"I'm never getting married again."

odusgolp
odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
in Chit-Chat
I write this on behalf of my girlfriend... I have a biased opinion, so why not throw it out to random strangers:)

27 year old man (Johnny) married for 5 or 6 years. Divorced Oct 2010.

Johnny has now been dating Jane nearly 1.5 years. He told Jane he doesn't want to get married ever again, initially. Then after getting more serious with her, said he would marry her, just not anytime soon.

Last night, Johnny makes the public declaration amongst friends he will never ever get married again, and he will never pay off another woman's debt.... This, in front of Jane (who is going with the understanding he intends to marry her at some point).

What would you do if you were Jane? She is truly in love with him and would be heartbroken to end it. They are a very strong couple with this being the only glaring issue. She believes she is worthy of a man making a commitment to her - in the terms of marriage.

Let the opinions fly :)
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Replies

  • MaraDiaz
    MaraDiaz Posts: 4,604 Member
    Dump him, he's a waste of time.
  • Aureilie
    Aureilie Posts: 213 Member
    Dump him, he's a waste of time.
  • KareninCanada
    KareninCanada Posts: 962 Member
    I agree with her.... and I would have been completely mortified to be in her shoes during that conversation. Very immature on his part.
  • danivdp
    danivdp Posts: 1
    ITA. DUMP NOW. Find a man that is looking for more than fun.
  • FitSid
    FitSid Posts: 117 Member
    prenup.
  • MissAlexxMarie
    MissAlexxMarie Posts: 171
    What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?
  • angeldaae
    angeldaae Posts: 348 Member
    Dump him, he's a waste of time.
  • xHelloQuincyx
    xHelloQuincyx Posts: 884 Member
    that isnt fair to you, oops jane, at all.
    they need to sit down and have a talk. if they dont come to any agreement, its over. you gotta want the same things in life, and that just made her look like a fool and hurt her.
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
    Mind your own business. :mad:
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Its sad when future plans don't align. But if she is ok waiting around then so be it. I wouldn't wait around if we are not on the same page.

    The dude sounds bitter as hell. Who says that kind of thing in front of their girlfriend?
  • Donnacoach
    Donnacoach Posts: 540 Member
    I think a serious discussion with boyfriend needs to happen. If he has no intention of marrying her, and this is what she is looking for, then it's time to say so long and move on.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    She needs to decide if marriage is important to her or not. Many people can be in long-lasting committed relationships without ever having that piece of paper that says they are married.

    If it is important to her, then she needs to end the relationship and find a person who values the same things. If she feels like she could spend her life with him without actually being married, then there's no reason to end a good thing. However, making a statement like that in front of her and his friends is really just kind of rude.

    She basically needs to decide if not getting married is a deal breaker. If it is, then she needs to end it and move on.
  • angelaclassact
    angelaclassact Posts: 66 Member
    He's not ready, and it is time to move on.
  • kristen6022
    kristen6022 Posts: 1,923 Member
    I don't care how much you love and care for someone, you can never change them. If Jane wants to get married, why waste time with Johnny? I'm sure she can find someone who would love her enough to marry her.
  • iFeelBrandNew
    iFeelBrandNew Posts: 263 Member
    he sounds childish... i dont mean that in a derogatory sense... i mean, you've heard once bitten, twice shy? did she give him an ultimatum when he said he would never marry again the first time? was he forced to say that he would?

    i mean, i would determine whether or not him not marrying me is a deal breaker for the relationship. if it is, let him go. if its not, deal with it.

    i think she'll deal with it. you know how we are when we're in loooooooove. :love:
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Mind your own business. :mad:

    *lick lick* now hush your mouth *LOL*


    And this really isn't me. I'm a 35 year old divorcee that doesn't care to ever marry again necessarily :)
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,416 Member
    Well. I'll never get married again. . . I think I know myself.


    If he says that, believe him. She has the choice to accept that or move on. Marriage is not the be-all-end-all .....but some people just want that for whatever reason. If they live together, in many states they can become common-law spouses, with a lot of the same legal benefits and responsibilities anyway.


    .
  • Prettylittlelotus
    Prettylittlelotus Posts: 239 Member
    Dump him, he's a waste of time.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,412 Member
    Saying it like he did, was poor thinking on his part. But I can say that if my marriage does not work out, I will never get married again. For most though, I guess it would depend on what the reasons were for the divorce were and if there are any unresolved issues.
  • tig_ol_bitties
    tig_ol_bitties Posts: 561 Member
    Psh....marriage is just a government-issued piece of paper. If they love each other, why do they need a tax statement to prove it?
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Mind your own business. :mad:
    Wow - thats a bit of an intense reaction for someone just asking for an opinion other than her own.
    Are you the guy shes talking about or something?
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    She needs to decide if marriage is important to her or not. Many people can be in long-lasting committed relationships without ever having that piece of paper that says they are married.

    If it is important to her, then she needs to end the relationship and find a person who values the same things. If she feels like she could spend her life with him without actually being married, then there's no reason to end a good thing. However, making a statement like that in front of her and his friends is really just kind of rude.

    She basically needs to decide if not getting married is a deal breaker. If it is, then she needs to end it and move on.

    That's what I think, essentially.
  • llahairdna
    llahairdna Posts: 502 Member
    Its sad when future plans don't align. But if she is ok waiting around then so be it. I wouldn't wait around if we are not on the same page.

    The dude sounds bitter as hell. Who says that kind of thing in front of their girlfriend?

    This. He sounds incredibly disrespectful--that's a terrible thing to say at all, let alone in front of her.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?

    Absolutely not true. Not ever little girl dreams of a big fancy wedding and dress, I actually never dreamed about that stuff. Getting married to my bf would be nice, but I'm happy the way things are so it's not that big of a deal to me if we never get legally married. There is no difference in my lifestyle and what it would be like if we were married except the fact that we'd have the same last name. That's about it. Oh, and we'd inherit each other's debt lol
  • barongaston
    barongaston Posts: 109
    Walk away. Hes not only misleading her, but hes not afraid to be rude to her in public. I am sure he is fabu but there are other fabu guys who would cherish her.
  • _SusieQ_
    _SusieQ_ Posts: 2,964 Member
    If something ever happened with my marriage, I know I would never get married again. If she went into the relationship knowing that about him, then she shouldn't try to change him. He was wrong for giving her any kind of hope that he "might, someday", but seems to me he was pretty clear from the start.

    And guys usually act like horse butt in front of their friends...that's why you mock them back.
  • Starzy696
    Starzy696 Posts: 133 Member
    Coming from a girl who is unsure about ever being married, it is possible to have a committed relationship without marriage, but if she is dead set on being married, then she needs to leave and get what she wants. If this is something she wants bad enough, then he is just not the right guy for her because it's apparent he doesn't want to be married.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Mind your own business. :mad:
    Wow - thats a bit of an intense reaction for someone just asking for an opinion other than her own.
    Are you the guy shes talking about or something?

    *LOL* He's giving me *kitten* :) We're good :bigsmile: Promise.
  • acstansell
    acstansell Posts: 567 Member
    If I were Jane, I would look at the state of my relationship and where it is going. If it were my desire to get married, I would sit down and have a serious talk about his opinion on marriage and where he truly stands (he might have been trying to be macho in front of his friends).

    If it were really important to her to get married, and he didn't ever want to get married, that probably a deal breaker. Because, ultimately, she'll end up resenting him and trying to change his opinion, disrespecting his position and causing resentment from him with regards to it.

    Sticking around hoping for change sometimes won't make it come. I also wouldn't pose it as an ultimatum (ie, you marry me or I'm gone) I would rather say, "Well then it's obvious we want different things and perhaps it's best to part as friends..."
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    Coming from someone who is going through a rather long, drawn out, pretty ugly divorce? I've stated to my boyfriend that I have no interest or intention of getting married again. I don't need a piece of paper to know that I love him (because having that piece of paper certainly didn't insure I'd love my ex for the rest of my life, right?). I guess I don't really understand why people are so hell bent on marriage. My boyfriend and I live together and have our lives intertwined with one another, we just don't have a piece of paper that says we have to legally split everything down the middle if it ends.

    If someone doesn't want to get married and are open with you about it... then you have two choices;

    A) Accept that is how they feel and it may or may not change.

    B) Leave.

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