Having Babies is no Excuse

robot_potato

You look amazing! I did use it as an excuse for a long time. Our oldest was born when i was just 18. She was premature and had birth defects. She is 7 now and we are finally through the worst. It did take a toll on me, and i didn't feel i could take that time for myself. I needed to be there, and i could not miss what could be the last day of her life. Now we are all but guaranteed that she will live a long, healthy, happy life and i do not feel guilty for taking time to better myself. I spent a long time being fat 'because of' my kids, now i have decided to be fit& healthy 'for' myself and my family.

Canadien

You look awesome!!

missym357

Tink, you are an amaziing woman and have done an amazing job!! I find you inspirational on a daily basis and I can tell you have a heart of gold! It is a sensitive issue and we all have our challenges and unique situations and yes, it is harder for some than others. It isn't fair- it's frustrating and anger inducing, for sure, and I think that is what we are seeing on this thread and you are bearing the brunt of it. It's unfortunate.

Keep doing what you are doing, lady!! You are an inspiration to many women!!

MrsTattie

I would kill for your before pics! You look great! You are right - Having babies is no excuse....but you do need to work around them....and for me it has taken till the youngest coming up for 2 years to find a balance with all the houshold activities (3 young kids, dog, garden, hubby who works long erratic hours) to actually find some me time.
Good luck mummies!

skinnyinnotime

These are pictures that I just took this week. Almost 2 years later. Not a perfect body...but Ok for having 6 kids

wait, did you just use kids as an excuse to settle for "ok"?

Errm, no she thinks she looks OK considering she's got 6 kids, after all the hard work she's put in....the way I read it anyway.

Laoch_Cailin

You look amazing in your pics, well done.

I agree with you, for me, I didn't use pregnancy as an excuse, I ate healthily, exercised with my first but not with my second (bad bad pregnancy, nearly went into labour at 21 weeks). My first child was very very ill after the birth and was moved to a different hospital 4 hours from home, we had to stay in a tiny little room in a hostel so we could spend as much time as possible with her. I got her home at 9 weeks and I absolutely put my self and my health on the back burner, I ate rubbish and put lots of weight on. With my second I did the same, he wasn't as ill though. I put on loads of weight after the birth, using the excuse that I had a baby and toddler so I didn't have time to eat well and exercise.

One day I was extremely uncomfortable in my clothes and felt very unhealthy, and I realised I was using my kids as an excuse. Saying to myself sure were would I get the time.....but I did. I started cooking from scratch, often getting my daughter (now 4) to help, when my son (now 1) would go for his nap me and my daughter would do zumba. I sometime used my son as my weights to do my squats, he loves it.

Everyone in my house is now healthier and I think happier. I am in the best shape I have ever been physically and although I do have stretch marks on my thighs I feel better than I did before the kids.

xxxxx

tobiwood1977

To the OP.. You did nothing wrong by posting your thread. I know a lot of women who personally use that excuse, well I had a baby so there is no use in even trying to get healthier again. I will always remain overweight now, it's in my cards so to speak. I dont have children, but I believe I have used the excuse I have fibromyalgia and my lumbar radiculopathy has kept me from exercising. I think if I had tried, I could have done some exercise, even if it was just a little bit. I also have a fracture on t 12 - so my back pain is not in my imagination. I go to a pain clinic once a month and about every 6 months i have an epidural with cortisone to combat the serious regular pain I deal with. I gained so much weight during my ordeal. But now Im ready to take ownership! Ready to show this will not beat me! I don't think she fat shamed women at all. It's just her way of saying, I will not let having children keep me from getting to my goal! If she can do it she is saying anyone can do it!

Thats just how I see it. I understand pain, and all kinds of issues that make exercising hard. I just wish I had tried harder in the beginning of my ordeal, rather than wait and now I have a lot more weight than I had anticipated losing! :ohwell:

TinkrBelz

Thanks for the nice posts and for the ladies that understand what I was saying. Considering that most of the posts on my thread and the personal letters from FR and PM are from moms that understand what my point was, I think that I stated everything very clearly. And considering that this is the thread that I started, I can write as many paragraphs as I choose.

But for those that seem to have poor reading comprehensive skills, I think I will state things a little clearer so even those people can understand.

IF you are a mom that told yourself that you can not lose the weight because you have had kids. This post is for you. BECAUSE, I told myself this. I told myself that because I just had my 6th kid at age 39, that there was no way that I would ever lose the weight. I had too many kids that destroyed my body and I was older. THOSE WERE MY EXCUSES!! IF you told yourself the same thing....this thread was to speak to you. This thread was to encourage you to not give up.

ALSO, I NEVER SAID THAT YOU WILL HAVE MY RESULTS. I showed pictures to show my improvement and to encourage these same moms to become THEIR best...not to look like me.

IF you are a mom that has never used the excuse that you can not lose weight or get fit because you have kids, then guess what, this post WAS NOT FOR YOU! So move on and stop calling me names and being rude and hateful.

Also, there are moms that are on here and then get discouraged....read the posts and threads and you can see it...we come on here to get strength from each other and to learn from each other. There have been many woman that have posted on here and have sent me PM and FR, they said that my thread inspired them to stick to it and to keep on doing their best.

And yes, the REASON why I was overweight was because I gained 60lbs with my last pregnancy at age 39. BUT, I was no longer going to let that be an EXCUSE to keep this weight on...and even if i could not exercise, I could eat better and eat healthier...that does not take any time or energy.

wait, did you just use kids as an excuse to settle for "ok"?

OK...that was good, I like that!!

bugbeenz

TInks, I still think you rock! I've come back to this thread a couple of times today, despite I have a raging headcold that hasn't subsided and I haven't logged my food since yesterday lunch time, just because you are an awesome inspiration! My husband thinks I'm slightly weird to be constantly oggling another womans body :laugh:

You have tried to explain yourself and quite frankly you have no damn need to! Keep ya chin up!

TinkrBelz

TInks, I still think you rock! I've come back to this thread a couple of times today, despite I have a raging headcold that hasn't subsided and I haven't logged my food since yesterday lunch time, just because you are an awesome inspiration! My husband thinks I'm slightly weird to be constantly oggling another womans body :laugh:

You have tried to explain yourself and quite frankly you have no damn need to! Keep ya chin up!

Thank you!!!! (((hugs)))

But, I think seeing other moms' pictures, really inspires me to work harder!! OH, I even joined some Zombie challenge to work harder!! haha!!!

Daydreams406

The only thing that is sad is your fat shaming women and mothers and refusing to even consider that you are coming across really really badly. It would come across differently if your post was directed at women who are not actively trying to lose weight and get healthier. But the women here are already trying, they are not making excuses.


Womens and moms are coming here for help and advice, not to be shamed and told they are making excuses and are failures. Because thats how your post is coming across. It comes across as I did this and you should be able to do the same exact things and get the results. Which is totaly untrue. Every single women is different, no diet or exercise plan is going to do the same thing.


I personaly have no excuses for how I look. I am likely faster then many women, I am far stronger then any women I have known in my lifetime. I can out do my spouse in pushups and he is certianly no fat slob. Its not going to change how my midsection looks. I get judged so harshly for my apearence, but perhaps you should take a step back and think that others are going threw some altogether different and perhaps way harder then what you have gone threw. Before you start slapping blanket acusations on whole groups. Like having babies is no excuse, bah having babues is the REASON I look the way I do.

I was not motivated by the OP's post at all. I did think it was a tad offensive. That is why I posted that I do not use my children as an "excuse" and never have. I would never blame weight gain on them. How ridiculous. But pregnancy is the reason I did gain weight. My health was the reason I didn't lose it. I am hypo thyroid too (Hashimotos) and it isn't just finding the right dose of meds and "bam" your losing weight. If it were that simple then I wouldn't be here.
Like some others said, to assume that women are using their kids as an excuse is lame. Maybe the OP blamed her kids for her weight gain, but that doesn't mean all of us think of it that way. To me, it would be like being declared infertile after having one baby due to complications, then blaming that baby for not being able to have more. It's senseless.
Did she word her "inspirational post" wrong? Probably. But then again she did start her post off with "this may be harsh"....so she knew some people were going to get their hackles raised by it. But thank the lord she looks great because otherwise she wouldn't have all these people coming to her rescue on this thread lol

I can appreciate both sides. I see where some women do blame their kids for their weight gain....even if I think that is ridiculous....and I see how some find this post a bit offensive...because not all women blame their weight gain on their children, but pregnancy can do a number on a woman's body, and she may never recover from that...you just have to reconcile with it and do the best with what you have. Sometimes that takes time.

Also agree with the post about directing it at the women here, who are obviously doing something about their weight and using no excuses. So it would appear that the post should have been geared more towards women who are not even reading this forum. So what was the point really? That is what some of us were left wondering. Gloating? Bragging? Inspiration? We each saw it differently. We are allowed to. Expect some dissent...take what you like and leave the rest. I think it applies to both sides. While I can appreciate what the OP tried to do...it didn't happen in a positive way and I think even she would have to agree that she didn't exactly write it in the most positive way either.

Daydreams406

........................
So, if my post offended you, then you need to look inside yourself and figure out why. My post was meant to inspire other moms that yes, our bodies have changed and they may never be pre-baby perfect....BUT we are moms and we are women and we can accomplish what we choose to accomplish!!! And if you choose that you want to lose your baby weight and you want to get the best body that you can get back....then DO IT!!! And don't get angry at me and say that I am gloating when I have been pregnant 6 times! When I have sacrificed 17 years of my body to pregnancies and breastfeeding for my children. Do you know what sort of schedule I have with 6 kids from the age of 2-17???? Imagine it for a minute, and re-think that I am gloating or preaching!! (Side note) I also nearly lost 3 children because of 1st trimester bleeding....going through ultrasounds weekly to make sure the baby that I was carrying was still alive...afraid that if I moved wrong I would hurt my baby. I bled through 3 pregnancies...so it was no cake walk for me either!

If your post was meant to be inspiring then why didn't you post what you did here? Instead of posting ..."this may be harsh...."

You are being judgmental of moms who are not even on these forums lol ....the ones who are not getting healthy and blaming their kids...what good does that do? What mom here has not made the decision to be healthy? They wouldn't even be here if they had not already made that decision.

Why is it that if I don't agree that your post is "inspirational", that "I" have to be the one to look inside myself? lol
Thanks but no thanks. I don't need your kind of inspiration lol. and I will look elsewhere.

TinkrBelz

If your post was meant to be inspiring then why didn't you post what you did here? Instead of posting ..."this may be harsh...."

You are being judgmental of moms who are not even on these forums lol ....the ones who are not getting healthy and blaming their kids...what good does that do? What mom here has not made the decision to be healthy? They wouldn't even be here if they had not already made that decision.

Why is it that if I don't agree that your post is "inspirational", that "I" have to be the one to look inside myself? lol
Thanks but no thanks. I don't need your kind of inspiration lol. and I will look elsewhere.

The reason why I said it might be harsh, because sometimes the truth is harsh. If you are a mom that was like me, and used the "I had kids" excuse, then it might be a tad harsh to say, don't use that excuse! Don't settle for an unfit body! Work hard to be YOUR best! DON'T say, I can't be my best becaue I have had kids or I am too old (again, MY TWO excuses)

And yes, there are plenty of moms on MFP that use the "I had kids and can't lose the baby weight" excuse. I have read it so many times on different posts. What you think because a woman joins MFP that she is not going to get discouraged and want to quit because she just thinks that she can not do it?? How many moms look at pictures of perfect abs and think, "well, since I will never get my perfect tummy back, I might as well eat what I want"? I know that I did! Heck, I hit this around 2 months ago! Yah, on here! I was pissed at seeing these perfectly sculpted abs knowing that I will NEVER have that again! But, I did not give in...I let that anger motivate me to be MY BEST! I even flooked up and contacted a 45 year old female fitness model mom of 3! She gave me advice...and guess what...I passed it on here. I am constantly passing on her advice!

And I responded to a couple of other ladies that decided to call me a bully, gloating, mightier than thou...that if you took my words as such, then there are more problems within yourself

Again, my thread is for moms that used this excuse for keeping on their baby weight or for not being able to get fit again. If you never used this excuse, then this post will mean nothing to you and you won't "get it" Obviously a lot of other moms "got it"!

katemme

Are you sure you know what you're doing? You may well wait 'till after 35 then find that you're not longer able to! I'd suggest you give yourself a head start and start trying earlier.

Really? I'm turning 32 and just now thinking about trying in a year....I hate when people say crap like this. RUDE AND UNNECESSARY

I agree too...I can't stand it when people question others on when they should have children just because they're older. I'm only 29 and I am not even married yet. Everyone is different and they should respect that!

People only question it because there is PROOF that risk for the child being born with handicaps and problems for the mother getting pregnant at that age. She only meant that if you try a little earlier, and you have difficulties, they have time to figure out whats wrong before your fertility goes down. I'm only 23 and my gyn has found my uterus is odd shaped, and it may cause difficulties with pregnancy. It may require surgery, something I am worried about, but am GLAD they found it NOW rather than when it is too late for me. Your body doesn't always follow your schedule and family planning.

You are 23. Therefore you couldn't understand what it feels like to have someone look at you all sad when you are 31 and assume things about you. I've been married for 8 years to the love of my life. We are having a lot of fun. He is 40. If we want to have a baby, it is our choice. If we don't, it is our choice. If I have one at 32 or 38 or whatever age I feel, I will STILL BE OFFENDED by comments such as yours about 'risk for the child being born with handicaps...'. People should not say things like this. It is not your business to say that my age is the defining factor for what happens in my life or my child's, if I end up having one. Or more.

i swear, some people have such thin skin and get offended by everything.

i used my age as an example, that i have something wrong with my reproductive sysytem NOW and found out. if you are 35+ you are dealing with decreased fertility AND whatever issues you have that may interfere. If you find out if your chances at being able to conceive are less when you are younger, you will be ready when you want to try to start having kids.

And how can you be offended by a FACT? Yeah, you may not want to believe it, but its true. Having a child later in life involves more risk. But it is your choice to have/not have kids whenever you choose. Your body doesn't always do what you want, when you want.

shipleyd

But for those that seem to have poor reading comprehensive skills, I think I will state things a little clearer so even those people can understand.

You look great. I don't think anyone will disagree with that. I also find the photos inspirational. That goes for any weight loss photos, not just post baby weight photos.

I get what you were saying in your original post but I can also see how others may have taken your words and not found them helpful. We all interpret things differently. That being said, I did find your above comment a little offensive to our fellow MFPs. Just because they don't agree with you does not mean they have poor reading comprehension skills. They simply have a different opinion than you. These women already feel insulted and your "clarification" post seemed more of a talking down to them then anything.

Sorry, just my two cents.

Beastette

I just want to say that there is a reason people say "you look great, especially for having X number of children". It is because pregnancy does things to your body and to your emotions that nothing else does. It changes you from the inside out. And then comes the baby. Heaven forbid, you deal with postpartum depression or any other major life events that set you back for time and energy.

Having babies is a challenge, no question. If you're on this site, it means you've chosen to take on the challenge of getting in shape. No need for pissing contests. Just get it done, the best way you can. You're here, we can assume you are done making excuses.

I think this is where the misunderstandings arise. People want respect. The message can get lost if the delivery seems a little...superior. However, the message is still one of motivation. Why wouldn't you take it?

Rae6503

Ladies, do we really need to be so combative with each other? OP is proud of her accomplishments, as she should be, and was looking for a way to show them off (and that's okay) and to motivate others. She didn't mean to be insulting. Lets calm down.

But I do think that we, as mothers, do need to make an effort to put ourselves at the top of our lists occasionally. My mother never took care of her own mental or physical health. Consequently she was a horrible mother as she slipped further and further into depression and she passed away in September as a somewhat indirect result of her failure to take care of her health. She only really knew 2 of her 10 grandchildren. One of the the things that makes me saddest about her death is the knowledge that she was unhappy most of her life. A happy and healthy mother is a good mother.

TinkrBelz

But for those that seem to have poor reading comprehensive skills, I think I will state things a little clearer so even those people can understand.

That being said, I did find your above comment a little offensive to our fellow MFPs. Just because they don't agree with you does not mean they have poor reading comprehension skills. They simply have a different opinion than you. These women already feel insulted and your "clarification" post seemed more of a talking down to them then anything.

Sorry, just my two cents.

So, I guess you have no problem with them calling me a bully, mightier than thou, bragging, rude, gloating, preachy, hurtful, cruel. I was kind and even offered one a girl an "olive branch" saying that I understood her frustration! Guess what, she still came back to insult me more.

Again, this is HOW I felt. I even got angry at my husband because he did not have to carry 6 kids in his body, he did not get stretch marks on his tummy, he did not have to lose 60lbs 6 times!! Yes, these were defeating me!! Why should I even bother to work hard if I can never get my pre baby body back? Why work hard when I will still have loose skin and stretch marks on my tummy and it looks like an elderly grandmother's tummy? I had 6 kids! Who does that??? These were my thoughts!!

So to those that do not understand my frustration that I was having, chances are, you never felt like that. AND so, my post comes off to you as preachy. To the other moms that felt the same way...they get it. They understand using that excuse as many moms have stated on here!

And yes, we are on here to get healthier and more fit. But, we still will have our ups and downs while we are on here. Read through the posts seeing that other moms said that they needed to read this!! Goodness, I needed to read this around 2 months ago when I was frustrated with my tummy skin!!! I will need to read this in a few months when I get frustrated again. I will post on my home wall my frustrations, and my MFP girls will help me and inspire me to stay strong....they will slap me back into reality!!!

I am by no means Jillian Michaels and would never compare myself to her...but is she sometimes harsh on the people she trains? Does she yell at them to get through to them...to keep them going?? Sometimes we need it!! I need a kick to say, GIRL, KEEP GOING!!! So what that you are 42 and have 6 kids...BE YOUR BEST!!!

TinkrBelz

My mother never took care of her own mental or physical health. Consequently she was a horrible mother as she slipped further and further into depression and she past away in September as a somewhat indirect result of her failure to take care of her health. She only really knew 2 of her 10 grandchildren. One of the the things that makes me saddest about her death is the knowledge that she was unhappy most of her lift. A happy and healthy mother is a good mother.

I am so sorry. That is heart breaking that your mom was never truly happy. You are right, "A happy and healthy mother is a good mother" ((hugs))

kopmom

To the OP, you look great, keep it up !!

I know for myself after having kids and a husband who worked 12 hours a day working out and eating right where just not as easy as I hoped. I think for alot of mom's like me once your kids hit a certain age it become easier to make some more time for yourself. When you have babies or toddlers it is hard !! Now that my kids are 10 and 8 I can workout more

My kids are the same age. It's getting easier, but I have to do it at the exact moment I have a break because it's still so crazy busy. When they were young it was near to impossible other than running after them. The hubs is a chef so time to myself did not exist. I had no help at all. I would much rather be The Boy's scout leader and miss a workout or two than look like a super model.

My husband is a chef too