is it "disrespectful" to not have kids?

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  • groovyfirechick
    groovyfirechick Posts: 188
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    If you don't want kids that is your decision and anyone else should keep their negative thoughts to themselves. Better to decide now that you don't want kids than to have them and regret them for the rest of your life! I know plenty of people who don't have kids and they are perfectly happy with that decision.

    Personally, I do want kids and since my boyfriend and I are talking about getting married we have also discussed having kids. You should tell those people to mind their own business!! How rude are they!

    Sending you love and support as you deal with these *kitten*&*^es.
  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
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    There are a lot of super moms out there that think having a kid is the ultimate blessing. In reality, unless you're ready to have kids (or ready to change if you just happen to end up with a child) then you shouldn't be made to have a child. You shouldn't be looked down on for not wanting one either.
  • plantgrrl
    plantgrrl Posts: 436 Member
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    I don't want kids either. I LOVE my nieces! All my friends kids are great, I love playing and reading stories and teaching little kids why it's not nice to hit people or fight. I'm sure I would be a fine parent, but I've never been into the whole "baby" thing. Also, the genetics in my family are SO messed up that it would in fact be irresponsible toward the human race for me to reproduce. I made a pact with one of my sisters (the one who isn't the mom of the nieces) that we wouldn't have kids when I was 14. Kids are great for everyone else, but they aren't my thing. I've never had anyone b**** me out about it, but they all get these dumb *knowing* looks on their faces and tell me I'll change my mind later in life--well...I'm 30 so when do the silly comments about that end--when I hit menopause? Besides, I always figured that if my husband and I got that bug, we could adopt (plenty of kids who need homes in the world, god knows!). But I don't know that it's disrespectful. On the other side of the coin, if this is a bi-polar forum, then you have to know that extreme reactions are a possibility (I mean no disrespect to people with bi-polar, but my mother and several on my aunts have it--sometimes poorly managed--so I know how it *can* be). :huh:

    Also, maybe they are upset because they never considered the option and the secretly weren't on the parenting wagon either...? I really can't think of a good reason for this to be disrespectful. How DARE you disrespect the circle of life?!

    They'll be laughing all the way to the well-funded old-folks homes, while we either get reverse mortgages, have some old age bucks put away or go to state funded facilities, so really we should be pitied if anything.

    BTW, while we were dating, I would periodically check in with my now husband, "I still don't want kids. How are you feeling about that?" Just to reenforce the fact that I hadn't changed my mind for him. I was like, "it's cool if you do, it's just that you won't be getting kids, if you stay with me. If you want that, I'd be sad, but we would need to break up so you could find someone who does." And he was always okay with it. So...you know...we'll have some awesome fur babies (bunnies, dogs...etc.).
  • Allibird8682
    Allibird8682 Posts: 7 Member
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    It is your life! If you don't want children that is just fine! I think you need to get some new "friends."
  • Alinroswell
    Alinroswell Posts: 3
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    Please grow a pair - if you don't want children that is ok and by definition is the best thing for you. Outsiders with opinions on what you should or should not do will NOT be there when the kid needs nuturing, food, clothes, medical, college, etc. YOU decide what is OK for you.
  • lkm111
    lkm111 Posts: 629 Member
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    I get disrespected too - but because I "only" have one child. Never mind the fact that it really wasn't my choice not to have any more. That never registers with people.

    By the way you describe the exchange, I sense some jealousy. Perhaps they would have made a different choice if they could do it again? Just a thought.

    They are the ones being disrespectful and must not have much going on in their life if they have to come down on you. You are making the most responsible decision any person could make.
  • MJ7910
    MJ7910 Posts: 1,280 Member
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    no. it is disrespectful to yourself to have them if you don't want to. and it's disrespectful to the kids that weren't wanted that were forced to have been born. everyone is not meant to have kids. but i know some people have a hard time with that. also, some people are meant to just have 1 kid... some people get all up in arms if there is an only child. but some parents only want one kid and it's not a horrible thing.
  • newmommynewfitme
    newmommynewfitme Posts: 89
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    The people that said that are idiots, plain and simple ! I got crap about not having kids yet being married 7 years at the time, little did the disrespectful people whom felt they needed to know what was going on with my uterus know that I had suffered through 3 miscarriages and 1 stillbirth. I swear people should seriously think before they speak ! I have friends that don't want children and they are told at church they are wrong , they are not wrong and neither are you ! You don't have to justify your reasons for NOT wanting children, it is your decision. My niece was abandon by her "egg" donor , I will call her that because she was not a mother... at 3 months she left because she didn't want to be a mother. Yet , she has went on to have 4 more children she does not have custody of. They should worry more about people like that , rather than those not wanting children which I see as responsible when you know you don't want them personally.
  • MrsRawwwr
    MrsRawwwr Posts: 166 Member
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    No. It's disrespectful to not want kids but then have them anyway.
  • jentaylor412
    jentaylor412 Posts: 30
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    I am a 33 year old mother of 4 children. I love being a mom...sometimes. It was my choice to have my kids and I raise them and support them (with my husband). But it was our choice not someone else's. If you wanna have kids have them if not don't. It's America you have options!!! Tell those people to stick it where the sun don't shine!!!
  • Calyps0
    Calyps0 Posts: 44
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    I have heard similar things. Probably the worst instance was a woman (who had her first child in early teenage years then had 3 more {the oldest of which also became pregnant when she was 14} and had mostly struggled to survive on welfare; who said to me that I should breed because I was white!
    Another instance was when a neighbour came to check me out when I first moved here and she asked me about my children and when I said I didn't have any and wouldn't, she said something like "oh you must be a hair dresser or run a brothel" pffffft!
  • KBGirts
    KBGirts Posts: 882 Member
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    I don't get this.... who exactly are you disrespecting???? That is not even a good argument for having them, so that person doesn't know what they are talking about.
  • LuckyAng
    LuckyAng Posts: 1,173 Member
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    I wish more people would choose not too. Some people weren't meant to spawn. Not saying you, but I'm sure you've seen the type of parents I am talking about. No one should ever be made to feel badly for such an extremely personal decision.
  • barkfitness
    barkfitness Posts: 14
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    It is disrespectful to bawl someone out for not wanting kids. I would rather a person who doesn't want kids to not have kids. What a bunch of jerks. I was never a kid person, and it is probably good, because I can't have children. I would never look down on someone who chooses to not have children. What forum was this? That is unbelievable and well, I'm a little mad now. hee hee
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
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    It'll take a few generations for people to wrap their heads around the concept of NOT having kids, because it's definitely going to become more and more common. Disrespectful, though? That's pretty odd.
  • Dee1006
    Dee1006 Posts: 37
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    People like that always feel they have the right to judge the lives of others. I am A Stay at home mom and the things people say about that blow me away, and then those who say working moms neglect their children supposedly. It is all nonsense. I have two kids and people have actually said "oh only two". My decisions in life are my own and what is going to work for my family, it has nothing to do with anybody else. Just as your decision to not have children is your own. I made the decision long ago that society and media will not navigate my decisions in life.
  • trawad
    trawad Posts: 3 Member
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    Exactly who are you disrespecting by choosing not to have kids that you don't want? NO ONE. If you don't want them, don't have them and don't let anybody make you feel bad about your decision. There are too many kids in this world who have been abused because their parents didn't want them. There are even more who the taxpayers are taking care of because their "parents" can't. The jails are filled with people whose parents were not ready, willing or able to parent. You disrespectful, no. The people who told you that are the disrespectful ones. Don't worry about what other people think. Some people are so miserable in their own lives, the only way they can feel better is to make other people miserable.
  • hailzp
    hailzp Posts: 903 Member
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    People get freaked out when others don't follow social norms. They are often closed minded and conservative. (Which seem to go hand in hand :P lol). Don't worry about it, it scares them because they can't see themselves diverting from the norm. Good for you to stick to your guns, kids are not everyone's cup of tea and nor should they be.

    I just have to say, I am very conservative, but find the opposite to be true about close minded people. Most liberals I talk to are extremely close minded. You can see from my previous response that I think the OP is very intelligent for making a decision that's right for them. People sound cloud close minded when they make fun of another party before knowing enough information.


    You are right, I apologise, but my intention was not to stick every one under the same umbrella, and I was not meaning a political conservative party, I know plenty of 'liberals' who are conservative and closed minded, but I would not say most. :flowerforyou: I also know quite a bit of information about this subject but you are right I should not make fun.
  • sofitheteacup
    sofitheteacup Posts: 397 Member
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    Its your business, just don't change your mind after its too late.

    That's one of the things that people say to me regularly when I say I don't want kids.
    I knew when I was like 5 years old that I didn't want to be a parent. I will be 28 in a few weeks... so for 23 years I have felt this way! I don't think I will ever change my mind.

    To go with the majority here- I see no way that not wanting to replicate yourself is disrespectful. Maybe if you said it in a way that attributed the reason for not wanting kids to your parents for some of the things they did during your childhood, but even that argument has some merit. I mean, if it's how you feel, who is it disrespectful towards? I would argue that people who have kids and don't really want or take care of them appropriately them would theoretically do much more harm than any other related situation.

    As far as not wanting kids, I didn't. For the longest time. Didn't have a good childhood myself, didn't want to squander my hard earned money and time off tethered to a child, just didn't really bond with them on my own and didn't feel that desire within me.
    But, as irritable as it is when people warn you not to change your mind when it's too late-- I did. I mean, it's not too late, but now it's something I really want in my life. A lot of my perspectives and values changed after a certain point, and it's something I changed my mind about.
    But that doesn't mean everyone will, and it doesn't mean everyone should want kids.

    Do what you want, and if they dont have the decency to at least respect your decision, they're not worth knowing anyway.
    What argument, may I ask, did they make for characterizing such a decision as "disrespectful"? I can't even understand that choice of words.
  • DonnaRe2012
    DonnaRe2012 Posts: 298 Member
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    on another website forum, i just got b****ed out for not wanting to have kids. i was really taken aback and i gave my reasons. what i got back was three different people saying i'm horrible for not wanting kids and its very disrespectful to not have kids. they really got mean.

    i dont think i'm "disrespectful" or horrible. my reasons for not wanting kids are well thought out. i dont think anyone should have kids unless they want to. i used to be in child care and i love kids. i think other peoples kids are great. i just know i'm not going to be a good mom and i shouldnt be made to feel bad about that.

    maybe i'm just being sensitive.

    And who in the HELL are we being disrespectful toward???

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