"I'm never getting married again."
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For him to have this opinion and stance on marriage is perfectly fine. However, saying this publicly in front of their friends... humiliating for her. Shows lack of tact and possible immaturity on his part.
On the other hand, why has she remained in this relationship up to this point? I think I would have taken the clue earlier on before arriving at this moment in time, in front of the friends, public declaration, etc. Alas... maybe the love is blind syndrome in full force here.
Morally/socially/ethically... he has every right not to want marriage.
Pragmatically... she needs to get the hell out of Dodge and look for a more suitable marriage partner if she values marriage.0 -
The truth is probably harder than "Jane" wants to face...which is, he doesn't want to marry HER.
She has to decide if she is worth marrying...and I'd wager there is someone out there that would want to marry her, but she'll never find him while stuck with a bitter jerk.
She should take him at face value...he's been very clear...and cut and run. It's better to be single than be strung along.0 -
Why is he paying off her debt?
When you get married, your debt is also now his debt.
When you get divorced, you get half of the overall debt. If in the instance one person arrived with most of the debt, the other person leaves the marriage with half of it.
I did not realize this and it doesn't even make sense. If I married, then divorced, why would my ex-husband have to take on half the student loan debt I accrued before we even met?
But a prenup should take care of that, right? His debt is his upon divorce, hers belongs to her? Otherwise, yeah, I can see the guy's point.
Yes, a prenup would take care of that, but then you get into the whole sticky situation of "why do we need a prenup? isn't marriage forever?" thing. Either way, it's messy! Prenups aren't as common as you think, well, with normal couples anyway. Celebs and very wealthy people have them to protect their assets, but I really can't think of a single married couple I know that signed a prenup...I mean, the way I see it, why would you go into a marriage with the idea that it might not work out? I don't see the point of getting married unless you are comfortable enough taking the gamble of not having a prenup. Perhaps that's why I'm not married...0 -
Johnny's a jerk for saying that publicly in front of everyone... especially after telling her he would marry her just 'not any time soon'.
As much as it would hurt her to dump him, she's better off without him. If she wants any commitment from the man (which it seems, most women do), it doesn't sound like she's going to get it from him so she'd be better off finding someone who is willing to make that commitment to her. =(0 -
I'd cry myself to sleep for two years. Wait, the question was what do you think Jane should do, not what did you do in a similar situation. Umm, probably talk to him about it, in private.0
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Also I have to add that there are really 2 issues going on here. His unacceptable behavior and disrespect to you in a public setting AND the fact that he may have alluded to a possible marriage in the future but is now changing his mind on that and instead of talking to you directly making a public announcement. Not a gentlemen!!0
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Morally/socially/ethically... he has every right not to want marriage.
Pragmatically... she needs to get the hell out of Dodge and look for a more suitable marriage partner if she values marriage.
Agreed.0 -
Why is he paying off her debt?
When you get married, your debt is also now his debt.
When you get divorced, you get half of the overall debt. If in the instance one person arrived with most of the debt, the other person leaves the marriage with half of it.
I did not realize this and it doesn't even make sense. If I married, then divorced, why would my ex-husband have to take on half the student loan debt I accrued before we even met?
But a prenup should take care of that, right? His debt is his upon divorce, hers belongs to her? Otherwise, yeah, I can see the guy's point.
Yes, a prenup would take care of that, but then you get into the whole sticky situation of "why do we need a prenup? isn't marriage forever?" thing. Either way, it's messy! Prenups aren't as common as you think, well, with normal couples anyway. Celebs and very wealthy people have them to protect their assets, but I really can't think of a single married couple I know that signed a prenup...I mean, the way I see it, why would you go into a marriage with the idea that it might not work out? I don't see the point of getting married unless you are comfortable enough taking the gamble of not having a prenup. Perhaps that's why I'm not married...
I doubt many people with things like student loan debt would quibble over it. It's an understandable concern that can be quickly dealt with. After that, of course, if he still won't marry her, there's obviously something besides fear of debt going on!0 -
She needs to decide just how important marriage is to her. I don't blame him one bit. So easy to call him a jerk. It sounds like he has been pretty open with it from the beginning.
If I ever divorce I will not remarry.0 -
I don't know if marriage is a deal-breaker, but the way he said it and what he implied by what he said and how he said it are reasons to consider dumping him.0
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He sounds like a real tool Dump him and find a man that won't parade about letting out his dirty laundry.0
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I may seem old-fashioned and maybe even a little over the top, but what ever happened to following Christs example and God's Word? Yes, I am a Christian, and yes, I have been divorced which I know is sin. I am a sinner, plain and simple. We all are. Its how we move forward from that sin and if we confess, God is a forgiving God! I also said I would never remarry. I did not want to go through that pain ever again. I must tell you, I remarried my best friend in December 2010. I didn't see it coming, I wasn't looking for it, it just happened. I fell in love!!!! It can happen at any age, any time. I am happier in my marriage than I have ever been in my life, excluding the birth of my children. I just wanted to add the religious end of things, because this may be a factor for Jane, and it is a decision only she can make. Best of luck! Its not an easy one to make, but communication is very important, so talk it out. Share your inmost desires, and go from there. If this gentleman (and I use this term with a grain of salt after his impromptu remark) is not the one, a split is in need. God has something better in store for your life. Trust Him, and Pray!!!0
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Why is he paying off her debt?
When you get married, your debt is also now his debt.
When you get divorced, you get half of the overall debt. If in the instance one person arrived with most of the debt, the other person leaves the marriage with half of it.
I did not realize this and it doesn't even make sense. If I married, then divorced, why would my ex-husband have to take on half the student loan debt I accrued before we even met?
But a prenup should take care of that, right? His debt is his upon divorce, hers belongs to her? Otherwise, yeah, I can see the guy's point.
Yes, a prenup would take care of that, but then you get into the whole sticky situation of "why do we need a prenup? isn't marriage forever?" thing. Either way, it's messy! Prenups aren't as common as you think, well, with normal couples anyway. Celebs and very wealthy people have them to protect their assets, but I really can't think of a single married couple I know that signed a prenup...I mean, the way I see it, why would you go into a marriage with the idea that it might not work out? I don't see the point of getting married unless you are comfortable enough taking the gamble of not having a prenup. Perhaps that's why I'm not married...
I doubt many people with things like student loan debt would quibble over it. It's an understandable concern that can be quickly dealt with. After that, of course, if he still won't marry her, there's obviously something besides fear of debt going on!
You'd be surprised how quickly a "well you have a lot of student loan debt, so I think it'd be best if we sign a prenuptial agreement" turns into "YOU DON'T THINK OUR MARRIAGE WILL LAST! WE'RE NOT GETTING MARRIED!!!" fight lol0 -
He's a coward, if he feels this way he should have told her and not announced it in a group setting. He probably did this as he new she wouldn't argue in public. Just get rid of him and stop wasting her time on a baby.0
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If he feels that way, projects it onto all women, hes not even ready to be in a relationship again.
Trust me, i know! It will take him a long time to trust again, and if he doesn't trust, then whats the point. He has major issues, its very obvious by the 3 lines you wrote abt him.0 -
Dump his *kitten*. Next question - I am starting to feel like Ann Landers..0
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I may seem old-fashioned and maybe even a little over the top, but what ever happened to following Christs example and God's Word? Yes, I am a Christian, and yes, I have been divorced which I know is sin. I am a sinner, plain and simple. We all are. Its how we move forward from that sin and if we confess, God is a forgiving God! I also said I would never remarry. I did not want to go through that pain ever again. I must tell you, I remarried my best friend in December 2010. I didn't see it coming, I wasn't looking for it, it just happened. I fell in love!!!! It can happen at any age, any time. I am happier in my marriage than I have ever been in my life, excluding the birth of my children. I just wanted to add the religious end of things, because this may be a factor for Jane, and it is a decision only she can make. Best of luck! Its not an easy one to make, but communication is very important, so talk it out. Share your inmost desires, and go from there. If this gentleman (and I use this term with a grain of salt after his impromptu remark) is not the one, a split is in need. God has something better in store for your life. Trust Him, and Pray!!!
Marriage was around before man created a "god". Cultures around the world who don't believe in your "god" still have marriages.0 -
Well, being VERY RECENTLY seperated, I could agree with him. However, he does seem to lack a filter on his mouth. Not uncommon for either sex. As other posters have asked, does Jane insist on getting married? Is it really an issue? If not live your life with this person and be happy.
If marriage is an issue, accept that this relationship is not going to go where you want it, move on, SOONER THAN LATER!0 -
lolDump his *kitten*. Next question - I am starting to feel like Ann Landers..0 -
Hmm I know alot of people have said break up with him but I think I would talk to him. It sounds like he may be confused as to what he wants. Nobody deserves to be hurt and if they go through to marriage only for him to divorce her then, she would be hurt, I think in either situation they would both be hurt whether they stay together only to break up later or break up now.
A similiar situation happened to me, except neither of us had ever been married. He was the one talking about marriage, not me, only this wasn't what he was really feeling and he never spoke to me about how he was really feeling. I had to find out from another girl he had been talking to through text, 'he saw no future for us and just wanted to go out and have fun' as he put it. It hurt so much, I stopped being able to trust what he said. We broke up, got back together again, and broke up for the last time in august. My friends and family have called him immature, and I agree he shouldn't have messed me around but you can't force someone to be with you if it's not what they want.
These days not everything is as black and white, but if I were Jane I would talk to him and trust him to be honest with how he's feeling.
Everyone deserves a chance at happiness and if he can't or won't give her that then he should do the right thing and let her go.0
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