Ever asked the husband/wife/SO this question?

lizaboots

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

I disagree to a point. Its not what marriage is completely about...but factor that out and something is missing in your relationship.

If your spouse turns into someone you are physically repulsed by, do you spend the rest of your life without intimacy and never get tempted by physical needs?

I'm not saying its an excuse to go out and cheat, or that you should automatically leave..but sexual attraction is a VERY important part of a relationship.

^^^AGREEED!

harribo_mum

Mine said he liked me bigger :indifferent:

yoovie

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

dolldreams

Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.

So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.

^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have

I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

Pretty sure OP asked about weight, which in most cases is a controlable situation, not catastrophic accidents. I'm sorry if it offends you if my husband and I are completely honest about how we feel about the other taking care of thier body.

It doesn't offend me. Just kind of puzzling to me is all. I don't see how you have an appearance exception for accidents but not one for weight.

I was more replying to your statement specifically, not to the OP. I replied to the OP in an earlier post.

You made a statement about yourself that you seem to think is fact such as you're done having children. Have you had a hysterectomy because if you haven't even tubal ligations are not 100%. My sister had one where her tubes had to be cauterized and even then has had two more children.

That was a rhetorical question; I do not expect you to answer so don't feel like I'm getting too personal.

End of the day it's not my relationship so I'm leaving this one alone.

My husband has had a vasectomy and I only gained 15-20lbs with both my pregnancies so that isn't an issue really anyway. A person can control their weight in pretty much any situation. Whether it be medication for a medical condition, diet and specific exercises if disability occurs, special diet for food allergies that cause weight gain, etc. plus, I never said we'd stop loving each other. We have been through enough to know we will love each other no matter what, but physical attraction has to do with physical appearance. But we're live an alternative lifestyle anyway so I guess not much would change.

Do you mean poly? I hope I'm not getting on your nerves but that's kind of fascinating if you are.

juliesummers

My boyfriend thinks I'm super sexy no matter what weight I am in my range (granted, that range is between 95lbs and 125, so it's not as if I'm overweight), but when I've asked him what weight he prefers me, he does like me in the lower range (110ish). He says it's because he knows that's where I'm happiest and that's where I love my body, but we both agree that aesthetically that's where I look best too.

Edit: I should note that my boyfriend has gained about 60 lbs in the last 3.6 years we've been together and, although I certainly have never said this to him, I've realized lately that I honestly am less sexually attracted to him now. I don't mind his body at all now, but it's his face that I'm not as attracted to now with the extra weight.

yoovie

Mine said he liked me bigger :indifferent:

this happened to me 3 times :frown:

'youre too small now'
'this is really not cool since you know I like girls with more meat on you than you've got now'
and
'i didnt realise you didnt have an *kitten* til you lost weight'

thankfully all three were only friends with benefits.

GinNouveau

I did. He told me (at my heaviest weight of 290) that even if I gained 50lbs he'd still think I was as beautiful as I would be if I decided to lose 50. He said it didn't matter to him if I never lost or gained a pound as long as I was happy with myself. I know how amazing that response was because it's not the opinion of the world. He always tells me how proud he is of me when I'm doing good and always encourages me to not dwell on the mistakes when I'm not. It took the fear away that our relationship had a weight limit and that security helps motivate me.

thiscanbedone

edited

annameier8706

Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.

So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.

^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have

I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

Pretty sure OP asked about weight, which in most cases is a controlable situation, not catastrophic accidents. I'm sorry if it offends you if my husband and I are completely honest about how we feel about the other taking care of thier body.

It doesn't offend me. Just kind of puzzling to me is all. I don't see how you have an appearance exception for accidents but not one for weight.

I was more replying to your statement specifically, not to the OP. I replied to the OP in an earlier post.

You made a statement about yourself that you seem to think is fact such as you're done having children. Have you had a hysterectomy because if you haven't even tubal ligations are not 100%. My sister had one where her tubes had to be cauterized and even then has had two more children.

That was a rhetorical question; I do not expect you to answer so don't feel like I'm getting too personal.

End of the day it's not my relationship so I'm leaving this one alone.

My husband has had a vasectomy and I only gained 15-20lbs with both my pregnancies so that isn't an issue really anyway. A person can control their weight in pretty much any situation. Whether it be medication for a medical condition, diet and specific exercises if disability occurs, special diet for food allergies that cause weight gain, etc. plus, I never said we'd stop loving each other. We have been through enough to know we will love each other no matter what, but physical attraction has to do with physical appearance. But we're live an alternative lifestyle anyway so I guess not much would change.

Do you mean poly? I hope I'm not getting on your nerves but that's kind of fascinating if you are.

Not poly per say, but we are pretty open.

dolldreams

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

No, I don't feel the need to add "only". I am old fashioned and married my husband for his personality. I don't think that's all that unique, really.

We didn't live together before we married. I had no idea of what his regular sexual habits were before I married him, so yeah...

andreanicole686

I did and his response was;

'It's easier to love you now because I can tell you love yourself more and that makes me happy'

Now that is a keeper!

skullshank

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

agree 110%...it's not ONLY about sexual attraction, but it most certainly IS about sexual attraction.

i love my wife no matter what....fat, thin...whatever.
i love my friend chris no matter what...fat, thin...whatever.

big difference there, is that i don't wanna bang my friend chris. lol


another interesting thing that i learned...
i had always heard that sexual attraction for a woman is mostly psychological, and for a man it's mostly physical. (let's not go off on that tangent...im only sharing something of interest)

however, when my wife gained weight during/after pregnancy, not ONCE did i find her unattractive. couldnt keep my hands off her (still can't and shes back down to pre baby weight).
she, on the other hand, did seem less attracted to me as i gained weight.

i found that rather interesting. i knew she still loved me. always will. but that 'spark' seemed to be gone, and i think it had to do with my weight.
someone else made a great point as well...in addition to the weight, maybe it was my lifestyle that had changed that she became less attracted to. food had become my passion. tv was all i needed. i loved to smoke pot and eat and watch tv.
i guess that's not very attractive is it?

MADDIESMOMMY6611

I asked my boyfriend and he just said he's always attracted to me. I could have the body of a super model and I doubt it would make a difference to him. He didn't really notice when I gained weight and he doesn't seem to care that I've lost any.

KyleB65

My wife never put me down because of my weight or how I looked.

However, on many occasions she would sting me with a comment like " If you really loved the children and I you would do something to be healthier so that you will be around longer". This never sunk in until I had a little health "crisis" last year.

A very big NSV for my family and I since I started losing weight has been my temperament. Not that I was an ogre but as I have slimmed down my mood has improved. I can guess at the psychology but in my opinion this is from feeling better about my self and that exercise has taken the place of junk food when it comes to my dealing with stress.

bm99

I won't ask because I already know the answer. I was depressed and gained over 70lbs, of course he isn't as attracted to me. I wouldn't be attracted to him either.

It has nothing to do with LOVE. He loves me no matter what. But that doesn't mean he wants to get it on all the time.

Physical attraction is all about chemicals. It can't be forced just because he wants to play the nice guy and say I'm hot at any weight. If he truly feels that way, great, but chances are he doesn't and I'm ok with that. One of the reasons I am losing now is to be attractive and healthy for my husband and kids.

Edit: I can only speak for myself, but it is a slap in the face to husband and family if you put FOOD in front of your health and physical wellbeing. Everytime I refused to lose weight it was like telling him that I love food more than being around in good health for a good long while. It is a very selfish thing.

nateraemom

My ex used to treat me completely different based on my weight at the time. I was always the same person on the inside but there were times when life just got in the way and I gained weight... then managed to take it back off one way or another. I always felt like his feelings for me were conditional and it killed my self esteem. My thinking was... if you didn't love me for who I was then... you don't deserve to love me for who I am now. I am finally with someone who loves me for me regardless and as a result, it motivates me to be the absolute best I can be.. not only for myself but for him as well.

Miribg

I asked him and he says he doesn't care but sees that I feel better about myself now that I am loosing weight and that makes him love me more

yoovie

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

No, I don't feel the need to add "only". I am old fashioned and married my husband for his personality. I don't think that's all that unique, really.

We didn't live together before we married. I had no idea of what his regular sexual habits were before I married him, so yeah...

yo lady, just cause your marriage is old fashioned, does not mean that earthlings all have the same marriage as you. You can add the word ONLY or you can add the word MY. But otherwise, that sentence is going to hopefully be a lie.

My parents were virgins when they got married and they are like 55 and till **** on the kitchen freaking table and would never apologise for it.

dolldreams

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

agree 110%...it's not ONLY about sexual attraction, but it most certainly IS about sexual attraction.

i love my wife no matter what....fat, thin...whatever.
i love my friend chris no matter what...fat, thin...whatever.

big difference there, is that i don't wanna bang my friend chris. lol


another interesting thing that i learned...
i had always heard that sexual attraction for a woman is mostly psychological, and for a man it's mostly physical. (let's not go off on that tangent...im only sharing something of interest)

however, when my wife gained weight during/after pregnancy, not ONCE did i find her unattractive. couldnt keep my hands off her (still can't and shes back down to pre baby weight).
she, on the other hand, did seem less attracted to me as i gained weight.

i found that rather interesting. i knew she still loved me. always will. but that 'spark' seemed to be gone, and i think it had to do with my weight.
someone else made a great point as well...in addition to the weight, maybe it was my lifestyle that had changed that she became less attracted to. food had become my passion. tv was all i needed. i loved to smoke pot and eat and watch tv.
i guess that's not very attractive is it?

I am talking about marriage in general, not about each individual's marriage. If marriage in general is about sex, how the heck do impotent people, paraplegics etc. find and select a partner?

Okay, don't answer that...it could get really weird in here real fast.

rchupka87

I have my days where I feel bad about myself. My SO tells me that he likes that I exercise and watch what I eat because he has noticed a change in me. He has told me that I am not as depressed, and I have more energy, and THAT is what he likes – that he can see me beginning to love myself as much as he loves me. He says that I am finally starting to see what he has seen all along. You see, I met my SO when I was at my heaviest – and he reminds me of that every time this topic is brought up. I’m one lucky girl…

yoovie

I am talking about marriage in general, not about each individual's marriage. If marriage in general is about sex, how the heck do impotent people, paraplegics etc. find and select a partner?

Okay, don't answer that...it could get really weird in here real fast.

We didnt say marriage in general is about sex, I simply asked that you include that sexual attraction is, in general, usually, for earthlings, PART of it.

NOT *IT*

just *PART* it

dolldreams

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

No, I don't feel the need to add "only". I am old fashioned and married my husband for his personality. I don't think that's all that unique, really.

We didn't live together before we married. I had no idea of what his regular sexual habits were before I married him, so yeah...

yo lady, just cause your marriage is old fashioned, does not mean that earthlings all have the same marriage as you. You can add the word ONLY or you can add the word MY. But otherwise, that sentence is going to hopefully be a lie.

My parents were virgins when they got married and they are like 55 and till **** on the kitchen freaking table and would never apologise for it.

Yo lady, good for them. I just addressed that while you were typing this.

skullshank

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

agree 110%...it's not ONLY about sexual attraction, but it most certainly IS about sexual attraction.

i love my wife no matter what....fat, thin...whatever.
i love my friend chris no matter what...fat, thin...whatever.

big difference there, is that i don't wanna bang my friend chris. lol


another interesting thing that i learned...
i had always heard that sexual attraction for a woman is mostly psychological, and for a man it's mostly physical. (let's not go off on that tangent...im only sharing something of interest)

however, when my wife gained weight during/after pregnancy, not ONCE did i find her unattractive. couldnt keep my hands off her (still can't and shes back down to pre baby weight).
she, on the other hand, did seem less attracted to me as i gained weight.

i found that rather interesting. i knew she still loved me. always will. but that 'spark' seemed to be gone, and i think it had to do with my weight.
someone else made a great point as well...in addition to the weight, maybe it was my lifestyle that had changed that she became less attracted to. food had become my passion. tv was all i needed. i loved to smoke pot and eat and watch tv.
i guess that's not very attractive is it?

I am talking about marriage in general, not about each individual's marriage. If marriage in general is about sex, how the heck do impotent people, paraplegics etc. find and select a partner?

Okay, don't answer that...it could get really weird in here real fast.

i guess marriage is not about sex in general...but sex is important to me. (and most people, i would wager a guess)
im a red blooded man, and if i had my druthers, i would have sex 4 times a week.
i'll step and be honest here...if there was no sex in my marriage...i would feel the marriage is missing a crucial facet.
not sure how long i could deal with that scenario.
call me what you will, i just think sex is extremely important in a marriage.

dolldreams

I am talking about marriage in general, not about each individual's marriage. If marriage in general is about sex, how the heck do impotent people, paraplegics etc. find and select a partner?

Okay, don't answer that...it could get really weird in here real fast.

We didnt say marriage in general is about sex, I simply asked tha tyou iclude that sexual attracion is, in general, usually, for earthlings, PART of it.

NOT *IT*

just *PART* it

Some of us earthlings have transcended the flesh. That's how I am losing so much weight now.

mrsfortune

Thank you for posting this brave topic. It just made me realize something pretty amazing about my husband. At 177 pounds, he NEVER stopped wanting me, he never stopped wanting me every single day! Now that I am 23 pounds lighter, becoming more and more fit, he only wants me more. What a blessed girl I am, thank you for helping me see such a positive thing about my husband, with him I tend to focus on his negatives and simply put, I shouldn't!

I couldn't agree more!!

sunshinedazed

Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.

So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.

^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have

I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

Pretty sure OP asked about weight, which in most cases is a controlable situation, not catastrophic accidents. I'm sorry if it offends you if my husband and I are completely honest about how we feel about the other taking care of thier body.

It doesn't offend me. Just kind of puzzling to me is all. I don't see how you have an appearance exception for accidents but not one for weight.

I was more replying to your statement specifically, not to the OP. I replied to the OP in an earlier post.

You made a statement about yourself that you seem to think is fact such as you're done having children. Have you had a hysterectomy because if you haven't even tubal ligations are not 100%. My sister had one where her tubes had to be cauterized and even then has had two more children.

That was a rhetorical question; I do not expect you to answer so don't feel like I'm getting too personal.

End of the day it's not my relationship so I'm leaving this one alone.

My husband has had a vasectomy and I only gained 15-20lbs with both my pregnancies so that isn't an issue really anyway. A person can control their weight in pretty much any situation. Whether it be medication for a medical condition, diet and specific exercises if disability occurs, special diet for food allergies that cause weight gain, etc. plus, I never said we'd stop loving each other. We have been through enough to know we will love each other no matter what, but physical attraction has to do with physical appearance. But we're live an alternative lifestyle anyway so I guess not much would change.

I'm not one to be easily offended, but as someone who nearly died and was bed ridden and on massive amounts of steroids (which will, FYI, cause massive amounts of weight gain no matter how well controlled your diet is) saying that all medical condition caused weight gain is a personal fault is pretty.. wel.. offensive. You don't know everyone's story, and you have no right to judge. To each their own, and I'm glad that you love someone and have someone's love in return who you agree with on fundamental issues, but man, ouch.

judypriv

Hmmm. My husband never cared either way. i was chubby when we met, thin, fat, thin, fat and now getting thin and he never had a preference. He is always after me sexually even at my fattest. we have a hearty sex life. He's happy either way.

FammaMel

I did and his response was;

'It's easier to love you now because I can tell you love yourself more and that makes me happy'

Wow. That is a perfect answer! It is more about us loving ourselves. It's an inside job that reflects outward.

Hellbent_Heidi

My parents were virgins when they got married and they are like 55 and till **** on the kitchen freaking table and would never apologise for it.

LOL...I love that, and that's a big part of the reason I will be happy to keep getting my butt up and out the door by 5AM to head to the gym - because I really hope to heck that I'm still ****ing on the kitchen table when I'm 55 too! :drinker:

FloraSin

My weight change wasn't noticeable, but my fitness was. He says he doesn't mind if I don't since we love games and reading and movies and what not. I like being outdoors and active too though (and so does he) so I felt like I was holding us back from that.

Not any more though. Now, we take hour+ hikes and in September when I run my first 5k since I started getting back on track, he says he might like to do it with me.

He's definitely a huge motivation/inspiration though. If I was still with the boyfriend before him, I'd probably just be a lump on the couch, continuously getting bigger. Or maybe have smoked myself to death. (He helped me quite that too.)