The gym that causes me marriage stress!!

hesn92

hgahahaahahahaha omg wow. best story ever. "oh honey you don't have to do that I signed us up for ZUMBA!!" Lmao.


I don't know why don't you just say you like lifting weights, not dancing around, so you do your thing and I'll do mine. Gym time is not social hour.... not for most people anyway.

wtfusernameisnttaken

I think if she is dead set on this being your "thing" together... offer her some alternatives.

You keep your lift days, because you NEED them.

But on off days, you could do things together like walk, jog, spin class, anything other than Zumba.

Or, you could just go to the Zumba class and make it hellacious for her :laugh:

BEST response for keeping your marriage sanity.

ChaseAlder

Teach her how to lift.

EBFNP

Some peeps think they have to do EVERYTHING with their significant other. I digress. I love space, and I would be highly annoyed if my spouse needed me "to be there" during our workouts. Its seems like a personality thing more than anything.

muscravageur

I think if she is dead set on this being your "thing" together... offer her some alternatives.

You keep your lift days, because you NEED them.

But on off days, you could do things together like walk, jog, spin class, anything other than Zumba.

Or, you could just go to the Zumba class and make it hellacious for her :laugh:

you should definitely go to the classes she signed you up for and behave the same way she does with you and see if she gets the hint.

Laddiegirl

Yikes, I totally get where you're coming from because I don't really like working out with other people (I like to have my earphones in and just do my thing). I totally get that she wants to make this something you "share" and maybe a compromise can be struck. On lifting days, you do your thing solo (maybe she does her Zumba class or whatever she likes) and on off days you guys do cardio like together?

I would just try and explain it to her, as gently as possible that you'd like to share it with her too, but not the lifting part. That you can't concentrate on what you're doing (and doing it safely) and talk at the same time, instead how about you share cardio days or go running on certain days or whatever. Hopefully she can understand that (does she do strength training? If she doesn't maybe thats why she doesn't understand why you need to concentrate).

spiregrain

Teach her how to pick things up and put them down, so you're showing an effort to include her in the gym. NOBODY, and I mean NOBODY should ever be caught dead doing Zumba. I danced all through college and find the concept absolutely absurd!

This picture made my life.

Dude... Zumba is too girly for anyone who does not lead a white persian cat around all day on a necklace of fluorescent pink Swarovski crystals, while wearing a metallic gold french maid uniform. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling your partner when you feel totally uncomfortable doing an activity that they have signed you up for without your consent. She may wig out, but, she constructed the situation that resulted in her wigging out by not communicating with you about what you would be okay with doing.

You guys could probably talk about it and find something you'd both be willing to do together. Maybe? Not Zumba. I would also rather lose a hand than do Zumba. Sorry Zumba lovers. My BFF does Zumba, but she is EXACTLY as described above (except with a calico maine coon cat).

If you are lifting, you are counting, concentrating on form, and trying not to injure yourself. Perhaps if you explained it to her that lifting is something where you need to be really focused to do it safely, and you can't be focused if you're talking or even hearing conversation around you. I'd steer clear of statements like "I can't have anyone bothering me" (although you can't -- but then you'll get "I bother you? I'm just a bothersome person to you?") and kinda focus on talking about your need to be totally concentrating on the lift to do it without getting hurt. She wouldn't want you to get hurt, right?

KendraLoveless

get her a trainer and some sessions... then go do your workout when she's with her trainer

TammyW18

Haha, I lift things up and put them down!
My hubby would NEVER step foot in the gym...besides call me selfish, thats my time. This is my time to clear my head and let go of stress

AuddAlise

Thhis is why I run alone or with my son. My husband just is not on the same wave length with me. I feel your pain. I liked the suggestion of going together and doing your separate things but then going for a smoothie or something.

spiregrain

Dude... Zumba is too girly for anyone who does not lead a white persian cat around all day on a necklace of fluorescent pink Swarovski crystals, while wearing a metallic gold french maid uniform. [...] My BFF does Zumba, but she is EXACTLY as described above (except with a calico maine coon cat).

I just checked up on this assessment with the BFF in question and she said: "I would LOVE that... but unfortunately Zumba's not that cool."

ChristaFall

Dang, I feel pretty lucky that my boyfriend has worked out with me at the gym for the last 4 years. Of course, sometimes we go without eachother due to work schedules and what not..BUT, when we do go together (about 3 times per week) he works out with me the ENTIRE time. Even when we're lifting weights he goes through all the trouble of changing the amount of weight on each machine when it's my turn :-) He draws the line at Zumba though, that's one thing he will NOT do :-)

Mhaney

Ugh, I can't stand women.

This is why I'm glad my ex no longer comes to our (my kids and I) taekwondo class. He is just like your wife. I can't deal with all that emo crap.

Wow "I can't stand women". Now who's being emo?

Explain to me how me not liking women makes me emo? Please, enlighten me. I'm sorry if my statement offended you but the honest truth I can't stand most women. They are emotional and clingy and base their self worth on what others think of them. The emotional well being of another able bodied adult is not my responsibility.

tumblyweed

brneydgrlie

it's dangerous to be distracted when you're lifting.

try taking up a different sport together outside the gym? (Or try dance lessons together?)

^^ This

rai8759

I think it would be best to just admit you don't want to do Zumba while you reassure her that you still like spending time with her and love her. Is there nothing she does by herself? Just to relax? Maybe she goes and gets her nails done or shops for shoes alone or something. Everyone needs their own alone time to unwind. Compare it to something she does that is similar. I think it was good that you offered your cardio days to work out together. Try to keep in mind that she is just wanting to connect with you - not make your workouts horrible. That might help you from getting mad. =D

Rhea30

Well can't really blame it on the gym. Just thought I'd share a fun (not really) experience I've had lately and a bit of a rant. My wife, god bless her soul, decided she wants to work out with me. I'm all cool with that and I said okay we can go to the gym the same time. So we go, and I notice right away she apparently thinks this is going to be like a date. She hops on the elliptical and starts chatting as I rack weights to get ready to start my program. I put on my headphones and I start lifting, next thing I know as I'm doing my dumbbell bench press she is standing over me angry. I finish my rep sit up and pull my head phones off. She told me I was ignoring her, and she asked me a question. I told her, look, sweetie, I'm glad you came to the gym with me but you can't be talking to me. I'm trying to lift and I don't like people talking to me while I lift. This is why I've never gone to the gym with you before. I just can't lift, talk, and concentrate at the same time. She got all huffy and decided to play mad at me.

Regardless next couple of days I go by myself and all is well. Then she comes home all excited and tells me, hey I'm going to the gym with you today.. I know right away this is going to be some combo of hell, a heavy dose of scorned woman, and that my workout is going to be absolute crap. We get there and as I'm racking weights she tells me.. YOU DON"T HAVE TO DO THAT. I signed us up for ZUMBA! They said you can work on your strength that way... .Well to put it mildly I flipped sh**. I will not...EVER..be caught doing ZUMBA. Not because I think it doesn't work, but because A. I don't want to B. I can't dance, and C. I like to pick things up and put them down. I tell her to go ahead I'm not doing it.

She instead goes and cries in the locker room, so I had to quit my workout to go and talk to her. (Totally awesome to have to explain to a chick, "My wife is crying, can you go get her to bring to me") She tells me, I just want to work out with you. I explained to her this is my thing, I don't mind doing some cardio together on off days but when I lift I don't want anyone or anything to be bothering me. I also told her that I lift to help with stress and this has caused me a lot more stress. She then explains to me, how fitness has always been her thing, and now that I've gotten into it she wants to make it our thing. (I held back all urge to explain to her I'd rather cut off my hand, be fat, and die young than having to workout with her or do Zumba.)

Now this may sound like I'm a horrible man, and who knows I might be! I don't mind do most things with my wife. I'll subject myself to shopping with her, I'll go see chick flicks, I love going to nice places to eat, I don't mind walks or going to the lake. Etc. Etc. I just do not under any circumstance want to workout with her. She doesn't seem to understand this and has been absolutely impossible to deal with the last week over this. At this point the saw and cutting my hands off is looking like a viable option!

Anyone else have to deal with this? Besides using hypnosis, heavy drugs, sneaking out to the gym, hiring someone to be a workout buddy for your wife so she'll leave you alone... any resolutions/ideas/suggestions?

Sounds like you guys needed to set up boundaries and discuss on what both of your intentions were with the gym before you headed there. I'm also sorry you had to deal with what you did (I know its your wife and you love and all but her behavior was very immature). Since you both like working out maybe you can set up where you two go running or something once a week, a more of a neutral gender work out that can be yours guy thing and the gym set for your individual work outs. Basically just find something once a week that you both would enjoy doing as a workout but make sure its something you both want to do (don't get pushed into something you wouldn't want to do, then its really not a 'our' thing but a 'her' thing)

AllDIVA

Does she go to bachelor parties with you too? She is being selfish. You both need your time away from each other. She needs try understand the This is not about her. She needs to find something she enjoys. You too live together, and do other things together. You should be allowed to have something without her. You are still individuals even in a relationship. Let her read the replies.
We all can't be wrong! I wish you much luck.

NoFatChick2

She sounds needy, clingy and immature if what you say is accurate. Feel sorry for her...and you.

Perfectdiamonds1

Everyone need their own time. You are willing to shop, eat out, and what ever she wants you to do. She can go, but she needs to find something there that interest her. Is she a needy person? Sometimes you have to learn to do things alone at times