is it "disrespectful" to not have kids?

daffodilsoup

It would be disrespectful to yourself to have kids if you don't want them, and that's not good for anyone involved.

If someone says it's "disrespectful" not to want them, then that's probably just because they can't imagine that someone wouldn't want their own precious little acorns anyway. Don't let it get to you.

BrienJD

No one should have kids because SOMEONE ELSE wants them to:explode: nor should you be in any way ostracised for deciding NOT to have them. If you want them fine, have them and be happy. I have even seen people pressured by in-laws to have children just because THEY want to be grandparents:mad: Unbelievable!

There is nothing wrong with not having kids. It's your life. It IS a lifetime committment (for most anyway) and not to be taken lightly. I for one never had any, nor do I plan to. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.

cbh142

I do not want kids either. I don't like kids at all. Not only that, I would like to keep my money, time, enery, etc for myself. No one in my family has a problem with my decision.

amibeachcomber

I think you've made a very mature decision. Being a mother is very rewarding. Having said that, it is also the most challenging role a woman will ever have in her life. It is never ending. From the moment you find out you're pregnant, your life completely changes........what you eat, what meds you are allowed to take, what you drink, your sleeping habits, your career. Everything. It's not easy. I knew I wanted children. You know you don't and I completely respect that decision. I don't know why anyone else wouldn't. Now, do my a favor.......go to Italy and drink wine and eat pasta.....live it up for a week or two or three! That's exactly what I would do if I had stayed single and with no children. Now I have to wait for retirement.....for the money and the time!

econut2000

I don't want children either and never have. I am lucky to be surrounded by (mostly) supportive people who realize that although I love my niece and nephew more than anyone else on the planet, being a mother is just not for me. My mother wasn't thrilled of course, and up until about a year ago, kept telling me I might still change my mind. There are still other people around me that do the same, but I'm 32 and it's not going to happen. Luckily, that's all they say and never tell me my choice is "wrong" or I'm being "disrepectful"! Having children is a totally personal choice and no one else's business. I am aware that I am too Type A and also too selfish to have children of my own. I think it's better to realize it ahead of time then have children, be miserable and make your children miserable!

doorki

People need to realize that it is wrong not to have kids if you can. The world needs a next generation, and if everybody shirks that responsibility, it isn't going to happen. Fertility is a gift! Use it!

Otherwise the same thing will happen to us as what happened to the shakers. They didn't want kids either, and now, they are gone, gone, gone.

i'm glad you responded to this. i firmly do not believe that we all need to have kids. the world population will not be shrinking any time soon. i would rather not have kids then have kids and not be a good mom.

there are so many kids out there that need homes because their parents should not have had kids.

thank you for your post. i respectfully disagree with your premise.

What if you are wrong? Right now, most countries in the world are facing an inverted pyramid in their populations in that there is a large number of old people and very few young people. Population will continue to increase because of this pyramid until mid-century, then it collapses. Some countries are expected to lose 50% of their population, and demographers are saying that the population decrease will be worse than that of Europe in the 13th Century when entire populations disappeared because of the plague.

So your thesis rests upon shaky assumptions. You think that there will be no consequences for your personal decision replicated by millions of personal decisions just like yours. When does the personal become the social? And when does a society jump off a cliff? Does it matter? Will you still be around mid-century when the mess happens?

Demographers say the trend is set in stone because there are not enough young people of child bearing age around to increase the birthrate so as to prevent the inevitable.

I remember reading an article stating that if not for the plague (Black Death) population culling, Europe would be a desert/wasteland right now due to overpopulation and exceeding our resources to the point of deforestation.

You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.

daffodilsoup

People need to realize that it is wrong not to have kids if you can. The world needs a next generation, and if everybody shirks that responsibility, it isn't going to happen. Fertility is a gift! Use it!

If fertility is a "gift", then I'm returning mine.

frosty73

Someone (not the OP) must be *nuts* to think it's "disrespectful" not to have kids. Unless, of course, you are on a religious forum and believe that controlling one's own reproductive rights is disrespectful to God. (And unfortunately, some religious people do think that!)

Either way, pat yourself on the back for making up your own mind. I have 2 boys and with recent pre-adolescent struggles, sometimes I really regret it!

alias1001

You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.

^^^this.

We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.

Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.

As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.

wellbert

I heard that most people regret having kids. (like 80%)
but i heard it on a morning talk show, so it's probably a made up stat.
Still.

I like not having kids. I like it a lot.

cindy4mica

I don't understand the use of the word, "disrespectful" here. Had they used, "selfish", that would make more sense. Although their entire argument is ignorant and DISRESPECTFUL.

ThePunkHippie

I don't understand the use of the word, "disrespectful" here. Had they used, "selfish", that would make more sense. Although their entire argument is ignorant and DISRESPECTFUL.

I don't even understand why not having kids would be considered more selfish than having one. I don't think I've ever heard a reason for someone wanting kids that wasn't 100% selfish.

Laura_Suzie

It's better to not have kids than to just have kids because it's what is expected of you by "society".

The decision to have kids or not is between YOU, your significant other, and (if you're religious) God. It's no one else's business.

Personally, I don't want to have kids and can't see myself ever having them NOW, but if circumstances are right in the future... maybe. For now though I can only think of one reason to have kids: I would have someone to take care of me when I'm old. That's all. Therefore, it would be FAR MORE selfish of me to have kids than not have kids.

daffodilsoup

I don't understand the use of the word, "disrespectful" here. Had they used, "selfish", that would make more sense. Although their entire argument is ignorant and DISRESPECTFUL.

I've never really understood the "selfish" argument about choosing not to have children. How exactly is choosing to stay childfree selfish and having kids is the "unselfish" option?

TheRoadDog

If you don't want to have kids, you shouldn't Whoever is chiming in should mind their own business.

cramernh

on another website forum, i just got b****ed out for not wanting to have kids. i was really taken aback and i gave my reasons. what i got back was three different people saying i'm horrible for not wanting kids and its very disrespectful to not have kids. they really got mean.

i dont think i'm "disrespectful" or horrible. my reasons for not wanting kids are well thought out. i dont think anyone should have kids unless they want to. i used to be in child care and i love kids. i think other peoples kids are great. i just know i'm not going to be a good mom and i shouldnt be made to feel bad about that.

maybe i'm just being sensitive.

A good friend of mine from highschool who is married, they both do not want kids. They have so much going on in their lives right now that to have kids, it would significantly put a damper on the things they do (alot of cancer research fundraising, both work full time, both run a business together, etc)...

I get a kick out of how people who are so quick to judge when that 17yr old gets pregnant, still in high school, and the supposed boyfriend who 'would never leave them', leaves because they just dont want the reality of having a kid around. People are even more quicker to judge when a mature couple (or single person for that matter) makes the mature decision not to have children. I dont get it...

There are no rule books of society that state we have to have children. And - in a less-than-mature way of saying it: "tough s***" - people need to stop being so damn judgemental and mind their own damn business. Honestly - how does it affect a person that YOU chose not to have children? Seriously?

Right now I have an empty nest. My daughter is almost 19 - and I have been asked "you know, you are still young enough to have more children?" or my mother pushing me to have more kids, or adopt, etc... she has always wanted to be the grandmother with tons of children. What my mother keeps forgetting is that I almost died having my first child. I can no longer have kids, and when you get the real life reality check from doctors and specialists telling you at age 18, that to even consider 'getting' pregnant, I risk losing my life... they were surprised I survived my first pregnancy it was that bad.... and at age 18, I 'got' the message - but my mother didnt.

grassette

You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.

^^^this.

We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.

Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.

As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.

Did you read the articles I posted? Sure we are getting a short term population increase, but not because more young people are being born. The reason we are getting more population is that there are more old people than young ones, and when the old people die off, they aren't going to be replaced. And the economy is going to collapse.

Collapse, when it happens takes only 50 years to wipe out a civilization.

All population centers are affected by the no more children trend: Europe, and Asia are the biggies. Africa still has family values, but is beset by AIDS and wars. So where your future population centers are is questionable. They certainly aren't going to be in North America.

The anti-fertility trend is going to be the end of us. Sure, there aren't going to be any fertility police forcing you to bear children, but it is something that everyone should do, unless there is a darn good reason not to. And not feeling like it is a pretty weak argument.

doorki

You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.

^^^this.

We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.

Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.

As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.

Did you read the articles I posted? Sure we are getting a short term population increase, but not because more young people are being born. The reason we are getting more population is that there are more old people than young ones, and when the old people die off, they aren't going to be replaced. And the economy is going to collapse.

Collapse, when it happens takes only 50 years to wipe out a civilization.

All population centers are affected by the no more children trend: Europe, and Asia are the biggies. Africa still has family values, but is beset by AIDS and wars. So where your future population centers are is questionable. They certainly aren't going to be in North America.

The anti-fertility trend is going to be the end of us. Sure, there aren't going to be any fertility police forcing you to bear children, but it is something that everyone should do, unless there is a darn good reason not to. And not feeling like it is a pretty weak argument.

So you are more concerned about more fodder for the economy rather than quality of life?

JustJennie1

You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.

^^^this.

We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.

Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.

As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.

Did you read the articles I posted? Sure we are getting a short term population increase, but not because more young people are being born. The reason we are getting more population is that there are more old people than young ones, and when the old people die off, they aren't going to be replaced. And the economy is going to collapse.

Collapse, when it happens takes only 50 years to wipe out a civilization.

All population centers are affected by the no more children trend: Europe, and Asia are the biggies. Africa still has family values, but is beset by AIDS and wars. So where your future population centers are is questionable. They certainly aren't going to be in North America.

The anti-fertility trend is going to be the end of us. Sure, there aren't going to be any fertility police forcing you to bear children, but it is something that everyone should do, unless there is a darn good reason not to. And not feeling like it is a pretty weak argument.

Wow. So what you're saying is that women should be forced to have children even if it's something they don't want to do? There's going to be a lot of unwanted and/or abused children out there if that's what you're saying and what a society THAT'S going to turn out to be.

I'm not having children for a simple reason: I don't want them. I don't particularly like them and therefore my husband and I have decided not to have them. I think it would be unfair of me to have a child knowing that I don't want one.

grinch031

Obviously we need to keep reproducing to keep our economy afloat, but population growth should be as slow as possible.

I can't see a good reason to criticize someone for not having kids other than religious intolerance. Even that is obviously not a good reason. I think a plenty of people have no business having kids if they aren't able or willing to provide a safe, healthy, loving environment for them.