The gym that causes me marriage stress!!

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  • yuliyax
    yuliyax Posts: 288
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    Hahaha, thank you for lifting my mood
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Your wife needs to -

    1. Learn proper gym etiquette - there's sort of an unwritten code in the weight room and standing over your partner angry while they are lifting is part of that.

    2. Grow up - sorry it sounds harsh but the gym is no place for histrionics, if she was upset wait till you get home to hash it out

    3. Learn to respect your work out schedule. Zumba is a FAR FAR cry from weight lifting. I would be pissed as hell if I went to the gym expecting to do a yoga class only to find out my partner signed me up for Zumba.

    4. Not be so insecure as to have to be joined with you at the hip at the gym

    Perhaps she's somehow feeling neglected and you need to talk it out. But just from reading your initial posts (I admit I haven't gone through all these pages)....she sounds very immature and insecure. It is not unreasonable for a couple to go to the gym and go your separate ways there. My boyfriend and I do that all the time. My god you're only there one hour, two tops, you'll be together afterwards. There's no need to be clingy!
  • pineapple1989
    pineapple1989 Posts: 195 Member
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    I think its a no-win situation really (sorry, I did laugh at this as well!) Whatever you do is going to be the wrong thing I'm afraid! I think you need to have a chat with her and explain your feelings... maybe she could accompany you to the gym but do her own thing whilst you lift? A bit of a compromise? And just make it clear that you wont have time to chat to her so she isnt to get upset with you. Good luck, hope you work something out!
  • nalia08
    nalia08 Posts: 252
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    I think you should explain to her the dangers of not paying attention and being focused while lifting weights. Maybe pull up some youtube videos on it for her. Buy her some headphones with her favorite music and tell her to enjoy that while she does her cardio on the machines. My husband and I go workout all the time! However, we go together, but not workout together.
  • karins4
    karins4 Posts: 50 Member
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    I think it would help to define the expectations of gym time together before you go. You are going expecting her to do her thing and you do your thing. She is expecting you two to work out together and bond. When you go off to do your thing she might be feeling a bit rejected and once she's upset it's hard to explain why you need to do your lifting alone.

    You mentioned telling her you would work out with her on your off days....perhaps sit down with her and work out your schedules. Put down the days you lift and make it clear on those days if she goes with you she's on her own. Also schedule a day or two for your off days where you will workout with her to do cardio or help her work with weights if she wants. Or maybe even give her 10-15 minutes to do cardio with her before heading off to do your lifting if you are able to. If you are both clear on what you are doing before you head to the gym there shouldn't be any breakdowns when you get there. Hopefully when she see that there are times you are working out with her she will let you have your days when you need to lift alone.

    Hope it works out for you!
  • JessicaRubano
    JessicaRubano Posts: 3 Member
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    When my hubby and i go to the gym together we usually will walk the treadmills or the bikes together. Then he will go do his thing and I will go do mines. Some days ill take one of the fitness classes while he lifts. That way I meet new friends and get new workout bodies and reasons to always comes to the classes. then afterwards to workout together we will go for a nice swim. Great cardio there :)
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    When my hubby and i go to the gym together we usually will walk the treadmills or the bikes together. Then he will go do his thing and I will go do mines. Some days ill take one of the fitness classes while he lifts. That way I meet new friends and get new workout bodies and reasons to always comes to the classes. then afterwards to workout together we will go for a nice swim. Great cardio there :)

    I wish our gym had a pool.
  • katysmelly
    katysmelly Posts: 380 Member
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    Well, OP - how are things going, now? Is she still mad?
  • nyssa1231
    nyssa1231 Posts: 120 Member
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    I haven't read through all fourteen pages of responses, so I hope I'm not repeating something that has been said ad nauseam!

    My husband and I go to the gym together all the time. We have an understanding that he does his thing, and I do mine. We both used to go to the gym independently of each other, so we're both used to doing our own thing. What we do is we do our routines and then we meet upstairs, where there is a pool, hydromassage pool (basically a huge jacuzzi), and sauna. I usually finish my treadmill/weight lifting stuff before he does, and I do a couple of laps in the pool before we meet up and hang out in the jacuzzi for a while. It's a nice way to do our own workouts, but then spend time together doing fun stuff at the gym as well.

    Is there a place like that in your gym, something that you can do together after you both work out?
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    Well, OP - how are things going, now? Is she still mad?

    I posted part two about Zumba and the official update of the War in Missouri.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/572812-z-class-that-causes-me-marriage-stress-part-ii
  • TheChocolatePrincess
    TheChocolatePrincess Posts: 137 Member
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    OMG! Me and my boyfriend have the same issue. I want us to work out "together" and even though the gym is really "my thing" when he does come i think that we should be spending quality time together and he just wants to work out on his own.

    I am also a little competitive and he is a little lazy, so this causes some friction. I am always looking at the weight he is lifting and his settings on the machines; it motivates me, but I think it discourages him a bit.

    I am still trying to get him in the gym, but it is really hard because he doesn't want to go with me because he thinks my expectations are too high. LOL!
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
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    Oh boy. Find a way to work out with your wife and rebuild some closeness in your marriage.....


    Or face a divorce down the road because she found someone else who will. It's really your choice. What's more important to you? Either grow closer or grow apart.
  • katysmelly
    katysmelly Posts: 380 Member
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    Oh boy. Find a way to work out with your wife and rebuild some closeness in your marriage.....


    Or face a divorce down the road because she found someone else who will. It's really your choice. What's more important to you? Either grow closer or grow apart.

    Why the assumption that the OP is the one in the wrong? Mrs. OP sounds insecure and I don't think it's just because he's not giving her enough sugar. In my utterly non-expert opinion, she's nervous because the pudgy guy she married is turning into a buff hottie. That disrupts the power dynamic of a relationship.
  • ChrisGoldn
    ChrisGoldn Posts: 473 Member
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    Oh boy. Find a way to work out with your wife and rebuild some closeness in your marriage.....


    Or face a divorce down the road because she found someone else who will. It's really your choice. What's more important to you? Either grow closer or grow apart.


    Classic example of some ppl on MFP going wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy over board on comments. :/
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    Oh boy. Find a way to work out with your wife and rebuild some closeness in your marriage.....


    Or face a divorce down the road because she found someone else who will. It's really your choice. What's more important to you? Either grow closer or grow apart.

    Why the assumption that the OP is the one in the wrong? Mrs. OP sounds insecure and I don't think it's just because he's not giving her enough sugar. In my utterly non-expert opinion, she's nervous because the pudgy guy she married is turning into a buff hottie. That disrupts the power dynamic of a relationship.

    You called me pudgy guy :-(
  • d2footballJRC
    d2footballJRC Posts: 2,684 Member
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    Oh boy. Find a way to work out with your wife and rebuild some closeness in your marriage.....


    Or face a divorce down the road because she found someone else who will. It's really your choice. What's more important to you? Either grow closer or grow apart.

    Why the assumption that the OP is the one in the wrong? Mrs. OP sounds insecure and I don't think it's just because he's not giving her enough sugar. In my utterly non-expert opinion, she's nervous because the pudgy guy she married is turning into a buff hottie. That disrupts the power dynamic of a relationship.

    ^^^ Just messing with ya about the pudgy guy comment ;-) ^^^
  • katysmelly
    katysmelly Posts: 380 Member
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    I know! LOL
  • NatashaC88
    NatashaC88 Posts: 6
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    My husband and I do not workout together minus going on a family run every other week or so.
    We each have our own tempo and pace when we are working out and don't like to mix them together. He prefers the weight room and I spin so I don't really understand your wife's logic. Lol. Sounds like she means well but sometimes it's great for a husband and wife to enjoy life apart even if that means sweating in the gym.

    We both alternate workout days as well as outdoor yard work. I see cutting our yard with the pushmower to be a good workout on my rest days while he works out. Great post though. Thanks for sharing and I hope you were able to work something out (as in she let you lift chattee free).
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    Oh no! This is so funny to me. My husband and I used to go to the gym together and we never actually worked out together. We just don't do the same things and I am ok with that!!
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    Sorry man! Seems like an impossible situation to get out of. Mybe set one workout day aside to do a "together" workout and see if that satisfies your wife. Then find a class (not zumba) that you can both enjoy. Yoga? Kick boxing? Gym has to have alternatives.

    This!

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