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shutterbug4674
Posts: 3,690 Member
4 potatoes
Q: If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
A: The one that's labeled "IDAHO" :laugh:
Q: If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
A: The one that's labeled "IDAHO" :laugh:
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Replies
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:laugh: That is a hoot!0
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Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A: Nacho cheese0 -
This one is kinda inappropriate. If you go to church, sorry... I still love Jesus.
So this man hadn't been to church in years and decides to show up one sunday. After the service he starts to walk towards the exit, where the reverend is shaking hands with other church members.
As he approaches the pastor, he extends his hand and says "Reverend.... I haven't been to church in years. I just have to say...that was one of the best damn services I've heard in years." The pastor is kinda thrown back by his statement and replies "Well thank you very much, but I don't think the good Lord would appreciate that kinda language in His house...." The man cuts the reverend off mid-sentence and explains ".....Ahhhhh Reverend, I mean really.... I haven't come to church in so many years and this is the first time I've felt challenged. That was just the best DAMN sermon!!" At this point, other people are kinda shocked at the vulgarity of the man. The pastor tries to calm him down, "Well I'm so glad your this excited, but again, I just don't think the good Lord would be very happy with....." The man cuts him off again and says "It was just so damn good I dropped 500 dollars in the damn collection plate." The pastor steps back and responds "NO *kitten*!?!?"0 -
This one is kinda inappropriate. If you go to church, sorry... I still love Jesus.
So this man hadn't been to church in years and decides to show up one sunday. After the service he starts to walk towards the exit, where the reverend is shaking hands with other church members.
As he approaches the pastor, he extends his hand and says "Reverend.... I haven't been to church in years. I just have to say...that was one of the best damn services I've heard in years." The pastor is kinda thrown back by his statement and replies "Well thank you very much, but I don't think the good Lord would appreciate that kinda language in His house...." The man cuts the reverend off mid-sentence and explains ".....Ahhhhh Reverend, I mean really.... I haven't come to church in so many years and this is the first time I've felt challenged. That was just the best DAMN sermon!!" At this point, other people are kinda shocked at the vulgarity of the man. The pastor tries to calm him down, "Well I'm so glad your this excited, but again, I just don't think the good Lord would be very happy with....." The man cuts him off again and says "It was just so damn good I dropped 500 dollars in the damn collection plate." The pastor steps back and responds "NO *kitten*!?!?"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:0 -
This one is kinda inappropriate. If you go to church, sorry... I still love Jesus.
So this man hadn't been to church in years and decides to show up one sunday. After the service he starts to walk towards the exit, where the reverend is shaking hands with other church members.
As he approaches the pastor, he extends his hand and says "Reverend.... I haven't been to church in years. I just have to say...that was one of the best damn services I've heard in years." The pastor is kinda thrown back by his statement and replies "Well thank you very much, but I don't think the good Lord would appreciate that kinda language in His house...." The man cuts the reverend off mid-sentence and explains ".....Ahhhhh Reverend, I mean really.... I haven't come to church in so many years and this is the first time I've felt challenged. That was just the best DAMN sermon!!" At this point, other people are kinda shocked at the vulgarity of the man. The pastor tries to calm him down, "Well I'm so glad your this excited, but again, I just don't think the good Lord would be very happy with....." The man cuts him off again and says "It was just so damn good I dropped 500 dollars in the damn collection plate." The pastor steps back and responds "NO *kitten*!?!?"
LMAO!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
This one kind of stupid but here goes.
Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn
A: where’s pop corn0 -
This one kind of stupid but here goes.
Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn
A: where’s pop corn0 -
Why do women gain weight after they get married?
Answer: A single woman comes home, looks in the fridge, shrugs, and goes to bed.
A married woman comes home, looks in the bed, and goes to the fridge.0 -
Why do women gain weight after they get married?
Answer: A single woman comes home, looks in the fridge, shrugs, and goes to bed.
A married woman comes home, looks in the bed, and goes to the fridge.
LOL! :laugh:0 -
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings during PMS, bought me a mood ring the other day, so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark in the middle of his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb *kitten*.0 -
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings during PMS, bought me a mood ring the other day, so he would be able to monitor my moods.
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark in the middle of his forehead.
Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb *kitten*.
LMAO! :laugh:0 -
OK, this is a long one, but here goes.
A family was sitting around the breakfast table, and the 10 year old son was getting ready for a test in his civics class. He was a bit unclear on how the government works, so his dad explained it like this:
"I make the money and most of the rules, so think of me as the executive branch. Your mom makes sure stuff gets done around here, so she's the "people". The nanny is the working class, and your baby brother, well, we'll call him the future."
Still a little unclear, the boy goes off to school. That night, he wakes to the sound of his baby brother crying. He goes to check on him, and finds him with a dirty diaper. He goes to his parents' room, where his mom is alone in bed. Confused, he goes down the hall to the nanny's room- through the cracked door, he sees his dad in bed with the nanny. Not knowing what to do, he goes back to his room.
The next morning, he says, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of government now. The executive branch is screwing the working class while the people are sound asleep- and the future is in deep *kitten*!"0 -
OK, this is a long one, but here goes.
A family was sitting around the breakfast table, and the 10 year old son was getting ready for a test in his civics class. He was a bit unclear on how the government works, so his dad explained it like this:
"I make the money and most of the rules, so think of me as the executive branch. Your mom makes sure stuff gets done around here, so she's the "people". The nanny is the working class, and your baby brother, well, we'll call him the future."
Still a little unclear, the boy goes off to school. That night, he wakes to the sound of his baby brother crying. He goes to check on him, and finds him with a dirty diaper. He goes to his parents' room, where his mom is alone in bed. Confused, he goes down the hall to the nanny's room- through the cracked door, he sees his dad in bed with the nanny. Not knowing what to do, he goes back to his room.
The next morning, he says, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of government now. The executive branch is screwing the working class while the people are sound asleep- and the future is in deep *kitten*!"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to
be eight again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband orderedher a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite lolly and M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get
it wrong.0 -
Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.0
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Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.
Let me guess, they used Cool Whip! LOL! :laugh:
Good to see you back on the boards.0 -
Father O'Malley was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'
'Only water', replied Father O'Malley.
The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'
The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'0 -
The energizer bunny was arrested today. He was charged with battery.0
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When your lizard is broken you have a reptile dysfunction0
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A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. When the bartender gives him his drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replys, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging?" the cowboy says, "Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender says.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asks.
"Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"Weird guy," says the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," said the bartender.0 -
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...0
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A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."0 -
A sailor was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he looks over and sees a pirate. The pirate has a wooden peg-leg, a hook for a hand, and patch over his eye. Unable to resist, the sailor asks, “How’d you end up with a peg leg?”
“I was swept overboard during a fierce storm,” says the pirate, “and a shark bit off me whole leg!”
“Wow!” said the sailor. “What about the hook, how’d you get that?”
“Me crew and I were boarding an enemy ship and I got into a sword fight. The guy cut off me arm!”
“Absolutely incredible!” gasped the sailor. “And the eye patch, tell me how you got that?”
“A seagull dropping fell into me eye,” replied the pirate.
“Uh, you lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” asked the sailor, admonished.
Embarrassed, the pirate answered, “It was me first day with the hook.”0 -
an anmesiac walks into a bar and asks the bartender "do I come here often..?"0
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a three footed dog walks into a bar and says "Im lookin for the guy that shot my paw.."0
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A magician walks down an alley and turns into a bar...
a sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve food here"
Charles ****ens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
a corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says "wanna hear a joke?', the corn stalk says "I'm all ears!"
A five dollar bill walks into a bar.
bartender says, "Get outta here !! We don't serve your type, This is a singles bar"
A set of jumper cables walk into a bar and the bartender says, "I'll serve ya, but don't start anything."
A rabbi, priest, and a bishop walk into a bar.
the bartender says,"what is this, some kinda joke?"
a chicken walks into a bar.
bartender says 'we don't serve poultry'
chicken says 'thats okay, I just want a drink'0 -
Why do women gain weight after they get married?
Answer: A single woman comes home, looks in the fridge, shrugs, and goes to bed.
A married woman comes home, looks in the bed, and goes to the fridge.
AAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!0 -
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...
hahaha nice!!!0 -
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...
hahaha nice!!!
and he orders a nuttery bipple!0 -
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.0
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