Folks who are divorced/divorcing...

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  • Kris1997
    Kris1997 Posts: 241
    I've been married twice and divorced once.
    Next month we will celebrate 8 years. We were both married before and had kids in the first marriages. Having a blended family is hard. We have been thru alot because of outside influences, ex's * MIL's We've been thru rough patches and lots of happy times too. I love him more then I ever thought possible, when we met we made sure each of us knew our kids came before ANY one else.
    No relationship is perfect.

    If you start to feel like as a couple you are having more bad days then good, its time to reassess your relationship. Marriage is hard and it takes lots of work. GOOD LUCK!
  • lorac321
    lorac321 Posts: 614 Member
    I was with my ex for 2 years before we got married. We were married for 7 before he started cheating, or I found out...

    I'm currently married to the most wonderful man in the world.

    You have to decide for yourself what is right for you. :flowerforyou:
  • ojell
    ojell Posts: 748 Member
    HS sweethearts...so together forever by the time we got married when we were 27/28
    No doubt at the time
    Things only changed after we had kids...in mid 30's..than he became a cheating pig..came as a COMPLETE surprise.....
    Take it slow if that is what you want...no rush..if you feel at all like something is missing or doesnt feel right...DONT DO IT!!!!!

    good luck!

    Agreed.

    Basically same thing here. We were together 11 years. Married for 6. Got married at 18/19. 2 kids and Iraqi Freedom tour later...it all fell apart. He became a cheater and abusive. We've been divorced 3 years now, and he still sends me texts talking about how he misses "us". It messed me up pretty bad. :"( I don't trust men. Not just cause of him. He was the one I thought I could trust. I thought he loved me, and never EVER thought we wouldn't be together, but here we are. Looking back, there were things I ignored. Hindsights 20/20 they say. Open your eyes to everything, do not excuse anything...trust your gut and ultimately Pray.

    I don't think all men are dogs...just most of them. ;) I do believe there are good guys out there...somewhere. You may very well have found one. I hope so!!!
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    I've been divorced like five years - and I'm getting remarried in about six weeks. Marriage is and definitely can be a really wonderful thing if you find the right person. My exH was the right person for a pretty long time - but when things went bad, they were BAD. We were better people without each other. My current fiancee is amazing, and as a much older and wiser woman, I am fairly certain we've got it right. But, we didn't rush anything. We dated for a year before moving in together, and just celebrated our four year date-iversary. We took our time and weathered a few storms together before making a huge commitment like marriage.
  • WildFlower7
    WildFlower7 Posts: 714 Member
    we were together six years before marriage. Married eight...divorce will be done next month. Looking back I think I always knew it wasn't going to work. we led seperate lives...once we had a child it was like we were roommates. Now we never really fought, and still get along now (except when his head it up his booty).

    Most of our family and friends were caught off gaurd by the split as well. We kept a lot of thing quiet and just between us. even the friends I confided in didnt know the full extent of the unhappiness.

    But, at least for me...the good years we had, even if not ideal, I wouldnt change for anything.

    I agree 100% with everything you said except having a child brought us closer, marriage turned us into roommates.
  • cyclerjenn
    cyclerjenn Posts: 833 Member
    HS Sweethearts that got married a year after graduation. Found out he was cheating on my after I was in a major car accident Divorced 6 months later. Total lenght of marrage was 4.5 years.
  • zacksnana
    zacksnana Posts: 3,230 Member
    Omg! Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait!!!
    If he wants to know 7.5 months into the relationship if you want to get married in a few years say NO. Period. End of story. Then the ball is in his court to decide to stick around or not. Why should you have to try and predict the future? You are young and to me it is a red flag he wants that kind of commitment so early. Does he want involved in most aspects of your life?
    My experience? Married after 1 year dating. Divorced. Married after 18 months dating. Divorced. Married after 5 years. Still married 26 years later.
    And trust me i knew i was making those first 2 mistakes but us silly women think things will be better after marriage. And it will. It will be worse.
    Dont be guilt tripped into anything. Ever!
  • hcoburn37
    hcoburn37 Posts: 442 Member
    We were together 3 years prior to marrying, thought it was great. He stayed faithful the first year of marriage and cheated the next three. We seperated last year and divorced.

    But I have seen some great marriages also, just wasn't in the cards for me.
  • dipsl19
    dipsl19 Posts: 317 Member
    my parents met only 2 months before they got married. my mom was engaged to another guy at the time, whom she had been dating for a couple years. my dad was THE ONE, and she knew it in a short enough amount of time even after already being engaged. theyve been married 26 years now and they always will be. they give me hope <3

    im deeply in love with my boyfriend and we've been together about a year and 4 months now. i know he's the one, forever. and we've talked about getting married but thats in the future. the reason i know that marriage would not be a mistake with us is that i couldnt image myself with anyone else, and if he wasnt in my life it would be entirely empty. ive never felt that way about anyone before.

    my advice is, if you have to wonder if youd want to marry the guy, DONT GET MARRIED. so many people actually think its the right thing to do and then it doesnt work out. if theres any doubt, its wrong. also, the fact that youve only been together 8 months and he's bugging you for a decision just shows how youre not on the same page.. also its strange for a guy to behave that way- not saying its wrong or bad, but it should be taken into consideration as a warning sign.
  • Helenacabral1
    Helenacabral1 Posts: 89
    Hello I'm not divorced but have been married for 27 years!!I married at 18 and only dated for a year before we met!To young!!But i know that u really need to listen to your gut and never settle!!!:)
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Omg! Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait!!!
    If he wants to know 7.5 months into the relationship if you want to get married in a few years say NO. Period. End of story. Then the ball is in his court to decide to stick around or not. Why should you have to try and predict the future? You are young and to me it is a red flag he wants that kind of commitment so early. Does he want involved in most aspects of your life?
    My experience? Married after 1 year dating. Divorced. Married after 18 months dating. Divorced. Married after 5 years. Still married 26 years later.
    And trust me i knew i was making those first 2 mistakes but us silly women think things will be better after marriage. And it will. It will be worse.
    Dont be guilt tripped into anything. Ever!

    THANK YOU!

    He tells me how he's such a great guy and he's a catch and there won't be another guy like him around...and he's probably right. I mean he worships the ground I walk on, he would do anything for me, and wants commitment and a family. We have a TON of stuff in common--music, hobbies, love for animals, values.

    Basically, I'm dating myself, but from 3 years ago. I was also very clingy, demanding, emotional, and sensitive. I don't know what to do when he cries! Which happens often! And he babytalks the animals which drives me nuts. And he passes gas around me even though he knows I can't stand it. And he used to throw tantrums but thankfully he's stopped that.

    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    I think the worst part is that he's so sweet to me all the time. There's really no reason why I shouldn't want to marry him, and I thought I wanted to in the beginning, but then he became totally dependent on me. He's so focused on being with someone I feel bad for him. He's afraid of being alone but I'm not, and he knows it, and it upsets him. He's very romantic and I'm more realistic. He thinks I need to seek therapy because I'm uncomfortable around him when he cries and I don't want to think about marriage now.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

    Yeah, um that's not a good sign.

    I want a best friend as well but one that I want to *kitten* non-stop (yes, I've been married before and I know we all go through dry spells but I should still tingle in my pants for him!!!). If you rather be his friend than wife (no matter for how long).. there's your answer hun.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,689 Member
    Maybe I'm just slow about these things, but I didn't know I wanted to marry my husband until we'd been together a couple of years. I'd been with other people that long and broken up, so at some level, I think I was waiting until after the 2 year mark. *shrug*
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I love to hang out with him and we laugh together a lot. But I would rather be his friend than sign up to be his wife in 2 months.

    Yeah, um that's not a good sign.

    I want a best friend as well but one that I want to *kitten* non-stop (yes, I've been married before and I know we all go through dry spells but I should still tingle in my pants for him!!!). If you rather be his friend than wife (no matter for how long).. there's your answer hun.


    I agree... that's just, not how I would want someone I want to marry to feel about me.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    He throws tantrums and babytalks??

    I mean... to each their own... but I wouldn't want to hump that either.
  • sjmgde
    sjmgde Posts: 381 Member
    What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    What a depressing thread. All these divorce stories. So sad. :frown:

    Yes, it is sad. But a topic about divorce is likely to be full of divorcees :wink:
  • WildFlower7
    WildFlower7 Posts: 714 Member
    He throws tantrums and babytalks??

    I mean... to each their own... but I wouldn't want to hump that either.

    LMAO, well, I have nothing more to say then ditto ^^
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    He throws tantrums and babytalks??

    I mean... to each their own... but I wouldn't want to hump that either.

    Yea... today I came clean to him about the frequent crying. And he knows I don't tolerate the tantrums; almost broke up over that about a month ago.

    It sounds awful, but...sometimes I feel to masculine around him. Sex hasn't really been happening...at all...partly because of my medication but also because of this stuff.

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