Dating Websites....Your thoughts please.

allysonb80

I met my ex online. Just cuz he is my ex I don't blame the site. I liked online dating but it is true that you have to go on a bunch of bad dates before you hit on a good one. But I have had some great dates from online dating. I am starting to get back out there again now. My biggest problem (and maybe some of the guys can give me some advice???) is my body. I have been blately honest about being fat. But I have also said how hard I am working on it. Well, I get hit on by all sorts of guys looking for a BBW. And that is great. But I am not going to be a BBW for much longer hopefully. And the goal is to never be one again. So why would I want to date someone who wants a BBW? I don't feel like he would support me in my goals of getting healthy. However, other guys want nothing to do with me because I am not "fit" and "skinny". *sigh* It is frustrating. Should I just wait until I lose the weight? I just don't know what to do but I am not having much fun with it right now.

tiffanic83

I know what you mean! Maybe you will meet a chubby man who wants to get healthier too and do it together!!

Ready2Rock206

BTW, not all those online are freaks, and being a booty call can be a blast... for both parties involved!

Okay maybe out of 1,000 guys online 1 is normal but who wants to go through the effort to find him?! Not me. It's just depressing. It could be an age thing. Seems like online dating probably works better for those who are younger, but a single mom pushing 40 who doesn't look like Barbie - not a chance - there is not one man on there who is looking for that - okay maybe that 1 in a 1,000 but it's just such an awful experience in my opinion. Not that off-line dating is any different. I think I'm just too old for dating in general.

Is this based on extensive research and personal experience, or are you just talking from prejudice?

I met a lot of nice people. Many are still friends. I'm 41, I used dating sites 4 or 5 years ago. Your view appears to me to be very narrow, and very ill informed.

You do understand that the kind of prejudice you exhibit here might just as easily be turned onto users of MFP, etc? You're rehashing dated stereotypes, without really engaging any critical thought.

As a non-Barbie type, pushing forty, I don't recognise remotely the scenario you've painted.

Personal experience - am I not allowed to have a personal opinion based on my experiences? I tried online dating and this is what I encountered. If others have had other experiences then more power to them. As for me it was a horrible depressing miserable experience that was killer to the self esteem.

LisaF1163

Yes, I understand - the weight thing makes it harder. And we all understand that, because most of us are posting here because we have weight issues. It makes it tougher, I know that for sure - and I live in NYC, a place where you're valued more the skinnier you are. But there *are* sweet, kind guys out there who can see beyond that. It's just a matter of finding them, so don't rule out avenues that could help you find them. And no, definitely don't "wait till you lose the weight" to meet guys. LIke I said, there are guys out there who are more evolved and aren't just interested in a skinny bod. I'm a size 12, so I know - the truth is that they're fewer, and harder to find. But they ARE out there - and you ladies will find them!

meerkat70

really? personal experience? you dated 1000 men and found 1 that was 'normal'?

Ready2Rock206

really? personal experience? you dated 1000 men and found 1 that was 'normal'?

No I didn't find any that were normal. I'm glad it worked for you - it didn't for me. I don't have to defend MY experiences to you. I also am not going to do something just to make YOU happy.

kobashi

Meeting people online hasn't ever worked for me. Woman are usually desperate or looking strictly for physically attractive people.I have trouble making small talk over online chat, so I probably come off as boring.

Dragonfly7701

First, wow, there are some angry women responding on this post. Don't listen to them unless you want to share their fate. You know what I mean.

Second, I met my wife on Match.com. We've been together six years now. Our beautiful son just turn five.

Don't listen to them! DON'T!

Hah you think they were 'angry' before? This type of sexist bull**** isn't going to win you any fans. Going to grab my popcorn.

He is right, women should stick with each other. I am his wife and he is not being sexist, just truthful.

EmCarroll1990

First, wow, there are some angry women responding on this post. Don't listen to them unless you want to share their fate. You know what I mean.

Second, I met my wife on Match.com. We've been together six years now. Our beautiful son just turn five.

Don't listen to them! DON'T!

Hah you think they were 'angry' before? This type of sexist bull**** isn't going to win you any fans. Going to grab my popcorn.

He is right, women should stick with each other. I am his wife and he is not being sexist, just truthful.

Bahaha, I'm curious as to how that response was AT ALL sexist.

meerkat70

I suspect it was the suggestion that 'angry' women (i.e. women who don't agree) will 'end up' single, and that that fate is 'bad'?

meerkat70

really? personal experience? you dated 1000 men and found 1 that was 'normal'?

No I didn't find any that were normal. I'm glad it worked for you - it didn't for me. I don't have to defend MY experiences to you. I also am not going to do something just to make YOU happy.

Oh honey. I don't really care what you do. I am simply taking issue with your broad sweep pathologisation. I suspect if your bad experiences were so pervasive, it might be necessary to look at yourself, your needs and your expectations, rather than blaming 'all the men'... ?

edmercdeleted

I suspect it was the suggestion that 'angry' women (i.e. women who don't agree) will 'end up' single, and that that fate is 'bad'?

Oh no. Please. That's very horse follows the cart isn't it?

And "i.e. women who don't agree"??? Agree with what? What was there to agree or disagree about?

Some people (as in men and women) are not finding what they expected on dating sites and seem very bitter about it. I know it can be frustrating. It certainly was for me till I met my wife. But how does spilling bitter words onto this forum help the original poster? She was looking for support, which I offered.

Bitter words. They speak for themselves.

crisanderson27

I suspect it was the suggestion that 'angry' women (i.e. women who don't agree) will 'end up' single, and that that fate is 'bad'?

Oh no. Please. That's very horse follows the cart isn't it?

And "i.e. women who don't agree"??? Agree with what? What was there to agree or disagree about?

Some people (as in men and women) are not finding what they expected on dating sites and seem very bitter about it. I know it can be frustrating. It certainly was for me till I met my wife. But how does spilling bitter words onto this forum help the original poster? She was looking for support, which I offered.

Bitter words. They speak for themselves.

I agree...and the part in bold is one of those 'passive/aggressive angry feminist' things they all deny exists. It's an immediate assumption that as soon as a man (or even another woman...seriously) opens his/her mouth regarding women in general, he's a sexist asshat. It's childish, immature, and does very little to further REAL feminism...which apparently should be called 'humanism'...since it's about everyone, not just women.

What's really funny is they can lump us all together as sexist pigs...and that's not the same thing.

Go figure.

Anyway though, outside the topic of feminism, I do agree with a fair number of her posts.

Like this one:

Oh honey. I don't really care what you do. I am simply taking issue with your broad sweep pathologisation. I suspect if your bad experiences were so pervasive, it might be necessary to look at yourself, your needs and your expectations, rather than blaming 'all the men'... ?

crisanderson27

Oh, and for the record...angry men usually end up single too.

Funny how that works.

meerkat70

I suspect it was the suggestion that 'angry' women (i.e. women who don't agree) will 'end up' single, and that that fate is 'bad'?

Oh no. Please. That's very horse follows the cart isn't it?

And "i.e. women who don't agree"??? Agree with what? What was there to agree or disagree about?

Some people (as in men and women) are not finding what they expected on dating sites and seem very bitter about it. I know it can be frustrating. It certainly was for me till I met my wife. But how does spilling bitter words onto this forum help the original poster? She was looking for support, which I offered.

Bitter words. They speak for themselves.

You're funny. Your little friend with the back is funny too.

crisanderson27

I suspect it was the suggestion that 'angry' women (i.e. women who don't agree) will 'end up' single, and that that fate is 'bad'?

Oh no. Please. That's very horse follows the cart isn't it?

And "i.e. women who don't agree"??? Agree with what? What was there to agree or disagree about?

Some people (as in men and women) are not finding what they expected on dating sites and seem very bitter about it. I know it can be frustrating. It certainly was for me till I met my wife. But how does spilling bitter words onto this forum help the original poster? She was looking for support, which I offered.

Bitter words. They speak for themselves.

You're funny. Your little friend with the back is funny too.

If I can make even a single person in the world smile, I count my day a success.

:flowerforyou:

cazsyl

Well I hide my photo on them and have had a few nice chats but as soon as I share my photo they stop contact.

I'm not that ugly - but I'm not Barbie/Cindy Crawford either, and have made no secret of being short and overweight.

So overall a slightly disappointing experience so far.

Renae_Nae

I'm engaged to a guy I've been with for over a year....we meet on Plenty of Fish

Charmed285

tried pof and ok cupid. no luck and since I live in a small town I had to broad my range and 99.9% just want a hook up and ALL of them are in the marines, so I had to broad further to a place that's an hour away from me.. after a few months going on and off again I recently (few months ago) gave up on pof. ok cupid didnt really have anyone worth talking to; options were very limited.

Romans624

I found a lot of opportunities to talk to people on

plenty of fish
ok cupid
hotornot (met one good friend there)


christiandatingforfree.com (where I met my husband - we are having a hard time right now, but we also got married 6 weeks after we first messaged each other.)

For women, it seems like you will get a million messages from guys if you have good pictures up and even if you don't have a good bio necessarily. I'd say be really honest about what you're about, what you are and are not looking for. That will sound like heaven to the right guy! :flowerforyou:

ALSO: Be aware that you might meet someone AMAZING that is across the country. Then you two will have to decide who is moving, if its worth it to move, etc.

caraiselite

i have a profile on okc for FRIENDS only... and it specifically states thatright at the top!
but i still get many messages about going out and its like.. um no... learn to read.

but i've met several cool people on there, so try it!

mystinamarie

My old boss didn't have much luck on Match, he said it was basically just a bunch of women out to get a free dinner- never had many 2nd dates.
I know some eHarmony couples, some JDate couples, and a few other religion/lifestyle specific site couples. Not sure of the names, sorry.

noirnatural

I don't mean to come off shallow or anything of that nature by my "angle" post earlier. But angle pics are essentially using camera angles to get the "perfect" shot, and only using them on your profile. I get that everyone is trying to 'sell themselves' but it's just a shocker when the person you meet is NOT what they have been advertising to you over the last few weeks.

That is so true and guys do it too...lol

NamibianRose

Well I hide my photo on them and have had a few nice chats but as soon as I share my photo they stop contact.

I'm not that ugly - but I'm not Barbie/Cindy Crawford either, and have made no secret of being short and overweight.

So overall a slightly disappointing experience so far.

A lot of people won't talk to someone unless they have a profile picture (for a variety of reasons) and you might be really limiting your pool by doing this. You could be unintentionally by-passing folks who would talk to you.

I've talked to guys or have had them contact me who I thought were out of my league, and have had guys who never respond, either because I'm a fatty or because they don't find me attractive or both. Who knows, and who cares. I'm not attracted to everyone who messages me or whose profiles I see so can't expect the same in return. Hard truth is, a lot of guys just aren't attracted to overweight girls. Just try to not take it personally.

**ETA: I'm being a bit of a hypocrite here because I posted a topic the other day that I didn't think I was cut out for the online dating thing haha. But to be fair, I have a harder time with some people who are just totally flaky, not people not wanting to talk to me.