Does this constitute cheating to you?
Replies
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I feel like I should be saying 'I know you are but what am I?!? I understand that being a grade school teacher, this is the kind of thing you deal with on a daily basis...but please, leave it where it belongs...don't bring it to an adult forum.
At least the posts I was making, despite how much they clearly bothered you...were relevant.
Thank you for taking the time to research my personal life by reading my Hubpage. I didn't realize that someone who has such little interest in my words would actually take the time to read my bio (go figure.)
Also, thank you for making a bland joke about my profession; I just love a dry sense of humor. And, FYI, I can say whatever the *kitten* I feel like saying on this thread. Just because you throw out an inference regarding immaturity doesn't make it the truth.
Finally, since I'm so good at spewing irrelevant comments based on piecemeal information, try this one on for size...
You, sir, are a complete *kitten* (which is probably why your wife cheated on you in the first place) :laugh:
For the record lol, I'd read (and enjoyed) your bio and hubpage long before running into you in this thread...it wasn't a new thing.
And you're right, my inference regarding your immaturity didn't make it the truth...your actions did, and apparently will continue to do so.
As for the mother of my children...well, if only I were so lucky. That would have been something I could have changed.0 -
For the record lol, I'd read (and enjoyed) your bio and hubpage long before running into you in this thread...it wasn't a new thing.
And you're right, my inference regarding your immaturity didn't make it the truth...your actions did, and apparently will continue to do so.
As for the mother of my children...well, if only I were so lucky. That would have been something I could have changed.
:grumble: I'm tired of wasting my time on you. No matter what I type, you'll have some snide response. My mistake was saying that you made a "personal connection" to this topic. Perhaps that was childish, but I was just trying to be funny. Unfortunately, you took it to heart and started a debate. I'm ending it.
NOTE TO OP:
I won't litter this thread with comments to Mr. *kitten* anymore, and I apologize for all of the large quotes that took away posting space from the other MFPs who wanted to give you advice.
I truly wish you the best and hope that whatever you decide to do yields positive results. If you need support feel free to add me. :flowerforyou:0 -
My mistake was saying that you made a "personal connection" to this topic. Perhaps that was childish, but I was just trying to be funny.
Thank you for that.
My mistake was taking what you said personally. I mean, the internet is littered with hypocritical and judgemental people such as yourself. Usually they don't bother me. You just caught me on a bad day.
Mr. *kitten* out.0 -
I say: CHEATING0
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I feel like I should be saying 'I know you are but what am I?!? I understand that being a grade school teacher, this is the kind of thing you deal with on a daily basis...but please, leave it where it belongs...don't bring it to an adult forum.
At least the posts I was making, despite how much they clearly bothered you...were relevant.
Thank you for taking the time to research my personal life by reading my Hubpage. I didn't realize that someone who has such little interest in my words would actually take the time to read my bio (go figure.)
Also, thank you for making a bland joke about my profession; I just love a dry sense of humor. And, FYI, I can say whatever the *kitten* I feel like saying on this thread. Just because you throw out an inference regarding immaturity doesn't make it the truth.
Finally, since I'm so good at spewing irrelevant comments based on piecemeal information, try this one on for size...
You, sir, are a complete *kitten* (which is probably why your wife cheated on you in the first place) :laugh:
I love the irony of professing that you are not immature, then signing off with that line...made me chuckle0 -
Id consider it as cheating. Watching pre-made clips is one thing, paying for women to please you is another.
These are private sessions, it's not just videos, he is interacting with live women.
You need to discuss what consists as cheating in your relationship and boundaries. I'm sorry to hear this has happened to you, hope for the best in whatever you decide to do!
this^^
god luck girl, I think it is good that you found out before you walked down the isle. At least you are not going in with blinders on if you decide to work it out.0 -
and in some cases a local walk to your corner snack cart for qik fast service depending onyour cravings-Ty
because everyday you have your great stable hamburger but,once in awhile you liked to get dressed up and go out for a steak dinner but you always come home to the hamburger, -TyTo clarify something though - for people who are saying there's is something wrong if he has a sex drive for porn but not for her...
Guys will ALWAYS have a sex drive for porn.
Porn and sex are so distant from each other you just can't group them together. A guy will jerk off even if his SO has the highest sex drive in the world and he thinks she's the hottest woman ever and they have sex minimum 3 times a day.
So the porn thing needs to be taken out of the equation entirely.
The problem to me seems to be that he doesn't want to have sex with you. After a time, sex with the same person can get stale. And from my experience, there are quite a few women who still want it, but expect to take everything from it and not really give much back. Trust me, that isn't entertaining for a guy. Maybe do something a bit special to remind him how good it can be? But don't make it a one off - put some effort into sex - you only get what you give at the end of the day.
Howcome guys always have a sex drive for porn and not their SO (not being catty, i'm genuinely curious). And everything else you said makes perfect sense!
Good point!!
@OP: This is my un-qualified opinion but i'd rule out sex addiction, because i assume with sex addiction he'd do it with anyone whenever the chance arose. ie: you!
Ty,
YOU ARE BANG OUT OF ORDER, COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SOME MORALS!! gOD HELP THE WOMAN/WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE!!0 -
lol
and in some cases a local walk to your corner snack cart for qik fast service depending onyour cravings-Ty
because everyday you have your great stable hamburger but,once in awhile you liked to get dressed up and go out for a steak dinner but you always come home to the hamburger, -TyTo clarify something though - for people who are saying there's is something wrong if he has a sex drive for porn but not for her...
Guys will ALWAYS have a sex drive for porn.
Porn and sex are so distant from each other you just can't group them together. A guy will jerk off even if his SO has the highest sex drive in the world and he thinks she's the hottest woman ever and they have sex minimum 3 times a day.
So the porn thing needs to be taken out of the equation entirely.
The problem to me seems to be that he doesn't want to have sex with you. After a time, sex with the same person can get stale. And from my experience, there are quite a few women who still want it, but expect to take everything from it and not really give much back. Trust me, that isn't entertaining for a guy. Maybe do something a bit special to remind him how good it can be? But don't make it a one off - put some effort into sex - you only get what you give at the end of the day.
Howcome guys always have a sex drive for porn and not their SO (not being catty, i'm genuinely curious). And everything else you said makes perfect sense!
Good point!!
@OP: This is my un-qualified opinion but i'd rule out sex addiction, because i assume with sex addiction he'd do it with anyone whenever the chance arose. ie: you!
Ty,
YOU ARE BANG OUT OF ORDER, COME BACK WHEN YOU HAVE SOME MORALS!! gOD HELP THE WOMAN/WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE!!0 -
Sorry this isn't weight loss related but I am in a bit of a mess and don't really want to speak to my real life friends about this at the moment.
Last night I found out that my fiance (what a joke!!!!!!) has been visiting an adult site and paying women to do web cam 'stuff' for him.
I made him log on the site and I could see that he'd emailed a couple but I could see from his 'transactions' he had done a lot of web cam viewing (mostly all paid for).
He'd also searched on there for women in our area - most of these people are escorts too but he swears on his life he has 'only' done web camming (him watching them) and nothing more.
I don't have a huge problem with porn but somehow when you are paying someone to do stuff specifically for you it seems worse? (worse than watching a film or whatever) I also don't have a problem with strip clubs as I think they are mainly about a group of lads having a laugh but this has been happening in my own home, late at night and when I'm not there.
I've been on his Facebook and checked his messages and he isn't messaging real life women. He is very upset - but that's because he's been caught.
What would you do???
Id say buh bye.0 -
My boyfriend was looking at porn back in sept, i busted him and almost left him. I really did. What he did was admit it, aware it would never happen again. I them found some stuff that looked to be that he was "conversing" on Yahoo, asking for nude pics, blah blah. Well that boy started shaking and trembling, he got more upset then me, then we figured out that he didn't do it. So we r better. He sware that he wouldn't do it. And we talked it out. I'm happy we worked it out, i don't want to throw away 7 years. Do what u have to make him c what he is doing is hurting u.0
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Porn is one thing, contacting LOCAL escorts is another. This is kind of a tricky topic because normally I'd find the guy (or even the girl) watching porn even while in a relationship to be pretty much the norm, then again searching for webcam sessions from girls in his area is a little more suspect.
It all boils down to if you're alright with him paying to get individual attention/pleasure from another girl.0 -
Get rid.0
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I don't have a huge problem with porn
I also don't have a problem with strip clubs
Is it possible since you don't have a problem with these that he thought you would not have a problem with a combination? Paying a person to do stuff (like a strip club) and watching it without touching (like porn).
It could be something like he see it as the same thing (or at least the same level) that it is a miscommunication. You need to tell him how you view it. See how he thinks of it and make sure you are both open with out accusations.
As for the looking up girls in your area 1) Is he actually doing that, there are site that automatically pop up for this, if you are only seeing it in his history it may be an honest thing. 2) If he is then this is what you should be worried about.0 -
If he's contacting local escorts he's intending to cheat on you plain and simple.0
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Just my opinion,,,,,,,,,The bond that binds people is intimacy. That is 90% mental and 10% physical. The idea that you haven't crossed a line if you haven't touched is meaningless to me. You have cheated when have you have violated the intimacy with your partner. It's important to be with people who share your definition of intimacy, whatever that may be.0
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Just my opinion,,,,,,,,,The bond that binds people is intimacy. That is 90% mental and 10% physical. The idea that you haven't crossed a line if you haven't touched is meaningless to me. You have cheated when have you have violated the intimacy with your partner. It's important to be with people who share your definition of intimacy, whatever that may be.
Absolutely this. It sounds like he hurt you badly, and honestly that's not something I think you can recover from. Instead of coming to you with his desires he looked to have them fufilled elsewhere. Unacceptable.0 -
I'd dump him. That is crap.0
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Biggest problem I see here is that he doesn't want to have sex a lot and you do. That is a relationship killer. Whether this is "cheating" or "not cheating", if he isn't having a satisfying intimate relationship with you, you're not going to be happy in the long run.
But the whole "escort in your area" thing is a big red flag that he has something, maybe a quirk, about what gratifies him that he isn't willing to share with you. And if you've found out through this means, then it could only serve to make him more uncomfortable. If he feels sexually humiliated by your discovery, then it might make things even worse.
It is really difficult to tell anyone to think long and hard before committing to a marriage, but you really need to think long and hard about committing to a marriage.0 -
I'm not reading 17 pages of fluff. I skipped here after reading your post.
Why not watch it with him? Few of my friends do it and they tell me about it(not all details thank god) and we laugh at it. Its primarily just to be more personal than porn without the cheating part. I dont see camsites as the next step to cheating. Its like reading on other places "Help I caught my husband masturbating what do i do?!" Most people respond with "why not jump in and take over for him".
The escort thing is tricky, true it would be cheating but both parties would know going into it that its for one thing only. No matter, that would be cheating if he followed through. But I wouldnt worry about him leaving you or anything else quite yet, get an honest answer from him about it and work through it.
This is from a guys stand point. Cheating is cheating, but he hasnt "yet".0 -
He was looking for someone else in the area? He doesn't want to have sex with you?
Get someone else, end it. That's my advice.0 -
Maybe he is just not that into you... that's all I can think of...
ETA: Oh, and the engagement - I would get the hell out of it!0 -
I think the fact that he did share with you that he was doing it is a huge offense. Lie by not including you in the fact. How much time and energy do you want to put into this person. How does "my ex finance used to do this" sound?0
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Not cool, may be tough but I would end it and move on.0
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i say it does I had something similar that happened to me not only did he put a freaky ad out on craislist but also found out he cheated on me with his ex we were together for 5 years and were engaged ....honestly it seems innocent right now but will probably end up not bein faithful in real life...but idk only you can make this choice and live with the reality i know i couldnt do it ....good luck on whatever you choose0
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I bet that those girls are not local. If you frequent porn/dating/torrent sites, you'd notice many ads that say your location. "Meet single women from Boston", etc. Every website you visit sees what your IP address is and figure out where it is located, and then it puts it over images and videos. The fact is, most of the porn (especially those that will do "cheap tricks" for cheap $$) are NOT local at all. Many times they are russian or otherwise foreign. So, if the fact that "they are local" is the thing that pisses you off the most, you can drop that, because they were most likely NOT local. I know many people that run adult websites....so I know this is the case.
WIth regards to you having a higher sex drive and him not wanting to "take advantage of it". I'd say you have some communication to work on. Perhaps things need to be switched up.
Take a look at all aspects of your relationship. This shouldn't be big enough to break you apart. But if this is just one of many issues, then you might need to move on.0 -
I wouldn't consider that cheating, in my own relationship, but "cheating" is subjective. I would, however, consider it against the rules and we'd have a talk about why he does it, and why I don't like it so we can understand each other a bit better. I'd make my feelings very clear and see if we can't work on communicating our issues. There's a reason he's doing it, and maybe that can be fixed, or the need met by other things, or maybe it can't, in which case you'll need to reevaluate things. Either you stay together and accept that he's doing it, or you leave.0
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He has some need that isn't being fulfilled and yet instead of talking with you about it (i.e. the right thing) he's going behind your back (i.e. the wrong thing).
Whether or not it's cheating is subjective, but it's certainly not worthy of trust.
Talk with him about it. Figure out what his needs are. See if you can meet them and if he can be truly satisfied and happy with you. Note I am not blaming you at all - this is HIS thing, and he needs to sort it out, but if he won't talk then you need to drag it out of him.0 -
I wouldn't call it cheating, but I do find it disrespectful, semi-feminist alert - not to you, but to the women who are paid to flash your guy. I do see it as a bad sign for the future.0
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There are so many issues here:
How did you find out? Were you snooping, or did he tell you? Who's hiding what from whom?
Is the real issue that he had not told you? That they are doing things for him? OR IS IT TRUST?
Bottom line is that when you are with someone for a long time, you want to know that you can TRUST them. Keeping things hidden, lies, (lies by omission) etc, might be the REAL issue.
You are OK with porn. You are OK with strip clubs (where women do stuff for men in real life - lap dances and such, and they pay for it). So, for him, he probably does not see much of a difference.
My suggestion is simple. Open up lines of conversation fully, and withhold immediate judgement. Be clear where you stand, what you find acceptable, and the same for him. Decide if you are OK with his type of behavior or not (do not think you can change him, it will just cause resentment one way of the other). If not, it's time to move on. If you are OK with it, perhaps join him and make it fun for both of you.0 -
I only checked his Facebook in response to this happening. I stumbled across the porn thing.
I didn;t have trust issues. I do now.
the wedding is 11 months away (supposedly) and he has had as many ideas for it and has planned it as much (if not more) than I have. I am not a crazy - weddings / bridezilla type so there is no pressure there.
Ummm... ok.
I have a hard time believing any woman (not just you) that claims she "stumbled" across anything like this. I just think this is a huge flashing neon warning sign for you. Open your eyes girl. .... Please don't tell us that you hope he will change post marriage?!?!
I stumbled across my ex's porn site fetish - he had a user ID and password and website name written on a scrap of paper, and I came home from work a little early and it was left out by the computer keyboard. This then prompted me to actually type in the website, and then look at the history on our computer's browser. I honestly had no idea he was looking it up, and he was totally ticked at me. I put a filter on the computer that wouldn't allow access to any website unless it was G rated. THAT really made him about explode.0
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