ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

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  • mixedfeelings
    mixedfeelings Posts: 904 Member
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    and to turn it around to the guys. I know that if I would have said to my previous boyfriend, "We're going out to an event my ex will be there and he always looks good so make sure you dress your best" He would have told me where to go and refused to go with me, and he would have been out with his mates instead.

    The bottom line is, Yes warn about the ex but don't tell the current girlfriend she needs to dress up because the ex is, this is the jerk part, demanding how she dresses. Us women are quite well adapted at dressing appropriately for an event.
  • sandrinamsilva
    sandrinamsilva Posts: 651 Member
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    cut the man some slack, most men are not the best communicators and we read waaaay too much into their simple attempts. appreciate the heads up, shine up your *kitten*, and make it all about YOU!:bigsmile:

    My man is the worst at wording things. It comes out very blunt and sometimes (if I am emotional) I take it completely left field and get butt hurt. But I know he isn't intentionally trying to hurt my feelings. (now at least)
  • rinachandayo0204
    rinachandayo0204 Posts: 6
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    Telling someone that they need to dress extra nice, because that's the type of function it is, is a great idea.
    But saying it's because the ex-gf will be there is bull. I will go with, Definite Jerk.
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 888 Member
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    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????


    maybe you could word it this way, "make sure you wear something super hot and a little slutty so she can be super jealous of how hot you are." bahahahaa! i would give my husband a high five if he said that to me!

    And Monipie, that is why we are friends (OK, and two other big reasons!! haha) But you and I think the exact same. The next question would be, should I wear panties or go without??
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
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    LOL.

    If OP was asking this question for himself, he would have been better off asking said GF.

    At least then he would only have been called a jerk once.

    True that!
  • tiffastar
    tiffastar Posts: 46 Member
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    My answer - while I appreciate you giving me a heads up why the hell do you care what your ex-girlfriend thinks??? But fine, I'll put on lipstick, sheesh.
  • madyncaden
    madyncaden Posts: 312 Member
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    Obviously a man is never right, and it would be better for everyone if we'd just shut up and go fishing.

    you should be their leader since you have so much wisdom!!!
  • Lyra89
    Lyra89 Posts: 674 Member
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    JERK. :noway: And using you to move on from his ex.
  • madyncaden
    madyncaden Posts: 312 Member
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    straight up JERK.......nuff said!
  • IndyInk
    IndyInk Posts: 212
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    He's still in love with the ex. Get rid of him.

    You know it IS possible to care what someone thinks without being in love with them, or even liking them for that matter...

    If you care what she thinks, why would you deliberately use your current girlfriend in a way that makes your ex feel bad about herself? I realize that some do not follow my logic, but if a woman is dating a man of integrity, why would he deliberately encourage the "crazy," less-than feelings in a woman and then turn around use it as a weapon against her, calling her psycho? If he does that to an ex, he will do it to his current significant other.

    There is nothing noble about attempting to pit two women against each other to make himself feel better about his past. A good man would consider it an opportunity for three people to be in a situation that's actually healthy, and treat each other like grownups.

    As far as looking good for an event, I walk out of the door looking like a million bucks if I'm going to the grocery store to buy cold cuts. Nobody has to ask me to do so. I enjoy it.

    I think you're taking it to extremes - he isn't necessarily trying to make his ex feel bad. But given the option of turning up with his gf looking good or great, he is asking her to make the extra effort to look great.

    He isn't using her as bait, or as a competition, or some other random thing you can think of...he just wants to make the best impression at a time when his ex is there.

    You so need to go on a date with a man sometime. :-) After a while, you stop listening to the words and start noticing the actions. It says everything one needs to know.

    Haha if I get desperate sometime maybe... ;)

    women are far more complicated than men, but you think we must be that complicated too and start adding meanings to what we said- on the flip side we're pretty simple and we expect that if we say something you will take it in the way it was meant...

    That is a lovely idea.... really, no sarcasm. Unfortunately if you want to communicate with a dude, you kind of have to speak dude. If a dude wants to communicate with a chick, he kind of has to speak chick. We speak two different languages, which is why when the guy asked for females' opinions, some females called him a jerk, and when they stated the opinions for which he asked, some males called them psycho. Same thing.

    Women are more complicated than men in some areas, men more complicated than us in others. For example, I hope that any man who pits two women against each other for his attention isn't the kind of guy who complains that he hates drama... because he obviously gets off on it.

    I never said the OP was a jerk, by the way, and I never said it was a bad or stupid question. I said if he still needs to impress the ex and that need involves inconveniencing his current GF, she still owns part of his @$$ and his current girlfriend better watch out for that.
  • elishabeish
    elishabeish Posts: 175 Member
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    JERK!! For him to say I need you to look your best is insulting as if she doesn't know how to dress when at certain events. I think my man would have been walking around looking like a raccoon because he would have been popped for saying some ish like that

    ^^This^^ Most def!!!!:explode:
  • stablesong
    stablesong Posts: 224
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    If you say this to your girlfriend, she is fully allowed to not speak to you OR attend the event.
  • NiciS72
    NiciS72 Posts: 1,043 Member
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    This just cracks me up. I guess having been with my DH for 15 years I have a different take on this. I tend to DRESS DOWN on the weekends and for events because I do DRESS UP during the week. It is not uncommon for him to ask me to wear something nicer and I don't get offended. He always tells me he likes it when as he puts it I get "duded up!" On the flip side, knowing my parents like to dress up for things he'll ask me what he should wear to an event so we don't stick out. I always error on the side of being over dressed!

    That said, your delivery may have left a lot to be desired. I would have suggested you say "Honey I want you to dress to the 9's for this event so I can show you off and make all the other men jealous!" And then at another opportunity told her BTW my ex will be there and left it at that.
  • cressievargo
    cressievargo Posts: 392 Member
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    I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.
    Why do you feel the need to impress his ex at all? Who cares what her first impression is? And thinking of yourself as an "upgrade", that's just vulgar.

    This. Are you that insecure? Grow up.
  • coe28
    coe28 Posts: 715 Member
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    Honestly I didn't read more than the first 5 replies so excuse me if I'm repeating what anyone else says. But this "man" is obviously trying to make his ex jealous. Very mature. I say "JERK".
  • Mera_Mera
    Mera_Mera Posts: 153
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    A total jerk. I tell him to sit on a broom stick and rotate and let the ex-girlfriend see him do it. Just my opinion.
  • lau444
    lau444 Posts: 120 Member
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    Obviously his ex still has a hold on him. Unless you are some grossly upkept person (which I'm sure you're not), his comment was completely insulting. You obviously agree, because you felt the need to pose the question here. Don't doubt your instincts.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    I would be highly offended. And plus why do you care about how your ex-gf is going to look.
  • Tara1090
    Tara1090 Posts: 199 Member
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    Its one thing for your BF to ask you to dress up, as often I personally prefer a pair of skinny jeans, T-shirt and flats. BUT, its another for him to ask you to dress up because he wants to impress his ex. I am sorry to say but that is an A-HOLE move on his part, and totally disrespectful!
  • alexbusnello
    alexbusnello Posts: 1,010 Member
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    WOW, how rude! And why is he even thinking about his ex and how you need to be dressed up better? Who cares! I'd be more concerned about why he's worrying about his ex now.....

    Sure, i talk about mine from time to time with my boyfriend but it's NEVER good things. i don't mean to talk about him but sometimes it comes up. But I'd never tell my boyfriend to be or look a certain way if i knew my ex was going to be somewhere were me and my boyfriend are going to be. Who cares! I'm happy, his loss, end of story.

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