ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

Options
1…910121415…26

Replies

  • zsaoosh
    zsaoosh Posts: 402 Member
    Options
    I think I would have given a heads up that the ex will be there but leave it up to her to do what she needs to do to stand out...nothing else was needed to be said. It would make me feel like I was being compaired. I know as a woman, I would doll up on my own :flowerforyou:
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Options
    To those suggesting how it should have been said - seems like you are taking it offensively on purpose.

    If you are saying that you understand his intentions but he phrased it poorly, and therefore would have been offended. Doesn't that make you deliberately obstructive.

    Nope, just offering constructive suggestions as to how he might phrase his request better, in case he hasn't yet said it, and/or to smooth future communications.

    No....it's just basic communications 101. There is a proper way to say something and a way not to say it. That's pretty much universal across the board.

    Yes, but saying that the guy should be dumped for saying it wrong is just mental.
  • ShoeDeahva
    ShoeDeahva Posts: 82 Member
    Options
    Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????

    I guess I am different. Personally I always bring my A game daily appearance wise. If my Husband asked me to look extra nice--I would bring out my A+ game. :) Hubby would have to do the same . . . .
  • skinnywithin
    skinnywithin Posts: 1,392 Member
    Options
    am I the only one who read this and then looked at your picture to discover that you are a man writting it? so your new BF wants YOU to dress up becasue his EX GIRLFRIEND is coming..this is way more complicated than I thought !! Looks like there are bigger issues here than what to wear !
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Options
    He's still in love with the ex. Get rid of him.

    You know it IS possible to care what someone thinks without being in love with them, or even liking them for that matter...
  • PapaverSomniferum
    PapaverSomniferum Posts: 2,677 Member
    Options
    dump-all-the-boyfriends.jpg
  • KittieLea
    KittieLea Posts: 1,156 Member
    Options
    Um, that would piss me off and probably be the end of that relationship!

    Obviously if you know what type of event it is you'll know how to dress. It sounds like he's trying to force you to compete with the ex. Why would he even still care if he's with you now?

    Next!
  • HJCsDaddy
    HJCsDaddy Posts: 419 Member
    Options
    Ok... me personally.. I wouldn't mention the ex... I would just say, "Honey, what do you say we get really decked out for this event? Would be fun to dress up!"

    No way, that's a landmine waiting to happen! What happens when you run into the ex and the S.O. says to you, "so thaaaaaaats why you wanted me to dress up..." Then that opens up an entire different bag of worms.

    If I were in your position and my S.O. asked me to dress up, I would think, "hell yeah, I know where I rate and I know that she thinks she's in a better position now than before." Furthermore, there isn't a single person on here, regardless of how holier than thou the responses are, that hasn't wanted to show up where they know an ex will be to show off what they're missing, ESPECIALLY AFTER LOSING WEIGHT OR ANY OTHER MAJOR CHANGE IN LIFE.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    Options
    If I knew his ex was going to be there, I'd bring it.. but FOR ME.

    If he told me to do so, F' that!!!

    Not only would I pissed about him saying that.. there'd be a lot of questions asked to why the hell he cares.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Options
    You all did READ the original post where it says "...or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend".

    I bet if the guy didn't say anything and you didn't dress up, saw his ex looking less-than-your-best, you would all be pissed at the guy for not telling you to dress up. Wow, whole lot of crazy in this thread.

    Once again...I think we appreciate the heads up but there is just a way less offensive way of phrasing it. This is 2012...not the 1950's. 'make sure you look your best' sounds very caveman like. A real gentleman would have found a way to communicate the circumstances around the event with out sounding like a complete meathead.
  • TheNewo
    TheNewo Posts: 239 Member
    Options
    I'm afraid the women have spoken. Kinda makes you sound like a jerk.
    But it's all in delivery sir. You want her to look good? Surprise her with a hair/nail appointment and a shopping trip for the party on your dime.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
    Options
    It amazes me how much some women over think things.
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    He's still in love with the ex. Get rid of him.

    Doubtful. Just because your SO is friends with, civil or heaven forbid, doesn't TRASH an ex does not mean they're still in love with them. IMO the OP's SO wanted her to get all dolled up and look good so that when his ex saw her SHE'D be the one who felt self conscious and crappy. My husband is civil to his ex wife and has visited her on more than one occasion when he was away for business and none of it means he's still in love with her. I would much prefer to date a man who is civil with his ex and doesn't speak ill of them as opposed to someone who is bitter, angry and just plain mean.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Options
    I think all this - don't mention the ex/word it like this/buy her a hair appointment so she'll look good - that is just lying...

    You should be able to speak to each other and give your reasons and not feel the need to manipulate the other into doing what you want. You should be able to ask them, and they do it because they want to make you happy....
  • HJCsDaddy
    HJCsDaddy Posts: 419 Member
    Options
    He's still in love with the ex. Get rid of him.

    Doubtful. Just because your SO is friends with, civil or heaven forbid, doesn't TRASH an ex does not mean they're still in love with them. IMO the OP's SO wanted her to get all dolled up and look good so that when his ex saw her SHE'D be the one who felt self conscious and crappy. My husband is civil to his ex wife and has visited her on more than one occasion when he was away for business and none of it means he's still in love with her. I would much prefer to date a man who is civil with his ex and doesn't speak ill of them as opposed to someone who is bitter, angry and just plain mean.

    You pretty well rock!
  • JustJennie1
    JustJennie1 Posts: 3,843 Member
    Options
    I think all this - don't mention the ex/word it like this/buy her a hair appointment so she'll look good - that is just lying...

    You should be able to speak to each other and give your reasons and not feel the need to manipulate the other into doing what you want. You should be able to ask them, and they do it because they want to make you happy....

    Buy why do that when lying is soooo much easier and doesn't breed an ounce of resentment?? :happy:

    Seriously, your GF is pretty lucky to have you.
  • tquig
    tquig Posts: 176 Member
    Options
    You all did READ the original post where it says "...or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend".

    I bet if the guy didn't say anything and you didn't dress up, saw his ex looking less-than-your-best, you would all be pissed at the guy for not telling you to dress up. Wow, whole lot of crazy in this thread.

    Once again...I think we appreciate the heads up but there is just a way less offensive way of phrasing it. This is 2012...not the 1950's. 'make sure you look your best' sounds very caveman like. A real gentleman would have found a way to communicate the circumstances around the event with out sounding like a complete meathead.

    Unfortunately some of the women in this thread have no chance of finding a real gentleman because they instantly resort to insane behavior- i.e. violence, dumping him because he didn't phrase something in the best manner, etc.
  • IndyInk
    IndyInk Posts: 212
    Options
    He's still in love with the ex. Get rid of him.

    You know it IS possible to care what someone thinks without being in love with them, or even liking them for that matter...

    If you care what she thinks, why would you deliberately use your current girlfriend in a way that makes your ex feel bad about herself? I realize that some do not follow my logic, but if a woman is dating a man of integrity, why would he deliberately encourage the "crazy," less-than feelings in a woman and then turn around use it as a weapon against her, calling her psycho? If he does that to an ex, he will do it to his current significant other. Once a manipulator, always a manipulator.

    There is nothing noble about attempting to pit two women against each other to make himself feel better about his past. A good man would consider the event an opportunity for three people to be in a situation that's actually healthy, and treat each other like grownups instead of 14-year-olds.

    As far as looking good for an event, I walk out of the door looking like a million bucks if I'm going to the grocery store to buy cold cuts. Nobody has to ask me to do so. I enjoy it.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Options
    OK Guys.......generally if you just tell her that your X is going to be there and it is a dressy event....99.9% of women will figure it out on their own and THEY WILL DRESS TO KILL. Adding the statement..... """I""""(as in all about me) need you to look good' is just in bad taste.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Options
    I think all this - don't mention the ex/word it like this/buy her a hair appointment so she'll look good - that is just lying...

    You should be able to speak to each other and give your reasons and not feel the need to manipulate the other into doing what you want. You should be able to ask them, and they do it because they want to make you happy....

    Buy why do that when lying is soooo much easier and doesn't breed an ounce of resentment?? :happy:

    Seriously, your GF is pretty lucky to have you.

    Haha you're right, what was I thinking?! I know, tell her there's a prize for the best dressed, that will work!

    thanks :) - I have to say your husband seems pretty lucky to have you as well - speaking a lot of sense dude....nice to see that there are some rational people on this forum...

Categories