Significant other not going to work/school when they say the
Replies
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Nut punch.
Confront.
Find out what is going on.
Sounds fishy.0 -
I know that lies damage trust, but before assuming the worst, ask what is going on. If your SO asks you to trust, then let them know you did until you caught them on a lie. But don't accuse. What if it's like the old sitcom gag where they are planning a surprise party? Words cannot be taken back. Once they wound, it's hard to heal.
Of course, they could be doing something unthinkable, and you don't want to stay with someone doing that. Express how hurt you are about being lied to, and listen. Really listen.0 -
I wouldn't not boot him to the curb. I would sit down and discuss things with him. Find out what has been going on. Why he felt the need to lie to me. Then assess the situation and go from there. It could be something major or something very minor. Don't assume the worst.0
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If you found out your significant other (wife/husband/bf/gf) was not going to school or work when they said they were, what would you do?
My step father did this to my mother for awile. Would get up early and get ready for work, leave but would come right back after she left for the day. I remember getting beat and whipped with a belt because I missed my school bus one day and busted him. Thank god my mother left him, he is still and will always be a POS - why would someone lie about that?0 -
1) sit them down and try to find out what's going on, why they're not going, where they're going instead, how they're filling that time. For my hubs it would be due to depression, which would take me to:
2) send them to counseling0 -
Recon, definitely. I was in the car on the way to get Kentucky Fried Chicken with my grandma and my mom when my dad was "at work" and we saw him walking down the sidewalk with a new suit and flowers. First and only time my grandma ever drove like a maniac. We ended up finding him, and I am pretty sure I heard the slap from the backseat of the car when my mom went to the apartment door and he answered it with another woman in there.
The whole event shaped who I became.
Yes, we got the KFC.0 -
Definitely confront the person, and based on the outcome of that I might end the relationship. That kind of dishonestly would be a HUGE problem.0
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This is where I would go all P.I. on them confirm what I can then confront then take it from there.
Call me crazy but this is what i would do for sure
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This did happen to me. The guy was a pathological liar so I dumped him. He wasn't going to change and that's not something I am willing to live with.0
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This happened to me once. I told my then gf that I had to work and she went to where I was working and got so pissed off! In reality I was setting up a scavenger hunt throughout the city and was having a good friend of mine give her the first clue.
She assumed I was a liar and broke up with me on the spot. Needless to say the 3 hours I put in having the scavenger hunt didn't turn out.
She later apologized but the damage was done. She yelled at me, slapped me in the face, and cussed me out. I did not have it in me to take her back before I could even explain myself.
This is just a one time thing, so it is different than a habitial pattern.
I wonder if some of the scavenger hunt items/notes are still there from 10 years ago..... LOL0 -
My ex did that a lot.
It pissed me off, but I finally got to the point where I realized he was almost 36 years old and I certainly was too young (27) to be his mother.
He wasn't contributing financially anyway, so it technically didn't make a difference to the bottom line, but it certainly altered how much (or little) I could respect him for his choices.
Anyway, I recommend talking to her, letting her know that it bothers you - not only because she's being irresponsible, but also because lies destroy trust and trust is essential for a healthy relationship - and giving her a chance to make amends.0 -
First, I'd go to the most readily accessible internet forum as ask a bunch of strangers what to do......0
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First, I'd go to the most readily accessible internet forum as ask a bunch of strangers what to do......
LOL0 -
ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.
Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)
this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).0 -
First, I'd go to the most readily accessible internet forum as ask a bunch of strangers what to do......
good idea! Better than asking my mom or her mom or friends because that's letting them know what's going on in our personal life and we'd never hear the end of it!
internet strangers are disposable!
Here today, gone tomorrow! Ha! You're a genius! Thank you for your suggestion, I would have never thought of that.... 0 -
I completely forgot that this happened when I was in high school. I was dating this boy and he said he was too busy doing something with his dad to hang out on a Saturday. My friends and I (mostly guys) went to the mall and there sat his truck (idiot, there were 5 movie theaters in the area and he picked the one closest to my house, not his). I waited for him, confronted him, he tried to explain, I continued to yell, he got in said truck, one car load of my friends followed him yelling profanities at him and the girl he was with, and that was the end of that. He called me that night and my mom told him not to try calling again.0
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ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.
Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)
this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).
Huh, I suggest marriage counseling.0 -
What is the app? Is it available for Android? I tried one and it wouldn't work, or I was doing it wrong.
I want my wife to be able to track my phone so she knows what lake I'm fishing at in case I don't get home on time and there was an accident or problem with the car (I do a lot of fishing).0 -
ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.
Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)
this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).
1) she sounds depressed
2) she sounds defeated
She may be a compulsive liar. My best friend is a complusive liar, she went through years of counseling and has finally come out on the other side, but she says it's really tough when she's going through depression. She said it's like a gambler who thinks a quarter in the slot machine isn't a big deal. If she wants to be a nurse, she needs to fix this before it ends up as a professional issue too.0 -
What is the app? Is it available for Android? I tried one and it wouldn't work, or I was doing it wrong.
I want my wife to be able to track my phone so she knows what lake I'm fishing at in case I don't get home on time and there was an accident or problem with the car (I do a lot of fishing).
On the iphone (or ipad) you can download the icloud and if you know the user name and password registered to the device than you can track it, or wipe it clean if it gets stolen.0 -
Assuming they are cheating. My ex did this to me, I found out he wasn't going to work because he got fired, was leaving everyday to go to see another lady....
Or they're depressed, or something is going on at work/school that is making them uncomfortable, or they got fired and don't know how to tell you...let's not always assume the worst about those we date/are committed to.0 -
If I was 100% positive, I would confront them.
^ this0 -
My ex-boyfriend use to do this...While I was away at school he was suppose to be at school but somehow I'll find out he didn't go to school. And I doubt he just stayed home.....0
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All I can say is I'm sorry you're going through this. She does sound like she has a lot of problems and hopefully you can get through them.
My marriage ended up over due to laziness, lack of ambition, etc... amongst other things
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First, I'd go to the most readily accessible internet forum as ask a bunch of strangers what to do......
good idea! Better than asking my mom or her mom or friends because that's letting them know what's going on in our personal life and we'd never hear the end of it!
internet strangers are disposable! Here today, gone tomorrow! Ha! You're a genius! Thank you for your suggestion, I would have never thought of that....
Ha, I am going to say that's check and mate. Win!0 -
Personally, I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone, than spend it with a partner that I didn't trust completely or felt I had to check up on.
I have been with my wife about 23 years and have never checked up on her or interrogated her. I suppose she could be fooling me, but I'd bet my life on the fact that she is 100% honest with me.0 -
Besides the obvious problem of lying. Since they are staying home, that person seems like they have a lack of ambition, no energy and maybe even depression.0
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Personally, I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone, than spend it with a partner that I didn't trust completely or felt I had to check up on.
I have been with my wife about 23 years and have never checked up on her or interrogated her. I suppose she could be fooling me, but I'd bet my life on the fact that she is 100% honest with me.
Although I'm divorced, I'm with you here... I never want to even feel inclined to have to check in. I am thankfully that I've NEVER had to do that. There's always been just a ... trust... knowing... certainty. Whatever you want to call it.
I don't want to babysit my spouse *LOL*0 -
ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.
Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)
this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).
Well whatever you do get concrete evidence on spending habits, lies, anything she is doing wrong. If you end up getting a divorce and it sounds like you could be headed that way eventually, you want to have all the concrete evidence you can to show what she was really like in the marriage and how her lies and spending habits forced you to end it. Good Luck, Just a quick saying that might help you out later on.
When someone shows you who they really are................believe them.0 -
Personally, I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone, than spend it with a partner that I didn't trust completely or felt I had to check up on.
I have been with my wife about 23 years and have never checked up on her or interrogated her. I suppose she could be fooling me, but I'd bet my life on the fact that she is 100% honest with me.
^^^^ This. I've been married 12 yrs in June. I'm sure there are unimportant things he doesn't tell me about but I completely trust he is being faithful and honest to me. If I didn't, I'd be long gone. Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It's not all roses and sunshine like you see in the movies. It takes 2 individuals working together every day to make it work.
To the OP - I would approach her and lay your concerns on the table. Sounds like she needs some kind of counseling. Good luck!0
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