Bully

10KEyes

That is because bullies are not created out of nothing. They are nurtured that way.

That's not always true, there is a poster in this thread who deeply regrets having bullied someone.

Yes, I know, but the way I read it, she bullied, but was not a bully at heart. Just like the guy who mentioned he had bullied as well but regretted it. Yes some of the real bullies do grow up and have to live with the regret of never being able to apologize and I suppose that is Karma. But some simply don't get to that point.

I guess I over generalized with the nurture thing, I know it is not that cut and dried.

MaraDiaz

That is because bullies are not created out of nothing. They are nurtured that way.

That's not always true, there is a poster in this thread who deeply regrets having bullied someone.

Yes, I know, but the way I read it, she bullied, but was not a bully at heart. Just like the guy who mentioned he had bullied as well but regretted it. Yes some of the real bullies do grow up and have to live with the regret of never being able to apologize and I suppose that is Karma. But some simply don't get to that point.

I guess I over generalized with the nurture thing, I know it is not that cut and dried.

I agree with your assessment of the poster, but there's this new thing I'm trying, it's called optimism. Help me out here.

Truth is, we are just learning about how our social environment affects us. If the recent genetic study of monkey social status and genetics applies to humans, bullies could actually be the equivalent of a human AIDS virus.

It's an interesting study with some really scary implications:

http://www.nature.com/news/monkey-genetics-track-social-status-1.10400

christine24t

There are bullies everywhere - the school, the workforce, etc. People never grow up.

cabaray

I had a girl that bullied me in 6th grade. She was popular and very thin. She made fun of me. One day when the teacher was away, she started running her mouth. I was always very shy, but in that moment something snapped. I walked over to her and in front of the entire class told her if she so much as breathed the wrong way towards me I would kick her *kitten*. I never had another problem. She went out of her way to avoid me.

It seems to me that bullying has become more of a problem since "zero tolerance". The bullies don't care if they get in trouble, but the victims are often good kids that don't want to get in trouble so they don't fight back. I've told my kids in no uncertain terms that zero tolerance doesn't apply to them when it comes to self defense. I have told them if someone touches them, make them bleed. I really don't care if they get a three day suspension from school. A three day suspension is better than becoming an easy target.

mdsjmom98

My youngest son who is 14 has had a few instances of bullying. Not near what my older son had, but his confidence level and assertiveness has pretty much kept the bullies at bay.

I can think of two instances where a little bit of karma was dished back to one kid in particular. Once this kid was picking on him, and finally my son got right up in his face and said, "what is your problem with me?" The boy (whose family is apostolic christian) looked right at him and told him he didn't like him because "your dad is chasing after my mom" My son came home and told us, to which I immediately called his mother!! I told her what her darling son had said, and she was mortified. Two weeks later, the kid was back at it, and started chasing my son in p.e. My son put his leg up to block this kid from kicking him, and the kid's leg shattered in 3 places, and not only was he in a wheelchair for 6 weeks, but his basketball season was over. The principal told me not only was my son not in trouble, but that he demanded the boy to apologize to HIM!! All the kids that witnessed it went forward and told the truth, that the kid went at my son in a rage, with the intent to hurt him. He got a little backlash from the basketball team, but he was not bothered by it because he had friends defend him.

hope516

You only hear people talking about bullying when they or someone they love have experienced it - not from bullies or parents w/bullies because they either don't care or don't recognize (that they are bullies or have raised bullies).

That is because bullies are not created out of nothing. They are nurtured that way.

That's not always true, there is a poster in this thread who deeply regrets having bullied someone.

*stands up* that would be me :blushing:

And to respond to the original quote in this series...I am now watching my younger sister experience it and it has brought up when I did it and I can't help to wonder if its KARMA! I trully feel bad for what I did and it hurts to see my sis going through it. So I don't think your statement is completely accurate. HOWEVER, there are a lot of parents who unfortunately encourage or don't reprimand there kids when the are the bullies. And to me that is just sad. How can you discipline a child who was raised that way? I know when I hear my sister making mean comments or talking about girls on her bus I stop her.

kbmnurse

Well, we have perfect examples of bullying going on right in from of our eyes with the presidential candidates. Disgusting. I wouln'd vote for anyone of them.

Another example: the football coach that was instructing the players to damage the opposite teams players. ''Get them in their heads''.


Then we wonder why kids act the way they do.

margeauxhunt

I was for a little while then just became an utter ***** to some people no one tried anymore.


Bullying in the workplace between women is AWFUL. I hate it.

neverstray

You can defend yourself only with enough force to ensure your own safety and to stop the person's actions.

True. I was taught and I have taught my son "Do only what is necessary to stop the attacker, no more, no less." Doing more is vengeance and less is well, not doing enough. Agreed, each kid is different. Thankfully, my 17yo son is responsible enough for that knowledge and skill. I can see where it is different from kid to kid at the same age.

My understanding is though, that this is very grey. As much force as necessary is hard to define. If you feel that your life is threatened, you can do whatever it takes, including killing someone. It just depends. If they have a weapon on their person, it's on. If they even have what looks like a weapon, like a water gun or a plastic knife, it's on. The threat of it is enough. If they threaten you life with words, and then physically come after you, you can take them out, and by that, I mean, kill them. So, it's pretty grey as to when to use "enough" force. Often, though, it doesn't get to that.

As I said, most bullies are p@ssies. No one with self-esteem and good morals would bully another person.

courtxoney

i wouldnt say i was bullied, but i was definitely picked on - especially in middle school.
high school not so much, i learned to stand up for myself and not let stupid people push me around.

its weird, people who picked on me the most in middle school ended up being my best friends in high school.

InnerFatGirl

I was bullied almost my entire childhood, then it extended into teenage years. I am still walked on by others and have to avoid becoming a victim a lot of the time. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, it's had a serious effect on my self-esteem. A serious, serious one.

MissMisery1313

I could write a novel about the bullying I endured all through school, so I'll just post about the first time I really noticed it.

In 5th grade I was standing up in front of the class. The teacher called on a boy I'll call Cedric (because that was his name) to stand up next to me. Cedric rolled his eyes, sighed heavily, and yelled out "I don't want to stand next to the dog!" loud enough to be heard in the next state.

Fun times. :grumble:

curvykim78

My daughter was bullied by a girl in 3rd grade. She came home and would tell me she was pushed, hit, kicked, had carrot juice dumped on her head......yeah I was pissed. i called the school and told the principal and the teachers who said they would deal with it. Every day she came home telling me what happened. Everyday I called the school and teacher. I had enough, everyone knew about it and they weren't protecting her. I callled the administrator and school board and made them request a meeting for the other girl and her mother. We went into there and I told all. I ahd everything documented and dated. They know I wasn't kidding. If they did NOT protect my child while she was there, I was getting an attorney. They knew she was being hurt and they failed to protect her...repeatedly. The girl was put into a different classroom and it totally stopped. Ironically, here we are 3 years later and the 2 of them are friends.
Turns out the girl was having a hard time at home back then and was strictly jealous of my daughter, her clothes, her friends, etc...What a crazy story I know, but it's true. At least it has a happy ending.
I won't tolerate my kids being bullied or bullying anyone else. There is no reason for it. It needs to stop. Period.

PapaverSomniferum

i was bullied as a child, both by other children and by the school systems that condoned it. i was regularly physically assulted on school grounds, and daily harassed with verbal/emotional taunts. things were stolen from me. my clothes and belongings were destroyed.

i was small, timid, and smart. i wore big glasses and my mom always had my hair cut short.

it led to a lifetime of crippling self-loathing, social anxiety, an eating disorder, and an inability to form proper relationships. as an adult i found myself the victim of domestic abuse.

it wasn't until after one particularly violent assult by my x-husband that i ended up in a Domestic Violence 101 class, which ended up being a class on How-to-not-be-a-victim-to-every-human-being-you-meet.

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The thing about bullying that people who have not been a victim of it do not understand is that the system SUPPORTS the bullying.

In school, teacher's ignore or punish "tattletails". Bullying is laughed about as if it's a joke. The aftermath of physical assults are called "playground accidents".

Everyone, usually including parents, believe and downright state that the victim is "asking for it."

This mentality travels into the adult world.

Victim of rape? She was a slut. She was dressed provocatively. She was asking for it.

Victim of domestic violence? If it was serious, she would have walked away.

Victim of work-place emotional abuse? The victim is too sensitive. It's all in the victim's head.

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The first thing they told me in Domestic Violence 101 was,

"You can go to court. You can press charges. You probably won't win. All the evidence against your attacker will be seen as suspect. You will be forced to defend your own honesty and no matter how many witnesses you have, how many pictures of your scars and bruises you have, you will be made to look like a liar. Charges rarely stick"

mrmanmeat

Personally, I think the term bully/bullied is thrown around way too loosely now a days. Mainly, thanks in part to the media.
That said, I was picked on a time or two for certain things in school, but I wasn't affected by it.

It happens.

I'm sorry for those who are severely bullied though.

Fat_2_Fit_Mommy

I was bullied in school I never understand why? I'm like any other kids in the school.. I guess it's probably why I'm so self conscious, and have a low self esteem. Know I think of it I think they picked on me because of my looks maybe?!? Idk.. So I never finished school cause I couldn't handle it anymore but I'm going for my GED soon.. But I am scared for my daughter go to school but I'm going to teach her to accept somebody who they are.

Kari089

I was bullied as a child by various people. as i got older though I stood up for myself-actually a girl twice my size felt the need to start a rumor so she could 'fight me'..I think she was very surprised when i said okay, I didnt say anything but I'm ready to woop some ****..lol she then backed off very fast..was very surprised lol

PapaverSomniferum

*edit,

I cried writing that last post. Not over the memories but because of the hope i have,

bullying is being taken seriously on a grand scale for the first time in my lifetime. It gives me so much hope. It gives me hope for the girls who end up starving themselves because some kids at school call them ugly. It gives me hope for that boy who cuts himself because the girls call him "smelly". It gives me hope for the kids who would consider suicide as the only way out. It gives me hope for the women who allow themselves to be degraded by the one person who should be there for them. It gives me hope for the people who feel like they'll never have a friend, never be worthy, never be anything.

I know these kids. I went to school with these kids. I taught these kids when I was a teacher. I held these kids in group therapy when we all ended up in the nut house. I went to their funearals. I screamed at their parents for not understanding.

They were the silent, the forgotten

and suddenly they're getting publicly defended.

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Bullying is not on the rise

it has ALWAYS been here

it's awareness that's on the rise

there will always be victims and tormentors---you're right! that's HUMAN F*CKIING NATURE

but we can overcome it with understanding, acceptance, and social change. stop giving the bullies the power and they will not have the power to ruin lives.

Maude_Lewbowski

I was for a little while then just became an utter ***** to some people no one tried anymore.


Bullying in the workplace between women is AWFUL. I hate it.

I can identify with both of these statements. I was bullied so horribly as a kid I became the aggressor for a while just to get people to back off of me. It worked but it lead to a lot of other issues later in life. My parents weren't involved enough to step in unfortunately.

Women bullying women at work is and has to be my number one most loathesome thing about going to work. I changed jobs two years ago because of it and I was bullied at my new job wiuth in three weeks. I was bullied THAT badly for over 7 years all by different women, it's the whole glass ceiling thing...not enough room at the top so they choose to claw each other's eyes out to get ahead.

I had to deal with our resident Bully who is also an Executive for the past two days and I couldn't even get out of bed I was so paralyzed but not wanting to deal with her. Bullying sucks, it has long term lasting effects for all. I know it's controversial but, I for one am glad it's being brought to light these days. I'm not preaching, I'm just happy it's out there.

I just do my work, keep my head down and stay out of the fray. Less drama.

Enigmatica

I was the intended victim of a bully now and then as a kid because I have a "lazy" eye and was the quiet, shy, non-aggressive type.

Unfortunately for the bully in each case my fighting instincts, reflexes, and skills were far greater than they'd anticipated.

I never started a fight but I sure ended them. Quickly.

My all-time favorite incident (and the very last one) was the time one of the football players in high school came up behind me while I was digging through my locker, reached around, and grabbed my breasts while saying something nasty about how small I was. There was a sort of explosion, with the end result being that I spun around, grabbed him by the nuts with one hand and the throat with the other, flipped him upside down and slammed him into the lockers on the other side of the hall. He landed on his head screaming bloody murder. A teacher saw the whole thing and gave me a big grin and a thumb's up, and no one ever messed with me again.

Sadly, nowadays I'd most likely be expelled for defending myself that way. I've seen too many kids suffer through horrible bullying under the new "rules" in these schools - rules that protect the bullies instead of the victims!