Significant other not going to work/school when they say the

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  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    Nut punch.

    Confront.

    Find out what is going on.

    Sounds fishy.
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
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    I know that lies damage trust, but before assuming the worst, ask what is going on. If your SO asks you to trust, then let them know you did until you caught them on a lie. But don't accuse. What if it's like the old sitcom gag where they are planning a surprise party? Words cannot be taken back. Once they wound, it's hard to heal.
    Of course, they could be doing something unthinkable, and you don't want to stay with someone doing that. Express how hurt you are about being lied to, and listen. Really listen.
  • TheReese1206
    TheReese1206 Posts: 238
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    I wouldn't not boot him to the curb. I would sit down and discuss things with him. Find out what has been going on. Why he felt the need to lie to me. Then assess the situation and go from there. It could be something major or something very minor. Don't assume the worst.
  • jplucheck
    jplucheck Posts: 275 Member
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    If you found out your significant other (wife/husband/bf/gf) was not going to school or work when they said they were, what would you do?

    My step father did this to my mother for awile. Would get up early and get ready for work, leave but would come right back after she left for the day. I remember getting beat and whipped with a belt because I missed my school bus one day and busted him. Thank god my mother left him, he is still and will always be a POS - why would someone lie about that?
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    1) sit them down and try to find out what's going on, why they're not going, where they're going instead, how they're filling that time. For my hubs it would be due to depression, which would take me to:

    2) send them to counseling
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
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    Recon, definitely. I was in the car on the way to get Kentucky Fried Chicken with my grandma and my mom when my dad was "at work" and we saw him walking down the sidewalk with a new suit and flowers. First and only time my grandma ever drove like a maniac. We ended up finding him, and I am pretty sure I heard the slap from the backseat of the car when my mom went to the apartment door and he answered it with another woman in there.

    The whole event shaped who I became.

    Yes, we got the KFC.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    Definitely confront the person, and based on the outcome of that I might end the relationship. That kind of dishonestly would be a HUGE problem.
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
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    This is where I would go all P.I. on them confirm what I can then confront then take it from there.

    Call me crazy but this is what i would do for sure :tongue:
  • MacMadame
    MacMadame Posts: 1,893 Member
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    This did happen to me. The guy was a pathological liar so I dumped him. He wasn't going to change and that's not something I am willing to live with.
  • TeutonicKnight
    TeutonicKnight Posts: 367 Member
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    This happened to me once. I told my then gf that I had to work and she went to where I was working and got so pissed off! In reality I was setting up a scavenger hunt throughout the city and was having a good friend of mine give her the first clue.

    She assumed I was a liar and broke up with me on the spot. Needless to say the 3 hours I put in having the scavenger hunt didn't turn out.

    She later apologized but the damage was done. She yelled at me, slapped me in the face, and cussed me out. I did not have it in me to take her back before I could even explain myself.


    This is just a one time thing, so it is different than a habitial pattern.

    I wonder if some of the scavenger hunt items/notes are still there from 10 years ago..... LOL
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    My ex did that a lot.
    It pissed me off, but I finally got to the point where I realized he was almost 36 years old and I certainly was too young (27) to be his mother.
    He wasn't contributing financially anyway, so it technically didn't make a difference to the bottom line, but it certainly altered how much (or little) I could respect him for his choices.

    Anyway, I recommend talking to her, letting her know that it bothers you - not only because she's being irresponsible, but also because lies destroy trust and trust is essential for a healthy relationship - and giving her a chance to make amends.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    First, I'd go to the most readily accessible internet forum as ask a bunch of strangers what to do......
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    First, I'd go to the most readily accessible internet forum as ask a bunch of strangers what to do......

    LOL
  • loseweightjames
    loseweightjames Posts: 365
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    ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.

    Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)

    this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).
  • loseweightjames
    loseweightjames Posts: 365
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    First, I'd go to the most readily accessible internet forum as ask a bunch of strangers what to do......

    good idea! Better than asking my mom or her mom or friends because that's letting them know what's going on in our personal life and we'd never hear the end of it!

    internet strangers are disposable! :D Here today, gone tomorrow! Ha! You're a genius! Thank you for your suggestion, I would have never thought of that....
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    I completely forgot that this happened when I was in high school. I was dating this boy and he said he was too busy doing something with his dad to hang out on a Saturday. My friends and I (mostly guys) went to the mall and there sat his truck (idiot, there were 5 movie theaters in the area and he picked the one closest to my house, not his). I waited for him, confronted him, he tried to explain, I continued to yell, he got in said truck, one car load of my friends followed him yelling profanities at him and the girl he was with, and that was the end of that. He called me that night and my mom told him not to try calling again.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.

    Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)

    this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).

    Huh, I suggest marriage counseling.
  • BaconMD
    BaconMD Posts: 1,165 Member
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    What is the app? Is it available for Android? I tried one and it wouldn't work, or I was doing it wrong.

    I want my wife to be able to track my phone so she knows what lake I'm fishing at in case I don't get home on time and there was an accident or problem with the car (I do a lot of fishing).
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.

    Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)

    this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).

    1) she sounds depressed
    2) she sounds defeated

    She may be a compulsive liar. My best friend is a complusive liar, she went through years of counseling and has finally come out on the other side, but she says it's really tough when she's going through depression. She said it's like a gambler who thinks a quarter in the slot machine isn't a big deal. If she wants to be a nurse, she needs to fix this before it ends up as a professional issue too.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    What is the app? Is it available for Android? I tried one and it wouldn't work, or I was doing it wrong.

    I want my wife to be able to track my phone so she knows what lake I'm fishing at in case I don't get home on time and there was an accident or problem with the car (I do a lot of fishing).

    On the iphone (or ipad) you can download the icloud and if you know the user name and password registered to the device than you can track it, or wipe it clean if it gets stolen.

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