"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"

darla499

I totally get this.

Even my very, very best friend catches herself saying stuff like "You're so pretty now ... I mean, you always were but now you look healthy too."

She sticks her foot in her mouth a lot, meaning well but she really has a disdain for being overweight.

lpblah

I was talking to my sister today about this. Some boys at the mall were people watching and calling people ugly. From where they were standing and where we were it sounded like they were talking about us, but I could be mistaken. Nevertheless...I was telling her that I hope I could always figure out who in my life is cruel like this and who would love me no matter what I looked like. It's a sad thing, the way people can treat each other. Aren't we all the same inside? I just have a little more insulation than some.

TiasF

This article applies not only to fat - it applies to everything (in a western society) that falls outside of western ideals.

For example, I used to dress like a boy. That was what I liked to wear, not really for any reason other than that i liked it and could do lots in it and didn't really care about clothes much. Probably the only thing more terrifying than a girl who dresses like a boy is a boy who dresses like a girl...

I am by no means 'ugly', but if I throw my hair in a pony tail I with boy's clothes I could probably be considered plain.

A few years ago I met a nice guy - the first guy I have ever REALLY been drawn to and sexually attracted to. I felt this huge primal urge to emphasise everything 'feminine'. I figured that there was nothing unhealthy about this, so I started growing my hair longer, painting my fingernails, wearing skirts, and just generally transferring a lot of my artistic expression into my appearance.

The world changed completely.

Suddenly, I was pretty. Instead of melting into a background with all the things that don't catch people's eye, I started catching everyone's eyes, mostly men's. They were suddenly much nicer to me, and much more rude at the same time... happy to leer and stare openly, shout out car windows.

My friends, many of whom were feminists, started to judge me very poorly and treat me badly. A whole sub-society that I enjoyed became cut off to me.

...

Unfortunately, a large part of the reality behind fat-hate, mostly against women, is some underlying expectation that all women strive at all times to appear as attractive as possible. If you 'let yourself go,' cut your hair, don't wear heels, don't grow or implant boobs, or don't wear skirts, you will be socially punished. If you do all these things you will be rewarded.

As I am not a man I can't even speculate on what the social punishments are for being fat or ugly (or short?)...I cant only speak about what I experienced and what I observed driving it. It's like I was a bad dog who needed to be ignored, and suddenly I was a good dog who deserved lots of attention.

Fat is one among the many aberrations for which you may be punished. It is the one for which you may be punished most cruelly, though.

Others for women include:
- too muscley (too masculine)/not enough muscle tone
- too much makeup/no makeup
- too much hair
- short hair
- pants/shorts (oh if you don't wear a skirt you won't even believe how much reward skirts get)
- shoulders too big/hips too small
- too aggressive

The perversion is not what men find attractive, so much as the fact that it is applied to EVERY social/work interaction and opportunity.

The downside, of course, is that if you manage to find the right balance between all of these things, suddenly the social reward switches around to punishment - you must be a b*tch and a bimbo and deserve to be treated poorly and sexually harassed and leered at because that's all you're good for.

It's a messy world out there.

I can agree with this completely. Thank you for sharing your story. The only difference, I would argue, is that being fat carries an unforgivable weight to it (no pun intended). I have a friend that's an absolute mess. Messy, leaves food out, is very forgetful & scatterbrained, & yet has had 5 male interests in the past year at this school. Im nice, social, and the only issue ppl have seen is my weight & i have had none. ppl see me as a good friend, & see her as a potential date, although they may know about these other issues. those are forgivable, but being overweight is unacceptable & thats hard, especially since it cant change overnight

I think it would be nice to be treated differently, it is a sort of reward for all of the hard work put in to getting healthy. i just shutter to think of how im being treated now... all of the doors that are closing in my face the moment ppl see that i am bigger than normal. :frown:

inetgirl

Thank you for sharing that!

Jmstill300

This was a WONDERFUL read! I felt the exact same way you did and I noticed that after I dropped all my weight, things were DRASTICALLY different. Thank you so much for sharing!

amberjean30

I watched an episode of Tyra once when she put on the fat suite and went out into the city for a day! People not realizing they were in the midst of a supermodel treated her horrible! It's such a shame. Nobody Wants to be Fat!!! Something breaks inside, or it's something we were raised as the norm. Ugh!! When I mention to ppl that I am considered obese, they say well you don't look sloppy! Really? Sloppy? I see "sloppy" thin ppl all the time. What the heck does that mean? Anywho, thanks for sharing this. I think we should ban together and start throwing cheeseburgers at the ppl in this world who are underweight and you can see every bone in there body.........just sayin' :drinker:

Lobster1987

I've lost about 140 pounds and I notice this too. People generally are nicer to me now. Men hold doors open for me, and people smile at me when I'm out in public. People make eye contact with me now and strike up conversations with me.

It's kind of sad, but I notice now that I don't even need to have a personality to be looked at as a person anymore. When I was fat, I had to beem my personality out in order to get friends or to have people be interested in talking to me. I still have that loud, outgoing personality but it sometimes seems like too much for my little body. Like, I don't need it anymore to get friends.

I am now part of that skinny ***** club of people I despised when I was fat. I don't have many friends because I do not trust people, still from being fat my entire life.

IT's really amazing the changes now. Especially when ordering food. I can order a double quarter pounder at McDonald's and people don't even think twice about it, and I don't feel like people are judging me for ordering it like I thought they were when I was fat.

It's nice to be "part of the crowd" but it's sad in the sense that I had to lose weight to be part of it.

Nicolefortin

Thank you for sharing. So true and so touching.

ShadowSoldier23

Thanks for sharing! It is VERY true. The good news is, I learned at a young age to fight back. When I started getting picked on, I got mean towards those people. And they left me alone. I actually was accepted by the pretty, skinny girls in school and went on trips with them and hung out on a regular basis. I've always been obese, but I never let that hold me back. I have always accepted myself for who I am and blame no one but myself for being the weight I am. I am also confident and don't let other peoples small minded attitudes bother me. It is VERY powerful when you let go of all of that, because it stops being painful. I am grateful for having a strong will and now I am getting fit for me, I try to help as many out that feel terrible or hate themselves for their weight. I have plenty of friends like that. You can change things for the better and doing something instead of nothing makes a huge difference. But regardless of what society says, I think big people should be allowed to be happy. Those who have never experienced it have no idea how it feels so to me, comment from them mean nothing. Instead of being mean, people should want to help them or be their friend. There are beautiful people in every shape,size and color, as well as ugly people.

Big girls, don't let society hold you back! Find people who love you regardless and do what makes YOU happy. Screw anyone else who thinks otherwise

Nicolefortin

So true. I so understand what you describe. People don't understand that probably the fat person is so miserable inside. The worst sis that by the way they are acting towards fat people , it is making their life even worst. Why is it so difficult for a human being to understand that fat or slim....the inside is the same beautiful person . :-(

jenj1313

Great story, thanks for sharing...

My Mom had a gastric bypass... as she lost weight, her confidence soared and she spoke up for herself more. One guy at work actually told her to her face that she was easier to deal with when she was fat. Really, what he meant was that she'd always do whatever he needed her to do without questioning him, even when he was using the company resources for personal use and making her into his errand girl... but it was easier for him that way.

I can totally relate to what she says about growing up in OK too. I grew up in TX and didn't realize you could have eggplant that wasn't fried until I was about 20 years old.

I've never been terribly overweight... definitely not obese, but growing up with a mom and several aunts who were obese was definitely hard at times. There's a saying about if you want to know what a girl's going to look like in 20 years, just look at her mom. And, living in a small town, if someone's parents don't like your parents (because your mom is fat), that means their kids don't like you either.

I know the whispers and the outright insults because people weren't shy about saying them to me about my mom. As if they thought I should hate her too because she's fat. Really, she's my mom. I disliked that she was fat because there were lots of things she couldn't do, and at times I was the typical teenager and was embarrassed to be seen with her (I probably would have been anyway, but her being fat didn't help).

But I never hated her for it. Even now, as she's gaining weight again after her bypass, I don't hate her. I feel sad, and sometimes angry that she won't take care of herself but I still love her because she's my mom. I wish she could find the inspiration and success the author has, but if she never does, I'll still love her just the same.

Gary1977

Great post! Although I'm FAR from reaching my goal weight, I can already tell a major difference in the way I'm treated since losing nearly 300lbs(especiall from the opposite sex). When you fit into the super morbidly obese category, you OPENLY get scoffed & stared at. Even when starting the gym, I'd get that look of "He'll never last". I've now reached the point that I at least get treated somewhat normally. I'm sure the critical looks & comments are still there...just not as visable as when you're walking around at 650lbs.

waldenfam2

I have to comment on this...I once weighed 280+ pounds, and that was hard. Harder than anything I've ever been through in my entire life. The way a person would look at you and quickly jerk their head away, like god forbid they should get caught looking at the fat girl, the way doors were always left to shut in your face, the way the booths would squish you and my breasts would practically be sitting on the table. The way it felt to go into a grocery store and know, just KNOW that everyone was judging me if I put one piece of fattening anything in my cart. It was a hard way to exist, that I never wish to go back to.

The funny thing is, that if you've never been there, I cannot fully explain what this existence was like. There's so much shame and self deprecation. The need to just hide in your house and not be seen and looked at.

Now that I've lost a lot of weight, though some of it was before coming here, it's hard to look at the world without the 'fat girl' inside looking out. I see people hold the door open for me, or people talking to me, and I still want to duck and hide. I'm still the same person that was always treated poorly, so the inside me doesn't understand the change. The really hilarious thing, to me at least, is when men flirt. I've been married since I was very young, so I'm a little naive in this area anyways, but since I've been heavy my entire adult life, it really hasn't happened much. Now when it does, I don't even get it until hours later...then I'm like...uh, was that guy hitting on me? Doh.

sukatx

Thanks for posting this.

adoreabella

Thank you for sharing this. I think it reminds us that even though we are/were overweight, we know how to be nice and have empathy and compassion for people. I definitely get treated nicer, get more attention, etc and I am not even at my goal weight. Maybe it's because I am smaller but maybe a part of it is is because I have more confidence and am more outgoing and won't put up with crap like I used to. Of course the flip side is that getting healthy has caused a lot of jealousy issues in my experience - fiancee thinks I am going to go cheat with my best guy friend, friends are jealous that I have kept to my goal to lose weight, etc. No matter what size we are, we are always going to have things that are not perfect in our lives.

waldenfam2

Thank you for sharing this. I think it reminds us that even though we are/were overweight, we know how to be nice and have empathy and compassion for people. I definitely get treated nicer, get more attention, etc and I am not even at my goal weight. Maybe it's because I am smaller but maybe a part of it is is because I have more confidence and am more outgoing and won't put up with crap like I used to. Of course the flip side is that getting healthy has caused a lot of jealousy issues in my experience - fiancee thinks I am going to go cheat with my best guy friend, friends are jealous that I have kept to my goal to lose weight, etc. No matter what size we are, we are always going to have things that are not perfect in our lives.

Another side effect that I've noticed is unwanted male attention, sigh.

ImNotThatBob

Thank you for sharing.

It is pretty amazing the things we see when someone else holds up the mirror.

Now if I could stop seeing the "old fat guy" staring back at me when I look in the mirror. He doesn't seem to know he's lost 50 pounds so far!

tageekly

I loved this so much I just put it on Pinterest. Thank you for sharing - I hope I never forget what it was like to be fat.

WittneeT29

This is beautiful and it breaks my heart. I have never been overweight, but have always had body image issues and insecurities. I cannot imagine what it must be like for those who are overweight. I cannot stand the thought of any human being treated with less than the utmost respect... though I am sure I am as guilty as the next person.

I do not understand why society looks down upon being overweight as it does. We all have our flaws, vices, and personal battles. Perhaps being overweight is visible and so it is targeted, albeit unjustly. I don't have any solutions...but thank you posting. It is inspiring, and an excellent reminder to treat all of those around us with love and respect--regardless of appearance.

tjones0927

I agree that this was a good read but the opening, "I come from a small-ish town in Oklahoma where we’ve never met a vegetable we couldn’t fry and the only thing more super-sized than our portions are the huge church complexes that alternate with fast-food restaurants along our roads.", kind of irks me. I have lived in Oklahoma my entire life, and I feel like blaming the state even a little bit is a crutch. Never once have I blamed my fat on anything other than the way I was raised(fat kid here) and the my own ignorant/stupid choices(as an adult).....I have heard this a thousand times and it never fails to irritate me. Stereotypes are never ending I suppose. The rest of the article was wonderful though.