ladies is he being a jerk or gentleman???

tinam76

sounds like something my husband would say any excuse to go fishing lol

kimber0607

Absolute jerk!

Ms_NewNew

Lol......I hope her response was "Well you NEVER look better than my EX so whats the big deal".......hahahahaha #JERK

And he doesnt have any game because if he was smart he wouldve just played it off and took her to the spa, salon and bought her a nice outfit as a "gift" lol and asked her to where it to the event....im just sayin GO ALL OUT

JustJennie1

Honestly it wouldn't bother me. Mainly because my now husband said something similar to me when we were going some place his ex worked. I didn't see it as an insult at all. But then again I don't really get insulted by many things.

capricorn0120

Not a gentleman. He's a jerk! Just the way it's said. It seems he doesn't think you can look good and that you wouldn't bother to look good knowing you're going out, regardless of occassion.

All it would take for a woman, at least me, to look her best is the mention of an ex being there (not ask me to do it) and I would go out of my way to look my very, very best.

honeysprinkles

I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.

I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.

elenathegreat

cut the man some slack, most men are not the best communicators and we read waaaay too much into their simple attempts. appreciate the heads up, shine up your *kitten*, and make it all about YOU!:bigsmile:

ashmarie484

I think the wording is all wrong but I do think your intentions are good. Come on ladies dont act like you wouldnt want to upstage the ex. Everyone does. Maybe you invite her to the event and then offer to get her hair done or a mani/pedi or something. Just having those things will make her feel good and she will probably dress up on her own. I wouldnt just come straight out and tell her thats why,

TheRoadDog

Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????

Don't know his motivation, but I would never say something like that to my wife. She looks fabulous everywhere we go, but if she decided to accompany me in a gnatty purple terry cloth robe and her hair in curlers, I'd be proud to have her on my arm. And, trust me, everyone within my circle would treat her as if she were royalty.

ampa916

To me it would be more insulting if he said he didn't want you to go because she'd be there

To me it depends what he ie normally like. I've had friends who aren't told the ex will be somewhere and are mad their boyfriend / husband didn't say anything. If he is always concerned about how perfect you look I'd be concerned. Otherwise I'd say he is giving you a heads up just maybe lacking tact

I'd have to agree with this, I don't think he was gentlemanly at all, but I don't think he meant it the way it came off either. I would be really upset if my husband didn't tell me an ex was there, and if he did tell I would naturally want to look my best, maybe though that is just me. I don't know why he said it that way but I am almost sure he didn't mean it that way.

Il_DaniD_lI

Neither. I would understand and want him to do the same for me in that situation.

Changing__Christina

I wouldn't mind it if he referred to his ex as a few explict names, followed by a I know you will be way hotter than her so lets make that tramp jealous! LOL!

Really, I wouldn't care....I am secure enough in my own looks and self confidence.

honeysprinkles

I wouldn't mind it if he referred to his ex as a few explict names, followed by a I know you will be way hotter than her so lets make that tramp jealous! LOL!

Really, I wouldn't care....I am secure enough in my own looks and self confidence.

Maybe it's just me, but unless he and his ex broke up because she cheated on him a bunch of times or something like that, I wouldn't be happy to have a boyfriend who was so disrespectful towards women! Just think, if for any reason you two ever break up, he'd be saying the same things about you to his new girlfriend!

chrishgt4

"I need you to look your best" is an insult. It's all about you.

"I better warn you that my ex" [facial expression of slight disgust] "will probably be there. She always goes. Dressed to the nines." [Roll the eyes.] is a warning, and very welcome.

^^ This.

Jeez some people looove to find something to get upset about...

Referring to the above preferred statement - all the expression of disgust and rolling of the eyes to me is indicative of someone who has bitter feelings towards his ex which I wouldn't see as a positive thing.

Personally I am friends with about 90% of my exes because I'm not such a douche that I can't be civil even during a break up.

Just for a second imagine the other way that you were going somewhere that you knew YOUR ex would be. I'm pretty sure most of you would prefer that your current bf would be looking his best. It doesn't mean you still have feelings for them.

I take it as that he thinks you are hotter, but wants to make sure that you treat the event as important enough to get properly dressed up for.

Maybe he said it the way he did without all the sugar coating and floweriness because he thought you could accept his comments in the way that they were meant and not do your best to take it the wrong way...i.e. he thinks you are a reasonable person. To get insulted is to prove otherwise...

honeysprinkles

Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????

Don't know his motivation, but I would never say something like that to my wife. She looks fabulous everywhere we go, but if she decided to accompany me in a gnatty purple terry cloth robe and her hair in curlers, I'd be proud to have her on my arm. And, trust me, everyone within my circle would treat her as if she were royalty.

that's really sweet!

RachelsReboot

I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.

Good grief, so you guys are harping on the stinking "upgrade" get over it. It's a WORD.

DsAdvocate

Definitely a major jerk move.

chrishgt4

I'll take the guys side on this one, this is a heads up, look if you run into the ex and you are introduced for some reason, YOU want to look your best. Hasn't anyone been there before? I sure have, was out running errands in a t-shirt and some jeans and ran into my guys ex at the store and she was just getting off work and was in a suit and heels. I felt like crap afterwards because she didn't get an opportunity to see his upgrade. Because I was caught off guard I didn't have my best foot forward and you only get one chance to make the first impression. Call me whatever you want but I'd like the opportunity to knock it home and show her that he's got quite a catch. If you go and aren't looking your best and he didn't tell you that you might run into her, what's going to be the first thing out of your mouth? "Why didn't you tell me she was going to be there!" Your going to follow that up with knocking him upside the head and then mumbling to yourself for days about how you wished you;d have been wearing this or that, or that you'd fixed your hair or touched up your makeup.

I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.

When you dress up it is for you.....no it's not.

When people dress it is to make a statement to other people.

Yasmine91

Umm..he's with you so..why does he care about his ex? no matter how you look, to him, you should always be the one who looks good, even if his ex is there. Something tells me he hasn't moved on from his ex. Immature and definitely jerky.

KailaJordan

I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
-wtk

Agree! So insulting! It sounds like she may of left him and he's still angry/upset about it that he would want to try and make her jealous. I would ditch that guy quicker than I could say 'skinny'.

honeysprinkles

"I need you to look your best" is an insult. It's all about you.

"I better warn you that my ex" [facial expression of slight disgust] "will probably be there. She always goes. Dressed to the nines." [Roll the eyes.] is a warning, and very welcome.

^^ This.

Jeez some people looove to find something to get upset about...

Referring to the above preferred statement - all the expression of disgust and rolling of the eyes to me is indicative of someone who has bitter feelings towards his ex which I wouldn't see as a positive thing.

Personally I am friends with about 90% of my exes because I'm not such a douche that I can't be civil even during a break up.

Just for a second imagine the other way that you were going somewhere that you knew YOUR ex would be. I'm pretty sure most of you would prefer that your current bf would be looking his best. It doesn't mean you still have feelings for them.

I take it as that he thinks you are hotter, but wants to make sure that you treat the event as important enough to get properly dressed up for.

Maybe he said it the way he did without all the sugar coating and floweriness because he thought you could accept his comments in the way that they were meant and not do your best to take it the wrong way...i.e. he thinks you are a reasonable person. To get insulted is to prove otherwise...

I don't see why anything other than the dress code would need to be mentioned to get that point across. Or is the only reason a woman would ever want to look nice is to impress someone's ex girlfriend? that seems unreasonable to me.

GasMasterFlash

YOU GO GIRL NOTHING WRONG WITH TELLING THE TRUTH AND STUFF HAVE YOU SEEN THE FEEDING TUBE DIET SOUNDS GREAT WHY NOT TELL THE TRUTH AFTER ALL LIFE IS SHORT WHY DEAL WITH JERKS AND LIES

rrmmgg22000088cancel

JERK!! For him to say I need you to look your best is insulting as if she doesn't know how to dress when at certain events. I think my man would have been walking around looking like a raccoon because he would have been popped for saying some ish like that

LMAO Amen :laugh: :laugh:

doorki

I think the wording is all wrong but I do think your intentions are good. Come on ladies dont act like you wouldnt want to upstage the ex. Everyone does. Maybe you invite her to the event and then offer to get her hair done or a mani/pedi or something. Just having those things will make her feel good and she will probably dress up on her own. I wouldnt just come straight out and tell her thats why,

this....come on. How many women here have dressed up their new man to go somewhere where their ex is. His wording was bad but the intent is completely normal.

mixedfeelings

Your significant other( someone who you have been dating exclusively for a year) ask you to attend a popular event In your area and he says to you " I really need you looking your best my ex girlfriend always attends this event and I know she is going to be there and I know she is going to be dressed up" would you feel like he is being a jerk or would you feel that is a good heads up cause its not something you would normally get particularly dressed up and made up to attend?????

It just sounds like he wants to use her to show off to his ex, well it doesn't sound like it just is otherwise this would never have cropped up. Is he even going out with her for the right reasons if he still cares what his ex thinks?

Shweedog

I'm gonna go with total *kitten* on this one...

honeysprinkles

I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.

Good grief, so you guys are harping on the stinking "upgrade" get over it. It's a WORD.

it's not just the word, it's the entire idea behind it.

Plainzero

I don't know how you would confuse that with gentlemanly. That may be the most insulting thing I've ever read on the internet.
-wtk

You must not spend a lot of time on the internet, then.

chrishgt4

I really don't like the idea of being an "upgrade." I'm not a car or an object to be compared to. I am myself and we are together because we have a good relationship. Never in my life would I be happy to be told that I need to look my best to show up an ex. When I do dress up, it's for ME, so I feel good about myself, not because my entire worth depends on looking better than another girl.

Good grief, so you guys are harping on the stinking "upgrade" get over it. It's a WORD.

Exactly!

People will try to find insult in anything.
"you look nice darling"..................... "oh so you're saying I normally look crappy?!"
"You look good, have you lost weight?"......."oh so you're saying I was fat?!"

I would love to think that who ever I'm seeing thinks that I'm the best she's ever had.

thegreenone

bit of both really, at least he gave you a heads up, just didnt do it in the 'best' way.