Ever asked the husband/wife/SO this question?

yoovie

I am talking about marriage in general, not about each individual's marriage. If marriage in general is about sex, how the heck do impotent people, paraplegics etc. find and select a partner?

Okay, don't answer that...it could get really weird in here real fast.

We didnt say marriage in general is about sex, I simply asked that you include that sexual attraction is, in general, usually, for earthlings, PART of it.

NOT *IT*

just *PART* it

dolldreams

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

No, I don't feel the need to add "only". I am old fashioned and married my husband for his personality. I don't think that's all that unique, really.

We didn't live together before we married. I had no idea of what his regular sexual habits were before I married him, so yeah...

yo lady, just cause your marriage is old fashioned, does not mean that earthlings all have the same marriage as you. You can add the word ONLY or you can add the word MY. But otherwise, that sentence is going to hopefully be a lie.

My parents were virgins when they got married and they are like 55 and till **** on the kitchen freaking table and would never apologise for it.

Yo lady, good for them. I just addressed that while you were typing this.

skullshank

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

wait

what

This is horrifying to me.

Please, for the love of all that feels good- add the world 'ONLY' to that sentence??

agree 110%...it's not ONLY about sexual attraction, but it most certainly IS about sexual attraction.

i love my wife no matter what....fat, thin...whatever.
i love my friend chris no matter what...fat, thin...whatever.

big difference there, is that i don't wanna bang my friend chris. lol


another interesting thing that i learned...
i had always heard that sexual attraction for a woman is mostly psychological, and for a man it's mostly physical. (let's not go off on that tangent...im only sharing something of interest)

however, when my wife gained weight during/after pregnancy, not ONCE did i find her unattractive. couldnt keep my hands off her (still can't and shes back down to pre baby weight).
she, on the other hand, did seem less attracted to me as i gained weight.

i found that rather interesting. i knew she still loved me. always will. but that 'spark' seemed to be gone, and i think it had to do with my weight.
someone else made a great point as well...in addition to the weight, maybe it was my lifestyle that had changed that she became less attracted to. food had become my passion. tv was all i needed. i loved to smoke pot and eat and watch tv.
i guess that's not very attractive is it?

I am talking about marriage in general, not about each individual's marriage. If marriage in general is about sex, how the heck do impotent people, paraplegics etc. find and select a partner?

Okay, don't answer that...it could get really weird in here real fast.

i guess marriage is not about sex in general...but sex is important to me. (and most people, i would wager a guess)
im a red blooded man, and if i had my druthers, i would have sex 4 times a week.
i'll step and be honest here...if there was no sex in my marriage...i would feel the marriage is missing a crucial facet.
not sure how long i could deal with that scenario.
call me what you will, i just think sex is extremely important in a marriage.

dolldreams

I am talking about marriage in general, not about each individual's marriage. If marriage in general is about sex, how the heck do impotent people, paraplegics etc. find and select a partner?

Okay, don't answer that...it could get really weird in here real fast.

We didnt say marriage in general is about sex, I simply asked tha tyou iclude that sexual attracion is, in general, usually, for earthlings, PART of it.

NOT *IT*

just *PART* it

Some of us earthlings have transcended the flesh. That's how I am losing so much weight now.

mrsfortune

Thank you for posting this brave topic. It just made me realize something pretty amazing about my husband. At 177 pounds, he NEVER stopped wanting me, he never stopped wanting me every single day! Now that I am 23 pounds lighter, becoming more and more fit, he only wants me more. What a blessed girl I am, thank you for helping me see such a positive thing about my husband, with him I tend to focus on his negatives and simply put, I shouldn't!

I couldn't agree more!!

sunshinedazed

Well, I wouldn't be attracted to him if he got too overweight, and not because I loved him less, but because in order for him to get that way, he would have to have a total lifestyle change for the worse. THAT would not be attractive, because he would not be taking care of himself that way, and I know he would feel the same way about me.

So we don't have to ask that question, because we both have very specific lifestyle goals that keep us the way we are, and changing those goals would be the big issue, not the resulting body changes.

^^^This!! the basis of the understanding we have

I hope you never sustain a horrific injury such as having your face disfigured in a fire. Being as your husband is in the AIRFORCE, would you still love him if he was horribly injured?

Marriage is not about SEXUAL attraction.

Pretty sure OP asked about weight, which in most cases is a controlable situation, not catastrophic accidents. I'm sorry if it offends you if my husband and I are completely honest about how we feel about the other taking care of thier body.

It doesn't offend me. Just kind of puzzling to me is all. I don't see how you have an appearance exception for accidents but not one for weight.

I was more replying to your statement specifically, not to the OP. I replied to the OP in an earlier post.

You made a statement about yourself that you seem to think is fact such as you're done having children. Have you had a hysterectomy because if you haven't even tubal ligations are not 100%. My sister had one where her tubes had to be cauterized and even then has had two more children.

That was a rhetorical question; I do not expect you to answer so don't feel like I'm getting too personal.

End of the day it's not my relationship so I'm leaving this one alone.

My husband has had a vasectomy and I only gained 15-20lbs with both my pregnancies so that isn't an issue really anyway. A person can control their weight in pretty much any situation. Whether it be medication for a medical condition, diet and specific exercises if disability occurs, special diet for food allergies that cause weight gain, etc. plus, I never said we'd stop loving each other. We have been through enough to know we will love each other no matter what, but physical attraction has to do with physical appearance. But we're live an alternative lifestyle anyway so I guess not much would change.

I'm not one to be easily offended, but as someone who nearly died and was bed ridden and on massive amounts of steroids (which will, FYI, cause massive amounts of weight gain no matter how well controlled your diet is) saying that all medical condition caused weight gain is a personal fault is pretty.. wel.. offensive. You don't know everyone's story, and you have no right to judge. To each their own, and I'm glad that you love someone and have someone's love in return who you agree with on fundamental issues, but man, ouch.

judypriv

Hmmm. My husband never cared either way. i was chubby when we met, thin, fat, thin, fat and now getting thin and he never had a preference. He is always after me sexually even at my fattest. we have a hearty sex life. He's happy either way.

FammaMel

I did and his response was;

'It's easier to love you now because I can tell you love yourself more and that makes me happy'

Wow. That is a perfect answer! It is more about us loving ourselves. It's an inside job that reflects outward.

Hellbent_Heidi

My parents were virgins when they got married and they are like 55 and till **** on the kitchen freaking table and would never apologise for it.

LOL...I love that, and that's a big part of the reason I will be happy to keep getting my butt up and out the door by 5AM to head to the gym - because I really hope to heck that I'm still ****ing on the kitchen table when I'm 55 too! :drinker:

FloraSin

My weight change wasn't noticeable, but my fitness was. He says he doesn't mind if I don't since we love games and reading and movies and what not. I like being outdoors and active too though (and so does he) so I felt like I was holding us back from that.

Not any more though. Now, we take hour+ hikes and in September when I run my first 5k since I started getting back on track, he says he might like to do it with me.

He's definitely a huge motivation/inspiration though. If I was still with the boyfriend before him, I'd probably just be a lump on the couch, continuously getting bigger. Or maybe have smoked myself to death. (He helped me quite that too.)

yoovie

I am talking about marriage in general, not about each individual's marriage. If marriage in general is about sex, how the heck do impotent people, paraplegics etc. find and select a partner?

Okay, don't answer that...it could get really weird in here real fast.

We didnt say marriage in general is about sex, I simply asked that you include that sexual attraction is, in general, usually, for earthlings, PART of it.

NOT *IT*

just *PART* it

Some of us earthlings have transcended the flesh. That's how I am losing so much weight now.

mmarlow61

I did and his response was;

'It's easier to love you now because I can tell you love yourself more and that makes me happy'

What a great answer

I thought the same thing What a NICE guy!

mistikal13

He was always attracted me no matter what size I was. When I lost the weight he was just happy that I was happier and healthier.

wooze63

WOw, that is a perfect answer!

FloraSin

agree 110%...it's not ONLY about sexual attraction, but it most certainly IS about sexual attraction.

i love my wife no matter what....fat, thin...whatever.
i love my friend chris no matter what...fat, thin...whatever.

big difference there, is that i don't wanna bang my friend chris. lol

And...I just died laughing. Thanks. Murderer. Haha

Also, yes, I think a lot of it has to do with the person your level of fitness (or lack thereof) makes you into. I could watch my boyfriend play The Witcher 2 for a few hours and be entertained (we discuss things at the same time), but that's not sexy (not saying he's unattractive when he does this, just that it's not a stimulating thing).

However, if he's doing something energetic like when he plays soccer.... Well, yeah.

DemiRaye

Thank you for posting this brave topic. It just made me realize something pretty amazing about my husband. At 177 pounds, he NEVER stopped wanting me, he never stopped wanting me every single day! Now that I am 23 pounds lighter, becoming more and more fit, he only wants me more. What a blessed girl I am, thank you for helping me see such a positive thing about my husband, with him I tend to focus on his negatives and simply put, I shouldn't!

I relate to this completely! Unfortunately, I do tend to focus on all of the things my boyfriend has done wrong. But one thing is for sure, no matter how often I project my own insecurities into our relationship, he never ceases to remind of how beautiful and sexy he thinks I am regardless of my size.

littlewitch1973

I asked my boyfriend this over the weekend. He told me this:

"Both of my ex-wives were super skinny - the first one was 110lbs, and the second one might have been 98lbs. They were both complete and total b***** and made me miserable. You are completely the opposite -laid back, easy going and you like to... XXXXXX "

I cant repeat the rest of it (its rather X-Rated!) but he made me feel perfect. He knows that I am working hard, and loves seeing the changes, and loves the fact we can "do" more together now. He also knows my personality isnt going to change, and I'm not going to stop liking to do the unmentionables he loves so much!!

Miss♥Ivi

My boyfriend CANNOT keep his hands off me, before the weight gain, during the weight gain, when I got to my highest and now, during the weight loss. It's all the time, non freaking stop. In his mind, I'm the hottest piece of ass on the planet. Regardless of it's size. :laugh:

MJesuele126

My fiance tells me the truth which is what I love about him.. sometimes it wasnt what I wanted to hear but either way skinny fat chunky whatever he still loves me. but last night befor we went to sleep I was laying down and he held me and was like "wow babe where did your stomach go" and I was like stop your just being nice and hes like no Im serious good job.. I was like yayy!!

beebee0925

I did and his response was;

'It's easier to love you now because I can tell you love yourself more and that makes me happy'

Yes sir. Great answer. I like that.