Jealousy/Relationships (Can anyone relate?)

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  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,695 Member
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    Nope. A man like mine is one in a million. He's not the typical dog. And I've been through MANY men.
    Sounds like you were just dating the wrong kind of men before then.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • kellyisloved
    kellyisloved Posts: 441 Member
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    I've had issues with this in the past, but honestly, most of the time I've run into it (either for myself or by watching a friend), there tends to be some kind of reason prompting it. Either *he* was jealous or possessive, so it made me act that way, or else his behavior (or hers, depending on the situation) caused her to worry because he'd make little comments or watch other girls a little more than just for fun or something else.

    If there really isn't a reason, though, then it might just be that you need to work on feeling better about yourself so that you don't have those nagging feelings making you doubt yourself and then doubt him.

    Hope you find a way to fix it so that things don't go the wrong direction for the two of you. That's a hard way to live if you're always worried and not feeling loved and secure. :flowerforyou:
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    Yep us men do really pay attention to hot women, naked women and sex. But looking and actually pursuing aren't the same thing. Being a PT, I'm hit on ALL the time by females in the gym, both young and old. At first my wife was insecure about it, but I assured her that attraction is only physical. Relationships are much more than that. I couldn't be with someone who is just about material possessions being the definition of who they are. I've had girlfriends who were drop dead gorgeous, but cared so much about having to wear designer clothes, shoes, etc. and spend money on that rather then on a getaway to the beach.
    You have to work on your self esteem and self worth. If not, then you'll end up always looking over your SO's shoulder and trust me as a male, that could be a deal breaker in a relationship.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition


    Will you please quit w/ the damn signature. No one cares. If they did, they'd read your profile.

    Lmfao. I think that everytime.
    If your not answering a FITNESS question that signature pretty much irrelevent.

    Do you have to add a signature manually each post or is it a setting?
  • CassieReannan
    CassieReannan Posts: 1,479 Member
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    I feel the same way! I cant shake the feeling either.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    I had jealousy issues in my first marriage but I was right to...he slept around on me a lot.

    My second husband (and last, because he is a keeper) was patient with my issues at first. I now know that he is an honest, faithful and loving man. Despite the fact that I need to lose 100 lbs, he loves and adores me and I'm not concerned about him seeing or working with other women. He had a trainer at the gym who was an IFBB professional. She was gorgeous, perfect body and a nice and sweet person too. He appreciated her looks ( he is alive after all) but that was all.

    I wish I only had 18 lbs to lose..however, no matter what your weight, the insecurity isn't about your weight. You can rock your body, no matter what size it is.

    You do need to speak to somebody about your issues. If he is faithful to you, there should be no jealousy.

    Oh...and to the "all men are pigs" comment............Seriously???? Do you honestly believe that? That is such a horrible thing to say. Most men are good people. Do they think about sex? Absolutely. But then..so do I. Does that make me a pig too?
  • mikeschratz
    mikeschratz Posts: 253 Member
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    This is an interesting thread!
    Before I got into a program for my alcoholism, I too had super jelousy issues. When it came up during the twelve step process, my sponsor told me I had security issues. I thought he was crazy, but here is what I found out about me.
    Nobody thinks of me the way I think of me. Nobody thinks I am a disugusting piece of "you know what" and that I don't deserve to be with this person or that person. When I get jelous, that is what I am telling myself, is that I don't deserve what I have, whether it is a person, place or thing.
    With the help of doing the twelve steps and taking care of my issues, namely the past, I have found that I don't get jelous anymore. And I know that I am someone worth knowing or getting to know, I treat my friends and family with love and respect, and that if you are a friend of mine, I treat you the way my friends treat me!
    Jelousy is not about what the other person is doing that is making me jelous, it is about how I feel about me that is making me feel insecure and feeling like I don't deserve! As my sponsor says "You got some inside work to do! It ain't what is going on outside that is making you feel that way, it is what is going on inside your heart and soul that makes you feel that way". My emotions aren't fact, I shouldn't react to them like they are!
    God Bless and do an inside job, it works every time!
    BC
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
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    I feel you are the problem.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    Do you have to add a signature manually each post or is it a setting?
    You can have a ticker as a signature, but otherwise you have to add it manually. Signatures were disabled because they were getting out of hand.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    OP, most people experience some jealousy or insecurity at times. What puts it over the edge is when it starts interfering with your daily life, and it sounds like that's happened. You can't go out without feeling uncomfortable; you can't even watch TV without it bothering you. I know some people don't like the idea of seeking professional help, but maybe you should consider relationship counseling, or talk to a pastor/rabbi/whatever.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,695 Member
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    Research showed that women were more jealous than men (DeWeerth & Kalma 1993). Women
    became more jealous than men when they thought that their marital relationship had been damaged
    (Buunk, 1984). Women were more likely than men to make a greater attempt to maintain relationship
    (Bryson, 1991). Women were more emotionally reactive in jealousy- stimulating positions (DeWeerth
    & Kalma, 1993). Sheets & Wolfe (2001) found men express greater sexual jealousy while women
    display greater emotional jealousy.

    European Journal of Scientific Research
    ISSN 1450-216X Vol.39 No.4 (2010), pp.498-504
    © EuroJournals Publishing, Inc. 2010
    http://www.eurojournals.com/ejsr.htm
    This is an interesting paper to read. Check it out when you have time.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • bmarie612
    bmarie612 Posts: 221 Member
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    This is an interesting thread!
    Before I got into a program for my alcoholism, I too had super jelousy issues. When it came up during the twelve step process, my sponsor told me I had security issues. I thought he was crazy, but here is what I found out about me.
    Nobody thinks of me the way I think of me. Nobody thinks I am a disugusting piece of "you know what" and that I don't deserve to be with this person or that person. When I get jelous, that is what I am telling myself, is that I don't deserve what I have, whether it is a person, place or thing.
    With the help of doing the twelve steps and taking care of my issues, namely the past, I have found that I don't get jelous anymore. And I know that I am someone worth knowing or getting to know, I treat my friends and family with love and respect, and that if you are a friend of mine, I treat you the way my friends treat me!
    Jelousy is not about what the other person is doing that is making me jelous, it is about how I feel about me that is making me feel insecure and feeling like I don't deserve! As my sponsor says "You got some inside work to do! It ain't what is going on outside that is making you feel that way, it is what is going on inside your heart and soul that makes you feel that way". My emotions aren't fact, I shouldn't react to them like they are!
    God Bless and do an inside job, it works every time!
    BC



    Thanks for the encouraging words! I'm planning on really working at getting over my problems and I know for a fact its allllll me.
  • bmarie612
    bmarie612 Posts: 221 Member
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    I feel you are the problem.



    Naaaaaa, realllly? I wouldn't have guessed
  • tinydreams
    tinydreams Posts: 39
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    omg i can so relate too this! it was the worst time of my life being like that and it ruined absolutely everything, you need to be more relaxed about these situations, because it will do your head in and will turn out bad :( xxx
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    I can relate. I was the jealous girl when I was in a relationship. I kept trying to figure out why I was feeling this way. But I actually had a reason....

    Me acting jealous (although I wasn't too sure why I was) led me to the truth. I guess I had a feeling the "trust" wasn't there. And that jealous actions that I had led me to the truth about my ex-boyfriend. (NOTICE he is an ex now.)
  • rednblack84
    rednblack84 Posts: 31
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    Love yourself, he already does :-) Everyone looks at other people every now and then but at the end of the day you are the one he wants and as long as you stay YOU (no matter your weight, shape, or size). If it's real love, it's so much deeper than that.
  • Kittie_Kat
    Kittie_Kat Posts: 101
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    I think you need to work on your jealousy issues little by little, otherwise youre going to end up pushing him completely away, and he's going to leave. I've learned to accept the fact that guys (and girls) in a relationship naturally look at others. It doesn't mean that he wants to have sex with her or anything, he just likes how she looks. Hey he's going home with you so that's all that matters. If it's just simple looking at other women, than there is nothing wrong with that in my eyes. Losing 18lbs on your part isn't going to make your jealousy go away. You have to work on your self esteem as well.
  • Phoenix59
    Phoenix59 Posts: 364 Member
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    Men are men and they're going to look. After all, who doesn't appreciate a nice form? Any woman who thinks for a minute that her man isn't looking or noticing other females is delusional! How do you think he noticed you? Sheesh!

    I had jealousy issues in the past, but find that as I've gotten older, more comfortable in my own skin and become more confident, that is no longer an issue. I know who I am and what I have to offer. My husband notices other women and sometimes I even point them out to him. I know he loves me and he's damned lucky to have me, but that doesn't mean he's oblivious to other women.

    I agree with others who say you need to take control of this problem and deal with it before it ruins your relationship.
  • bmarie612
    bmarie612 Posts: 221 Member
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    I guess I should add that I seriously and I mean seriously do not check out any men. I have NEVER been "boy crazy" or cared about men around me... I've never been like "omg girls check out those baseball hotties over there" ... thats just not me... I guess i'm the only one who doesn't care to look at the opposite sex. I've always been approached..never cared to approach a man and be in a relationship..
  • Katie3784
    Katie3784 Posts: 543
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    Guys check out other women, period. To some extent it matters how you look, but even if you were the hottest chick on the planet, he'd still look at others. It's in their DNA, and looking does NOT make them pigs. What makes them pigs is when they do it obviously in front of you, or if they cheat. Try and be more confident, because that is way sexier to a man than insecurity.
  • shamr0ck
    shamr0ck Posts: 296 Member
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    You can't fight biology. Men are hard-wired to look at attractive women. You could be the absolute ideal woman for him (and who's to say you aren't already?) and he is still going to look at other women.

    Just because he looks at a "hot" woman, or porn, or a sex scene, does not mean that he is a pig, or that he is sleeping with other women whenever he gets a chance, or that he even wants to. Sure, he may fantasize - again, completely normal.

    I'd suggest counseling to figure out why you have such a strong reaction to this sort of stimuli, because nothing you do to your body is going to make your feelings change.

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