away the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Not because I’m healthier and will probably live longer, but because I now reap the benefits of a society set up to punish fat people for the unforgivable crime of eating too much.
I hear the fat jokes right out loud now, instead of just a whispering breeze brushing past my ear. Men who used to let the door swing shut in my face now hold it open for me politely and look me up and down as I step past. My own boyfriend, a man I began dating a few months after reaching my goal weight, sees the picture on my driver’s license and admits he probably wouldn’t have gone out with me when I looked like that. I appreciate his honesty. It’s better than the good-intentioned people who gush upon seeing the new me, “You’re so pretty now!” before stammeringly adding, “Not that you weren’t, uh, pretty before.”
Finding yourself suddenly thin after a lifetime of being fat is a bit like stepping into that “Saturday Night Live” sketch where Eddie Murphy goes undercover as a white guy and discovers that white people act completely differently when there are no black people around. With no outward sign of my former body type, I became a renegade spy for Team F.A.T.
Of course, I didn’t discover that thin people drink cocktails and dance when fat people get off the bus. But when I lost weight, I was rewarded with membership in a club I never knew existed, where the benefits included better treatment, greater professional success and, above all, a new status as qualified participant in the social world including romantic relationships.
Of course, I lost weight to reap these benefits. But it doesn’t stop me from being angry that I had to lose weight to reap these benefits. Of those who are nice to me now, who would have been rude to me before? Which ones made the cruel jokes? Who can be trusted?
As the years pass, it is easy to forget. I have even, on a few occasions, found myself looking at an overweight person with faint disdain, forgetting those years I struggled with the very same issue. I hope never to gain back the weight I lost. But I have seen another side of people that I cannot forget. And with any luck, I never will.
I hope I always stay fat on the inside."
http://www.thefrisky.com/2010-08-09/girl-talk-i-lost-100-pounds-and-found-out-what-the-world-thinks-of-fat/
(there are pictures on the website)
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Replies
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BRILLIANT0
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That was an amazing read. Thank you for sharing.0
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i LOVE this!! thanks for sharing!0
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I LOVE this article. I have been trying to explain this phenomenon to my friends buy they don't understand. I too have started to experience men holding doors open for me and randomly greeting me. I get treated better. It makes me happy, sad and mad all at the same time.0
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Great read. I know where she is coming from, living in Auustralia - we have similar issues with society over here....0
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great story!!0
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Interesting read x0
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Brilliant indeed sister. Well said...very well said!0
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WOW. SO CRUEL & YET SO MEAN...IT'S A CRUEL WORLD HUH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR SUCCESS0 -
It's sad to think that fat-shaming is still one of the only socially acceptable forms of "abuse" left. As odd as it sounds, I'm thankful every day that I was overweight for 16 years+. Yes, I want to get healthy, but being "fat" taught me a sense of compassion and empathy for people I never would have been enlightened to without having experienced first-hand the inequality in treatment. Great story, thank you for sharing!0
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One of the worst types of prejudice nowadays is the one against fat people, exactly because it's approved by society. Turnstiles, bus seats, plane corridors, etc, everything is made to remind you that you're overweight and that if you don't change that reality you simply won't fit in, and won't make use of things because they weren't designed for you. It's a constant reminder that you need to lose weight no matter what, as if the television and magazines didn't show you enough of that already.
I've never been "obese" (even that word has a huge "weight" on it. It's one of the heaviest words I know!), but I've seen how much suffering my father has been through because of his obesity. People would look at him with curiosity as he entered an elevator, and grimace if they had to sit by his side on a plane or bus.
It really creates a stigma, and it's hard to get rid of it when you reach your goal and realize you're suddenly surrounded by people who did not want your company before you became "normal" (to their own disfigured paradigms, at least).
The text states the absolute truth. Thank you very much for showing us that perspective.0 -
Thanks for sharing!0
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There was a forum post the other day, beating people up who are not attracted to those that fall into the "obese" category. I say people have the right to be attracted to which suits them - be it fit or fat, just as some prefer tall/short, (I personally married a disabled person - and while I was attracted to his attributes - and not his disability, certainly not all would do that.)
As far as being rude - saying rude things, throwing spitwads, etc., that isn't acceptable regardless, but I suspect if they are rude to people who don't fit their idea of ideal weight - there are probably other people who bear the brunt of their remarks, too...but gotta be honest, if it is just the pleasant attention you are complaining about now getting - it is just a fact that people notice what they consider "attractive" and respond to that. There are people that are fit that get ignored too...
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thanks for posting this!0
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Interesting piece. Thanks for sharing.0
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Thank you to everyone for reading it! I have read this article many times and it makes me cry. I am no where near my goal of 100 lbs lost, so it also gives me hope, but people always see a common denominator of losing the weight & feeling they can't trust anyone because those same ppl that hated them before now love them. It scares me to think of that. i am currently in love with my best friend. he knows, but says we are only friends. i fear that once i lose the weight he'll like me- and i'll just accept it. i dont want to be treated differently because of my weight but it is a reality for those of us suffering with being overweight.
it's hard to think that some of my closest friends, who say "i look great the way i am" are secretly thinking that i look horrible and should lose weight.
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Thank you to everyone for reading it! I have read this article many times and it makes me cry. I am no where near my goal of 100 lbs lost, so it also gives me hope, but people always see a common denominator of losing the weight & feeling they can't trust anyone because those same ppl that hated them before now love them. It scares me to think of that. i am currently in love with my best friend. he knows, but says we are only friends. i fear that once i lose the weight he'll like me- and i'll just accept it. i dont want to be treated differently because of my weight but it is a reality for those of us suffering with being overweight.
it's hard to think that some of my closest friends, who say "i look great the way i am" are secretly thinking that i look horrible and should lose weight.
You're a beautiful girl NOW! Please don't presume that your friends are secretly thinking negative things about you...unless of course, you pick mean people for friends. I have skinny friends and curvy friends...all over the "weight map" and I love 'em all! Do I wish the best of health for them? Of course...but that applies to my skinny friends, too... (I would hope that since they are my friends - they are hoping the same for me!)
I'm sorry that your friendship isn't what you hope it would be... But, ask yourself what you would not tolerate or be attracted to in a relationship (Bad breath? Farts constantly due to bowel issues. etc., just throwing out some ideas...) and honestly reflect on whether you have a right to "discriminate"? Of course you do... And you have a right to change your mind down the road...
Just like your friend... 0 -
This is outstanding. You are a very talented writer. While your story itself is compelling, the way you shared it kept me captivated. Thanks for sharing.0
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This article applies not only to fat - it applies to everything (in a western society) that falls outside of western ideals.
For example, I used to dress like a boy. That was what I liked to wear, not really for any reason other than that i liked it and could do lots in it and didn't really care about clothes much. Probably the only thing more terrifying than a girl who dresses like a boy is a boy who dresses like a girl...
I am by no means 'ugly', but if I throw my hair in a pony tail I with boy's clothes I could probably be considered plain.
A few years ago I met a nice guy - the first guy I have ever REALLY been drawn to and sexually attracted to. I felt this huge primal urge to emphasise everything 'feminine'. I figured that there was nothing unhealthy about this, so I started growing my hair longer, painting my fingernails, wearing skirts, and just generally transferring a lot of my artistic expression into my appearance.
The world changed completely.
Suddenly, I was pretty. Instead of melting into a background with all the things that don't catch people's eye, I started catching everyone's eyes, mostly men's. They were suddenly much nicer to me, and much more rude at the same time... happy to leer and stare openly, shout out car windows.
My friends, many of whom were feminists, started to judge me very poorly and treat me badly. A whole sub-society that I enjoyed became cut off to me.
...
Unfortunately, a large part of the reality behind fat-hate, mostly against women, is some underlying expectation that all women strive at all times to appear as attractive as possible. If you 'let yourself go,' cut your hair, don't wear heels, don't grow or implant boobs, or don't wear skirts, you will be socially punished. If you do all these things you will be rewarded.
As I am not a man I can't even speculate on what the social punishments are for being fat or ugly (or short?)...I cant only speak about what I experienced and what I observed driving it. It's like I was a bad dog who needed to be ignored, and suddenly I was a good dog who deserved lots of attention.
Fat is one among the many aberrations for which you may be punished. It is the one for which you may be punished most cruelly, though.
Others for women include:
- too muscley (too masculine)/not enough muscle tone
- too much makeup/no makeup
- too much hair
- short hair
- pants/shorts (oh if you don't wear a skirt you won't even believe how much reward skirts get)
- shoulders too big/hips too small
- too aggressive
The perversion is not what men find attractive, so much as the fact that it is applied to EVERY social/work interaction and opportunity.
The downside, of course, is that if you manage to find the right balance between all of these things, suddenly the social reward switches around to punishment - you must be a b*tch and a bimbo and deserve to be treated poorly and sexually harassed and leered at because that's all you're good for.
It's a messy world out there.0 -
Thank you for posting this... Believe it or not, I was thinking about this very thing the other day. Wondering who would change toward me. I've had people deliberately let doors slam in my face, teenage boys yelling nasty things at me from their car windows (just the other day in fact)... One day I hope to be on the other side (socially acceptable side, not yelling things at people or treating them different).0
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I totally get this.
Even my very, very best friend catches herself saying stuff like "You're so pretty now ... I mean, you always were but now you look healthy too."
She sticks her foot in her mouth a lot, meaning well but she really has a disdain for being overweight.0 -
I was talking to my sister today about this. Some boys at the mall were people watching and calling people ugly. From where they were standing and where we were it sounded like they were talking about us, but I could be mistaken. Nevertheless...I was telling her that I hope I could always figure out who in my life is cruel like this and who would love me no matter what I looked like. It's a sad thing, the way people can treat each other. Aren't we all the same inside? I just have a little more insulation than some. 0
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This article applies not only to fat - it applies to everything (in a western society) that falls outside of western ideals.
For example, I used to dress like a boy. That was what I liked to wear, not really for any reason other than that i liked it and could do lots in it and didn't really care about clothes much. Probably the only thing more terrifying than a girl who dresses like a boy is a boy who dresses like a girl...
I am by no means 'ugly', but if I throw my hair in a pony tail I with boy's clothes I could probably be considered plain.
A few years ago I met a nice guy - the first guy I have ever REALLY been drawn to and sexually attracted to. I felt this huge primal urge to emphasise everything 'feminine'. I figured that there was nothing unhealthy about this, so I started growing my hair longer, painting my fingernails, wearing skirts, and just generally transferring a lot of my artistic expression into my appearance.
The world changed completely.
Suddenly, I was pretty. Instead of melting into a background with all the things that don't catch people's eye, I started catching everyone's eyes, mostly men's. They were suddenly much nicer to me, and much more rude at the same time... happy to leer and stare openly, shout out car windows.
My friends, many of whom were feminists, started to judge me very poorly and treat me badly. A whole sub-society that I enjoyed became cut off to me.
...
Unfortunately, a large part of the reality behind fat-hate, mostly against women, is some underlying expectation that all women strive at all times to appear as attractive as possible. If you 'let yourself go,' cut your hair, don't wear heels, don't grow or implant boobs, or don't wear skirts, you will be socially punished. If you do all these things you will be rewarded.
As I am not a man I can't even speculate on what the social punishments are for being fat or ugly (or short?)...I cant only speak about what I experienced and what I observed driving it. It's like I was a bad dog who needed to be ignored, and suddenly I was a good dog who deserved lots of attention.
Fat is one among the many aberrations for which you may be punished. It is the one for which you may be punished most cruelly, though.
Others for women include:
- too muscley (too masculine)/not enough muscle tone
- too much makeup/no makeup
- too much hair
- short hair
- pants/shorts (oh if you don't wear a skirt you won't even believe how much reward skirts get)
- shoulders too big/hips too small
- too aggressive
The perversion is not what men find attractive, so much as the fact that it is applied to EVERY social/work interaction and opportunity.
The downside, of course, is that if you manage to find the right balance between all of these things, suddenly the social reward switches around to punishment - you must be a b*tch and a bimbo and deserve to be treated poorly and sexually harassed and leered at because that's all you're good for.
It's a messy world out there.
I can agree with this completely. Thank you for sharing your story. The only difference, I would argue, is that being fat carries an unforgivable weight to it (no pun intended). I have a friend that's an absolute mess. Messy, leaves food out, is very forgetful & scatterbrained, & yet has had 5 male interests in the past year at this school. Im nice, social, and the only issue ppl have seen is my weight & i have had none. ppl see me as a good friend, & see her as a potential date, although they may know about these other issues. those are forgivable, but being overweight is unacceptable & thats hard, especially since it cant change overnight
I think it would be nice to be treated differently, it is a sort of reward for all of the hard work put in to getting healthy. i just shutter to think of how im being treated now... all of the doors that are closing in my face the moment ppl see that i am bigger than normal. :frown:0 -
Thank you for sharing that!0
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This was a WONDERFUL read! I felt the exact same way you did and I noticed that after I dropped all my weight, things were DRASTICALLY different. Thank you so much for sharing! 0
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I watched an episode of Tyra once when she put on the fat suite and went out into the city for a day! People not realizing they were in the midst of a supermodel treated her horrible! It's such a shame. Nobody Wants to be Fat!!! Something breaks inside, or it's something we were raised as the norm. Ugh!! When I mention to ppl that I am considered obese, they say well you don't look sloppy! Really? Sloppy? I see "sloppy" thin ppl all the time. What the heck does that mean? Anywho, thanks for sharing this. I think we should ban together and start throwing cheeseburgers at the ppl in this world who are underweight and you can see every bone in there body.........just sayin' :drinker:0
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I've lost about 140 pounds and I notice this too. People generally are nicer to me now. Men hold doors open for me, and people smile at me when I'm out in public. People make eye contact with me now and strike up conversations with me.
It's kind of sad, but I notice now that I don't even need to have a personality to be looked at as a person anymore. When I was fat, I had to beem my personality out in order to get friends or to have people be interested in talking to me. I still have that loud, outgoing personality but it sometimes seems like too much for my little body. Like, I don't need it anymore to get friends.
I am now part of that skinny ***** club of people I despised when I was fat. I don't have many friends because I do not trust people, still from being fat my entire life.
IT's really amazing the changes now. Especially when ordering food. I can order a double quarter pounder at McDonald's and people don't even think twice about it, and I don't feel like people are judging me for ordering it like I thought they were when I was fat.
It's nice to be "part of the crowd" but it's sad in the sense that I had to lose weight to be part of it.0 -
Thank you for sharing. So true and so touching. 0
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Thanks for sharing! It is VERY true. The good news is, I learned at a young age to fight back. When I started getting picked on, I got mean towards those people. And they left me alone. I actually was accepted by the pretty, skinny girls in school and went on trips with them and hung out on a regular basis. I've always been obese, but I never let that hold me back. I have always accepted myself for who I am and blame no one but myself for being the weight I am. I am also confident and don't let other peoples small minded attitudes bother me. It is VERY powerful when you let go of all of that, because it stops being painful. I am grateful for having a strong will and now I am getting fit for me, I try to help as many out that feel terrible or hate themselves for their weight. I have plenty of friends like that. You can change things for the better and doing something instead of nothing makes a huge difference. But regardless of what society says, I think big people should be allowed to be happy. Those who have never experienced it have no idea how it feels so to me, comment from them mean nothing. Instead of being mean, people should want to help them or be their friend. There are beautiful people in every shape,size and color, as well as ugly people.
Big girls, don't let society hold you back! Find people who love you regardless and do what makes YOU happy. Screw anyone else who thinks otherwise 0 -
So true. I so understand what you describe. People don't understand that probably the fat person is so miserable inside. The worst sis that by the way they are acting towards fat people , it is making their life even worst. Why is it so difficult for a human being to understand that fat or slim....the inside is the same beautiful person . :-(0
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