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  • erinkeely4
    erinkeely4 Posts: 408 Member
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    If I were going through a hardship, I wouldn't want my wife to share some aspect of the hardship for no reason. There are more productive ways to be supportive.

    I agree with this. But what's important is what YOU think, and WHY. Ask yourself :)
  • joe7880
    joe7880 Posts: 92 Member
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    alright so my husband and I want to try for a baby soon. Well I told him I was going to stop drinking next month and he said he would to. Now today he says why should I stop your having the baby. I feel like if he didn't want to he should have told me that when we had our four hour talk about it. I didn't push him into saying don't drink but now it hurts that he wouldnt stop.How do u guys and girls feel... What ould u guys do?

    The fact that he wants to drink in itself is not a problem but he said he would stop for you and now he won't. That could be looked at as a lack of integrity. Also, if he won't support you by not drinking, and won't support you losing weight (your profile says he wouldn't mind if you gained weight), then maybe having a family with this guy should be deferred and some marriage counseling should be in order.

    My wife and I support each other in everything we do, including getting healthy. If my wife asked me to stop drinking when we have a kid, my answer would be from the get go, I will only drink when your not around =)
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
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    You married a drinker and he's still a drinker. Kind of SOL on that one. It's what you chose, unless he started drinking after you were married.
  • Woolooloo
    Woolooloo Posts: 82
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    My wife is 8+ months pregnant, I didn't give up drinking (not that I do much of it). I didn't for our first child either. I also didn't give up sushi or any of the other things that we both enjoy that she couldn't do while pregnant. I don't know, it worked for us and was never an issue. I guess you need to figure out if it is an issue because it is a manifestation of deeper problems or if it is something you don't need to make into a big deal if it isn't one.
  • Michele7091
    Michele7091 Posts: 256 Member
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    I'd have a beer.

    Best. Answer. Ever. :drinker:
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,279 Member
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    alright so my husband and I want to try for a baby soon. Well I told him I was going to stop drinking next month and he said he would to. Now today he says why should I stop your having the baby. I feel like if he didn't want to he should have told me that when we had our four hour talk about it. I didn't push him into saying don't drink but now it hurts that he wouldnt stop.How do u guys and girls feel... What ould u guys do?

    The fact that he wants to drink in itself is not a problem but he said he would stop for you and now he won't. That could be looked at as a lack of integrity. Also, if he won't support you by not drinking, and won't support you losing weight (your profile says he wouldn't mind if you gained weight), then maybe having a family with this guy should be deferred and some marriage counseling should be in order.

    My wife and I support each other in everything we do, including getting healthy. If my wife asked me to stop drinking when we have a kid, my answer would be from the get go, I will only drink when your not around =)

    WHat if he said he would stop and then realized? Mu wife is a lunatic and ther eis no reason to stop...the fact that she wants is cuckoo would drive me to drink.
  • Lennox497
    Lennox497 Posts: 242 Member
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    The issue I see is not the drinking, but it is the reversal on the decision not to.

    To quote Tony Montana. "All I have in this world is my balls and my word - and I don't break them for no one."

    If you make a commitment stick with it.
  • skinnywithin
    skinnywithin Posts: 1,392 Member
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    They have a 12 step program for that...sounds like the drinking is more of a problem than you may think !
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
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    alright so my husband and I want to try for a baby soon. Well I told him I was going to stop drinking next month and he said he would to. Now today he says why should I stop your having the baby. I feel like if he didn't want to he should have told me that when we had our four hour talk about it. I didn't push him into saying don't drink but now it hurts that he wouldnt stop.How do u guys and girls feel... What ould u guys do?
    What is your plan if your husband changes his mind in the future? Can you renegotiate? Sometimes people change their minds. Sometimes that has consequences. It's easy to play armchair psychologist and moral superior on a forum (questioning his character, integrity, etc.)

    You say you didn't push him into the decision but that now "it hurts" that he wants to do something different. Is the issue him going back on a commitment, or that he doesn't have to sacrifice in the same way you do?

    You will likely face both questions many times over a relationship. It's going to be harder when you are pregnant. It's going to be harder with a kid around. It doesn't matter what we do, or what we think about this situation. What do *you* think? What are going to do? Have you talked to your husband about this - that you are hurt by his change of mind? What's next? If he says he is not going to give up drinking while you are pregnant, what are you going to do?

    The collective wisdom of the MFP forum community notwithstanding, I hope you have some support and guidance that is better than what we can offer.
  • BullDozier
    BullDozier Posts: 237 Member
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    There are a couple of issues at play here. As for him, it's a lame move to tell you he'd do something, and then decide to change his mind and back out on his word. Like other posters have said, once a baby comes, there's a lot of scrifice involved and giving up alcohol is going to be pretty minor compared to the sleep and free time that goes out the window with a child. If he isn't prepared to make a relatively minor sacrifice pre-baby, that could be a sign of things to come.

    On the other hand, to the OP, why is him giving up alcohol so important? Aside from him going back on his word, what is the issue here? Is it because you have to go without that you feel he should go without as well, or is there something more? I've been married for 10 years, and sacrifices have rarely been equal.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
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    as long as he isn't an alcoholic, i don't see the problem with him drinking. Yeah, he could be more supportive by not drinking..but it's not a deal breaker. lol
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
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    alright so my husband and I want to try for a baby soon. Well I told him I was going to stop drinking next month and he said he would to. Now today he says why should I stop your having the baby. I feel like if he didn't want to he should have told me that when we had our four hour talk about it. I didn't push him into saying don't drink but now it hurts that he wouldnt stop.How do u guys and girls feel... What ould u guys do?

    You guys talked for 4 hours about it? Like, straight? In a row? Were there at least bathroom breaks and lunch catered in?
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    I would never expect my husband to quit drinking if I were pregnant. But that's me. If it bothers you, TALK to him about it.

    This! And I can still go out with him to the bar and visit...Then drive him home safely. :wink:
  • abnerner
    abnerner Posts: 452 Member
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    As a guy, if i was planning to have a child with someone and their commitment wouldnt even go as far as giving up booze with me, i would be seriously rethinking my choices.

    When baby comes, theres going to a lot more sacrifices required than something as trivial as giving up booze.

    ^This
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
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    I can kind of understand why so many people are saying, "You're the one with the baby, so there's no reason he has to stop drinking," but I think it's missing the point. No, he doesn't HAVE to, but if it's important to his wife, there's no reason he SHOULDN'T. If he can't do something simple as not obtaining and consuming alcohol for a while, he's either an alcoholic or he doesn't care about his wife's feelings. You don't have to understand everything your significant other does, but they should still be your priority.
  • StarkLark
    StarkLark Posts: 476 Member
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    Your guy isn't @adrian_indy is it? Because I if that's the case, you probably have nothing to worry about..
    Ahahaha... thank you for this!
  • Sl1ghtly
    Sl1ghtly Posts: 855 Member
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    Divorce is always the answer. Always.

    I mean, seriously.. there's no point to discussing this rationally with your husband.
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I can't see ever asking my husband to give up alcohol while I'm pregnant just because I can't drink. That doesn't make any sense to me.

    I would, however, be pissed if he committed to something without thinking it through and later backed out on it. That's a sign of weakness, even if it is just beer.
  • jdorsey614
    jdorsey614 Posts: 17 Member
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    GOOD ANSWER~
  • RikanSoulja
    RikanSoulja Posts: 463 Member
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    I don't get it.. Why stop drinking? Are you guys alcoholics? I mean I understand you if your gonna be pregnant by why him?

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