ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

TinkrBelz

Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????

maybe you could word it this way, "make sure you wear something super hot and a little slutty so she can be super jealous of how hot you are." bahahahaa! i would give my husband a high five if he said that to me!

And Monipie, that is why we are friends (OK, and two other big reasons!! haha) But you and I think the exact same. The next question would be, should I wear panties or go without??

I've seen you two posting quite a bit, and you are both very awesome...

So many people think there is something wrong with a woman wanting to please her SO like it's being submissive and anti-feminist...

Ya, there are a few of us that are easy going like that!!

doorki

I've been with my husband since I was 16, he was 17. We've been together for 19 years now, married 14.. He never had any girlfriends before me so thankfully I don't have to contend with any exes however if he ever said this to me saying that "other women" will be dressed up blah blah...I would have his bags packed. No ifs, ands or buts. No counselling needed. No apology would EVER take those harsh words back. Ever.

you would leave your husband of 14 years because he told you that he wanted you to look nice?

hesn92

Sorry but I am not competing for my boyfriend's attention. If he wants to be with me then he will be with me. I'm not going to have some lame competition of who can dress up the best at some event with his ex girlfriend. Why would I? That's his EX girlfriend. I'm the new girlfriend. There is no competition.

lizziebeth1028

I think it's pretty much unanimous that the 'heads up' was OK!!!!! It was his delivery that was disrespectful. As a man AND Av 'gentlemen' I would hope that you would learn from this faux pas and make communication a priority in your relationship.

Maude_Lewbowski

This thread is driving me to drink. I am so glad I am single!

LindaCWy

Alls you gotta say is "I hear soandso is going...this should be akward". Minute I hear that, I plan a hot *kitten* outfit.

I wouldn't say hes being a gentleman, but it's not THAT big of a deal.

wvtracyann

I think that it may have come out insulting but that wasn't how he ment for you to take it. I know that if my boyfriends ex was goign to be there all dressed up I would want to know. Plus if you didn't know what to wear you will have it slimed down to a few things now. I think that he just wants to show you off he is proud of what he has and maybe even wants to make her jealous

love2cycle

I've been with my husband since I was 16, he was 17. We've been together for 19 years now, married 14.. He never had any girlfriends before me so thankfully I don't have to contend with any exes however if he ever said this to me saying that "other women" will be dressed up blah blah...I would have his bags packed. No ifs, ands or buts. No counselling needed. No apology would EVER take those harsh words back. Ever.

you would leave your husband of 14 years because he told you that he wanted you to look nice?

I agree, that does seem extreme! My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years, and started dating when we were 16. There have been some dumb comments made on both sides, but that's not who we are all of the time.

va_va_voom

Alls you gotta say is "I hear soandso is going...this should be akward". Minute I hear that, I plan a hot *kitten* outfit.

This. Exactly this. lol That's the only reason why the "I need you to do this" part would bother me (personally) - b/c my husband should already know that I'm already planning the outfit as soon as I find out info like that!

SaketoKim

The part about your ex could have been left out of your statement all together.. and who cares if she isn't dressed better than your ex. The fact that you are concernded about it... is the issue... dump time.

sara819

I read all twelve pages of this thread and now my head is filled with the sound of clucking chickens. All this empathy and support from you sympathetic hoes is just bad advice.

Look, until the ring goes on, you're in a competition for his attention. Even after the ring goes on... you're probably still in a competition (plenty of proof of that in these threads, amirite?). Assuming that he's only got eyes for you is going to lead to disappointment unless he's Prince F'in Charming... and he clearly isn't PFC 'cause he's lacking in tact.

Always act as if that his ex-girlfriend is a predatory down-*kitten* chick with a rockin' bod that plays Xbox like a boss and cooks perfect bacon and has no gag reflex so that you ALWAYS BRING YOUR "A" GAME instead of rolling to the black-tie function looking like a frumpy hag. Or don't - because if you don't care, don't put in the effort. If he matters to you, you'll work to keep him. If he doesn't, you go to the party, guzzle booze, and then smash faces with his bros. Either way you win.

My $0.02? He warned you not to bring a knife to a gunfight. Given that most dudes aren't considerate or astute enough to give you the heads-up at all, I'd say he didn't you want to be upstaged or embarrased. In the world of the limited understanding that dudes have of female feelings, this is kind of a big deal.

Now, if he goes to the party and is all up on the ex, then all the malicous chickenheadedness in this thread is warranted and you can bag his *kitten*. But reading too much into minor **** is why dudes would rather flat-out not talk to women most of the time.

:laugh:

monipie

Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????

maybe you could word it this way, "make sure you wear something super hot and a little slutty so she can be super jealous of how hot you are." bahahahaa! i would give my husband a high five if he said that to me!

And Monipie, that is why we are friends (OK, and two other big reasons!! haha) But you and I think the exact same. The next question would be, should I wear panties or go without??

I've seen you two posting quite a bit, and you are both very awesome...

So many people think there is something wrong with a woman wanting to please her SO like it's being submissive and anti-feminist...

thank you.

foster59803

Honestly, my husband wouldn't have to say anything... because I always dress to impress. Yep, sorry I want to look my best at the grocery store or out with my man. Obviously not the gym or if we go hiking... but if I am out in public there is always a possibility that I might run into someone that I might need to impress. I think people are kidding themselves if they think they are not being judged by how the look, we all judge... and how you look, the way you dress, and the way you carry yourself all play a roll in how people see you.

mmklinemm

I read all twelve pages of this thread and now my head is filled with the sound of clucking chickens. All this empathy and support from you sympathetic hoes is just bad advice.

Look, until the ring goes on, you're in a competition for his attention. Even after the ring goes on... you're probably still in a competition (plenty of proof of that in these threads, amirite?). Assuming that he's only got eyes for you is going to lead to disappointment unless he's Prince F'in Charming... and he clearly isn't PFC 'cause he's lacking in tact.

Always act as if that his ex-girlfriend is a predatory down-*kitten* chick with a rockin' bod that plays Xbox like a boss and cooks perfect bacon and has no gag reflex so that you ALWAYS BRING YOUR "A" GAME instead of rolling to the black-tie function looking like a frumpy hag. Or don't - because if you don't care, don't put in the effort. If he matters to you, you'll work to keep him. If he doesn't, you go to the party, guzzle booze, and then smash faces with his bros. Either way you win.

My $0.02? He warned you not to bring a knife to a gunfight. Given that most dudes aren't considerate or astute enough to give you the heads-up at all, I'd say he didn't you want to be upstaged or embarrased. In the world of the limited understanding that dudes have of female feelings, this is kind of a big deal.

Now, if he goes to the party and is all up on the ex, then all the malicous chickenheadedness in this thread is warranted and you can bag his *kitten*. But reading too much into minor **** is why dudes would rather flat-out not talk to women most of the time.

This is my favorite response!

I personally dress for me and wouldn't give a flying f*** about how I compare to the ex.

tananichelle

Jerk to word it that way. Nice for the heads up. Definitely could be worded a bit differently.

va_va_voom

Honestly, my husband wouldn't have to say anything... because I always dress to impress. Yep, sorry I want to look my best at the grocery store or out with my man. Obviously not the gym or if we go hiking... but if I am out in public there is always a possibility that I might run into someone that I might need to impress. I think people are kidding themselves if they think they are not being judged by how the look, we all judge... and how you look, the way you dress, and the way you carry yourself all play a roll in how people see you.

IMO, dressing to impress should stem from true confidence, not comparison. True confidence = I believe I look good. Period. Comparison = I think I look better than *that person*. Because confidence is impressive. Comparison just smacks of insecurity.

ladyfingers39

14 pages...wow

notdancinganymore

I read all twelve pages of this thread and now my head is filled with the sound of clucking chickens. All this empathy and support from you sympathetic hoes is just bad advice.

Look, until the ring goes on, you're in a competition for his attention.

WOW you must be on the Paleo diet, because you think like a neanderthal.

va_va_voom

14 pages...wow

It's mostly just people insulting others with very little real discussion. lol

getfitdiva

Okay I don't have time to read 14 pages LOL so someone is going to have to give me a synopsis. To the OP welp I'll be going to the event but not with you!!! BAHAHAHAHA. Go w/ your ex-g-friend if she's that HOT.

Rae6503

Do NOT say:

" I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up"

Say:

"Just so you know, my ex girlfriend will be there." That is probably all you need to get current girlfriend looking her best.


And there's no reason to attack the OP. Most of us have been in the situation where we wouldn't mind showing an ex how well (or better) we are doing without them. This includes our own appearance, and how hot our current mates are.

asunnysnowman

He was wrong to ask her to look her best. He could have easily brought up that the ex would be there and she would have made those efforts on her own.

classycouture

I read all twelve pages of this thread and now my head is filled with the sound of clucking chickens. All this empathy and support from you sympathetic hoes is just bad advice.

Look, until the ring goes on, you're in a competition for his attention. Even after the ring goes on... you're probably still in a competition (plenty of proof of that in these threads, amirite?). Assuming that he's only got eyes for you is going to lead to disappointment unless he's Prince F'in Charming... and he clearly isn't PFC 'cause he's lacking in tact.

Always act as if that his ex-girlfriend is a predatory down-*kitten* chick with a rockin' bod that plays Xbox like a boss and cooks perfect bacon and has no gag reflex so that you ALWAYS BRING YOUR "A" GAME instead of rolling to the black-tie function looking like a frumpy hag. Or don't - because if you don't care, don't put in the effort. If he matters to you, you'll work to keep him. If he doesn't, you go to the party, guzzle booze, and then smash faces with his bros. Either way you win.

My $0.02? He warned you not to bring a knife to a gunfight. Given that most dudes aren't considerate or astute enough to give you the heads-up at all, I'd say he didn't you want to be upstaged or embarrased. In the world of the limited understanding that dudes have of female feelings, this is kind of a big deal.

Now, if he goes to the party and is all up on the ex, then all the malicous chickenheadedness in this thread is warranted and you can bag his *kitten*. But reading too much into minor **** is why dudes would rather flat-out not talk to women most of the time.

YES. :drinker:

sortin

I wouldn't mind it if he referred to his ex as a few explict names, followed by a I know you will be way hotter than her so lets make that tramp jealous! LOL!

Really, I wouldn't care....I am secure enough in my own looks and self confidence.

Maybe it's just me, but unless he and his ex broke up because she cheated on him a bunch of times or something like that, I wouldn't be happy to have a boyfriend who was so disrespectful towards women! Just think, if for any reason you two ever break up, he'd be saying the same things about you to his new girlfriend!

Exactly...you find out people's true nature when you reject them.

I think it'd be even more insulting to be 'pampered' prior to the event, rather than be told what the real reason is.

greene89

WOW This makes me so happy to have the man I do.
I guess it helps that my bf's ex (Only has one) was a psychotic hoze bag and a complete up tight hight maintenace girl that wouldnt get dirty. Which he really hated about her. And I LOVE getting dirty.

But serioulsy I wouldnt stay with a guy still thinking about his ex, And wanting to impress her thats F*cked up. Does he think about her well hes on top of you too .

LuLuSUPER

I read all twelve pages of this thread and now my head is filled with the sound of clucking chickens. All this empathy and support from you sympathetic hoes is just bad advice.

Look, until the ring goes on, you're in a competition for his attention. Even after the ring goes on... you're probably still in a competition (plenty of proof of that in these threads, amirite?). Assuming that he's only got eyes for you is going to lead to disappointment unless he's Prince F'in Charming... and he clearly isn't PFC 'cause he's lacking in tact.

Always act as if that his ex-girlfriend is a predatory down-*kitten* chick with a rockin' bod that plays Xbox like a boss and cooks perfect bacon and has no gag reflex so that you ALWAYS BRING YOUR "A" GAME instead of rolling to the black-tie function looking like a frumpy hag. Or don't - because if you don't care, don't put in the effort. If he matters to you, you'll work to keep him. If he doesn't, you go to the party, guzzle booze, and then smash faces with his bros. Either way you win.

My $0.02? He warned you not to bring a knife to a gunfight. Given that most dudes aren't considerate or astute enough to give you the heads-up at all, I'd say he didn't you want to be upstaged or embarrased. In the world of the limited understanding that dudes have of female feelings, this is kind of a big deal.

Now, if he goes to the party and is all up on the ex, then all the malicous chickenheadedness in this thread is warranted and you can bag his *kitten*. But reading too much into minor **** is why dudes would rather flat-out not talk to women most of the time.

YES. :drinker:

I have to agree; her dude has a catch 22 cuz he is proud to have her on his arm and wants to show her off in front of ex. she should be glad for that...........he is jerk for the way he told her. not always about what you do but how you do it

between myself and my sweetie we go always with that A game all the time so there is not confusion. (and seek one another approval as we represent one another.)

Jenilein

Here's a wild and crazy idea, but is this such a drop-dead awesome event that is necessary to attend in the 1st place? I'm not condoning shutting your life off due to ex factors, but if the ex-pressence is going to affect the experence of the event to the point where an out of the norm dress code (it was said this is not a "dress up" event) and other pre-meditated behavior is needed, wouldn't it just be more relaxing to attend other fun events where you can just relax and not worry about any exes? Sometimes you can't plan for these things, but in this case you know the ex will probably be there. Even George Strait sang "all my exes live in Texas...and that's why I hang my hat in Tennessee", lol!

Also, if this is such a big event, what's the chance (out of the large group of attendees) of bumping into the ex in the first place...unless she is seeking you out? Is she the chairwoman of the event? The keynote speaker? I guess the bf could tone-down the enthusiasm of his request and state it in a more matter-of-fact sense "Yeah, my ex typically attends and she usually dresses up, even though its a dress down event..." and just trust his gf to make her best judgement.

...If it were me, I'd dress to the nines and suggest we go to ANOTHER event where dressing up IS appropriate and put the focus on just the two of us enjoying ourselves, no additives, exes or artificial ingredients!

tquig

Honestly I didn't read more than the first 5 replies so excuse me if I'm repeating what anyone else says. But this "man" is obviously trying to make his ex jealous. Very mature. I say "JERK".

And yet there is a recent thread on here about how much WOMEN love seeing their ex after losing weight so they can rub it in their faces and make them jealous. Kind of a double standard, isn't it?

doorki

Honestly I didn't read more than the first 5 replies so excuse me if I'm repeating what anyone else says. But this "man" is obviously trying to make his ex jealous. Very mature. I say "JERK".

And yet there is a recent thread on hear about how much WOMEN love seeing their ex after losing weight so they can rub it in their faces and make them jealous. Kind of a double standard, isn't it?

tquig

WOW This makes me so happy to have the man I do.

And I am sooo happy to have found my wife. Communication is huge. Not over-reacting to stupid stuff like this is also pretty important. It is amazing to me that people can act a certain way, complain about being "alone" and yet never wonder if they way they act is partly to blame for their loneliness.