Husband will work out with anyone BUT me? I need some insigh

245

Replies

  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
    I have a workout partner.. and that is not my husband.. He is too advanced for me. He runs farther/faster and I just can't keep up..
    We have seperate gyms too, LOL
  • fitnfancy80
    fitnfancy80 Posts: 251 Member
    At least your husband is working out. Mines has major weight to lose but he just refuses to do it. I guess he figure playing golf for hours, once a week, riding in a golf cart and smoking cigars is his workout. SMH. Somebody help me....LOL
  • fitnfancy80
    fitnfancy80 Posts: 251 Member
    My wife is always bugging me about going to sports events with me (like, going to watch a game somewhere) when I would rather just go with my guy friends. I feel the same about working out (as your husband). Some activities are for escape/relax and bonding with your kind.

    By the way, took my wife to an NHL game last night, she said she NEVER wants to go again. haha. YESSSS!

    HAAAAAAAAAAA. Winning
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    Maybe he just uses his workout time as a *break* from you and that's why he will do it with anybody but you. Being tied to any one person, no matter how much you love them, can be taxing (at least for me). I know guys motivate differently than women and weight lifting and working out can be serious business and time where you need to 'zone in' on what you're doing so you don't do it wrong and having an attractive person too close can distract him.

    Stop taking it personally and just let it swing. Fretting and whining about it is only going to make this worse. He most likely just needs time where he can focus on himself and get the most out of his time in the gym.
  • kprangernix07
    kprangernix07 Posts: 122 Member
    I get the insecurity thing etc.... but he's my best friend, and we are brutally honest with each other.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
    He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner... and that he enjoys working out with other people. I consider myself to be a pretty motivational person, so I would think problem solved.... but he still tells me he doesn't want to go with me, because he "likes to do his own thing". Recently, he has worked out with various people from work / people he has met at the gym, and always comments that "it's nice to have someone to work out with, and to hold him accountable" --which makes me go... WTF!

    I don't know you or your husband, but I know that I tend to be a very competitive personality when I exercise, and I don't like being that way around my wife. Unless we're out for a pleasure hike or something, we very much tend to do our own things when it comes to exercise.
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
    I don't believe you stated whether its men he is working out with or women? If its men, I get it - he wants to workout with the guys. If he is working out with other women - that is not right - I would be very upset.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    He just wants time away from you. Sorry to be blunt about it but some guys donot like to hangout every waking second with their SO. I know it'll drive me nuts. Also, maybe he's trying to not hurt you feeling and because he might be a competitive person, and you might be slowing him down. No good man would leave his woman behind so maybe he's trying to leave that part out.

    Let the man be...you dont have to do everything together...
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.

    I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.

    Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?
  • Woolooloo
    Woolooloo Posts: 82
    I don't know about your relative fitness levels, or the gender or relative fitness levels of the people he says that he enjoys working out with. But he may just want to work out with people that are at his level of fitness. Or, and I don't know you, and I don't mean it as an insult, but maybe you are the talkative type and maybe he enjoys focusing during his workouts. Or maybe he doesn't want to spend half of his time switching the weights around between sets to accommodate the amount you can lift relative to him. Or maybe lifting gets his testosterone flowing and he wants to bond with other dudes. There are a ton of reasons why he might not think you are compatible workout partners, at least he is trying to let you down easy and/or head it off early so that it doesn't become a problem later. I would suggest letting it go. I doubt he is trying to hurt your feelings or has ulterior motives (like cheating).
  • ErB56
    ErB56 Posts: 71 Member
    Let me propose a different possibility: If someone wants a motivational partner, do you really want your spouse to be the one yelling at you? There are some things that spouses cannot do well together, no matter how great their relationship is. Hanging wallpaper comes to mind . . . .
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    It could be that he wants some time for himself, even if it is with a partner. It could be that he's uncomfortable with the way he looks when he works out (too sweaty, bad form, whatever) and would be self conscious with you there.

    Whenever I do Zumba I ask my husband if he wants to join me. But I only ask him because I know he'll say no and he gets irritated that I keep askiing. I wouldn't really want him around when I do it because I'm sure I look more like I'm having a seizure than like I'm doing a dance workout.
  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
    From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.

    First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.

    In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.

    JMHO
  • antoniosmooth
    antoniosmooth Posts: 299 Member
    WOW this is very interesting if I'm reading correctly.....

    It appears the people who aren't married prefer if their boyfriend/girlfriend didn't work out with them.

    How do the married people feel? I for one enjoy it....
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    it took me a long time to get my wife to come workout with me. she's one of those girls that is naturally slender so she didn't see the need until she realized that me being over 3 times her weight could run circles around her. we had a blast working out together for a long time. now I go with her as often as our schedule allows and I joined an additional gym that's closer to home so i can get a workout in after she gets home from work. she works out 3 times a week and I workout 6 so it works out.

    Lately when we workout together she seems distant and is off doing "her own thing" I'm usually left alone doing my own routine. I get more compliments from strangers on my improvement now so I'm back to doing this for myself and not telling her when I make progress because she doesn't seem to be that interested. It does peak her interest when one of the women at the gym notices and congratulates me. :grumble:
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
    Seriously, don't sweat it. It's just something he's not comfortable doing with you, for whatever reason. Personally, I'm extremely vulnerable when I'm pushing myself really hard. I love working out and I love my boyfriend, but I can't focus on my routine when he's around. I instantly become self conscious, to the point where I will generally just stop my workout. Just accept that you guys are on different paths to the same place. Maybe you guys could have a hiking date once a week or something.

    Look at it this way, maybe he wants to show you he solved the problem without showing his work. ;)
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    Everyone has their own thing. My husband will golf with anyone else in the world, but won't even take the clubs out around me. There are just some things that people like to do on their own. I won't take the dogs for a walk with mine. I don't have a hottie waiting to ravage me around the corner or anything.
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
    maybe you two just don't like to do the same kind of workout? If he says he does like working out with other people, maybe it's because they are more matched with his routine and intensity, like they challenge him?
    My husband works out but we rarely are at the gym at the same time, he does different stuff at a different hour, and now at a different gym; but it's not like he does it with someone else.
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    Perhaps he is a little intimidated at the possibility of "living up to expectations"? I know that I would not want to work out with any S.O. that I would have (don't have one at the moment) because I would feel like I needed to live up to a certain image. While it is great to be together, instead of going to each other's gyms, why don't you see about going for a nice evening walk together? You are still active, but neither of you feels encroached upon.
  • madmax0412
    madmax0412 Posts: 65
    I just wanted to echo what many of the other guys seem to be saying here -- that just because he doesn't want to work out with you doesn't mean that he's up to no good.

    I also like to go to the gym, do what I got to do, keep all human interaction to an absolute minimum, and then get the heck out of dodge. And since you're married you're already spending a considerable amount of time together. Even though you are his darling, loving wife, even he needs time to get away and just do his own thing. Otherwise you start to feel like the person you're with is excessively needy and overbearing.

    I'm sure if you think hard enough there are a few activities that you also enjoy alone or with your friends.

    What he's doing is totally healthy, normal and NECESSARY. As long as you're seeing the evidence that he's working out then try and be supportive.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    WOW this is very interesting if I'm reading correctly.....

    It appears the people who aren't married prefer if their boyfriend/girlfriend didn't work out with them.

    How do the married people feel? I for one enjoy it....

    I'm married with small children. It is one of the few times that I can go and do my own thing. I box for a workout, so I get to get all of my frustration out too lol.
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    Maybe he feels like he cant live up to his ideal macho man and doesnt want you to see him flounder at the gym. If you are secure in your relationship, let it go. Give him the support a great wife gives everywhere else. Let him do his workouts and you do yours. If you are both hotties it seems to be working..
  • JoniBologna
    JoniBologna Posts: 653 Member
    I agree that each person needs their own "thing" in a healthy relationship. I guess he feels that the gym is his individual "thing". I can see why it is weird to you, but I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe you guys can find an activity to do together other than go to the gym, like go for walks together, ride bikes, throw a frisbee, etc, etc. :smile:
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
    My bf doesn't like to work out with me because he says I "don't push him." We talked about it a bit and basically, it comes down to him being competitive and me not being able to compete with him( he is super ripped and in shape, and A MAN): if he is lifting with a man who is close to as strong as he is, he is going to push himself so that he can beat that guy. And when he is lifting with me he feels more like he is "out for a jog." I told him I could yell at him and attempt to "push" him but he says it's just not the same.

    I kind of prefer we don't work out together anyway, I don't like him to see me grunting with my face all red etc.

    Unless you suspect he has some woman that he is "training" with, you shouldn't feel offended by him wanting to do his own thing sometimes. Give the poor guy some space. Don't be jealous of him having "a great work out buddy" that isn't you. You don't have to be his EVERYTHING.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    Funny enough I live in the Omaha area, I now wonder if I've worked out with your husband. I don't like working out with my wife either. I don't care if we go the same time but I don't want her around me when I'm doing my thing. Granted I don't think she could really spot me properly. Add in the fact I think she'd yap too much at the gym. Both reasons I go to workout by myself. I get pretty aggressive and an attitude at the gym I could see myself snappy at her to shut it or something and then the argument that night. Forget it, she is a big girl and can work out on her own.
  • kprangernix07
    kprangernix07 Posts: 122 Member
    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

    He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.
  • Nastasha915
    Nastasha915 Posts: 124 Member
    I wouldn't want to work out with my significant other. When I go to the gym it's my time to focus on myself, but also, when I go I look terrible. I'm sweaty and making ugly faces. Don't need anyone to see that. :laugh:
  • Karalopolous
    Karalopolous Posts: 574
    Maybe he's worried it'll cause problems between you guys. My hubby is a super strong working out kinda guy......who is an *kitten* hole in the gym. I won't work out with him, and neither will he with me. We're ok with it, and it works.
  • iwantniceabs
    iwantniceabs Posts: 357 Member
    I totally get it - I don't have a husband, but I am really particular about who I work out with - and it usually doesn't have anything to do with how much I like/dislike a person. My favorite workout partners are actually people that I would NOT want to hang out with outside the gym, but love to work out with. I don't know that there is a specific thing I can pinpoint for you, sorry. I think a lot of guys compartmentalize things, and for your husband, maybe 'working out' and 'you' just don't go in the same compartment.

    My dad and I trained for a week long bike ride last summer, and, while my parents are two of my best friends - I absolutely hated riding with him. He always rode about a half mile ahead the whole time, which made me feel pressured to keep up, but c'mon - I have little quads, not man quads! It was so unenjoyable that I finally just stopped going with him. He thought we were "riding bikes together", but I just wanted to kick him. I took him out of that compartment :)
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

    He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.

    With all honesty, he wants guy time. He wants to talk about hot women on tv, sports and say vulgar things. Guys in the gym or in sports do that. Tis the nature of things.

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