Husband will work out with anyone BUT me? I need some insigh
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WOW this is very interesting if I'm reading correctly.....
It appears the people who aren't married prefer if their boyfriend/girlfriend didn't work out with them.
How do the married people feel? I for one enjoy it....
Nope, I'm married.. 13 years.0 -
Ooops0
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Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.
Ditto.... I honestly don't care if my husband is in the gym with me, but I workout alone and prefer it that way, always have.0 -
Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.
I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.
Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?
I hate it when ppl play the gender role... I work out just ike the guys do, screaming and all... and so dos he. I am in a hard core career field, and its not b/c im a puss. This post was just a bad idea.0 -
I love my man, but we don't need to do every little miniscule activity together. His gym time is his gym time, as is mine. He works out with a buddy, because it's his time, and he can do as he pleases. Nothing to get your panties bunched up for.0
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Hm. I'm not sure why he wouldn't want to go to the gym with you. I have some injuries/physical issues that have kept me out of the gym on and off for the last year or so. My boyfriend is always disappointed when I can't go with him, so I'm not sure WHY he wouldn't want to go with you.
We go to the same gym (obviously..lol), but we do our own thing. He is very much into weights and I'm more of a cardio and weights kind of girl. We do our own things, but it is nice to have someone there you can chat with if you've accomplished something or want to try something new or whatever.0 -
Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.
He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.
LOL, I've said things like that to my husband!0 -
Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.
I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.
Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?
I hate it when ppl play the gender role... I work out just ike the guys do, screaming and all... and so dos he. I am in a hard core career field, and its not b/c im a puss. This post was just a bad idea.
hate to break it to you, but it is a gender thing. As much as we want to "tear down gender walls" the fact exists that we are different from each other. I don't mean that people cannot and should not cross borders but guys and girls think and operate differently for the most part.0 -
I hate when my hubby tries to motivate me, I mean I appreciate it but when he says to keep going it makes me wonder if he thinks that I'm not doing it right or fast enough, etc..... If someone else tells me to speed it up fix my form adjust this or that then I accept it fix it and move on. It is very difficult to take direction from your signifigant other, ie look at remodels and long cross country road trips, can be disasterous! Plus if it isn't a line and he is really that attracted to you, good for you, but it is probably pretty hard for some one to lift, especially the guys, when you are feeling turned on.
What about suggesting that for your next date you want him to coach you thru a workout session and then maybe he might find that it is helpful for you to be around, just not every time he goes to the gym. It could simply be his private away from wife time for him, mine is knitting, don't bug me or ask me to sit next to you on the couch when I am knitting, this is MY time.0 -
I hear you saying that you and your husband are tight and all that, but it sounds, TO ME, like you're fairly insecure about something. I feel like you're trying to look FOR something, instead of seeing it for what it is.
When my husband isn't at work, he's at home with his family. There's no time to unwind and relax after what is sometimes a stressful day. So he uses working out for that. He doesn't want to work out with me, and I completely understand that. It's his time to do whatever it is he wants. If he just wants to say he's going, and sits in the car sleeping the whole time, or running his behind off, or lifting until he thinks his arms are going to fall off, or go sit at the bar instead and just say he was working out, thats on him. I have no reason to be offended by the fact that he wants to be alone. He still needs his time to be his own person.0 -
My husband and I go to the gym together but always do separate workouts. He is really intense and hard core and I can't keep up with him... He is one of those people who puts his headphones in and doesn't pay anyone any attention. I am getting better at working out but have never been a gym buff so it's hard for me to get into it. If I need help though he will take time to help me and spot me if needed. He needs to go to the gym to relieve stress or he's not plesent to be around I only go because I have to, to stay in shape! Its probably just an outlet for him and it gives him time to relax!0
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I hear you saying that you and your husband are tight and all that, but it sounds, TO ME, like you're fairly insecure about something. I feel like you're trying to look FOR something, instead of seeing it for what it is.
When my husband isn't at work, he's at home with his family. There's no time to unwind and relax after what is sometimes a stressful day. So he uses working out for that. He doesn't want to work out with me, and I completely understand that. It's his time to do whatever it is he wants. If he just wants to say he's going, and sits in the car sleeping the whole time, or running his behind off, or lifting until he thinks his arms are going to fall off, or go sit at the bar instead and just say he was working out, thats on him. I have no reason to be offended by the fact that he wants to be alone. He still needs his time to be his own person.
QFE0 -
I used to like working out with my ex and she did too... she was in a lot better shape than I was. But we didn't spot each other or trade off and on same machines. We kinda did our own deal next to each other. I know a couple who never work out together and it's cause they both cheat on each other. Pretty sick as she told me she was seperated when we met. I've heard gyms these days are more of a social gathering than anything. If I was you I'd get a friend he doesn't know to get a trial membership or pay for her, have her watch the scenerio just to be safe.
Providing nothing is going on socially in the gym, then I'd say it's just that he feels like he doesn't hit his max potential when you're there.0 -
Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.
He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.
Maybe it would be easier if you just ask him not to discuss his workouts with you. I believe he truly just needs "his" time and I don't think you are being clingy, he is just trying to tell you in a way he thinks will save your feelings, not realizing how much you are reading into it. Just keep your workouts separate and either don't discuss or just agree to not worry about it. Or let him know how it makes you feel that he enjoys working out with others and ask him to explain. I'm sure many here are right that he just enjoys having a little time to do his thing.0 -
From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.
First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.
In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.
JMHO
While I respect and understand this point of view, we are pretty no-nonsense... and I'd rather have him tell me I'm slacking and be honest. I am used to Drill Instructor mentality.0 -
Maybe he see's it as something to do separately with his guy mates? :ohwell: Do you know who he's working out with, if it was another girl, but he wouldn't workout with me, I'd be pissed off! If it's a guy, I'd be a bit annoyed but just assume that he doesn't want his relationship interfering with the gym.
I mean, as someone else said, when you get guys in the gym together, they are a lot more aggressive and can motivate each other more with the whole "push it" etc etc Maybe he just wants that aggression to drive him to workout and motivate. I workout with my bf, and love doing so, but when I spot him it's completely different to when some of the other guys do. They will scream and shout at him, (and he'll usually lift more!) but I feel awkward doing that, so I just keep quiet - yet he still would choose me to spot him unless I'm busy at the time as I "am a better spotter" ie: don't help too soon, or help with every little struggle.
Try not to let it get to you, you do your thing, he does his. It leaves the opportunity also that way to talk about how your workout went after if you want to do so?
I hate it when ppl play the gender role... I work out just ike the guys do, screaming and all... and so dos he. I am in a hard core career field, and its not b/c im a puss. This post was just a bad idea.
hate to break it to you, but it is a gender thing. As much as we want to "tear down gender walls" the fact exists that we are different from each other. I don't mean that people cannot and should not cross borders but guys and girls think and operate differently for the most part.
Love this. OP, no one's trying to say you're a puss, or that you can't lift as much as him, hell maybe you can lift MORE than him and that's part of his problem- but just because you can do it "just like the guys" doesn't mean that you ARE one of the guys.0 -
Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.
He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.
LOL I LOVE having poker buds, but I HATE playing cards with my wife. :laugh:0 -
I hear you saying that you and your husband are tight and all that, but it sounds, TO ME, like you're fairly insecure about something. I feel like you're trying to look FOR something, instead of seeing it for what it is.
When my husband isn't at work, he's at home with his family. There's no time to unwind and relax after what is sometimes a stressful day. So he uses working out for that. He doesn't want to work out with me, and I completely understand that. It's his time to do whatever it is he wants. If he just wants to say he's going, and sits in the car sleeping the whole time, or running his behind off, or lifting until he thinks his arms are going to fall off, or go sit at the bar instead and just say he was working out, thats on him. I have no reason to be offended by the fact that he wants to be alone. He still needs his time to be his own person.
I used to take "truck naps". I do actually go to the gym most of the time now though.0 -
To be honest, I don't mind that my wife doesn't want to work out with me. She has a great time with her friends doing kick boxing, running etc. I think it is great- she gets some quality time where she can focus on exercising, not me, the kids or anything else going on. When I exercise, I know I enjoy the alone time- it helps me unwind after work.
Doesn't mean either of us are cheating- I think that is just a weird conclusion to jump to,if I can be totally honest. She exercises for herself; her reasons, her health, her goals. Last thing I want is to get in the way by trying to motivate her. We tried working out together, it didn't work for us, this does so we are sticking to it. Maybe some couples aren't meant to work out together regularly? BTW- been married 16yrs.0 -
you know what? My husband and I have been together for 12 yrs and he works out without me too.. We just have different styles and like doing different things.. I used to feel like you do but now its like our time away. Im sure its nothing against you and if you have a secure relationship then I wouldn't worry about it! do yo thang girl! :laugh:0
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I feel like you're all saying I'm too clingy... but he tells me the reason he doesn't want to go, is because we enjoy spending time together, and he just wants to hang out... ? Still doesn't make sense to me tho.
Well let me put it this way, you are married, right? If he has made this commitment to you then he should want to enjoy hanging out with you at the gym as well, I dont think you are clingy at all. I have been with my bf for 3 years now and all he ever wants to do is do physical activities with me... not just the bedroom :blushing: :bigsmile: , but he wants me to go kayaking with him, do his 10 minute trainer with him and when we had a gym membership, we went together or not at all.. We just enjoy each others company and while we are there at the gym sometimes we get ahead of each other and end up doing our own thing, so we get alone time while still reaching our goals together, for example I would run on the treadmill and he would do the elliptical. I agree with *idk his name?
but that if he doesn't want you AT his gym, IN his gym when he is there... thats suspicious to me!
I think you have a right to be confused by his remarks... I would be too!!0 -
So I'm confused. And frustrated. My husband won't work out with me. I know he's interested in it, and he has a baller gym membership.... but when I ask him if I can join him, or if he wants to join me at my gym, he always shoots it down.
He has told me multiple times that he needs a motivation partner... and that he enjoys working out with other people. I consider myself to be a pretty motivational person, so I would think problem solved.... but he still tells me he doesn't want to go with me, because he "likes to do his own thing". Recently, he has worked out with various people from work / people he has met at the gym, and always comments that "it's nice to have someone to work out with, and to hold him accountable" --which makes me go... WTF!
When I asked him about it again the other day, he said that it's because I'm so hot, and he just wants to hang out, and stare at me... so it results in him not being very productive at the gym. While I appreciate the comment, I find that hard to believe, and feel like it's just a line. And even if it's not a line... I would think that would be a motivating factor to make him want to go... not a deterance?? Wouldn't you want to stare at your S.O. if they were a hottie? He's a hottie, and I'd love to have him there to stare at.
I dont get it.
As a man, I understand where he's coming from. When working out with your buddies, they give you more of this manly bond, helping you with your form if incorrect or not. I also feel like when a guy lifts he might need help, like bench pressing and what not. I wouldn't read much into it, unless he doesn't lift at all and doesn't wanna do cardio with you.0 -
My husband and I often go to the gym together and we like to do it that way. And it's not because we want to spend every MINUSCULE moment together. It's because we're both at work 9-10 hours of the day, we sleep 7-8 hours of the day, that leaves a measly 6 hours a day to be in each other's company. And if we went at separate times, then it would only be 4.
On the way to the gym we ask each other "what are you doing today?" and sometimes, we're both lifting weights, sometimes one of is doing cardio and other is lifting, occasionally we're both doing cardio and sometimes I do the fitness classes. But if we're both lifting weights and I need a spotter (and if he does, but not often), he'll come over and help me. Or if I see something he is doing and he needs help with his form or visa versa, we help each other out. We don't pretend like we don't know each other.
To the OP request, I would just flat out ask him. Say "I would like to go to the gym with you." and when he makes an excuse say "Why don't you want to go to the gym with me?". Then you'll have your answer instead of a lot of speculation from MFPers.0 -
I'd guess it's just "his" thing, his alone time and he doesn't know how to explain it.
I have a workout partner that I work out with every time. I would NOT want to work out with my husband. I cannot take constructive criticism from him. I get mad. So if he told me I'm rounding my back on my deadlifts I literally might cry, but when my workout partner says it I try to straighten up.
This is how I am. I worked out with my boyfriend once (my first time exercising period in the last ten years or so.) I walked away after the first 15 minutes or so to keep from crying in front of him. Since then, I do it on my own. Same thing with MFP. I took him off my friend list. It's just too much pressure to be perfect. Not saying he's putting the pressure on me. It is me pressuring myself.
Some other posters seem to be saying similar things...maybe that's your answer- that he feels it is just too hard on him, meaning your opinion of him is WAY important and he doesn't want to dispappoint you or himself.0 -
My husband and I go to the gym together but always do separate workouts. He is really intense and hard core and I can't keep up with him... He is one of those people who puts his headphones in and doesn't pay anyone any attention. I am getting better at working out but have never been a gym buff so it's hard for me to get into it. If I need help though he will take time to help me and spot me if needed. He needs to go to the gym to relieve stress or he's not plesent to be around I only go because I have to, to stay in shape! Its probably just an outlet for him and it gives him time to relax!
It's funny, b/c I am the same way as your husband. i dont talk at the gym. I'm not gonna be glued to his hip...0 -
I won't workout with my husband. Why? I'm horribly uncoordinated and not the least bit graceful. I can mask these things in areas like dancing and every day life. If he goes running with me, or sees me do the workout videos, he's gonna know. Clearly i've not hidden this from the hubs for 9+ years, he knows, i'd just prefer to let it go to the back of his mind and not SHOW him how dumb i look sometimes.
He loves me, i love him, it's not about that. It's about preserving a bit of the sexy persona. Maybe he's the same in that regard. Maybe he wants you to see him as strong and capable and is a bit embarrassed by how you might see him if you work out together.0 -
From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.
First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.
In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.
JMHO
While I respect and understand this point of view, we are pretty no-nonsense... and I'd rather have him tell me I'm slacking and be honest. I am used to Drill Instructor mentality.
Your comment and how it relates to your original post, in itself is a confliction: "we are pretty no-nonsense"
Clearly there is some nonsense going on otherwise you wouldnt have posted your cry for help. It seems to me this isnt just one side stemming from your husband's lacking the ability to tell you a straight-forward answer. Perhaps you have some insecurities coming through as a result of not understanding the whys involved with your husband not wanting to workout with you...I dont know... but, the only answers lie within you, and hopefully within your husband if he will ever give you a straight answer.
I honestly truly believe that he would rather workout with other people because its his time away to do what he wants to do. I dont think your husband is being 100% truly honest with you, but I do believe that there is something on your side that has made you think "why wouldnt he want to be with me?" as the underlying truth with you....
Talk with your husband one on one when the both of you are not pressed for time. You both really need to be working this out... Otherwise, why not find people to workout with on your own? Thats not a bad idea!0 -
Yeah....I'm just gonna be blunt. You're at this point just trying to defend your insecurity. You're literally just looking for something wrong with the guy. Which btw I'm not saying is wrong. Maybe he is cheating on you or what not, I dont know the guy or you so I cant tell. Best, at this point (after 4 pages of logical answers given to you that're just discarded by you) is to hire a spy on him and see what he is "really" doing.
Good Luck with your findings. Hopefully everything turns out OK0 -
I feel like you're all saying I'm too clingy... but he tells me the reason he doesn't want to go, is because we enjoy spending time together, and he just wants to hang out... ? Still doesn't make sense to me tho.
Well let me put it this way, you are married, right? If he has made this commitment to you then he should want to enjoy hanging out with you at the gym as well, I dont think you are clingy at all. ... we went together or not at all...
I think you have a right to be confused by his remarks... I would be too!!
Just because you are a couple, doesn't mean you need to do every activity together. Sometimes going out on your own and growing as an INDIVDUAL can be healthy too. It's a balancing act. There is nothing weird or unhealthy about a person if they want some freaking time to themselves to do their own thing. It's called INDEPENDENCE and lots of people have it.
NOT EVERYTHING is a couples activity. Do you go to the bathroom while he pees too?!:noway:
Guy says he DOESN'T WANT TO WORK OUT WITH HER. Nothing sinister. Give the guy a freaking break and let him sweat without you holding his hand.0 -
I feel like you're all saying I'm too clingy... but he tells me the reason he doesn't want to go, is because we enjoy spending time together, and he just wants to hang out... ? Still doesn't make sense to me tho.
Well let me put it this way, you are married, right? If he has made this commitment to you then he should want to enjoy hanging out with you at the gym as well, I dont think you are clingy at all. ... we went together or not at all...
I think you have a right to be confused by his remarks... I would be too!!
Just because you are a couple, doesn't mean you need to do every activity together. Sometimes going out on your own and growing as an INDIVDUAL can be healthy too. It's a balancing act. There is nothing weird or unhealthy about a person if they want some freaking time to themselves to do their own thing. It's called INDEPENDENCE and lots of people have it.
NOT EVERYTHING is a couples activity. Do you go to the bathroom while he pees too?!:noway:
EXACTLY!0
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