Husband will work out with anyone BUT me? I need some insigh

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  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
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    WOW this is very interesting if I'm reading correctly.....

    It appears the people who aren't married prefer if their boyfriend/girlfriend didn't work out with them.

    How do the married people feel? I for one enjoy it....

    Nope, I'm married.. 13 years.
  • Crazy4Healthy
    Crazy4Healthy Posts: 626 Member
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    Ooops
  • Crazy4Healthy
    Crazy4Healthy Posts: 626 Member
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    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

    Ditto.... I honestly don't care if my husband is in the gym with me, but I workout alone and prefer it that way, always have.
  • kprangernix07
    kprangernix07 Posts: 124 Member
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    Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.

    I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.

    Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?


    I hate it when ppl play the gender role... I work out just ike the guys do, screaming and all... and so dos he. I am in a hard core career field, and its not b/c im a puss. This post was just a bad idea.
  • tig_ol_bitties
    tig_ol_bitties Posts: 561 Member
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    I love my man, but we don't need to do every little miniscule activity together. His gym time is his gym time, as is mine. He works out with a buddy, because it's his time, and he can do as he pleases. Nothing to get your panties bunched up for.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    Hm. I'm not sure why he wouldn't want to go to the gym with you. I have some injuries/physical issues that have kept me out of the gym on and off for the last year or so. My boyfriend is always disappointed when I can't go with him, so I'm not sure WHY he wouldn't want to go with you.

    We go to the same gym (obviously..lol), but we do our own thing. He is very much into weights and I'm more of a cardio and weights kind of girl. We do our own things, but it is nice to have someone there you can chat with if you've accomplished something or want to try something new or whatever.
  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
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    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

    He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.

    LOL, I've said things like that to my husband!
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.

    I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.

    Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?


    I hate it when ppl play the gender role... I work out just ike the guys do, screaming and all... and so dos he. I am in a hard core career field, and its not b/c im a puss. This post was just a bad idea.

    hate to break it to you, but it is a gender thing. As much as we want to "tear down gender walls" the fact exists that we are different from each other. I don't mean that people cannot and should not cross borders but guys and girls think and operate differently for the most part.
  • knittermom07
    knittermom07 Posts: 94 Member
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    I hate when my hubby tries to motivate me, I mean I appreciate it but when he says to keep going it makes me wonder if he thinks that I'm not doing it right or fast enough, etc..... If someone else tells me to speed it up fix my form adjust this or that then I accept it fix it and move on. It is very difficult to take direction from your signifigant other, ie look at remodels and long cross country road trips, can be disasterous! Plus if it isn't a line and he is really that attracted to you, good for you, but it is probably pretty hard for some one to lift, especially the guys, when you are feeling turned on.

    What about suggesting that for your next date you want him to coach you thru a workout session and then maybe he might find that it is helpful for you to be around, just not every time he goes to the gym. It could simply be his private away from wife time for him, mine is knitting, don't bug me or ask me to sit next to you on the couch when I am knitting, this is MY time.
  • manda1002
    manda1002 Posts: 178 Member
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    I hear you saying that you and your husband are tight and all that, but it sounds, TO ME, like you're fairly insecure about something. I feel like you're trying to look FOR something, instead of seeing it for what it is.

    When my husband isn't at work, he's at home with his family. There's no time to unwind and relax after what is sometimes a stressful day. So he uses working out for that. He doesn't want to work out with me, and I completely understand that. It's his time to do whatever it is he wants. If he just wants to say he's going, and sits in the car sleeping the whole time, or running his behind off, or lifting until he thinks his arms are going to fall off, or go sit at the bar instead and just say he was working out, thats on him. I have no reason to be offended by the fact that he wants to be alone. He still needs his time to be his own person.
  • k_sharp
    k_sharp Posts: 100 Member
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    My husband and I go to the gym together but always do separate workouts. He is really intense and hard core and I can't keep up with him... He is one of those people who puts his headphones in and doesn't pay anyone any attention. I am getting better at working out but have never been a gym buff so it's hard for me to get into it. If I need help though he will take time to help me and spot me if needed. He needs to go to the gym to relieve stress or he's not plesent to be around I only go because I have to, to stay in shape! Its probably just an outlet for him and it gives him time to relax!
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    I hear you saying that you and your husband are tight and all that, but it sounds, TO ME, like you're fairly insecure about something. I feel like you're trying to look FOR something, instead of seeing it for what it is.

    When my husband isn't at work, he's at home with his family. There's no time to unwind and relax after what is sometimes a stressful day. So he uses working out for that. He doesn't want to work out with me, and I completely understand that. It's his time to do whatever it is he wants. If he just wants to say he's going, and sits in the car sleeping the whole time, or running his behind off, or lifting until he thinks his arms are going to fall off, or go sit at the bar instead and just say he was working out, thats on him. I have no reason to be offended by the fact that he wants to be alone. He still needs his time to be his own person.

    QFE
  • scepterian
    scepterian Posts: 35
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    I used to like working out with my ex and she did too... she was in a lot better shape than I was. But we didn't spot each other or trade off and on same machines. We kinda did our own deal next to each other. I know a couple who never work out together and it's cause they both cheat on each other. Pretty sick as she told me she was seperated when we met. I've heard gyms these days are more of a social gathering than anything. If I was you I'd get a friend he doesn't know to get a trial membership or pay for her, have her watch the scenerio just to be safe.

    Providing nothing is going on socially in the gym, then I'd say it's just that he feels like he doesn't hit his max potential when you're there.
  • Crazy4Healthy
    Crazy4Healthy Posts: 626 Member
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    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

    He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.

    Maybe it would be easier if you just ask him not to discuss his workouts with you. I believe he truly just needs "his" time and I don't think you are being clingy, he is just trying to tell you in a way he thinks will save your feelings, not realizing how much you are reading into it. Just keep your workouts separate and either don't discuss or just agree to not worry about it. Or let him know how it makes you feel that he enjoys working out with others and ask him to explain. I'm sure many here are right that he just enjoys having a little time to do his thing.
  • kprangernix07
    kprangernix07 Posts: 124 Member
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    From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.

    First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.

    In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.

    JMHO

    While I respect and understand this point of view, we are pretty no-nonsense... and I'd rather have him tell me I'm slacking and be honest. I am used to Drill Instructor mentality.
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
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    Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.

    I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.

    Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?


    I hate it when ppl play the gender role... I work out just ike the guys do, screaming and all... and so dos he. I am in a hard core career field, and its not b/c im a puss. This post was just a bad idea.

    hate to break it to you, but it is a gender thing. As much as we want to "tear down gender walls" the fact exists that we are different from each other. I don't mean that people cannot and should not cross borders but guys and girls think and operate differently for the most part.

    Love this. OP, no one's trying to say you're a puss, or that you can't lift as much as him, hell maybe you can lift MORE than him and that's part of his problem- but just because you can do it "just like the guys" doesn't mean that you ARE one of the guys.
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

    He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.

    LOL I LOVE having poker buds, but I HATE playing cards with my wife. :laugh:
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    I hear you saying that you and your husband are tight and all that, but it sounds, TO ME, like you're fairly insecure about something. I feel like you're trying to look FOR something, instead of seeing it for what it is.

    When my husband isn't at work, he's at home with his family. There's no time to unwind and relax after what is sometimes a stressful day. So he uses working out for that. He doesn't want to work out with me, and I completely understand that. It's his time to do whatever it is he wants. If he just wants to say he's going, and sits in the car sleeping the whole time, or running his behind off, or lifting until he thinks his arms are going to fall off, or go sit at the bar instead and just say he was working out, thats on him. I have no reason to be offended by the fact that he wants to be alone. He still needs his time to be his own person.

    I used to take "truck naps". I do actually go to the gym most of the time now though.
  • tquig
    tquig Posts: 176 Member
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    To be honest, I don't mind that my wife doesn't want to work out with me. She has a great time with her friends doing kick boxing, running etc. I think it is great- she gets some quality time where she can focus on exercising, not me, the kids or anything else going on. When I exercise, I know I enjoy the alone time- it helps me unwind after work.

    Doesn't mean either of us are cheating- I think that is just a weird conclusion to jump to,if I can be totally honest. She exercises for herself; her reasons, her health, her goals. Last thing I want is to get in the way by trying to motivate her. We tried working out together, it didn't work for us, this does so we are sticking to it. Maybe some couples aren't meant to work out together regularly? BTW- been married 16yrs.
  • loftus2005
    loftus2005 Posts: 61
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    you know what? My husband and I have been together for 12 yrs and he works out without me too.. We just have different styles and like doing different things.. I used to feel like you do but now its like our time away. Im sure its nothing against you and if you have a secure relationship then I wouldn't worry about it! do yo thang girl! :laugh:

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