Significant other not going to work/school when they say the

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  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Assuming they are cheating. My ex did this to me, I found out he wasn't going to work because he got fired, was leaving everyday to go to see another lady....

    Or they're depressed, or something is going on at work/school that is making them uncomfortable, or they got fired and don't know how to tell you...let's not always assume the worst about those we date/are committed to.
  • echoica
    echoica Posts: 339 Member
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    If I was 100% positive, I would confront them.

    ^ this
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    My ex-boyfriend use to do this...While I was away at school he was suppose to be at school but somehow I'll find out he didn't go to school. And I doubt he just stayed home.....
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    All I can say is I'm sorry you're going through this. She does sound like she has a lot of problems and hopefully you can get through them.

    My marriage ended up over due to laziness, lack of ambition, etc... amongst other things :)
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    First, I'd go to the most readily accessible internet forum as ask a bunch of strangers what to do......

    good idea! Better than asking my mom or her mom or friends because that's letting them know what's going on in our personal life and we'd never hear the end of it!

    internet strangers are disposable! :D Here today, gone tomorrow! Ha! You're a genius! Thank you for your suggestion, I would have never thought of that....

    Ha, I am going to say that's check and mate. Win!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    Personally, I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone, than spend it with a partner that I didn't trust completely or felt I had to check up on.

    I have been with my wife about 23 years and have never checked up on her or interrogated her. I suppose she could be fooling me, but I'd bet my life on the fact that she is 100% honest with me.
  • TheWinman
    TheWinman Posts: 700 Member
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    Besides the obvious problem of lying. Since they are staying home, that person seems like they have a lack of ambition, no energy and maybe even depression.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Personally, I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone, than spend it with a partner that I didn't trust completely or felt I had to check up on.

    I have been with my wife about 23 years and have never checked up on her or interrogated her. I suppose she could be fooling me, but I'd bet my life on the fact that she is 100% honest with me.

    Although I'm divorced, I'm with you here... I never want to even feel inclined to have to check in. I am thankfully that I've NEVER had to do that. There's always been just a ... trust... knowing... certainty. Whatever you want to call it.

    I don't want to babysit my spouse *LOL*
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
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    ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.

    Found out today she wasn't in class because facebook classmate msg'd me and I downloaded iphone app that tracked her phone and she's at home not at school. When I asked why she said she didn't have money for gas and she forgot to ask for some money (she had money, she just went shopping all weekend and is out). I transferred some money from my card to hers so she can get gas, but she'll still be 1+ hours late for school (it's a 4 hour class, but still)

    this is still screwed up. She had $$$$ for gas but spent it all shopping. She's failed this class twice already. I don't know what to do, she's giving up on life, and he's a habitual liar, been that way since we met. She got better for a year or two but after the marriage she got worse again (figures).

    Well whatever you do get concrete evidence on spending habits, lies, anything she is doing wrong. If you end up getting a divorce and it sounds like you could be headed that way eventually, you want to have all the concrete evidence you can to show what she was really like in the marriage and how her lies and spending habits forced you to end it. Good Luck, Just a quick saying that might help you out later on.

    When someone shows you who they really are................believe them.
  • blueeyedcristi
    blueeyedcristi Posts: 304 Member
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    Personally, I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone, than spend it with a partner that I didn't trust completely or felt I had to check up on.

    I have been with my wife about 23 years and have never checked up on her or interrogated her. I suppose she could be fooling me, but I'd bet my life on the fact that she is 100% honest with me.

    ^^^^ This. I've been married 12 yrs in June. I'm sure there are unimportant things he doesn't tell me about but I completely trust he is being faithful and honest to me. If I didn't, I'd be long gone. Marriage is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It's not all roses and sunshine like you see in the movies. It takes 2 individuals working together every day to make it work.

    To the OP - I would approach her and lay your concerns on the table. Sounds like she needs some kind of counseling. Good luck!
  • yessiseguy
    yessiseguy Posts: 116
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    A lie is a lie whether someone is cheating or not. When one works or goes to school we need a companion who supports this. It is very unfair to say you are doing this sacrifice when you are not. I would not trust again.
  • JaimeBrown5
    JaimeBrown5 Posts: 324
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    I thought you were getting a divorce...
  • Fit4Evolution
    Fit4Evolution Posts: 375 Member
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    i would say cheating
  • Sh1tsRainbows
    Sh1tsRainbows Posts: 1,227 Member
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    Def need to talk to her about it...she failed the class TWICE maybe shes scared it'll happen again.

    and then talk about the trust problems, why shes lying to her husband
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    Pick up some garbage bags, duct tape and bleach.
  • badgerbadger1
    badgerbadger1 Posts: 954 Member
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    Pick up some garbage bags, duct tape and bleach.

    You've done this before, I see.
  • SwannySez
    SwannySez Posts: 5,864 Member
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    Pick up some garbage bags, duct tape and bleach.

    You've done this before, I see.

    No need to make a mess, right?
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,352 Member
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    Pick up some garbage bags, duct tape and bleach.

    You've done this before, I see.


    No...... he forgot the lime........
  • the_journeyman
    the_journeyman Posts: 1,877 Member
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    ok this is what happened: wife has failed nursing school. twice. She's taking this class a third time. She's almost done, this class and another and she graduates.

    Sounds like another excuse. If she doesn't understand that she spends all her money shopping, she won't have money for gas, then something isn't right. I mean, if You know you have $100, and you know you need gas, but still spend it on shopping, you're either 1) Expecting someone to support your shopping habit, or 2) have ZERO planning skills, or 3) making an excuse.

    I hope you have separate checking accounts. This either reeks of a major lie or serious financial issues.

    JM
  • jennapony
    jennapony Posts: 73 Member
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    Sometimes when people get overwhelmed they just shut down. The less they do the more behind they become and the more overwhelmed they feel.
    This can be incredibly shameful/embarrassing and they don't want to deal with it or admit anything is wrong so they lie to the people in their life and ignore it themselves.
    I am not making excuses for her, but similar things have happened to me and it can be very hard

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