Husband will work out with anyone BUT me? I need some insigh
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I feel like you're all saying I'm too clingy... but he tells me the reason he doesn't want to go, is because we enjoy spending time together, and he just wants to hang out... ? Still doesn't make sense to me tho.
Well let me put it this way, you are married, right? If he has made this commitment to you then he should want to enjoy hanging out with you at the gym as well, I dont think you are clingy at all. I have been with my bf for 3 years now and all he ever wants to do is do physical activities with me... not just the bedroom :blushing: :bigsmile: , but he wants me to go kayaking with him, do his 10 minute trainer with him and when we had a gym membership, we went together or not at all.. We just enjoy each others company and while we are there at the gym sometimes we get ahead of each other and end up doing our own thing, so we get alone time while still reaching our goals together, for example I would run on the treadmill and he would do the elliptical. I agree with *idk his name?
but that if he doesn't want you AT his gym, IN his gym when he is there... thats suspicious to me!
I think you have a right to be confused by his remarks... I would be too!!0 -
So I'm confused. And frustrated. My husband won't work out with me. I know he's interested in it, and he has a baller gym membership.... but when I ask him if I can join him, or if he wants to join me at my gym, he always shoots it down.
He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner... and that he enjoys working out with other people. I consider myself to be a pretty motivational person, so I would think problem solved.... but he still tells me he doesn't want to go with me, because he "likes to do his own thing". Recently, he has worked out with various people from work / people he has met at the gym, and always comments that "it's nice to have someone to work out with, and to hold him accountable" --which makes me go... WTF!
When I asked him about it again the other day, he said that it's because I'm so hot, and he just wants to hang out, and stare at me... so it results in him not being very productive at the gym. While I appreciate the comment, I find that hard to believe, and feel like it's just a line. And even if it's not a line... I would think that would be a motivating factor to make him want to go... not a deterance?? Wouldn't you want to stare at your S.O. if they were a hottie? He's a hottie, and I'd love to have him there to stare at.
I dont get it.
As a man, I understand where he's coming from. When working out with your buddies, they give you more of this manly bond, helping you with your form if incorrect or not. I also feel like when a guy lifts he might need help, like bench pressing and what not. I wouldn't read much into it, unless he doesn't lift at all and doesn't wanna do cardio with you.0 -
My husband and I often go to the gym together and we like to do it that way. And it's not because we want to spend every MINUSCULE moment together. It's because we're both at work 9-10 hours of the day, we sleep 7-8 hours of the day, that leaves a measly 6 hours a day to be in each other's company. And if we went at separate times, then it would only be 4.
On the way to the gym we ask each other "what are you doing today?" and sometimes, we're both lifting weights, sometimes one of is doing cardio and other is lifting, occasionally we're both doing cardio and sometimes I do the fitness classes. But if we're both lifting weights and I need a spotter (and if he does, but not often), he'll come over and help me. Or if I see something he is doing and he needs help with his form or visa versa, we help each other out. We don't pretend like we don't know each other.
To the OP request, I would just flat out ask him. Say "I would like to go to the gym with you." and when he makes an excuse say "Why don't you want to go to the gym with me?". Then you'll have your answer instead of a lot of speculation from MFPers.0 -
I'd guess it's just "his" thing, his alone time and he doesn't know how to explain it.
I have a workout partner that I work out with every time. I would NOT want to work out with my husband. I cannot take constructive criticism from him. I get mad. So if he told me I'm rounding my back on my deadlifts I literally might cry, but when my workout partner says it I try to straighten up.
This is how I am. I worked out with my boyfriend once (my first time exercising period in the last ten years or so.) I walked away after the first 15 minutes or so to keep from crying in front of him. Since then, I do it on my own. Same thing with MFP. I took him off my friend list. It's just too much pressure to be perfect. Not saying he's putting the pressure on me. It is me pressuring myself.
Some other posters seem to be saying similar things...maybe that's your answer- that he feels it is just too hard on him, meaning your opinion of him is WAY important and he doesn't want to dispappoint you or himself.0 -
My husband and I go to the gym together but always do separate workouts. He is really intense and hard core and I can't keep up with him... He is one of those people who puts his headphones in and doesn't pay anyone any attention. I am getting better at working out but have never been a gym buff so it's hard for me to get into it. If I need help though he will take time to help me and spot me if needed. He needs to go to the gym to relieve stress or he's not plesent to be around I only go because I have to, to stay in shape! Its probably just an outlet for him and it gives him time to relax!
It's funny, b/c I am the same way as your husband. i dont talk at the gym. I'm not gonna be glued to his hip...0 -
I won't workout with my husband. Why? I'm horribly uncoordinated and not the least bit graceful. I can mask these things in areas like dancing and every day life. If he goes running with me, or sees me do the workout videos, he's gonna know. Clearly i've not hidden this from the hubs for 9+ years, he knows, i'd just prefer to let it go to the back of his mind and not SHOW him how dumb i look sometimes.
He loves me, i love him, it's not about that. It's about preserving a bit of the sexy persona. Maybe he's the same in that regard. Maybe he wants you to see him as strong and capable and is a bit embarrassed by how you might see him if you work out together.0 -
From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.
First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.
In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.
JMHO
While I respect and understand this point of view, we are pretty no-nonsense... and I'd rather have him tell me I'm slacking and be honest. I am used to Drill Instructor mentality.
Your comment and how it relates to your original post, in itself is a confliction: "we are pretty no-nonsense"
Clearly there is some nonsense going on otherwise you wouldnt have posted your cry for help. It seems to me this isnt just one side stemming from your husband's lacking the ability to tell you a straight-forward answer. Perhaps you have some insecurities coming through as a result of not understanding the whys involved with your husband not wanting to workout with you...I dont know... but, the only answers lie within you, and hopefully within your husband if he will ever give you a straight answer.
I honestly truly believe that he would rather workout with other people because its his time away to do what he wants to do. I dont think your husband is being 100% truly honest with you, but I do believe that there is something on your side that has made you think "why wouldnt he want to be with me?" as the underlying truth with you....
Talk with your husband one on one when the both of you are not pressed for time. You both really need to be working this out... Otherwise, why not find people to workout with on your own? Thats not a bad idea!0 -
Yeah....I'm just gonna be blunt. You're at this point just trying to defend your insecurity. You're literally just looking for something wrong with the guy. Which btw I'm not saying is wrong. Maybe he is cheating on you or what not, I dont know the guy or you so I cant tell. Best, at this point (after 4 pages of logical answers given to you that're just discarded by you) is to hire a spy on him and see what he is "really" doing.
Good Luck with your findings. Hopefully everything turns out OK0 -
I feel like you're all saying I'm too clingy... but he tells me the reason he doesn't want to go, is because we enjoy spending time together, and he just wants to hang out... ? Still doesn't make sense to me tho.
Well let me put it this way, you are married, right? If he has made this commitment to you then he should want to enjoy hanging out with you at the gym as well, I dont think you are clingy at all. ... we went together or not at all...
I think you have a right to be confused by his remarks... I would be too!!
Just because you are a couple, doesn't mean you need to do every activity together. Sometimes going out on your own and growing as an INDIVDUAL can be healthy too. It's a balancing act. There is nothing weird or unhealthy about a person if they want some freaking time to themselves to do their own thing. It's called INDEPENDENCE and lots of people have it.
NOT EVERYTHING is a couples activity. Do you go to the bathroom while he pees too?!:noway:
Guy says he DOESN'T WANT TO WORK OUT WITH HER. Nothing sinister. Give the guy a freaking break and let him sweat without you holding his hand.0 -
I feel like you're all saying I'm too clingy... but he tells me the reason he doesn't want to go, is because we enjoy spending time together, and he just wants to hang out... ? Still doesn't make sense to me tho.
Well let me put it this way, you are married, right? If he has made this commitment to you then he should want to enjoy hanging out with you at the gym as well, I dont think you are clingy at all. ... we went together or not at all...
I think you have a right to be confused by his remarks... I would be too!!
Just because you are a couple, doesn't mean you need to do every activity together. Sometimes going out on your own and growing as an INDIVDUAL can be healthy too. It's a balancing act. There is nothing weird or unhealthy about a person if they want some freaking time to themselves to do their own thing. It's called INDEPENDENCE and lots of people have it.
NOT EVERYTHING is a couples activity. Do you go to the bathroom while he pees too?!:noway:
EXACTLY!0 -
This just makes me want to drink to being single
:drinker:0 -
Too be honest, make sure he isn't being shady. I know a guy at my gym that works out with his girl on the side and won't let his girlfriend work out with him unless he knows the other woman won't be there.0
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This just makes me want to drink to being single
:drinker:
I second that...0 -
My husband and I go to the gym together but always do separate workouts. He is really intense and hard core and I can't keep up with him... He is one of those people who puts his headphones in and doesn't pay anyone any attention. I am getting better at working out but have never been a gym buff so it's hard for me to get into it. If I need help though he will take time to help me and spot me if needed. He needs to go to the gym to relieve stress or he's not plesent to be around I only go because I have to, to stay in shape! Its probably just an outlet for him and it gives him time to relax!
It's funny, b/c I am the same way as your husband. i dont talk at the gym. I'm not gonna be glued to his hip...
You contradict yourself. In another post, you said you want to motivate him. So how are you going to do that if you're not talking and not by his side?0 -
Let me propose a different possibility: If someone wants a motivational partner, do you really want your spouse to be the one yelling at you? There are some things that spouses cannot do well together, no matter how great their relationship is. Hanging wallpaper comes to mind . . . .
"Hanging wallpaper comes to mind . . . " That's for sure!!!
Otherwise, we go to the gym at the same time, but do our own thing. He will occasionally spot for me while I am lifting, or he'll look over at me if he hears UGH, UGH -- it's me swiinging a kettleball.0 -
I've been married for quite some time my husband and I have little to no boundaries when it comes to sharing and being in each others space. I enjoy my workout at the gym and he does his at home. If he suddenly asked me to join my gym I would encourage it. I would not workout with him though, I like to do my own thing. So I would happily drive there and back with him but once there we'd be on our own.
I do believe some people see the gym as their time away of family life and don't want to share it. Good Luck and if it really is bothering you, just sit down and chat with him.0 -
Some guys are like that? My boyfriend refuses to workout with me because I can't spot him when he needs it - or some crap like that! (SN: While I'm getting stronger, I still can't lift what he does!) I love working out and he loves to work out, but we do it separately. It's really ok, we don't need to do everything together.
Don't get me wrong, I love going to the gym with him... I do my thing, he does his and in the end we leave together (even if I have to get *****y because he spends his time being man-stalked by the other guys at the gym who want to have conversations with him?)
I wouldn't worry about it too much!0 -
From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.
First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.
In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.
JMHO
While I respect and understand this point of view, we are pretty no-nonsense... and I'd rather have him tell me I'm slacking and be honest. I am used to Drill Instructor mentality.
Your comment and how it relates to your original post, in itself is a confliction: "we are pretty no-nonsense"
Clearly there is some nonsense going on otherwise you wouldnt have posted your cry for help. It seems to me this isnt just one side stemming from your husband's lacking the ability to tell you a straight-forward answer. Perhaps you have some insecurities coming through as a result of not understanding the whys involved with your husband not wanting to workout with you...I dont know... but, the only answers lie within you, and hopefully within your husband if he will ever give you a straight answer.
I honestly truly believe that he would rather workout with other people because its his time away to do what he wants to do. I dont think your husband is being 100% truly honest with you, but I do believe that there is something on your side that has made you think "why wouldnt he want to be with me?" as the underlying truth with you....
Talk with your husband one on one when the both of you are not pressed for time. You both really need to be working this out... Otherwise, why not find people to workout with on your own? Thats not a bad idea!
LOL. Thanks for being straight forward! Maybe some of it is my own insecurities? And I'm blowing it out of proportion?
He said that it's not b/c he wants to spend time away with me.... we both travel for a living, so we rarely get time together.0 -
Maybe he is embarrassed about working out in front of you?0
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From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.
First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.
In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.
JMHO
While I respect and understand this point of view, we are pretty no-nonsense... and I'd rather have him tell me I'm slacking and be honest. I am used to Drill Instructor mentality.
Your comment and how it relates to your original post, in itself is a confliction: "we are pretty no-nonsense"
Clearly there is some nonsense going on otherwise you wouldnt have posted your cry for help. It seems to me this isnt just one side stemming from your husband's lacking the ability to tell you a straight-forward answer. Perhaps you have some insecurities coming through as a result of not understanding the whys involved with your husband not wanting to workout with you...I dont know... but, the only answers lie within you, and hopefully within your husband if he will ever give you a straight answer.
I honestly truly believe that he would rather workout with other people because its his time away to do what he wants to do. I dont think your husband is being 100% truly honest with you, but I do believe that there is something on your side that has made you think "why wouldnt he want to be with me?" as the underlying truth with you....
Talk with your husband one on one when the both of you are not pressed for time. You both really need to be working this out... Otherwise, why not find people to workout with on your own? Thats not a bad idea!
LOL. Thanks for being straight forward! Maybe some of it is my own insecurities? And I'm blowing it out of proportion?
He said that it's not b/c he wants to spend time away with me.... we both travel for a living, so we rarely get time together.
For every post you comment on, you have a contradiction.... which is a deadringer for being insecure.0
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