Husband will work out with anyone BUT me? I need some insigh

Options
13567

Replies

  • ErB56
    ErB56 Posts: 71 Member
    Options
    Let me propose a different possibility: If someone wants a motivational partner, do you really want your spouse to be the one yelling at you? There are some things that spouses cannot do well together, no matter how great their relationship is. Hanging wallpaper comes to mind . . . .
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Options
    It could be that he wants some time for himself, even if it is with a partner. It could be that he's uncomfortable with the way he looks when he works out (too sweaty, bad form, whatever) and would be self conscious with you there.

    Whenever I do Zumba I ask my husband if he wants to join me. But I only ask him because I know he'll say no and he gets irritated that I keep askiing. I wouldn't really want him around when I do it because I'm sure I look more like I'm having a seizure than like I'm doing a dance workout.
  • BruteSquad
    BruteSquad Posts: 373 Member
    Options
    From my experience, the way I think, and assuming your relationship is solid.

    First, I don't want to be the one telling my significant other that they are slacking and need to pick up and push a little harder. Nor do I want her to be telling me. Nor do I want to not tell her because she might have hurt feelings if I do, nor do I want her not telling me because I might have hurt feelings or get upset.

    In short, someone I am not as close to, pushing me, or being pushed by me has a bit of a buffer built in. I am not trusting that person to sleep in my house at night, cook food or eat food I cook, be emotionally available when I am vulnerable. I just expect them to kick me in the butt. Too many other dynamics involved to work out with a woman that matters to me.

    JMHO
  • antoniosmooth
    antoniosmooth Posts: 299 Member
    Options
    WOW this is very interesting if I'm reading correctly.....

    It appears the people who aren't married prefer if their boyfriend/girlfriend didn't work out with them.

    How do the married people feel? I for one enjoy it....
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    Options
    it took me a long time to get my wife to come workout with me. she's one of those girls that is naturally slender so she didn't see the need until she realized that me being over 3 times her weight could run circles around her. we had a blast working out together for a long time. now I go with her as often as our schedule allows and I joined an additional gym that's closer to home so i can get a workout in after she gets home from work. she works out 3 times a week and I workout 6 so it works out.

    Lately when we workout together she seems distant and is off doing "her own thing" I'm usually left alone doing my own routine. I get more compliments from strangers on my improvement now so I'm back to doing this for myself and not telling her when I make progress because she doesn't seem to be that interested. It does peak her interest when one of the women at the gym notices and congratulates me. :grumble:
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
    Options
    Seriously, don't sweat it. It's just something he's not comfortable doing with you, for whatever reason. Personally, I'm extremely vulnerable when I'm pushing myself really hard. I love working out and I love my boyfriend, but I can't focus on my routine when he's around. I instantly become self conscious, to the point where I will generally just stop my workout. Just accept that you guys are on different paths to the same place. Maybe you guys could have a hiking date once a week or something.

    Look at it this way, maybe he wants to show you he solved the problem without showing his work. ;)
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    Options
    Everyone has their own thing. My husband will golf with anyone else in the world, but won't even take the clubs out around me. There are just some things that people like to do on their own. I won't take the dogs for a walk with mine. I don't have a hottie waiting to ravage me around the corner or anything.
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
    Options
    maybe you two just don't like to do the same kind of workout? If he says he does like working out with other people, maybe it's because they are more matched with his routine and intensity, like they challenge him?
    My husband works out but we rarely are at the gym at the same time, he does different stuff at a different hour, and now at a different gym; but it's not like he does it with someone else.
  • becoming_a_new_me
    becoming_a_new_me Posts: 1,860 Member
    Options
    Perhaps he is a little intimidated at the possibility of "living up to expectations"? I know that I would not want to work out with any S.O. that I would have (don't have one at the moment) because I would feel like I needed to live up to a certain image. While it is great to be together, instead of going to each other's gyms, why don't you see about going for a nice evening walk together? You are still active, but neither of you feels encroached upon.
  • madmax0412
    madmax0412 Posts: 65
    Options
    I just wanted to echo what many of the other guys seem to be saying here -- that just because he doesn't want to work out with you doesn't mean that he's up to no good.

    I also like to go to the gym, do what I got to do, keep all human interaction to an absolute minimum, and then get the heck out of dodge. And since you're married you're already spending a considerable amount of time together. Even though you are his darling, loving wife, even he needs time to get away and just do his own thing. Otherwise you start to feel like the person you're with is excessively needy and overbearing.

    I'm sure if you think hard enough there are a few activities that you also enjoy alone or with your friends.

    What he's doing is totally healthy, normal and NECESSARY. As long as you're seeing the evidence that he's working out then try and be supportive.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
    Options
    WOW this is very interesting if I'm reading correctly.....

    It appears the people who aren't married prefer if their boyfriend/girlfriend didn't work out with them.

    How do the married people feel? I for one enjoy it....

    I'm married with small children. It is one of the few times that I can go and do my own thing. I box for a workout, so I get to get all of my frustration out too lol.
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    Options
    Maybe he feels like he cant live up to his ideal macho man and doesnt want you to see him flounder at the gym. If you are secure in your relationship, let it go. Give him the support a great wife gives everywhere else. Let him do his workouts and you do yours. If you are both hotties it seems to be working..
  • JoniBologna
    JoniBologna Posts: 653 Member
    Options
    I agree that each person needs their own "thing" in a healthy relationship. I guess he feels that the gym is his individual "thing". I can see why it is weird to you, but I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe you guys can find an activity to do together other than go to the gym, like go for walks together, ride bikes, throw a frisbee, etc, etc. :smile:
  • jsapninz
    jsapninz Posts: 909 Member
    Options
    My bf doesn't like to work out with me because he says I "don't push him." We talked about it a bit and basically, it comes down to him being competitive and me not being able to compete with him( he is super ripped and in shape, and A MAN): if he is lifting with a man who is close to as strong as he is, he is going to push himself so that he can beat that guy. And when he is lifting with me he feels more like he is "out for a jog." I told him I could yell at him and attempt to "push" him but he says it's just not the same.

    I kind of prefer we don't work out together anyway, I don't like him to see me grunting with my face all red etc.

    Unless you suspect he has some woman that he is "training" with, you shouldn't feel offended by him wanting to do his own thing sometimes. Give the poor guy some space. Don't be jealous of him having "a great work out buddy" that isn't you. You don't have to be his EVERYTHING.
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
    Options
    Funny enough I live in the Omaha area, I now wonder if I've worked out with your husband. I don't like working out with my wife either. I don't care if we go the same time but I don't want her around me when I'm doing my thing. Granted I don't think she could really spot me properly. Add in the fact I think she'd yap too much at the gym. Both reasons I go to workout by myself. I get pretty aggressive and an attitude at the gym I could see myself snappy at her to shut it or something and then the argument that night. Forget it, she is a big girl and can work out on her own.
  • kprangernix07
    kprangernix07 Posts: 124 Member
    Options
    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

    He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.
  • Nastasha915
    Nastasha915 Posts: 124 Member
    Options
    I wouldn't want to work out with my significant other. When I go to the gym it's my time to focus on myself, but also, when I go I look terrible. I'm sweaty and making ugly faces. Don't need anyone to see that. :laugh:
  • Karalopolous
    Karalopolous Posts: 574
    Options
    Maybe he's worried it'll cause problems between you guys. My hubby is a super strong working out kinda guy......who is an *kitten* hole in the gym. I won't work out with him, and neither will he with me. We're ok with it, and it works.
  • iwantniceabs
    iwantniceabs Posts: 357 Member
    Options
    I totally get it - I don't have a husband, but I am really particular about who I work out with - and it usually doesn't have anything to do with how much I like/dislike a person. My favorite workout partners are actually people that I would NOT want to hang out with outside the gym, but love to work out with. I don't know that there is a specific thing I can pinpoint for you, sorry. I think a lot of guys compartmentalize things, and for your husband, maybe 'working out' and 'you' just don't go in the same compartment.

    My dad and I trained for a week long bike ride last summer, and, while my parents are two of my best friends - I absolutely hated riding with him. He always rode about a half mile ahead the whole time, which made me feel pressured to keep up, but c'mon - I have little quads, not man quads! It was so unenjoyable that I finally just stopped going with him. He thought we were "riding bikes together", but I just wanted to kick him. I took him out of that compartment :)
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
    Options
    Gym time = My time. I'm one of those "get in, work hard, and GTFO" people. At those times, I don't really want ANYBODY in my face, even my lovely wife. It's entirely possible OP's hubby feels the same.

    He has said this before - but if this is the cae, why would he continuously make comments like "I went on a run with so-and-so today, and it was great to have a work out buddy" --doesnt make sense.

    With all honesty, he wants guy time. He wants to talk about hot women on tv, sports and say vulgar things. Guys in the gym or in sports do that. Tis the nature of things.

Categories