Husband will work out with anyone BUT me? I need some insigh

kprangernix07

So I'm confused. And frustrated. My husband won't work out with me. I know he's interested in it, and he has a baller gym membership.... but when I ask him if I can join him, or if he wants to join me at my gym, he always shoots it down.

He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner... and that he enjoys working out with other people. I consider myself to be a pretty motivational person, so I would think problem solved.... but he still tells me he doesn't want to go with me, because he "likes to do his own thing". Recently, he has worked out with various people from work / people he has met at the gym, and always comments that "it's nice to have someone to work out with, and to hold him accountable" --which makes me go... WTF!

When I asked him about it again the other day, he said that it's because I'm so hot, and he just wants to hang out, and stare at me... so it results in him not being very productive at the gym. While I appreciate the comment, I find that hard to believe, and feel like it's just a line. And even if it's not a line... I would think that would be a motivating factor to make him want to go... not a deterance?? Wouldn't you want to stare at your S.O. if they were a hottie? He's a hottie, and I'd love to have him there to stare at.

I dont get it.

Shannon023

There are things I want to do on my own without my hubby around (like date....j/k) :laugh: so maybe working out is his thing. :flowerforyou:

ladyfingers39

LMAO at Shannon.

I would not be pleased. My mind would go to "He has a honey at the gym" or he says he is single or something. My husband loves to work out with me and I'm a big girl. He would do anything to help me. I would really question his motives and THEN...I would just show up at the gym that he works out at and start working out.

margeauxhunt

Maybe he just wants his own activity.

margeauxhunt

LMAO at Shannon.

I would not be pleased. My mind would go to "He has a honey at the gym" or he says he is single or something. My husband loves to work out with me and I'm a big girl. He would do anything to help me. I would really question his motives and THEN...I would just show up at the gym that he works out at and start working out.

I think that's a bit childish, to be honest. People need their own hobbies. I think to assume he's cheating really says more about your own insecurity rather than a guy who doesn't want to be attached to his wife 24/7. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her, it means he needs his own space.

kprangernix07

Thank you! We have a secure relationship, and I'm not worried about him cheating... but I feel like we are both pretty busy, and trying to spend time together whenever we can. He says he will take all the time he can get with me... and I don't smother him.... It's not that I want him around all the time either. Gym time is just a part of my life I would like to share with him, and the reasons he gave me didnt make sense. Maybe this post was a bad idea.

EEpling89

At least your husband works out. LOL.

I spend as much time with my hubby as I can, but my time at the gym is just that, MY time. I would say he's being 100% honest with his reasoning. Maybe on the weekends, you two could fit in some "fun" workouts, like hiking, biking, bowling, etc. and both do your own thing at the gym during the week.

frosty73

Love my hubby, but sometimes just want my own space. I am *not* into someone 24/7, ever. And when someone was into me that much (in high school), it made me want to crawl the walls.

I wouldn't take it personally, I think he just wants to do his own thing. And I'm guessing (?) that a guy working out with other guys is way different than a guy working out with a girl. I'm assuming here that he's not working out with women--- that's a whole different conversation! But guys need their own kind sometimes. I'll bet he feels really self-conscious around you, too, because he knows you'll be watching him. Less so with other guys, who are more likely checking out the girls than watching his form.

Could it be that *you* need a workout partner?

Masterchef2000

Maybe this is just something he wants to do on his own. It's no biggie. Just let him have it and maybe someday he will ask to do it with you.

brk_1982

Could be as others have said, he just wants it to be his thing. It could also be that he is intimidated to work out with you. Considering his comment, this seems possible. It took me a long time to be comfortable working out with my husband. His is really the only opinion that matters to me, so maybe after a while, your husband will invite you to work out with him.

antoniosmooth

Maybe he just wants his own activity.

Maybe..... but ...... hmmmmmm.... maybe not.

If he's working out with other people that seems a bit odd to me that he doesn't want to work out with you. If you've NEVER had a reason to mistrust him I wouldn't mistrust his reasons although they do (at least to me) seem a little ... odd.

For me I thoroughly enjoy working out with my wife. I enjoy running beside her on the treadmill and I find it extremely enjoyable when she's spotting me on the decline bench press. Seeing her sweat and hearing her groans while working out is a turn on. Although I must admit sometimes I HAVE to do my own thing because our workouts aren't always the same so we'll meet up in the gym somewhere in the middle of our workouts.

I'm sure your husband has his reasons, if you are feeling a bit suspicious you could always ... SHOW UP when he's working out. :laugh:

Seriously though from a guy standpoint if he didn't want you IN THE GYM while he's there, then that would be something to be SERIOUSLY suspicious about.

antoniosmooth

If he's working out with other people that seems a bit odd to me that he doesn't want to work out with you. If you've NEVER had a reason to mistrust him I wouldn't mistrust his reasons although they do (at least to me) seem a little ... odd.

For me I thoroughly enjoy working out with my wife. I enjoy running beside her on the treadmill and I find it extremely enjoyable when she's spotting me on the decline bench press (it's kind of sexual because I'm right under her pelvis). Seeing her sweat and hearing her groans while working out is a turn on. Although I must admit sometimes I HAVE to do my own thing because our workouts aren't always the same, so we'll meet up in the gym somewhere in the middle of our workouts.

I'm sure your husband has his reasons, if you are feeling a bit suspicious you could always ... SHOW UP when he's working out. :laugh:

Seriously though from a guy standpoint if he didn't want you IN THE GYM while he's there, then THAT would be something to be SERIOUSLY suspicious about.

Please tell us he doesn't care if you are IN the gym (just not working out together) while he is there.....

ladyfingers39

Even if he wants it be his activity it doesn't mean that once or twice a month he wouldn't mind working out with you. It just doesn't add up. Maybe he's just selfish because he knows you really want to yet he keeps rejecting it?

tscottym

i don't like to workout with someone i am dating. i don't care if my buddies don't think i can lift a lot or run at the highest setting on the treadmill, but i do care what my gal thinks. maybe he doesn't want to worry about impressing you and would much rather just work out. that is just how i feel. my girlfirend wants to work out with me and i tell her i like to go alone. I wouldn't be worried about him cheating or being dishonest. life isn't like the movies (adult ones) most people just do their own thing. there are the few that spend 30 minutes doing one set of curls and going back and forth to the water fountain. about the only thing most people say to strangers at the gym is "you done with this?"

Beeteezie

i don't like to workout with someone i am dating. i don't care if my buddies don't think i can lift a lot or run at the highest setting on the treadmill, but i do care what my gal thinks. maybe he doesn't want to worry about impressing you and would much rather just work out. that is just how i feel. my girlfirend wants to work out with me and i tell her i like to go alone. I wouldn't be worried about him cheating or being dishonest. life isn't like the movies (adult ones) most people just do their own thing. there are the few that spend 30 minutes doing one set of curls and going back and forth to the water fountain. about the only thing most people say to strangers at the gym is "you done with this?"

I agree... My guy wants to work out w/ me all the time to, but I'm still a beginner and I'm just getting into "finding my groove." If he's there I'm there I am constantly worried about if I'm slowing him down or if I look gross all sweaty or if I look silly doing my lifting exercises... I'd much rather him working out in the bedroom with me than in the gym... :blushing:

HardcorePork

I'm the same way. My partner and I started going to the same gym, and I find that I cant focus as well with him around. I think everyone needs their own thing / their own life...and this is probably just one of his things, like a regular card game or fishing.

Jyster

If I feel weak or puny I would feel awkward about working out with my SO around. So maybe he doesn't want you to see the journey just enjoy the destination?

McBody

I went through this with my husband... except I was the one that didn't want to workout with him. We started off great, going to the gym together on his lunch breaks and having fun- but it wasn't the intense workout I was hoping for. So I told him I couldn't workout with him any more because I have goals and I actually want to reach them rather than hanging out and being a hot couple at the gym barely doing anything. So we started going to the gym together, but doing separate workouts. At first he didn't like it, but it's the only way I can go to the gym with him and feel like I got in a good workout. It works for us because he's still there to fend off the guys that approach me and we still get to talk between sets... but I take working out a lot more seriously than he does- even though we're both in good shape.

Don't take it personally. Sometimes you just have different goals and it's hard to tell the person you love that they aren't on the same page with you goal wise. He probably doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but isn't realizing that not providing an adequate reason for not wanting to workout with you is just as hurtful. Best of luck to you, but don't sweat it and focus on kicking *kitten* at the gym.

kprangernix07

I feel like you're all saying I'm too clingy... but he tells me the reason he doesn't want to go, is because we enjoy spending time together, and he just wants to hang out... ? Still doesn't make sense to me tho.

Rae6503

I'd guess it's just "his" thing, his alone time and he doesn't know how to explain it.

I have a workout partner that I work out with every time. I would NOT want to work out with my husband. I cannot take constructive criticism from him. I get mad. So if he told me I'm rounding my back on my deadlifts I literally might cry, but when my workout partner says it I try to straighten up.

stephenatl09

Just ask him...

downsizinghoss

LOL My wife already holds me accountable for 90% of the activities in my life, and I don't mean that as a bad thing.
A lot of guys see their gym time as "man" time. It isn't that working out with a woman is bad, it is just different.

I have worked out with my wife several times lately and there have been some humorous moments. ie. She is doing dumbell flies and starts to struggle. I was coaching her on her form and told her to "stick her tits out like she was proud of them".

Well, she is proud of them, but while that phrase may work when I am coaching guys, it just made her start to giggle.
I never realized how many tit/boob references I make during chest workouts until I lifted with her!


edit: she talks a lot while working out too LOL

jrod67

Well I have the same exact problem with my wife, she doesn't want to work out with me either. I say as I lose weight she will then start thinking differently. I sure hope so if not i will enjoy my time enjoying the routine with her or not. i'm not going to worry about it.

cramernh

My husband won't work out with me. I know he's interested in it, and he has a baller gym membership.... but when I ask him if I can join him, or if he wants to join me at my gym, he always shoots it down.

He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner... and that he enjoys working out with other people. I consider myself to be a pretty motivational person, so I would think problem solved.... but he still tells me he doesn't want to go with me, because he "likes to do his own thing". Recently, he has worked out with various people from work / people he has met at the gym, and always comments that "it's nice to have someone to work out with, and to hold him accountable" --which makes me go... WTF!

"He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner..." = Well, I wouldnt want my husband being my motivation partner to be honest. I hear the way guy buddies motivate each other with the whole grunting, the whole "PUSH IT!!!" when they are lifting, and such. Its a bit too aggressive for my taste, but... Im a woman, and not a man.... Can you imagine what it would be like for a guy's wife to stand there and say/do the same things? It might make him feel like "I need my wife to motivate me like this?" That just seems extremely weird in my mind to be honest... in fact very uncomcomfortable.

Your 'way' might not be the kind of motivation he needs. Perhaps he doesnt want to hear the motivation coming from his wife... perhaps someone who doesnt know every nook and cranny of him personally.. .just my guess.

The people he works with or meets up with at the gym, he doesnt have any emotional connections with (I hope). I imagine its like when women get together to do things that women are more common in doing.. and the men are more common in doing with other men.

I will never want my husband doing anything workout-related with me... I dont want him there. Thats "my" time. I need to do this and thankfully dont need anyone to motivate me at all.... never will.

I really dont feel like your husband is being truly honest with you. Based on what you have indicated in your post, he has given you different answers - and to me, Im not one to handle multiple responses very well. It gives me that 'beating around the bush' kind of feel and let me tell ya: the people who know me very well, including my husband... they know I want an honest, straight answer. I can tell when people are yanking my chain, and Im definitely not the type of person to do that to others nor accept it being done to me.

If what he is saying to you is, in fact the truth, then you need to let things go and realize he just doesnt want to work out with you.. and that is truly an ok thing. There are things I do, that my husband wont do.. and it doesnt bother me a bit.

jackpotclown

I've gone to the gym myself for so many years that when my wife wanted to go I felt incredibly awkward with her there because I know her goals etc are different than mine.

doorki

Working out is one of the few relaxing times that I have. It is my time and I don't want my wife next to me the entire time.

SassyCalyGirl

I do everything without my husband-so much more enjoyable! :bigsmile:

Fairysoul

If he's working out with other people that seems a bit odd to me that he doesn't want to work out with you. If you've NEVER had a reason to mistrust him I wouldn't mistrust his reasons although they do (at least to me) seem a little ... odd.

For me I thoroughly enjoy working out with my wife. I enjoy running beside her on the treadmill and I find it extremely enjoyable when she's spotting me on the decline bench press (it's kind of sexual because I'm right under her pelvis). Seeing her sweat and hearing her groans while working out is a turn on. Although I must admit sometimes I HAVE to do my own thing because our workouts aren't always the same, so we'll meet up in the gym somewhere in the middle of our workouts.

I'm sure your husband has his reasons, if you are feeling a bit suspicious you could always ... SHOW UP when he's working out. :laugh:

Seriously though from a guy standpoint if he didn't want you IN THE GYM while he's there, then THAT would be something to be SERIOUSLY suspicious about.

Please tell us he doesn't care if you are IN the gym (just not working out together) while he is there.....

I have to agree, my hubby loves watching me workout!

jskaggs1971

Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

jskaggs1971

double-post.

callmeBAM

My wife is always bugging me about going to sports events with me (like, going to watch a game somewhere) when I would rather just go with my guy friends. I feel the same about working out (as your husband). Some activities are for escape/relax and bonding with your kind.

By the way, took my wife to an NHL game last night, she said she NEVER wants to go again. haha. YESSSS!