"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"

katielauren2001

Disagree very much about the above comment... anyways enough about that. I am very self concious about the way I look despite being told I'm pretty etc. I don't have that much to lose, but I am overweight because of a medical condition and I eat alot healthier than many other people I know and yet I still struggle to lose weight. It's a problem with society, where women are expected to be like those in magazines - it puts unrealistic images into people's minds and the media criticises those who are not like these 'perfect' women. Lose weight but not for others, lose weight because it will make you healthier and happier - though acceptance in society shouldn't be a priority.

JMarigold

I've never been morbidly obese but I'm usually an outsider in some way. It's hard.

Appearance wise though, yes all of society judges you on your appearance. Blonde or brunette. Skinny or fat. I'm a natural blonde and I look young and I'm female--all of these things make it much harder for me to gain respect professionally. I've even considered going brunette but honestly I don't want to keep up the dye job. I know this in part because I have been told as much.

It's really unfair how much society bases things on appearance.

Now when it comes to fat it's particularly unfair. I think that a lot of people missed the point about this article. It's not so much about finding a significant other. It's the basic idea that people treat the morbidly obese differently. We're just asking them to smile and be friendly not to ask them on a date!

On the other hand I think that having received many slights and insults and judgments obese people often also see slights, insults, and judgement where there is none. But really who can blame them? This happens to any person who has been treated a certain way b/c of something in the past--we tend to look for same thing to happen again.

While in college I was in a group of female friends and I asked the group in general if they knew anything about stretch marks and dealing with them. A morbidly obese girl in the group acted as if I had spoken directly to her and responded in an offended voice, "I've never been pregnant, why are you asking me?" Now I was kind of surprised/shamed into silence so I didn't say anything else. I suddenly wondered if I would be judged if said why I had been asking--because at 165lbs I had a TON of stretch marks. Older and wiser now I would simply have said, "Well I haven't been pregnant either but they are popping up all over me." Point is, this girl totally overreacted to a question that was not directed specifically at her. But I'm sure she had been judged in the past.

Another thing to consider. As a result of my experiences with people like this, I found especially when I was younger that I just DIDN'T know how to act around them. In public I would avoid eye contact b/c I didn't want them to think I was staring or judging. I might even avoid talking too much for fear of saying something that would be found offensive. Let me extend this even further. I often react the same way to any person who doesn't fit the social norm. And I don't think I'm alone in facing the simple dilemma of not knowing what to do or how to act. I wasn't always like this--interactions with people taught me to be afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing for fear of offending. The fact that the people who get offended were taught they are probably being judged b/c of their appearance by THEIR past experience doesn't help MY personal dilemma despite the fact that initially I wasn't judging.

slkehl

Very interesting, thanks for posting

DawnB86

bump

m16shane

bump

stephanieburris

So true..all of it. Thanks for sharing your success and for being true to yourself.

imstartingwithme

Interesting read! I'm so fed up with fat shaming in this society! I can't wait to know what it's like not to feel second-rate because of my weight.

jenalderman

This has been my experience too! Except, I find that the fitter I get is the nicer and more attentive the male species are. However, I have female friends who hardly talk to me any more. I guess I was the fat friend...lol. Other females I run into are more stand-offish and some even seem to be caddy about my weight loss.

The overall result though is that I no longer get viewed as lazy even though I never was....I just ate too much. I get treated as more intellegent even though I'm pretty sure losing weight did not increase my IQ at all. I even get told that I look younger even though at 46 my skin has not bounced back like it should from the loss of fat so I have far more wrinkles and drooping than ever before. Oh well.....not complaining.......... I wouldn't go back to being miserably overweight!

ShellHubbard

bump, like this post!

str8bowbabe

I am currently 30lbs over my goal. I am at my heaviest that I have ever been including 3 pregnancies. I have 2 sisters that I adore but they are bigger than I am. I am petrified that if I do not get a hold of this now I will end up like them and with this kind of abuse. I was always small but never was the person making fun of others. I have taught my children to not judge anyone. No one knows someone elses' situation. I am scared of society as a overweight person. I remember the days when men tripped over themselves to open doors for me...now I open doors for them. I have not heard vicious comments but I see the looks. This is why I am here...to get "me" back. This kind of treatment of anyone just makes me sick.

samsimuk

love it ... 25kg down i can relate to that. ppl percieve me differently those who would have walk past me years ago now love to stop and chat ... its amazing like ive had a personality transplant or something !!

peaceinside

bump

MrDude_1

love it ... 25kg down i can relate to that. ppl percieve me differently those who would have walk past me years ago now love to stop and chat ... its amazing like ive had a personality transplant or something !!

dont assume you havent changed either now.
you are probably standing up straighter, making more eye contact and are giving more social body language because you are now more confident.

katm427

A brilliant reminder to not judge only by appearance. I know that I've caught myself judging someone by only their looks from time to time, and I have to remind myself that appearance isn't everything - and that it doesn't come anywhere close to defining a person.

lilRicki

what a great article...thanx for posting!

BG10708

For those of us with a substantial amount of weight to lose - this article, and the wonderful responses, give us some idea of what life might be like when we reach our goal - the difference between being experiencing life as a "normal" person versus an obese person.

Thank you all for sharing your stories.

LiteBrite007

Wow great! I an losing weight for all the same selfish reasons. Hey but I'm shallow and I can admit that.

troubleshooter2012

First of all, congratulations for losing 100lbs..great job ! You know, people don't realize when they look at someone that they are doing exactly what we are taught not to do. We have all been told at some point, "Never judge a book by it's cover" and that is so true because no matter if you are a tiny person or an overweight person, you're still that wonderful person inside of that cover who can smile, laugh and have a good time with friends and family just the same as anyone else. Not only do I weigh in on my bathroom scales but I also weigh in on my Wii which was a gift from my daughter and son-in-law and everytime I get on that Wii it tells me I am obese, but I keep plugging away like everyone else. I thank the good Lord for friends and family who got me involved with my fitness pal because I couldn't lose weight for years until now and I would never have gotten to read this beautiful story. Thank you for sharing this story and keep up the good work all you guys and gals ! We all need support and can help each other.

kikilareggae

I'm going to be honest here. This article is very thought-provoking and I'm sympathetic to her experiences..... But what exactly is the author trying to achieve? Apologies or sympathy? Or is she trying to change the way society looks at people that are overweight or "obese?" While tearing someone down because you think you're better than them because they weigh more than you is wrong and superficial, I also don't think it's okay for individuals to be content with being extremely unhealthy. To me, that's like saying alcoholics shouldn't try to change their habits either. Everyone should just stay mum and never interfere when someone is eating themselves to death over the years? What kind of quality of life can you have when you're 100 lbs overweight and you have type 2 Diabetes? My parents have both been technically "obese" for 25+ years and they are 2 of the most amazing people I will ever know. My dad is honest about his responsibility but my mom tends to blame society and anyone other than herself. I have seen firsthand how their excessive weight has robbed them over the years of their health (mental and physical), their happiness, and many life experiences with our family. No one becomes obese or overweight overnight. It takes time and a serious amount of neglect of ourselves to get there. Let's not forget what MFP is about. A healthier life for ourselves by eating right and exercising. Simple. It's not a pity party. Who cares if someone talks behind your back about your weight? I've had that and a bunch of other faults talked about behind my back. There are always going to be people who tear you down in life but who cares? When you know who you are and you feel good about yourself, it's easier to let it roll off your back.

TiasF

I'm going to be honest here. This article is very thought-provoking and I'm sympathetic to her experiences..... But what exactly is the author trying to achieve? Apologies or sympathy? Or is she trying to change the way society looks at people that are overweight or "obese?" While tearing someone down because you think you're better than them because they weigh more than you is wrong and superficial, I also don't think it's okay for individuals to be content with being extremely unhealthy. To me, that's like saying alcoholics shouldn't try to change their habits either. Everyone should just stay mum and never interfere when someone is eating themselves to death over the years? What kind of quality of life can you have when you're 100 lbs overweight and you have type 2 Diabetes? My parents have both been technically "obese" for 25+ years and they are 2 of the most amazing people I will ever know. My dad is honest about his responsibility but my mom tends to blame society and anyone other than herself. I have seen firsthand how their excessive weight has robbed them over the years of their health (mental and physical), their happiness, and many life experiences with our family. No one becomes obese or overweight overnight. It takes time and a serious amount of neglect of ourselves to get there. Let's not forget what MFP is about. A healthier life for ourselves by eating right and exercising. Simple. It's not a pity party. Who cares if someone talks behind your back about your weight? I've had that and a bunch of other faults talked about behind my back. There are always going to be people who tear you down in life but who cares? When you know who you are and you feel good about yourself, it's easier to let it roll off your back.

I think the author is trying to portray more of her experiences more than apologies or sympathy. I think it is nice to see some of the things on "the other side" & the writer expounds on that, hence the title. I think this pushes us to think about how we are treated, but the author's main goals are to really just explain her experiences. I think it is a motivation for many of us trying to lose weight, and she discusses a lot of issues we're facing & can relate to.

katielauren2001

But those with conditions contributing to weight gain should not be blamed... I eat far healthier than my skinnier peers So before people make assumptions based on appearance they should maybe consider other factors for weight gain rather than eating alot of bad foods. And it is a fault with society when young girls and boys are unhappy and wanting to diet because of what an ideal figure is portrayed as in the media, when they should be having a carefree childhood.

steelystan

Thanks for sharing - its a salutory story, however, dissapproval of obesity is not only the domain of the thin.

I am a fat man, there's no doubt about it, although I am getting thinner - I started out at 316lbs and have lost just over 24lbs in just less than 4 weeks. Its dropping off, largely due to the tools available to me on my ipad version of MFP. Yet, I have always looked at fat people and thought "Can't you see that you are too big?" - though of course, looking in the mirror and saying the same thing to myself at least stops me being a total hypocrite - and probably made me start looking after myself, although concern for health (sleep apneoia) pushed me to do something. I know that sounds a bit strange, but I think we are conditioned by the media and other pressures, like the workplace, to respect and aspire an often unrealistic ideal. One can't use that to excuse such an attitude, but perhaps merely to explain it, and of course, those private opinions can never be uttered about an individual. I once worked alongside another manager, a woman, who was very obese, but who was good looking, who dressed so stylishly, was so approachable and lovely, who was so good at her job and who was quite cheeky and sexy too, that the matter seemed almost trivial, putting aside the possible risk to her health. She told me she had a crush on me, but knew I didn't like big women. I ended up admitting to her that it was not so much that I didn't like big women, but that they reminded me of my own obesity and embarrassment followed.

What is more insidious than judging a big person's appearance, is assuming their character is diminished compared with thin people - thankfully something I don't believe I do. But I see it a lot of it at work, and I once had to fight tooth and nail with my boss to get a raise for one of my staff who was a big lady. She was among the most competent and hardworking of my team, but to him it didn't seem to count. I managed to get her the raise, but I later discovered that the boss in question was bigoted in other ways too, so maybe its all connected.

For good health, I'm glad to hear you have been so successful in achieving your aim to lose weight, and I hope I can emulate you - I will probably hear things expressed around me that I wouldn't as a fat man, just as you have, so it will be interesting. I should say though that even having admitted I gawp in fascination at bigger people, including my reflection, I am appalled by the stick-thin creatures that litter magazines and TV. If I don't stop losing weight at a reasonable point, (should I enjoy the luxury of getting to my target weight), and I continue on to Karl Lagerfeld territory, you have my permission to shoot me. (Sorry Karl - I suppose that thin-ist is it?)

em435

Thank you for sharing the article.

It will be fascinating to see the change as I approach my goal weight.

steelystan

I think a lot of it is overweight people like myself are just easy targets.

....I'm definitely a big target, ahem.

ALSinNYC

Here are a few more articles from a blogger that lost 135 ponds that speaks really beautifully about her life pre- and post- weight loss that have similarly inspired me (it is one post in three parts)-

http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/what-i-miss-from-135lbs-ago/

http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/2011/05/10/what-i-miss-from-135lbs-agopart-2/

http://www.canyoustayfordinner.com/2011/05/11/what-i-miss-from-135lbs-agopart-3/

heathybergy

i liked this article

binky610

"It’s been six years now that I’ve maintained that weight loss, and it is far and away the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Not because I’m healthier and will probably live longer, but because I now reap the benefits of a society set up to punish fat people for the unforgivable crime of eating too much."

Although I tell people - and maybe myself - that I'm committed to weight loss because I want to be healthier, it's actually because I too want to reap the benefits of living in a society that punishes fat people. I want to feel normal & that's the ONLY reason I'm dieting like a mad woman & scheduled for bariatric surgery. I AM healthy at my over-weight but appearance - for me - really is everything. I was glad to see someone feels the same way.

MeliNichole84

amazing read. thanks so much for sharing.

Stacivogue

I really don't like all of these preachy posts about "you can lose weight, calories in calories out, it's simple, blah blah blah. It's not simple. It's not easy, or we would all do it. It's a hard journey every day. I grew up thin, and used to read magazines and feel bad for both myself and anyone that didnt' look like a model. I tried to be the prettiest I could be.

My mother and sister both had weight issues, it was a very negative thing to be fat in our house. But I was always relived that it didn't apply to me. I tried to eat healthy, exercise, and I was always neurotic about my weight. IN my 20's I wasnted to be 10 lbs lighter, same in college, same afterwards. I worked out like a maniac trying to lose weight - but didnt' fix my diet. I stayed the same. I had a really hard time losing weight in my 30's and then I had an injury in my foot where I thought I'd never walk again. I tried to do what I could but I ended up gaining about 20 lbs.

Finally, the pregancy. Oh, I was so sick and the only comfort I could have was food. I gained so much weight. I tipped the scales at 213 after he was born, and I felt horrible Suddenly, I realized how hard it is for obese people to go to the gym. It was one of he hardest things I've ever done. Dragging myself out to the gym was just not easy. The people at the gym were not very nice. I'd always been used to people helping me, or knowing me, but I was like invisible because of the weight. And one lady wanted to keep me out of spin class because I think she thought I would drop dead on the spot. I was so tired all of the time. I had no energy. And I was so depressed! I can see why people woulnd't want to fight back from that. I tried a bunch of diets, but none of them were practical or worked. I needed to workout as well to build body muscle back.

It gave me a new perspective on my mom and sister. I'd always judged them becuase they weren't as active as I was. But maybe they just didn't see how they could do what I do. I have been battling back to my old weight, but it's a hard road. I can see people treating me differntly at work. It's nice and makes me feel good. I missed the kindness..

steelystan

I really don't like all of these preachy posts about "you can lose weight, calories in calories out, it's simple, blah blah blah. It's not simple. It's not easy, or we would all do it.

I half agree. It is simple, but it is not necessarily easy.

If straight weight loss is the goal, with no particular health issues, it really is cals in/ cals out. But that conceals some subtleties because calories in and out can result from a range of things. That in itself is pretty tough if you don't differentiate across food groups, and get tempted to pursue a one dimensional diet, like "all fat is bad". Keeping your intake interesting and varied helps a lot, as does little things like NEVER eat in front of the TV -always at a table because your relationship with the meal makes a difference to how satisfying it is. By considering some of these issues, and following a pretty good exercise routine I am losing wieght very effectively , without any trouble with willpower - for me its been about not getting bored. Without wanting to make a mantra out of it, boredom means hunger, and hunger temps the sinful!

However, if you wish to be a certain shape or want to manage excess skin, increase muscle mass, can't exerise for some reason and so forth, it gets more complicated.

I've been trying ot figure a regime for my stepson who is enviably thin, but wants to put on about ten or twelve pounds. The problem for him is he is not a big eater, has an active job and likes the gym. I calciulated he needs about 4000 cals a day to put weight on, but it meant cutting down on gym, and so his weight gain might be too much fat - better if he could add some muscle mass too. So the food profile starts to get compicated and my head begins to hurt.