is it "disrespectful" to not have kids?

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  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,453 Member
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    This thread is getting disgusting - especially the comment how "I'm starting to think there's a reason some people can't have children". Shameful.
    Goodbye.
  • PandoraMoon
    PandoraMoon Posts: 24
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    It is not disrespectful to not have kids. It is disrespectful for others to try to force their ideas and beliefs on you. I do not have kids. I never wanted them and was lucky enough to find a man who also does not want children. We are perfectly happy as we are and enjoy every aspect of our child-free life.
  • blmr85
    blmr85 Posts: 57 Member
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    I get alot of comments alot about that. I dont want kids either. I think it is a smart, responsible choice. I know I wouldn't be able to provide the right care for them. This is your life and your choice :smile:
  • blmr85
    blmr85 Posts: 57 Member
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    I completely agree about wanting kids is selfish. I think about how hard to I have to work to make ends meet, the children now are going to have to work 3 times harder. I dont want to put another human being through that.
  • gwangjujulie
    gwangjujulie Posts: 54
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    Whats "disrespectful or horrible" are the people who have kids just to check the box of societies expectations - job - check, other half - check, house- check, kids -check........

    I dont want kids, dont get me wrong, I love kids, I work with kids, do I want my life to revolve around them 24/7? No way! I always feel like I have to justify why I dont want to have any, and it normally starts with me saying "I'm quite selfish with my time, I want to be able to do what I want, when I want to do it, and not have to put someone (a child) first for at least the next 18 years....if not longer" But then I get angry with myself for saying that I'm the one being selfish; I think to choose not to have them is one of the least selfish decisions you can make, far better than the people who have kids for the sake of it and then dont spend any time with them, leaving them to be brought up by teachers, day care, and after school centers!
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,094 Member
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    thank you everyone who has been able to respond and be civil. i really appreciate your messages and support.

    i dont want this thread to turn into a place people can come and be mean to each other. we all have differing views, i think one the one thing we can take away from this thread is that its ok to have your own opinion. and there is no reason we have to change anyones opinion. as adults we should be able to have debate and remain civil.

    neither side is right or wrong. keep it above board. :)
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
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    That is f&@cking stupid. Disrespectful? Uh, how?!
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    Alright kids - I am gonna put this out there. I just received ANOTHER private message from one of my "PALS" on this forum. I am not going to call this person out by name - because honestly, I'm just not like that. If she wants to fess up, then by all means....

    But instead of replying to her privately, I will say what I have to say here - in full view of everyone.

    Here is the partial quote of the message I received.

    "I can't stand people like you. You take what GOD has given you for granted. YOU have the ability to have your own children, and have the ability to feel that kind of love. I will never get to feel my child moving in my belly. I will NEVER hear someone call me Mommy. I will never be looked at the way a child looks at his mother. You should be ashamed of getting on a public forum, act like someone elses child is your own, and then talk about what I want most like it is something that is disposable. If you can you should."

    So here is my response to YOU.

    Yes - my reproductive organs work. I apologize that you are not as fortunate in that department. I am sorry that you are unable to concieve a child of your own. BUT - HOW DARE YOU chastize me for the choice that I have made? I am sorry that my body is capable of doing something that yours is not. I am not taking anything for granted, and just because you CAN do something - doesn't mean you should. I am not pretending that someone else's child is my own. I very clearly stated that they were my STEP children, my significant other's children from a previous marraige. I am not taking ANYTHING for granted. I love those two kids more than ANYTHING in the world, and I work my *kitten* off to be able to provide for them, to support them, to love them the way that they should be loved. Not that you asked what my reasons were for not having my "OWN" child, but the majority of my reasons relate directly to the two children we ALREADY have.

    I never asked for your approval. I never asked for your support. And i never tried to rub anything in anyones face. I simply stated MY CHOICE. You don't have to like it. And again, I am sorry for YOUR situation, but it has nothing to do with me. I stand by my CHOICE and will defend it every day of my life if I have to. And I sure don't need YOU to make me feel better about it.

    Wow! That person that sent you the private message is harsh. All I can say is you are a parent to those step kids because you take care of them and you don't have to give birth to be a mother! You can be a parent to animals and have furbabies. That's what I have.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    I don't have kids and I am almost 30 years old. I married my husband when I was 24 years old in November 2007 and he was deployed in January 2009. While he was in the military he said he didn't want us to have kids cause he wanted to be home to help me raise them. Full time work was hard to find for him (he was in the National Guard which was one weekend a month) so we weren't financially stable for a while. He retired last year and he found a good job as a apprenctice industrial plumber and we have our own place now (we lived with housemates for a while) while I am a house wife (I was getting disability but he supposedly is getting too much so it was taken away after 8 years of having it). If we get blessed with a child it will happen when it happens but for now I LOVE my furbabies!!!!!!

    Some people shouldn't have kids. My husband's parents got together when she was 13 and he was 23 (she told him she was 17) and she had her first child at 20 years old. She had 4 kids after him (my husband) and lost them all to social services for child neglect.

    It is your right to decide not to have kids and nobody shouldn't tell you that your a bad person just because you don't want any.
  • Regattare
    Regattare Posts: 1
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    Not at all sure why it would be direspectful to not have kids. I can see people "wanting" you to have kids--especially your own parents who want grandkids. If you want to see a great site that had a blog about dealing with those around you when you've decided not to have kids, check out 'www.babyoffboard.com
  • dhencel
    dhencel Posts: 244 Member
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    Having children is your choice.. I didn't want any children either but then I decided I did after I was married a few years... I have one daughter.. My mother in law was very upset when we said that one was enough.... So don't let it upset you. It is your choice......
  • grassette
    grassette Posts: 976 Member
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    Disrespectful nope, selfish yep, but I don't say that to be mean. I'd say the reson most people don't want kids can be considered selfish (at least the one's I know), but I don't have an issue with that. It is your own choice, and in fact IF you don't want them then more power to ya.

    I would argue that having children is an inherently selfish act. Why do people have children? Certainly not because they feel the need to selflessly take care of another person. If that were the case, they'd work in a hospital, daycare, or ay other profession where people spend time caregiving. No, people have children because they WANT a little being from their own DNA, that looks like them, and whom they can mold and shape to their own desires. That is an inherently selfish desire.

    Many people who choose not to have kids are less selfish than most parents I know. And I'm a parent myself.

    Boy, is the person who thinks like that ever going to have a surprise! The one thing about becoming a parent is that you don't know who you are going to get!
  • mmsilvia
    mmsilvia Posts: 459 Member
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    This is a personal choice & it should only concern the two that would be the parents. No one should have a say in your decession to have children, other than you & your hubby. To each their own.

    I tend to get negative attention because my husband & I have only one child. I hear about how my sons needs to have more siblings from everyone and I do mean everyone...inlaws, friends, coworkers, parents at the playground.

    People don't understand that what they say can hurt. The topic to have none, one or five kids is personal and nobody should be made to bad for their decesion.
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
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    i don't want kids, never have and never will (I was the victim of a parent that made it clear i was not wanted).

    What I am sick of hearing is "why don't you want kids?"
    "Because I don't"
    and yet they keep asking "why"

    so I have decided to have fun...
    "Because there are already enough unwanted kids in the world...why add another one?"
  • emmaleigh47
    emmaleigh47 Posts: 1,670 Member
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    I am a 32 year old woman who has known since childhood that I did not want kids. I barely played with dolls and when I did I played "doctor" or "teacher" not mommy. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE kids and I love more than I can hand them back when I am done with them. I have 3 nephews and 1 niece and I am a great aunt and very involved in their lives. But I am a nurse practitioner, and I take my job very seriously. I love my job and in answer to the obnoxious post about GOD blessing me ... yes he did. GOD blessed with a great brain and a great medical mind and the ability to take care of patients and make decisions that save lives. To have a child and take myself away from my true calling of my job would be selfish ... and why have a child if you are going to put them in day care. If you are going to have a child, they should be someone's first priority ...

    Feel free to friend me if you want more "child-less" friends. Yes, people look at me funny when I explain why I do not have kids. A friend's husband who I just met this weekend had the best response though ...

    "good you should not have children ... I dont think you would make a good mother." He did elaborate on that statement ... but I agree that I would not make a good mother! :)
  • grassette
    grassette Posts: 976 Member
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    I am a 32 year old woman who has known since childhood that I did not want kids. I barely played with dolls and when I did I played "doctor" or "teacher" not mommy. Dont get me wrong, I LOVE kids and I love more than I can hand them back when I am done with them. I have 3 nephews and 1 niece and I am a great aunt and very involved in their lives. But I am a nurse practitioner, and I take my job very seriously. I love my job and in answer to the obnoxious post about GOD blessing me ... yes he did. GOD blessed with a great brain and a great medical mind and the ability to take care of patients and make decisions that save lives. To have a child and take myself away from my true calling of my job would be selfish ... and why have a child if you are going to put them in day care. If you are going to have a child, they should be someone's first priority ...

    Feel free to friend me if you want more "child-less" friends. Yes, people look at me funny when I explain why I do not have kids. A friend's husband who I just met this weekend had the best response though ...

    "good you should not have children ... I dont think you would make a good mother." He did elaborate on that statement ... but I agree that I would not make a good mother! :)

    You should have been a nun! They did a great job running hospitals and taking care of people, and keeping floors so clean they were like a diner plate! Nuns were never expected to have kids, and did not get any pressure from family to have any. It was a good, solid vocation that everybody respected. Now a days, there is no reason why you have to take the veil to give your life in unselfish service they way they did!
  • devonette
    devonette Posts: 263 Member
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    It's not disrespectful at all not to want kids! If those people gave no reason why they thought it was disrespectful, ignore what they said. If you think you would be a terrible mother, you have no maternal instincts, and no desire at all to have children, then not having them is exactly the right decision!
    Out of curiousity what was the site?

    I was going to ask the same thing! The only times I could conceivably see someone thinking it disrespectful is 1) if you married someone who you knew wanted children and did not make it clear up front that you didn't want them, thus disrespecting their wishes, 2) if you were raised in an Asian, Middle Eastern or other non-Western culture where it would be a sign of disrespect to your parents or husband, or c) if you were posting in a forum where there were people specifically mourning the fact that due to medical reasons they were unable to have children.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
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    I also think that it is stupidly retarded when people say that marriage is all about having kids. Stupid stupid stupid!

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