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shutterbug4674
shutterbug4674 Posts: 3,690 Member
in Chit-Chat
4 potatoes

Q: If there were 4 potatoes in a room, which one would be the prostitute?

A: The one that's labeled "IDAHO" :laugh:
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Replies

  • tkarratti
    tkarratti Posts: 30
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    :laugh: That is a hoot!
  • annatildy
    annatildy Posts: 6 Member
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    Q: What do you call cheese that isn't yours?




    A: Nacho cheese
  • xsargex
    xsargex Posts: 768
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    This one is kinda inappropriate. If you go to church, sorry... I still love Jesus.

    So this man hadn't been to church in years and decides to show up one sunday. After the service he starts to walk towards the exit, where the reverend is shaking hands with other church members.
    As he approaches the pastor, he extends his hand and says "Reverend.... I haven't been to church in years. I just have to say...that was one of the best damn services I've heard in years." The pastor is kinda thrown back by his statement and replies "Well thank you very much, but I don't think the good Lord would appreciate that kinda language in His house...." The man cuts the reverend off mid-sentence and explains ".....Ahhhhh Reverend, I mean really.... I haven't come to church in so many years and this is the first time I've felt challenged. That was just the best DAMN sermon!!" At this point, other people are kinda shocked at the vulgarity of the man. The pastor tries to calm him down, "Well I'm so glad your this excited, but again, I just don't think the good Lord would be very happy with....." The man cuts him off again and says "It was just so damn good I dropped 500 dollars in the damn collection plate." The pastor steps back and responds "NO *kitten*!?!?"
  • naugustyniak
    naugustyniak Posts: 836 Member
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    This one is kinda inappropriate. If you go to church, sorry... I still love Jesus.

    So this man hadn't been to church in years and decides to show up one sunday. After the service he starts to walk towards the exit, where the reverend is shaking hands with other church members.
    As he approaches the pastor, he extends his hand and says "Reverend.... I haven't been to church in years. I just have to say...that was one of the best damn services I've heard in years." The pastor is kinda thrown back by his statement and replies "Well thank you very much, but I don't think the good Lord would appreciate that kinda language in His house...." The man cuts the reverend off mid-sentence and explains ".....Ahhhhh Reverend, I mean really.... I haven't come to church in so many years and this is the first time I've felt challenged. That was just the best DAMN sermon!!" At this point, other people are kinda shocked at the vulgarity of the man. The pastor tries to calm him down, "Well I'm so glad your this excited, but again, I just don't think the good Lord would be very happy with....." The man cuts him off again and says "It was just so damn good I dropped 500 dollars in the damn collection plate." The pastor steps back and responds "NO *kitten*!?!?"



    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • shutterbug4674
    shutterbug4674 Posts: 3,690 Member
    Options
    This one is kinda inappropriate. If you go to church, sorry... I still love Jesus.

    So this man hadn't been to church in years and decides to show up one sunday. After the service he starts to walk towards the exit, where the reverend is shaking hands with other church members.
    As he approaches the pastor, he extends his hand and says "Reverend.... I haven't been to church in years. I just have to say...that was one of the best damn services I've heard in years." The pastor is kinda thrown back by his statement and replies "Well thank you very much, but I don't think the good Lord would appreciate that kinda language in His house...." The man cuts the reverend off mid-sentence and explains ".....Ahhhhh Reverend, I mean really.... I haven't come to church in so many years and this is the first time I've felt challenged. That was just the best DAMN sermon!!" At this point, other people are kinda shocked at the vulgarity of the man. The pastor tries to calm him down, "Well I'm so glad your this excited, but again, I just don't think the good Lord would be very happy with....." The man cuts him off again and says "It was just so damn good I dropped 500 dollars in the damn collection plate." The pastor steps back and responds "NO *kitten*!?!?"

    LMAO!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • bigdan1996
    bigdan1996 Posts: 2
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    This one kind of stupid but here goes.


    Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn




    A: where’s pop corn
  • bigdan1996
    bigdan1996 Posts: 2
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    This one kind of stupid but here goes.


    Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn




    A: where’s pop corn
  • JaneAusten
    JaneAusten Posts: 50 Member
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    Why do women gain weight after they get married?

    Answer: A single woman comes home, looks in the fridge, shrugs, and goes to bed.

    A married woman comes home, looks in the bed, and goes to the fridge.
  • shutterbug4674
    shutterbug4674 Posts: 3,690 Member
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    Why do women gain weight after they get married?

    Answer: A single woman comes home, looks in the fridge, shrugs, and goes to bed.

    A married woman comes home, looks in the bed, and goes to the fridge.

    LOL! :laugh:
  • Katy009
    Katy009 Posts: 579 Member
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    My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings during PMS, bought me a mood ring the other day, so he would be able to monitor my moods.

    We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

    When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark in the middle of his forehead.

    Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb *kitten*.
  • shutterbug4674
    shutterbug4674 Posts: 3,690 Member
    Options
    My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings during PMS, bought me a mood ring the other day, so he would be able to monitor my moods.

    We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

    When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin' red mark in the middle of his forehead.

    Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond. Dumb *kitten*.


    LMAO! :laugh:
  • GTOgirl1969
    GTOgirl1969 Posts: 2,527 Member
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    OK, this is a long one, but here goes.

    A family was sitting around the breakfast table, and the 10 year old son was getting ready for a test in his civics class. He was a bit unclear on how the government works, so his dad explained it like this:

    "I make the money and most of the rules, so think of me as the executive branch. Your mom makes sure stuff gets done around here, so she's the "people". The nanny is the working class, and your baby brother, well, we'll call him the future."

    Still a little unclear, the boy goes off to school. That night, he wakes to the sound of his baby brother crying. He goes to check on him, and finds him with a dirty diaper. He goes to his parents' room, where his mom is alone in bed. Confused, he goes down the hall to the nanny's room- through the cracked door, he sees his dad in bed with the nanny. Not knowing what to do, he goes back to his room.

    The next morning, he says, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of government now. The executive branch is screwing the working class while the people are sound asleep- and the future is in deep *kitten*!"
  • shutterbug4674
    shutterbug4674 Posts: 3,690 Member
    Options
    OK, this is a long one, but here goes.

    A family was sitting around the breakfast table, and the 10 year old son was getting ready for a test in his civics class. He was a bit unclear on how the government works, so his dad explained it like this:

    "I make the money and most of the rules, so think of me as the executive branch. Your mom makes sure stuff gets done around here, so she's the "people". The nanny is the working class, and your baby brother, well, we'll call him the future."

    Still a little unclear, the boy goes off to school. That night, he wakes to the sound of his baby brother crying. He goes to check on him, and finds him with a dirty diaper. He goes to his parents' room, where his mom is alone in bed. Confused, he goes down the hall to the nanny's room- through the cracked door, he sees his dad in bed with the nanny. Not knowing what to do, he goes back to his room.

    The next morning, he says, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of government now. The executive branch is screwing the working class while the people are sound asleep- and the future is in deep *kitten*!"

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • shutterbug4674
    shutterbug4674 Posts: 3,690 Member
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    A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to
    be eight again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband orderedher a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite lolly and M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!

    The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get
    it wrong.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.
  • shutterbug4674
    shutterbug4674 Posts: 3,690 Member
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    Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.


    Let me guess, they used Cool Whip! LOL! :laugh:

    Good to see you back on the boards.
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    Father O'Malley was driving down to Boston when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest's breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

    He said, 'Father, have you been drinking?'

    'Only water', replied Father O'Malley.

    The policeman asked, 'Then how come I can smell wine?'

    The priest looked at the bottle and said, 'Good Lord! He's done it again.'
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
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    The energizer bunny was arrested today. He was charged with battery.
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
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    When your lizard is broken you have a reptile dysfunction
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
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    A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. When the bartender gives him his drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replys, "They've gone to the hanging."

    "Hanging?" the cowboy says, "Who are they hanging?"

    "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender says.

    "What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asks.

    "Well," says the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

    "Weird guy," says the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

    "Rustling," said the bartender.

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