Husband will work out with anyone BUT me? I need some insigh

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  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    LOL My wife already holds me accountable for 90% of the activities in my life, and I don't mean that as a bad thing.
    A lot of guys see their gym time as "man" time. It isn't that working out with a woman is bad, it is just different.

    I have worked out with my wife several times lately and there have been some humorous moments. ie. She is doing dumbell flies and starts to struggle. I was coaching her on her form and told her to "stick her tits out like she was proud of them".

    Well, she is proud of them, but while that phrase may work when I am coaching guys, it just made her start to giggle. :smile:
    I never realized how many tit/boob references I make during chest workouts until I lifted with her!


    edit: she talks a lot while working out too LOL
  • jrod67
    jrod67 Posts: 13
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    Well I have the same exact problem with my wife, she doesn't want to work out with me either. I say as I lose weight she will then start thinking differently. I sure hope so if not i will enjoy my time enjoying the routine with her or not. i'm not going to worry about it.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    My husband won't work out with me. I know he's interested in it, and he has a baller gym membership.... but when I ask him if I can join him, or if he wants to join me at my gym, he always shoots it down.

    He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner... and that he enjoys working out with other people. I consider myself to be a pretty motivational person, so I would think problem solved.... but he still tells me he doesn't want to go with me, because he "likes to do his own thing". Recently, he has worked out with various people from work / people he has met at the gym, and always comments that "it's nice to have someone to work out with, and to hold him accountable" --which makes me go... WTF!

    "He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner..." = Well, I wouldnt want my husband being my motivation partner to be honest. I hear the way guy buddies motivate each other with the whole grunting, the whole "PUSH IT!!!" when they are lifting, and such. Its a bit too aggressive for my taste, but... Im a woman, and not a man.... Can you imagine what it would be like for a guy's wife to stand there and say/do the same things? It might make him feel like "I need my wife to motivate me like this?" That just seems extremely weird in my mind to be honest... in fact very uncomcomfortable.

    Your 'way' might not be the kind of motivation he needs. Perhaps he doesnt want to hear the motivation coming from his wife... perhaps someone who doesnt know every nook and cranny of him personally.. .just my guess.

    The people he works with or meets up with at the gym, he doesnt have any emotional connections with (I hope). I imagine its like when women get together to do things that women are more common in doing.. and the men are more common in doing with other men.

    I will never want my husband doing anything workout-related with me... I dont want him there. Thats "my" time. I need to do this and thankfully dont need anyone to motivate me at all.... never will.

    I really dont feel like your husband is being truly honest with you. Based on what you have indicated in your post, he has given you different answers - and to me, Im not one to handle multiple responses very well. It gives me that 'beating around the bush' kind of feel and let me tell ya: the people who know me very well, including my husband... they know I want an honest, straight answer. I can tell when people are yanking my chain, and Im definitely not the type of person to do that to others nor accept it being done to me.

    If what he is saying to you is, in fact the truth, then you need to let things go and realize he just doesnt want to work out with you.. and that is truly an ok thing. There are things I do, that my husband wont do.. and it doesnt bother me a bit.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    I've gone to the gym myself for so many years that when my wife wanted to go I felt incredibly awkward with her there because I know her goals etc are different than mine.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    Working out is one of the few relaxing times that I have. It is my time and I don't want my wife next to me the entire time.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
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    I do everything without my husband-so much more enjoyable! :bigsmile:
  • Fairysoul
    Fairysoul Posts: 1,361 Member
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    If he's working out with other people that seems a bit odd to me that he doesn't want to work out with you. If you've NEVER had a reason to mistrust him I wouldn't mistrust his reasons although they do (at least to me) seem a little ... odd.

    For me I thoroughly enjoy working out with my wife. I enjoy running beside her on the treadmill and I find it extremely enjoyable when she's spotting me on the decline bench press (it's kind of sexual because I'm right under her pelvis). Seeing her sweat and hearing her groans while working out is a turn on. Although I must admit sometimes I HAVE to do my own thing because our workouts aren't always the same, so we'll meet up in the gym somewhere in the middle of our workouts.

    I'm sure your husband has his reasons, if you are feeling a bit suspicious you could always ... SHOW UP when he's working out. :laugh:

    Seriously though from a guy standpoint if he didn't want you IN THE GYM while he's there, then THAT would be something to be SERIOUSLY suspicious about.

    Please tell us he doesn't care if you are IN the gym (just not working out together) while he is there.....

    I have to agree, my hubby loves watching me workout!
  • jskaggs1971
    jskaggs1971 Posts: 371 Member
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    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.
  • jskaggs1971
    jskaggs1971 Posts: 371 Member
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    double-post.
  • callmeBAM
    callmeBAM Posts: 450 Member
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    My wife is always bugging me about going to sports events with me (like, going to watch a game somewhere) when I would rather just go with my guy friends. I feel the same about working out (as your husband). Some activities are for escape/relax and bonding with your kind.

    By the way, took my wife to an NHL game last night, she said she NEVER wants to go again. haha. YESSSS!
  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
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    I have a workout partner.. and that is not my husband.. He is too advanced for me. He runs farther/faster and I just can't keep up..
    We have seperate gyms too, LOL
  • fitnfancy80
    fitnfancy80 Posts: 251 Member
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    At least your husband is working out. Mines has major weight to lose but he just refuses to do it. I guess he figure playing golf for hours, once a week, riding in a golf cart and smoking cigars is his workout. SMH. Somebody help me....LOL
  • fitnfancy80
    fitnfancy80 Posts: 251 Member
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    My wife is always bugging me about going to sports events with me (like, going to watch a game somewhere) when I would rather just go with my guy friends. I feel the same about working out (as your husband). Some activities are for escape/relax and bonding with your kind.

    By the way, took my wife to an NHL game last night, she said she NEVER wants to go again. haha. YESSSS!

    HAAAAAAAAAAA. Winning
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
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    Maybe he just uses his workout time as a *break* from you and that's why he will do it with anybody but you. Being tied to any one person, no matter how much you love them, can be taxing (at least for me). I know guys motivate differently than women and weight lifting and working out can be serious business and time where you need to 'zone in' on what you're doing so you don't do it wrong and having an attractive person too close can distract him.

    Stop taking it personally and just let it swing. Fretting and whining about it is only going to make this worse. He most likely just needs time where he can focus on himself and get the most out of his time in the gym.
  • kprangernix07
    kprangernix07 Posts: 124 Member
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    I get the insecurity thing etc.... but he's my best friend, and we are brutally honest with each other.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner... and that he enjoys working out with other people. I consider myself to be a pretty motivational person, so I would think problem solved.... but he still tells me he doesn't want to go with me, because he "likes to do his own thing". Recently, he has worked out with various people from work / people he has met at the gym, and always comments that "it's nice to have someone to work out with, and to hold him accountable" --which makes me go... WTF!

    I don't know you or your husband, but I know that I tend to be a very competitive personality when I exercise, and I don't like being that way around my wife. Unless we're out for a pleasure hike or something, we very much tend to do our own things when it comes to exercise.
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
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    I don't believe you stated whether its men he is working out with or women? If its men, I get it - he wants to workout with the guys. If he is working out with other women - that is not right - I would be very upset.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    He just wants time away from you. Sorry to be blunt about it but some guys donot like to hangout every waking second with their SO. I know it'll drive me nuts. Also, maybe he's trying to not hurt you feeling and because he might be a competitive person, and you might be slowing him down. No good man would leave his woman behind so maybe he's trying to leave that part out.

    Let the man be...you dont have to do everything together...
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
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    Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.

    I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.

    Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?
  • Woolooloo
    Woolooloo Posts: 82
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    I don't know about your relative fitness levels, or the gender or relative fitness levels of the people he says that he enjoys working out with. But he may just want to work out with people that are at his level of fitness. Or, and I don't know you, and I don't mean it as an insult, but maybe you are the talkative type and maybe he enjoys focusing during his workouts. Or maybe he doesn't want to spend half of his time switching the weights around between sets to accommodate the amount you can lift relative to him. Or maybe lifting gets his testosterone flowing and he wants to bond with other dudes. There are a ton of reasons why he might not think you are compatible workout partners, at least he is trying to let you down easy and/or head it off early so that it doesn't become a problem later. I would suggest letting it go. I doubt he is trying to hurt your feelings or has ulterior motives (like cheating).

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