is it "disrespectful" to not have kids?
Replies
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I don't understand the use of the word, "disrespectful" here. Had they used, "selfish", that would make more sense. Although their entire argument is ignorant and DISRESPECTFUL.0
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I don't understand the use of the word, "disrespectful" here. Had they used, "selfish", that would make more sense. Although their entire argument is ignorant and DISRESPECTFUL.
I don't even understand why not having kids would be considered more selfish than having one. I don't think I've ever heard a reason for someone wanting kids that wasn't 100% selfish.0 -
It's better to not have kids than to just have kids because it's what is expected of you by "society".
The decision to have kids or not is between YOU, your significant other, and (if you're religious) God. It's no one else's business.
Personally, I don't want to have kids and can't see myself ever having them NOW, but if circumstances are right in the future... maybe. For now though I can only think of one reason to have kids: I would have someone to take care of me when I'm old. That's all. Therefore, it would be FAR MORE selfish of me to have kids than not have kids.0 -
I don't understand the use of the word, "disrespectful" here. Had they used, "selfish", that would make more sense. Although their entire argument is ignorant and DISRESPECTFUL.
I've never really understood the "selfish" argument about choosing not to have children. How exactly is choosing to stay childfree selfish and having kids is the "unselfish" option?0 -
If you don't want to have kids, you shouldn't Whoever is chiming in should mind their own business.0
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on another website forum, i just got b****ed out for not wanting to have kids. i was really taken aback and i gave my reasons. what i got back was three different people saying i'm horrible for not wanting kids and its very disrespectful to not have kids. they really got mean.
i dont think i'm "disrespectful" or horrible. my reasons for not wanting kids are well thought out. i dont think anyone should have kids unless they want to. i used to be in child care and i love kids. i think other peoples kids are great. i just know i'm not going to be a good mom and i shouldnt be made to feel bad about that.
maybe i'm just being sensitive.
A good friend of mine from highschool who is married, they both do not want kids. They have so much going on in their lives right now that to have kids, it would significantly put a damper on the things they do (alot of cancer research fundraising, both work full time, both run a business together, etc)...
I get a kick out of how people who are so quick to judge when that 17yr old gets pregnant, still in high school, and the supposed boyfriend who 'would never leave them', leaves because they just dont want the reality of having a kid around. People are even more quicker to judge when a mature couple (or single person for that matter) makes the mature decision not to have children. I dont get it...
There are no rule books of society that state we have to have children. And - in a less-than-mature way of saying it: "tough s***" - people need to stop being so damn judgemental and mind their own damn business. Honestly - how does it affect a person that YOU chose not to have children? Seriously?
Right now I have an empty nest. My daughter is almost 19 - and I have been asked "you know, you are still young enough to have more children?" or my mother pushing me to have more kids, or adopt, etc... she has always wanted to be the grandmother with tons of children. What my mother keeps forgetting is that I almost died having my first child. I can no longer have kids, and when you get the real life reality check from doctors and specialists telling you at age 18, that to even consider 'getting' pregnant, I risk losing my life... they were surprised I survived my first pregnancy it was that bad.... and at age 18, I 'got' the message - but my mother didnt.0 -
You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.
^^^this.
We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.
Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.
As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.
Did you read the articles I posted? Sure we are getting a short term population increase, but not because more young people are being born. The reason we are getting more population is that there are more old people than young ones, and when the old people die off, they aren't going to be replaced. And the economy is going to collapse.
Collapse, when it happens takes only 50 years to wipe out a civilization.
All population centers are affected by the no more children trend: Europe, and Asia are the biggies. Africa still has family values, but is beset by AIDS and wars. So where your future population centers are is questionable. They certainly aren't going to be in North America.
The anti-fertility trend is going to be the end of us. Sure, there aren't going to be any fertility police forcing you to bear children, but it is something that everyone should do, unless there is a darn good reason not to. And not feeling like it is a pretty weak argument.0 -
You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.
^^^this.
We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.
Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.
As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.
Did you read the articles I posted? Sure we are getting a short term population increase, but not because more young people are being born. The reason we are getting more population is that there are more old people than young ones, and when the old people die off, they aren't going to be replaced. And the economy is going to collapse.
Collapse, when it happens takes only 50 years to wipe out a civilization.
All population centers are affected by the no more children trend: Europe, and Asia are the biggies. Africa still has family values, but is beset by AIDS and wars. So where your future population centers are is questionable. They certainly aren't going to be in North America.
The anti-fertility trend is going to be the end of us. Sure, there aren't going to be any fertility police forcing you to bear children, but it is something that everyone should do, unless there is a darn good reason not to. And not feeling like it is a pretty weak argument.
So you are more concerned about more fodder for the economy rather than quality of life?0 -
You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.
^^^this.
We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.
Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.
As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.
Did you read the articles I posted? Sure we are getting a short term population increase, but not because more young people are being born. The reason we are getting more population is that there are more old people than young ones, and when the old people die off, they aren't going to be replaced. And the economy is going to collapse.
Collapse, when it happens takes only 50 years to wipe out a civilization.
All population centers are affected by the no more children trend: Europe, and Asia are the biggies. Africa still has family values, but is beset by AIDS and wars. So where your future population centers are is questionable. They certainly aren't going to be in North America.
The anti-fertility trend is going to be the end of us. Sure, there aren't going to be any fertility police forcing you to bear children, but it is something that everyone should do, unless there is a darn good reason not to. And not feeling like it is a pretty weak argument.
Wow. So what you're saying is that women should be forced to have children even if it's something they don't want to do? There's going to be a lot of unwanted and/or abused children out there if that's what you're saying and what a society THAT'S going to turn out to be.
I'm not having children for a simple reason: I don't want them. I don't particularly like them and therefore my husband and I have decided not to have them. I think it would be unfair of me to have a child knowing that I don't want one.0 -
Obviously we need to keep reproducing to keep our economy afloat, but population growth should be as slow as possible.
I can't see a good reason to criticize someone for not having kids other than religious intolerance. Even that is obviously not a good reason. I think a plenty of people have no business having kids if they aren't able or willing to provide a safe, healthy, loving environment for them.0 -
You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.
^^^this.
We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.
Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.
As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.
Did you read the articles I posted? Sure we are getting a short term population increase, but not because more young people are being born. The reason we are getting more population is that there are more old people than young ones, and when the old people die off, they aren't going to be replaced. And the economy is going to collapse.
Collapse, when it happens takes only 50 years to wipe out a civilization.
All population centers are affected by the no more children trend: Europe, and Asia are the biggies. Africa still has family values, but is beset by AIDS and wars. So where your future population centers are is questionable. They certainly aren't going to be in North America.
The anti-fertility trend is going to be the end of us. Sure, there aren't going to be any fertility police forcing you to bear children, but it is something that everyone should do, unless there is a darn good reason not to. And not feeling like it is a pretty weak argument.
Over-population will wipe us out long before anti-fertility will.0 -
You are also forgetting that while Western (1st World) Populations are experiencing a population pyramid, the same is not true for the rest of the world. Don't worry, while it is true that Western Populations will decrease, the world population centers will continue the trend of shifting to other population centers.
^^^this.
We're not at almost 7 billion people because of people not having children.
Most of the world faces overpopulation, not under. It's only Japan and parts of Europe that have a real problem with low population growth. The US is okay because of immigration.
As for the topic, having children is a personal decision. In no way is it disrespectful.
Did you read the articles I posted? Sure we are getting a short term population increase, but not because more young people are being born. The reason we are getting more population is that there are more old people than young ones, and when the old people die off, they aren't going to be replaced. And the economy is going to collapse.
Collapse, when it happens takes only 50 years to wipe out a civilization.
All population centers are affected by the no more children trend: Europe, and Asia are the biggies. Africa still has family values, but is beset by AIDS and wars. So where your future population centers are is questionable. They certainly aren't going to be in North America.
The anti-fertility trend is going to be the end of us. Sure, there aren't going to be any fertility police forcing you to bear children, but it is something that everyone should do, unless there is a darn good reason not to. And not feeling like it is a pretty weak argument.
Hi, I'm a woman, not a god damned f*cking incubator.0 -
on another website forum, i just got b****ed out for not wanting to have kids. i was really taken aback and i gave my reasons. what i got back was three different people saying i'm horrible for not wanting kids and its very disrespectful to not have kids. they really got mean.
i dont think i'm "disrespectful" or horrible. my reasons for not wanting kids are well thought out. i dont think anyone should have kids unless they want to. i used to be in child care and i love kids. i think other peoples kids are great. i just know i'm not going to be a good mom and i shouldnt be made to feel bad about that.
maybe i'm just being sensitive.
More people should want to NOT have kids, we are terribly over populated and most people have no clue what they are getting in to and end up allowing electronics to babysit. I commend you for deciding not to and sticking with it.0 -
I didn't read every reply on here but I completely applaud anyone who decides NOT to have kids. Not everyone is made out to be a parent and you're making the biggest most responsible adult decision of your life by realizing that. I know too many people who should have kept their legs shut and never ever became parents. You can like kids but that doesn't mean you need one of your own.0
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I can't even wrap my brain around it. Did they say WHY they believe it to be disrespectful? And who is being disrespected? I applaud you for not having kids if you don't want them, their are far too many parents out there that shouldn't be and their kids suffer because of it. Why have something you don't want?
You should have asked them if they have pets and if not tell them they're being disrespectful, lol WTF :noway:
My only thoughts are, maybe the people that said this didn't want kids but gave in to societal or family pressures and they are now bitter, and taking it out on someone who also doesn't want kids but it sticking to their guns.0 -
To not want to have kids is solely your decision and you dont have to answer to anybody for any reason.
The fact that you dont THINK you will be a good mother makes you really mature in your decision.
I didnt want kids either. EVER.
I got pregnant tho and I wouldnt change my life for the world.
I didnt think I would know how to be a mother either, I was very selfish, i never wanted to settle down, I partied, I clubbed, I was on and off again in a relationship because I just didnt want that "family" atmosphere.
My son helped me GROW UP tho. He changed my point of view on a lot of things and even tho I had to change my life plans for him, its so much more fun to share them with somebody that loves me unconditionally.
Not trying to convince you, just letting you know that ive been in your shoes before to.
My decision wasnt changed by choice, I didnt want kids either....0 -
I think you probably just ran into a group of people who were scared that you weren't validating their life choice because deep-down they have been doubting it themselves. People often seem aghast at my fiance's and my decision not to have children, but honestly neither of us want them. We don't hate kids, we just don't want to have and raise our own. And if we DID have kids out of some misguided sense of duty (is that the "respect" they were talking about, maybe?), we would be miserable and likely that would leave our kid(s) miserable as well.0
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I certainly hope you won't be visiting that site again! People with mental health issues (yes I'm one of them) need encouragement and support. Doesn't sound like you were getting any of that from the other site.
Thank goodness you came to your senses and came back here lol
Btw. I don't want children either0 -
I'm not having kids just so we have fewer internet trolls. Who cares what someone else thinks? If you don't want children, don't have them. I don't and no matter how many times people say to me "When are you having kids?" or "Oh, you'll want them one day." with that knowing little smile they always give me as if to say one day I'm going to wake up and go "Actually, I would like to screw something else up."
In all seriousness, though, someone who treats you that way because you don't want a child is not worth your time. People tell me all the time I'm being selfish for not wanting children. Maybe I am, but it is totally up to me.0 -
It's not disrespectful to not have kids. It just isn't. If it doesn't suit you, if it doesn't suit your lifestyle, it's your choice and you have every right to exercise it.
I am flummoxed by that supposition that every woman with a uterus needs to use it for procreation. That is not true. Some of us truly are NOT meant to have kids, whether it be genetics, personality, lifestyle disorders what have you. Are they disrespectful? NO....so why is it disrespectful to exercise a choice?
It certainly doesn't mean that there is ANYTHING wrong with you. In fact, by making that choice, it shows you are taking complete responsibility for your future and body. YOU get to decide, thus how can they judgementally say it's disrespectful?
I have, however, experienced that kind of outpouring. After I had my daughter, I made a choice that one was enough and I also experienced people who felt that I was making a very bad decision. From what I could discern, people who make those kind of comments are defensive. They are defensive about their life choices and defensive about their situations and so take it out in a "deflecting manner" on someone who has made an opposite life choice.
Perhaps these women unconsciously are jealous of you for having the ability to make that choice? Perhaps they are coming off a bad spate of baby teething and haven't had sleep in two months and lashed out at the first person they felt "deserved" their judgement? You don't really know why they did that. But it shows how some people just can't play nice.
Lauren0 -
I think it was disrespectful of those other people to judge you because you don't want children. Having kids is a huge life choice and its a personal choice between you and your significant other (or sperm donor, whichever you prefer lol). No one has any right to give their opinion and critize you of your choice.0
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People need to realize that it is wrong not to have kids if you can. The world needs a next generation, and if everybody shirks that responsibility, it isn't going to happen. Fertility is a gift! Use it!
I have triplets and a 4 year old. I have done my bit and your bit OP. I think the wonderful thing about modern women is that they have the CHOICE about becoming a parent or not. If people are expected to respect my right to breed short, loud snot machines then they should also respect you for choosing not to burden yourself or society with unwanted children.
Oh and in response to the poster I have quoted. Fertility is a gift if Mother nature makes on at a time. It is a ruddy inconvenience if you suddenly end up with 3!0 -
Sounds like you should leave the other forum. People have fed me that same kind of stuff but I blow it off. I also get a lot of flack for being a single independent woman. Its like people look down on me for being able to take care of myself. To me that just shows their insecurities. Don't let these people bother you, there are a lot more important things in life to worry about.
BTW, I have always wanted kids but not as a single parent, its not fair to the kids. I would never disrespect your decision, its your life.0 -
on another website forum, i just got b****ed out for not wanting to have kids. i was really taken aback and i gave my reasons. what i got back was three different people saying i'm horrible for not wanting kids and its very disrespectful to not have kids. they really got mean.
i dont think i'm "disrespectful" or horrible. my reasons for not wanting kids are well thought out. i dont think anyone should have kids unless they want to. i used to be in child care and i love kids. i think other peoples kids are great. i just know i'm not going to be a good mom and i shouldnt be made to feel bad about that.
maybe i'm just being sensitive.
It's really no ones business but your own whether or not you want children... but I know several people that said the same thing you did and now that they are hitting the age of it could be too late they are regretting not having them. I couldnt imagine my life without mine no matter how choatic life gets! Alot of people see it as selfish to not have children, especially those who cant have them. Obviously you have your reasons, it doesnt make you a horrible person but it will make for a lonely life without them. I know some that regret never having them and seeing their friends gathering with their children on special occasions and having their own personal system really bums them out now. In the long run, you have to do what makes YOU happy!0 -
I don't want kids either. I'm 29.
I've heard things like: you must hate kids, there's no point to a woman's life without them, who will take care of you when you're old?, don't you want to be remembered?, you shouldn't get married then! (when I was with my ex-fiance), if you don't give a man kids you don't love him etc etc.
There's nothing wrong with not having kids, there are 7 billion people on earth already, imagine if everyone had kids!
I don't want kids because this world is so messed up, I don't want the responsibility of raising another human being in this craziness, I'm afraid I would mess up! I also am not financially stable and I have a physical disability as well as bipolar disorder, it would be very tough for me. Also, all the men I've really been attracted to -- none of them wanted kids, that's how I realized I didn't either. I like to pick up and go whenever and not worry. I do have a cat though and I'm his mommy!
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People are crazy! it's your choice to have or not have children, what is it to them!? These are the same people that have kids but don't pay attention to them and then blame society for their mistakes instead of taking a cold, hard look in the mirror at whoe is actually to blame. People think that because I'm young (24) that I'll change my mind. Heck my fiances mom is planning our baby shower (she said even if we adopt she'll throw one) and we haven't even had a bridal shower!! People may call me selfish for not wanting kids and I'll be the first person to agree with them, but honestly it's my CHOICE. People need to keep their noses out of other's business!0
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Disrespectful nope, selfish yep, but I don't say that to be mean. I'd say the reson most people don't want kids can be considered selfish (at least the one's I know), but I don't have an issue with that. It is your own choice, and in fact IF you don't want them then more power to ya.0
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Parents need to validate their life choices - they need to feel superior to us non-parents, because of the time, effort, & money they're putting into being parents. A lot of people lose their identities when they become parents (look at screen names on websites - so-and-so'smommy, hotmommy, momof21, newmom, etc etc etc)
I have multiple reasons for not wanting kids. My mother should not have had children & I worry I'll turn into her, there's health problems in my family that are hereditary, my lifestyle & dreams don't allow for children, the world is a ****hole & I wouldn't want to subject a child to that, &, most importantly - I DON'T WANT TO.
When people say why they want children, it's almost always a selfish reason. "I want someone to be my friend" "I want a baby to dress up & play with" "I want someone to take care of me when I'm old" "I want someone to carry on the family name" "I want grandkids"
I have NEVER heard a parent say "I think the world is a wonderful place & I want to share it with a new generation". It's like people don't realize that the children they're having are going to have to live in the world when they grow up. People participate in earth hour & think that means they can waste resources without thinking about it for the rest of the year. The landfills are full of dirty diapers because no one wants to use reusable. But the people who should care, the parents of the future generations, don't seem to give enough of a *kitten* to make a change (Generalizations here, I'm aware there's people who DO give a *kitten*, but the majority is still screwing it up for everyone else.)
Long story short - it's your choice either way. If you make it wrong then YOU'RE the one who has to live with it. (I HAET it when people say 'if you don't have kids you'll regret it'. I'd rather regret not having them than regret having them...)0 -
Not disrespectul. But to give advice on raising kids when people don't have them is like telling people how to exercise when they have no experience doing themselves.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I really wish that more people who don't want children would have the courage to not have any. People feel so pressured to have children because we are taught that that is what we are supposed to do. Being a parent has many rewards and can be very fullfilling. However, people who try to talk you into having children never seem to mention that it is not without its very serious stressors. Just to have someone tied to your heart in that way is stressful enough. The love you have for your children is endless and deep and you feel what they feel ,only coupled with a frustration that they have to go through things in order to grow up and that you can't take the pain away. Sometimes they infuriate you to the point that you can't wait for them to grow up and leave. Then one day you look up and they are grown up and gone and you wonder where the years went.
I'm not sure who will make you want to scream more, toddlers trying to assert their independence who don't have enough words yet to tell you how they feel, or teenagers who are trying to assert their independece who have plenty of words to tell you how they feel. None of which you will feel like hearing. With both groups, you will have plenty of words for them too. None of which they will feel like hearing either.
And then there is the inconvenience and expense and lack of time for yourself. Some days I used to think, " What was I thinking having children? Did I just one day decide that I had too much money, spare time and extra brain cells and want to put an end to all of that?
Forget privacy. Forget sleep. When they are little they keep you up late and wake up early. When they are school aged, you have to get up early to get them fed, ready and out the door. When they start driving, you can't sleep until you hear them come home and know they are safe.
Forget flexibility and spontenaiety.
These things take a major committment and parenting is not for everybody. I would not have missed raising my two boys for the world, however it has been quite an experience, and I totally respect anyone who does not wish to have that particular experience. Parenting is truly a lifetime committment.0
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