"I'm never getting married again."

Lorrie_73

Dump him. I would've been mortified and he clearly did not take her feelings into consideration when making his public statement. They are clearly on two different paths. It is less about marriage at this point and more about him living in the past and holding her accountable for the deeds/misdeeds of a former relationship. He lacks maturity and is a waste of time.

twisted88

What is the point of dating then if there will never be a marriage? It's every girls dream to have that special day. If you love her, and that is the person you want to be with forever, why not get married?

It might have been your dream, but it wasn't mine. I did get married and soon after divorced because he was an abusive a**hole. I won't get married again. The closest I ever felt about possibly entertaining the idea of remarriage was with my ex-SO of 2 and a half years, but again neither of us wanted to get married, nor have children.

Why do you have to have a piece of paper to show that commitment?

Actions speak louder than words, and I've seen that little piece of paper escalate issues between couples just because the party who wanted marriage said that nothing would change, and shockingly things changed after marriage. Finances were shared, stress was increased, etc. and without that piece of paper (for 10 years of living together prior to getting married) they both contributed to household expenses (and if the other need a little more for their bills, the other gladly helped). Did that have issues before marriage? Yes, but don't we all?

To the OP actions do speak louder than words. Just because Johnny said that he never was going to get married again to the group, doesn't mean that he wouldn't make an exception for Jane, like he had already told her. They need to sit down and discuss things, especially if they are serious and they want to be together.

littlepinkhearts

Be careful what you wish for. If he's telling you he doesn't want to marry, then listen to him.

UsedToBeHusky

It's a piece of paper. You're going to dump him for a piece of paper. If you're happy with him and you love him, why is a piece of paper so important? It's not like it's the never-going-to-break-up-or-leave you piece of paper.... divorce removes that piece of paper everytime. Quit whining about a slice of dead tree and enjoy your man. Sheesh!

because its obviously something she wants in life, and why should she deny herself that just because he isnt willing to give it to her? to most people its more than just a piece of paper. it actually means something.

Which is why the divorce rate is at an all time low, right? Hahahaha...

If it's more important than him, then she should leave. The choice is, a piece of paper that means something to her versus staying with a guy that doesn't want a piece of paper.

For most men, loyalty doesn't even begin until they put a ring on a woman's finger. I can understand why she would want a piece of paper. My ex-husband decided that even though he fooled around before we were married that it couldn't be considered cheating because he didn't do it after we were married.

MissTattoo

Dump him, he's a waste of time.

This!

marieautumn

It's a piece of paper. You're going to dump him for a piece of paper. If you're happy with him and you love him, why is a piece of paper so important? It's not like it's the never-going-to-break-up-or-leave you piece of paper.... divorce removes that piece of paper everytime. Quit whining about a slice of dead tree and enjoy your man. Sheesh!

because its obviously something she wants in life, and why should she deny herself that just because he isnt willing to give it to her? to most people its more than just a piece of paper. it actually means something.

Which is why the divorce rate is at an all time low, right? Hahahaha...

If it's more important than him, then she should leave. The choice is, a piece of paper that means something to her versus staying with a guy that doesn't want a piece of paper.

wow you sure are cynical.
he can be a great guy and still not be the right man for her. Obviously he isnt showing a lot of respect for their relationship in telling her he will consider marriage and then telling a group of people IN FRONT OF HER that he will never marry again.
I would come to the conculsion that this relationship isnt going to get you where you want to be. but thats just me.

cior

She needs to decide if marriage is important to her or not. Many people can be in long-lasting committed relationships without ever having that piece of paper that says they are married.

If it is important to her, then she needs to end the relationship and find a person who values the same things. If she feels like she could spend her life with him without actually being married, then there's no reason to end a good thing. However, making a statement like that in front of her and his friends is really just kind of rude.

She basically needs to decide if not getting married is a deal breaker. If it is, then she needs to end it and move on.

Agreed! Great way to put it.

ladykaisa

It's a piece of paper. You're going to dump him for a piece of paper. If you're happy with him and you love him, why is a piece of paper so important? It's not like it's the never-going-to-break-up-or-leave you piece of paper.... divorce removes that piece of paper everytime. Quit whining about a slice of dead tree and enjoy your man. Sheesh!

because its obviously something she wants in life, and why should she deny herself that just because he isnt willing to give it to her? to most people its more than just a piece of paper. it actually means something.

Which is why the divorce rate is at an all time low, right? Hahahaha...

If it's more important than him, then she should leave. The choice is, a piece of paper that means something to her versus staying with a guy that doesn't want a piece of paper.

For most men, loyalty doesn't even begin until they put a ring on a woman's finger. I can understand why she would want a piece of paper. My ex-husband decided that even though he fooled around before we were married that it couldn't be considered cheating because he didn't do it after we were married.

Wow. I don't know ANY men who believe loyalty only begins with the ring. Even with the douches I know.

summertime_girl

Marriage isn't a be all, end all. That said, why should he pay off her debt? She incurred it, she should pay it. And he'd be liable for it if they marry.

He may be a ****, and not worth marrying. But the money seems to be the bigger point of contention.

Ladyiianae

Dump him, he's a waste of time.

HeatherMN

Hmm, I was in a similar situation.

I used to be one who would say "Dump him!" But, I fell hard core in love with a wonderful guy who had been hurt when his ex-wife cheated on him. They divorced and he told me several times he'd never marry again. I told myself I would stay in the relationship as long as I was happy in it and then move on when it was time; after all, I knew without a doubt that he loved me too.

Fast forward to 3.5 years into the relationship when Mr. "I'm never getting married again" proposed!! Yep, we're engaged with plans to marry next year. Glad I listened to my heart and stuck it out with my soulmate!

So, because everyone is different, I really think the woman (Jane?) needs to think long and hard about what she really wants. If she cannot live without getting married someday, it might be best for her to move on. If, on the other hand, she would be okay being with him long-term without the marriage certificate, then I don't see anything wrong with her staying.

Either way, I wish her luck!

joders1313

my Fiancee was married for less than a year, got divorced and it was an UGLY divorce, he ended up having to claim bankruptcy because though she was supposed to pay the mortgage on the house she was living in she stopped paying and the house foreclosed. Anyways you would think he would never want to get married again but we've been dating each other for almost 3 years and are planning our wedding next year (he will be divorced for almost 5 yrs) so my suggestion is to not only give him time to recover and not expect something right away, but my most important piece of advice is MAKE YOUR OWN MONEY, be independent, his ex did nothing while she was with him and she does nothing know (we have custody of the two kids and NEVER get child support), do not expect someone else to support you, and if he wants you to sign a pre nup then do it because his money should not matter to you. if for some reason my fiancee and I split, everything would go through mediation, I take whats mine, he takes whats his easy peasy. if you are already financially independent and he has had his time to get over his feelings of his previous marriage then yes I say get rid of him.

nkenga

When people tell you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

Not every woman wants her "special day", and not every woman wants to get married. However, If she is looking for a man to marry, she is wasting her time with him.

DannyMussels

lol @ people calling him names and disrespecting him in this thread.


Remember that when people you don't know do the same to you for being fat and outta shape.

vara123

Marriage means something to some people, not to others. I'm not so fussed really, I want to stay with my long-term partner, have kids, etc, but I don't really see why that necessitates marriage - aside from some financial benefits and legal rights (most of which are afforded to co-habitating couples in most sensible legal systems anyway). I can totally see why they guy is scared of being stuck with a massive bill again. Why don't they just get a pre-nup to protect their respective assets? A friend of mine did this when his girlfriend moved in with him (and became a rent-paying but romantically-involved co-habitant) to avoid her gaining any legal claim to the property (which can happen through time in some countries, even without marriage) and him having to pay her out of *his* house if they ever broke up (his ex g/f had done this). Made sense to me...

I guess, overall, I would say this isn't a deal breaker and shouldn't be a reason to break up with someone. If one person wanted kids, the other didn't - that would be a valid reason, but if you want to throw a relationship away for the label you are (or aren't) prepared to put on it probably means the relationship wasn't going to stand the test of time in the first place anyway...

ShellyMacchi

personal experience... and at the risk of some folks wanting to smack me...

i was married... for 20 years...
a piece of paper is just a piece of paper... it meant nothing to my (then) husband.. who often had affairs, then promised to change. Obviously he never did.

Now i am divorced and i swore i would never ever EVER get married again.. and i have no doubt about that.

i have a partner now... we live together.. he knew from the start i refuse to ever marry again.
He is fine with that... after all, it's just a piece of paper... what really matters is the relationship.

i suppose if i was younger and wanted to have children with this man i might think differently, but odds are i would feel no differently. We've been living together for 11 years now.
a piece of paper does not make me feel any different about my commitment to a relationship... it is a social formality.
It does not even matter legally really, as, if you live in a state/province where common-law relationships carry as much weight as a 'marriage' when property and money etc is divided up in the case of the relationship ending, you are just as legally bound in the eyes of the law as if you did have that piece of paper.

just my personal situation's 2 cents worth *S*

bcl003

I had just gotten divorced when I met the man I am with now. At that point I didn't want to get married again for a looong time!! This was alright with him though because he has a hard time believing in marriage due to most of his family being divorced at least once or have been cheated on. So he said I never want to get married. Fast forward a year and a half and I realize I want kids and a family with this man and I want to marry him because we are great together. I bring this up to him, he says "I don't believe in marriage but if I wanted to marry someone it would be you" and then proceeds to tell me maybe one day. Now we are at three years together and we end up pregnant and family tries pushing us into marriage, but neither of us want to get married just because we are having a child together besides I wanna look good for my wedding!! Our daughter is 1.5 and we are almost to 5 yrs together and we are engaged, he got me the ring for Valentine's Day as corny as that is. We are to the point that we know we are each others forever and we will get married eventually, but we have other priorities right now and we would like our daughter old enough to be included in the wedding. So tell your friend that they can say that all they want but if he said he would think about it he probably meant it.

BTW He still proclaims that he will never get married but everyone knows that it is just BS and I think he just says it because it is a real fear for him and he likes to try to make a joke out of it. He fears getting married and everything going wrong like his parents marriage did and he has a fear of standing up in front of people speaking.

sandra80

well my bf and i are both divorced and the concept of marriage is a scary thing to him. it was to me too, in the beginning, especially since he brought it up once when we first started dating as if one day it would happen. as time went on, i decided that i did want to marry him one day. well we went to a wedding last month and we were talking about the DJ and the other stuff at the wedding and i asked if he would be ultra controlling of the DJ like he said he was at his 1st wedding. he says all loud (and in my opinion, meanly) that he is NEVER getting married again so therefore it's a moot point. i was absolutely crushed. i'll admit i moped the rest of the wedding. he caught on to what i was moping about and we talked about it the next day and he said it's not off the table completely because he can't possibly know what the future holds. he says that at this point he'll agree to the rings and a party if i want but he wants nothing to do with actually getting married. says he sees no point because we are as good as married in his eyes......yeah i'm still mulling that over. i don't know what to think on it. love him. i know he loves me. it's not a deal breaker but it's gonna be something that hurts for a long time.

yesca192324

Be careful what you wish for. If he's telling you he doesn't want to marry, then listen to him.

I so agree with this. Decide what you want to do and if its to stay with him stay with him if its to leave him leave him. But, make up your mind cause, otherwords your wasting your precious time.

mznisaelaine

Well I believe in marriage, and so if I was Jane I would talk to him about it and if he is so serious about not getting married, then I would probably end it and move on....I dont want to be in a relationship with a potential long term guy who doesnt want to get married in the future.....and for that reason, I want children (maybe I think..I dont know) but I want children after I am "MARRIED"....

But yes she should move on.