toxic family or friends who try to undermine your weight los

RandomMiranda

Girl, you ran a half marathon at a 12 minute mile! That's awesome. That inspires me.
Your sister needs therapy. Hang on to the support you do have from your husband and (maybe) mother, friends on MFP, etc. If cutting her out of your life is an option, at least temporarily, do it and make sure she knows why.
Finally, you make your choices. If you feel like you are doing or not doing something because of her, take back your control and don't let anything about her determine what kind of choices you make about your life or your body.
You are making amazing progress. Keep going for yourself.

weighlossforbaby

The way your mother and sister has humiliated you over your weight has made me soooo ANGRY!!!! It makes me angier that your sis carries on with it after your husband told her to stop! :mad: My twin sis got big after taking depression pills and my older sis called her a fat b**** in her diary so years later my older sis went up at 250 lbs that she needed the gastric bypass! My older sister is now jealous cause she is too small and she can't have a baby but I can I am the biggest of my sisters now but the healthiest cause my twin sister got sick with a kidney infection and dropped 30+ lbs. My point in all of this is karma is a B**** and it will get what is due!!! You are doing a fantastic job with your weight loss and don't quit no matter what!!!! We are here for you :happy:

w2bab

You need to lose about 90 lbs. . . of sister.

scarletspy

That's horrible! It can really hurt when the people closest to us don't give us support or actively try to hurt us. People like that must be so unhappy with themselves that they push it off onto other people. Maybe unfriending her on facebook isn't enough. If she's causing you this much upset, it might be time to just cut off contact completely. I'd try to spend time with your Mother away from your sister.

People can be such hypocrites. She's making fun of you for being overweight but she's unhappy that your trying to change and be more happy and comfortable in yourself. Weight loss is hard enough without all that negativity.

Personally, when I first started trying to lose weight, I didn't mention it to my family. I didn't want to scrutiny. When I started to lose, I couldn't keep it to myself though. They've been really good about it. Really supportive. The only time I have any problems with them is sometimes my Mother makes little comments. She's always been super skinny. It was really unhealthy when she was in her later 20s and early 30s but as she got older she put on some weight and now she's a nice healthy weight for her height. She's 5' 6" and about 154 lbs. She'll be sitting there looking at her belly (where she's carrying a couple of extra pounds) and say, "Ugh, I'm so fat. I really need to lose weight." It makes me really uncomfortable when she does because, while I know the comments aren't pointed at me or anything, makes me wonder. If she's that unhappy and disgusted with herself, what must she think when she looks at me?

Sometime people just don't think before they speak and some people are petty ad jealous and cruel. I try to remember that, when they tear you down and try to make you lose faith in yourself, they're really trying to fix something broken/missing inside themselves. And that's on them, not you. Some people like it when you fade into the background because it gives them a chance to shine.

In the last few hours you've had pages of comments from people offering love and support for you. I know it hurts that your sister can't offer the same, but making yourself happy and comfortable in your own body is the most important thing. If she's hindering that then it's time to make some changes.

Good luck with your situation. I hope it gets better.

caviarblack

Oh my god. That is just awful. I'm so sorry they act in such a disrespectful and juvenile manner toward you. I can relate! I'm 32 years old, and my father STILL feels a need to make jokes about my weight. Just last Fall my husband and I went to see my family, and I usually purposely avoid seeing my dad as it is (that's a whole other terrible story), so of course it was awkward enough to see him after such a long hiatus...and what does he say? He comments on how trim my husband looks (he works at UPS and has always been naturally thin/fit) then looks at me and says "have you been eating all his food or something?", then laughs... I was LIVID that he still feels the need to put me down because of his own insecurity/issues/whatever. My bff has gotten the same passive aggressive gifts from her mother-in-law of all people! She recently lost about 35 pounds and is about a size medium now. Despite this, her MIL keeps trying to give her hand-me-downs of size XL/XXL clothes, and making sarcastic comments when she tells her that they won't fit..."hmm, are you sure??" One of my closest friends feels the need to comment with unsolicited advice on every single thing I'm doing or eating (this increases as my success does), though she is equally overweight. Sorry, I'm rambling! I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you. Just keep up the good work and know that their actions and words speak volumes about their insecurities.

StarkLark

Goodness that sounds awful. I can't even imagine living with that.

The first thing I would do is change your Facebook privacy settings to prevent tagged photos from automatically appearing on your timeline. Check out this article that shows you how to set it so that you get to approve/reject any photos or posts that you are tagged in from showing up on your page:

http://www.facebook.com/help/?faq=168229546579373

You have made amazing progress so far, just imagine how far you can go without these toxic influences. Keep up the hard work and use the memory of their hate to help fuel your continued success. Good luck!

dicoveringwhoIam

I am a very new member here, but it seems like there are a lot of great people here who are in the process of dropping weight and getting fit or have accomplished their goals, and I thought maybe some of you have had similar experiences and could help me with my problem.

All my life I have had weight problems. My sister and mother both pride themselves on their 80-90 pound bodies and laugh, pick on me, make snide comments, or feel it's ok to disrespect me for being a fat disgusting slob.

last year at a family get together, my mother gave me a size 4x( size 28-30W) shirt for a present. I was shocked as yes I was fat at a size 16/18, but I certainly was not a 4x. They both giggled uncontrollably when I opened the present.

My sister has a regular habit of taking the worst pictures of me and tagging me on facebook. It's always the picture of when I bend over to pick something up, or right as I put a bite of food in my mouth. I always leave family get togethers feeling worse about myself.

My husband told my sister, don't take pictures of her and post them on facebook, but to no avail. It seems like she relishes putting up the grossest pictures of me on facebook and tagging me. Once I asked her to see the pics she took and picked one out that wasn't terrible and said if you must post on facebook, please post this one, or nothing at all. When I got home, the picture of me that looked decent was not posted, instead she had gotten some even more mortifying ones and posted those.

After that humiliating experience, I decided enough was enough. I dusted off my bike, located my old running shoes, and made a decision that from that day forward not one bite of fast food would ever pass my lips again.

Fast forward to a year later. I now average 100 miles running a month and 200 miles cycling a month, and have lost over 50 pounds, yet am still no where near my goal weight. My sister and many of my friends, are not happy about my weight loss.

I hear a mix of you run too much, or don't bike so much, or you'll blow your knees out if you try and run a half marathon, or you can't do this, or on the flip side, giggles and snide comments on how I think I'm losing weight but that Im still too fat.

My sister giggles and makes fun of me about my intentions on getting slim. She still tries hard to get the worst picture of me. for example, at the last get together, she waited until cake was served and literally whipped her camera out from under the table and Snap right as I took a bite! My poor husband had been on picture watch and was supposed to jump in front of me at the sight of her cam, but she was sneaky quick and he was caught off guard.

I finally got so depressed looking at these terrible pictures of myself on her facebook page, I deleted her, so at the very least I don't have to see these pictures or see her giggling snide comments on them. I even tried explaining to her, look, I am trying very hard to lose the weight and it hurts terribly that you choose to take and post the worst pictures of me on facebook. She just rolles her eyes and said if you don't like it, change yourself. I also explained that I have been doing something and it takes a long time to lose the weight.

while my mother has finally come around saying that I look great, and that she was impressed I managed to do a half marathon, even if it was only at a 12 min per mile pace, My sister is still trying to enlist my mother in making fun of me.

It is now time to start planning a date for mother's day celebration, and ever since, I've noticed I have been craving bad foods. I have anxiety/ depression over the idea of getting together with her and her camera as I have not achieved my weight loss goal.

Does anyone have similar problems? and if so what do you do about toxic family who try and undermine your success?

Girl really?? I have family like this. I have had to distance myself from them. I am much happier and healthier now that I don't have to deal with them. 1) realize you can choose whether you are around them or not 2) you can't control their behavior but you can control yours 3) by allowing your mom and you sister to dictate how you feel about yourself and how you act gives them way too much control over you. Please take control over your life and do what you need to do for you. I suspect you will need to distance yourself from them and cut them out for a period of time so you can become emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy. Realize that this issue is actually about who they are and not about who you are. It sounds like you have a supportive husband and that is an amazing thing. Talk to him, use him, let him be your support, and cut them out until you are strong enough to stand up for yourself or you can choose to do what youve been doing with the same results and not be happy.

stacymama5

First of all I have to say you have my very deepest sympathies. I am truly sorry that you have to go through that humiliation.

I no longer speak to my sister. Although for different reasons (I have not seen nor talked to her in a year), I can no longer communicate with her. In a way I no what your going through, another trying to cause you pain. I know that I should forgive her for what she has done in the past I am unable to do that as the behavior continues.

You have my very best admiration for being on this weight loss journey!!

simplysassi

As a previous poster commented, there is a setting on FB that prevents anybody from tagging you in a picture unless you authorize it. That doesn't mean the picture can't get posted on her page, but at least she can't tag you in it.

Beyond that... all I can say is WTF ?!! I would have to stay clear of family events when the sister is going to be there. Realizing that it's family and you can't be expected to stay away from everyone because of her, at least you should limit the time you spend at these events if she's present.

If it were me, and I had to buy her a present you can bet I'd be getting her a top and it'd be 2 sizes too small for her. And then I'd say... what? are you too big for it?

Good luck to you. You do NOT deserve this kind of treatment.

WhatDoesLisa

OH SISTER! My sister had a gastric bypass 5 years ago and refuses to admit it to anybody. She still has the MOST disordered eating and constantly struggles with her weight. She swans around like I have always been the fat one and she has always been thin. Her holier than though attitude really bugs me. And she single white females me all the time. If I make a comment about a nice shirt, she runs out and buys it knowing I can't fit in it.

usedasbrandnew

I know I'm late, but if it were me I'd probably sock her. And break her camera. (At least in my head.)

The rational advice of those above me is probably best though.

kabloozi

Yes yes, lived in a city with all my inlaws who made fun and they are overweight and just enable each other. Tell me not to lose and somehow put me in an unhealthy emotional state... Well we moved and we are getting on track! So there! Do what's right for u!

becoming_a_new_me

I want to let you know how very sorry I am that you are getting virtually no support from your family. It is discouraging and insulting that the people who are supposed to love you no matter what are so vicious and toxic. I have had problems with my family in the past, although while not nearly as horrible as you have experienced, I can lend a little knowledge and help.

First of all, you are the one that has taken steps to better your life. They are still cruel and small-minded people who are obviously very unhappy inside to lash out at the people closest to them. I have a feeling your sister feels intimidated by the fact that you are making efforts to be healthy and may be afraid of you becoming "The Pretty Sister", a title she feels that she has.

Family is often toxic, so use this site as a venting board, support, and encouragement. I am going to send you a friend request, and I hope you accept because I try to be very supportive and encouraging. You deserve to be treated better, and I do hope that your family begins to see the light.

I also encourage you to see a counselor as it helped me immensely to deal with the antics of my family members. I do vent some, but for the most part, most of what they do just glides off me. We can't pick our family, but we can choose who we have in our corner to support us.

angelaclassact

Your family sounds awful. Would you subject yourself to this if your 'friends' did it to you? I suspect not. Perhaps it is time to remove their toxic behavior from your life. Living well is the best revenge. Eat right, work out, and keep it up.

hdroddy

How awful your family is. But how terrific that your husband is so supportive.

Seems like your mother might be coming around. But your sister? It's a difficult step to take with family, but when a relationship is nothing but destructive, sometimes it is best to walk away from it.

sissypunks

Not saying you have to do this but if it was me i would stop talking to them completely, cut them out of my life and continue my weight loss journey with out them. they are mean people and you dont' need them.
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This if they cant respect that u r trying hard to change and doing a wonderful job it sounds like i might add then they do not deserve to be a part of your life and maybe if they see that u r not willing to put up with that kind of childish behavior they might get the message keep up the good work and rember u r worth it!

rcc1988

True family are the relatives and friends and coworkers who love and support you and make you laugh and let you cry on their shoulder. NOT sick, bitter people who just so happen to have some genetic code in common with you. If I were you, I would cut this sister out of my life entirely. Life is too short to suffer needlessly cruel people.

northernbeaver

Your sister's antics do border on the side of psychotic. in short she is a bully and from what I understand, bully's pick on people because they themselves are not happy with their lives. its almost a defense mechanism. I would attend mothers day activities but I would be suggesting an activity that does not involve food. or if food is involved, don't participate. if you don't eat they cant snap a photo of you eating.

while you are there I would use this time to focus on your sister. what is in her life that she is so unhappy with that she feels the need to pick on you? is it sibling rivalry? is she not happy in her relationship (if she is married) or is she lonely (if she is not married) I would almost bet that she is secretly jealous of you for something you can do that she can't. maybe she want mom to love her more? a common theme in my household. my two siblings fight each other to get mom and dads attention (even though we are all in our thirties)

if there isn't anything that you can find, take pride in this: if she is bullying you it is because she sees you as a threat. be confident and know that her words and antics are hollow attempts to make herself feel better by making you feel worse. if you don't let her do that then she has no power over you...I would almost ask her why she has to take so many bad photos of you? cant she find a photo of her that hides her poor attitude? but maybe im just bitter lol... best of luck and remember that what they say and do to you does not reflect poorly on you, it reflects poorly on them.

Katherine3828

It's sad that your own family would do this to you! Sounds like your sister needs some serious counseling. You have a very supporting husband and that's great. Keep on going and as long as you have the support from your TRUE family and friends you will reach your goals....

Helenatrandom

Sadly, it seems from what you said like your sister's relationship with your mom was all about cutting into you. Now your mom isn't on board with that (she never should have been in the first place), your sister is at a loss as to how to relate to your mom and uses the old standby of picking on you.
I agree with people who are telling you to NOT be part of a celebration your sister is involved in this year. You don't need the toxicity, and frankly, your sister needs to learn how to relate to your mother in a manner that doesn't involve you.
If you find yourself unable to avoid going, set up ground rules and train your sister to treat you better. !) No unflattering pictures. (Which, btw, I also think you should adjust your privacy settings.) 2) No insulting remarks. (If your sister pretends not to know what you mean, tell her she'll have to figure it out...). 3) No remarks about what you do or don't eat. 4) NO attempts at baiting you. Then, when she tests you, get up, tell your mother you wish her the happiest of Mother's Days, but that it is time for you and your husband (and, of course, children if you have any) to go. If your mother accuses you of "making a scene" or "overdramatizing", just state that you aren't, and that is exactly what you are trying to avoid doing. WALK OUT without any argument. Even if that means leaving before or in the middle of dinner. I'm sure you have food at home. If not, stores are open on Sundays now. Repeat for any and all family get togethers until your sister learns manners.
Your husband sounds like a great guy. Exactly the type who would be on board with retraining your family.