why do women seem to want WHO they can't have?

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

@dyanna--and passive aggressively calling someone stupid is the way you conduct "real conversations about these kinds of topics?" WOW..I feel sorry for you.

Yanicka1

I need more ladies to think they can`t have me I guess. :grumble:

I can't have you..... you live in another country

Lift_hard_eat_big

I need more ladies to think they can`t have me I guess. :grumble:

I can't have you..... you live in another country

You must not be a die hard gold digger, a true digger would dig her way through the center the Earth to get to another woman's man if he's a sugar daddy LOL!

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

I really liked the comments from the NY times article...some highlights for ya...of 25 comments...let's see how many AGREE in some fashion...

Very interesting…and I like the thought of “pre-screening”, suggesting that since they are already in a relation, they have the qualities it takes to be in a relationship.

Maybe its time I stopped talking so much to my tall handsome and sexy husband of 10 years about my single GF’s…hmm….??
— Enn Alee
2. August 13, 2009 12:19 pm Link

I think sounds like a lot of bias against single women. Besides, married women aren’t so innocent. Some of them go after other people’s partners, too! I lost THREE boyfriends to married women!
— Sabrina
3. August 13, 2009 12:19 pm Link

Speaking as a single woman, I find this rather depressing, but true. While I make attached men decidedly off-limits, I know lots of women who view attached men as attractive until they become unattached. Once the men shed their previous relationship, the women don’t want them.
— Barbara
4. August 13, 2009 12:19 pm Link

What better proof a man can commit and is attractive, than that he’s already committed and found to be attractive? But logic would dictate that if an attached man can be poached, he isn’t very committed at all.

So it’s kind of a catch-22: you can’t have him, but you want him; and if you get him, he’s no good.

I wonder if additional research would show that single women also overestimate their chances of hanging onto a poached man, the way most people think they’re above-average drivers.
— Joel
5. August 13, 2009 12:21 pm Link

That’s funny. I hear men say that all the good women are taken. But I also think with men that there is a “hands off the other guy’s girl” loyalty.
— Dave


8. August 13, 2009 12:24 pm Link

there you have it, women are more dishonest than men.
— bags
9. August 13, 2009 12:24 pm Link

Interesting. Very interesting. It proves true with my observations, anecdotal evidence, & much of literature & art.

Women. One could read a library on women & still be at sea.
— Michael “mickeyrad” Radosevich
10. August 13, 2009 12:25 pm Link

30% of Divorces are b/c of infidelity, evenly split male/female…..

So, this should not be a surprise
— .

12. August 13, 2009 12:28 pm Link

I was fairly unnoticed by girls/women in a mid sized town and worked hard and achieved middling success(Good at school and low profile sports track/wrestling). Married an out of state girl and stayed in town with a decent job. It amazes me now that I am married with children the flirtatious behavior of divorced/ long term unmarried women who would not give me the time of day 20 years ago. My friends and wife remark on it (too) often. I think it nothing would ever come of it but I attibute it to low desire to meet real men. I think if I got divorced they would run for the hills
— Bill
13. August 13, 2009 12:28 pm Link

These results don’t surprise me at all. I knew a guy who cheated on his wife for years – all the women were single and they all knew he was married. Unfortunate but true.
— Jeff
14. August 13, 2009 12:29 pm Link

Given my own anecdotal evidence–more than a few women who wouldn’t give me the proverbial time of day when I was unattached suddenly found me considerably more worthy once I was involved with someone–none of this surprises me in the least. I suppose its a given that if one woman deems you as worthy partner/spouse material, you’re “in” (a wedding band becomes something of a halo?), but I, too, wonder if something else is going on.
— BWB
15. August 13, 2009 12:29 pm Link

I’ve always heard that women prefer men who are in relationships, and the more relationships the better.
Those men are sought after, therefore the thinking goes there must be something good about them. Women don’t want someone no one else wants.
— david barnwell jnr
16. August 13, 2009 12:32 pm Link

Attached men make themselves available. Also, there is a competitive trophy kind of thing – being able to get him away from another woman.

Then, of course, there *may* be other factors …

Some years ago, I broke up a friend’s engagement. After some years of a triangle, I finally “won” – only to find that although I still loved him, without *her* in the picture, I didn’t “want” him. I had a fling with another friend’s fiance, which (after only a couple of weeks) crashed and burned as well (his idea, as he had been witness to at least some of the triangle – smarter than I took him for, I guess). When I found myself on the verge of a similar plunge with guy #3 – who was a friend of both #s 1 and 2 and whose girlfriend was also a friend of mine – I thought it was perhaps time to retire from the arena and examine my own motives.

I came out of the closet only one year later.
— ACW
17. August 13, 2009 12:33 pm Link

The commitment-avoidance hypothesis makes more sense to me. After all, if the attached male who is pursued decides to stray from his previous commitment, he’s proven himself to be a strayer. So the woman who successfully pursues him has established that he is likely to stray away from his commitment to her as well.
— LJD

19. August 13, 2009 12:34 pm Link

People are terrible. It’s a simple as that.
— Andrea

22. August 13, 2009 12:35 pm Link

This is very interesting, but not a surprise. A male pal and I figured this out 20 plus years ago. We both removed our wedding rings much to our wive’s concerns, telling them that now we can be left alone by the women, they did not believe that, but it works very well. Now I have something to show her after all of these years.
— Dan
23. August 13, 2009 12:36 pm Link

Men sometimes have a hard time resisting temptation, it’s true. But women! Women are heartless and fiercely competitive when it comes to taking a man away from another woman. Needless to say, this is not something that any self-respecting woman would be proud to admit.
— alansky
24. August 13, 2009 12:36 pm Link

Of course.. this is something every man knows already.
When you are attached, you get attention and opportunities from many other women. But as soon as you are single, the oppportunities mostly evaporate.
— Little Birdie
25. August 13, 2009 12:36 pm Link

Ok, this makes some sense. I think the “unavailable” factor plays a lot with men too, but perhaps in a different fashion. Guys dig cute lesbians. That’s almost universal. Sexist and wierd but true. I wonder if the researchers had told the guys that the woman was gay, what the results would have been….
— A guy in a big city

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

only 7 of 25 of the comment on the first page were either irrelevant or not 100% supportive of the finding that women were more likely to want an unavailable man than an available one--that's not to say they outright opposed--just didn't OUTRIGHT agree.

So I guess I'm not alone in this thought otherwise you wouldn't have people researching it.

SPBROOKS68

Seriously!!! Some women see it as a challenge to be able to get guys that have girlfriends. These are the type of women that add the "B" in "itch"!!

MANY women also go after the man who has a WIFE and FAMILY - I call it lack of Morals

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

Seriously!!! Some women see it as a challenge to be able to get guys that have girlfriends. These are the type of women that add the "B" in "itch"!!

MANY women also go after the man who has a WIFE and FAMILY - I call it lack of Morals

ditto. HATE anyone who can do that to another person--especially children.

aproc

because women in general (not all but A LOT ) are a bunch of backstabing dirty over competive hookers

i also agree with this. especially the "overcompetitive" part. How many women have you heard say "I hate women/girls/females." Or "i don't have female friends."

Why do you think that's the case?

Ouch. haha, I only have one female friend from back home but its mostly to do with how quiet and reserved I am.

I'm finding all the responses on here quite amusing. Makes for a good study break. :P

Micahroni84

I have personally never wanted a guy more because he was with some one or even suddenly thought how great he was when he started dating someone else and I can't say I've ever witnessed any of my friends act this way but I have seen women hit on my husband knowing he is married. It's like they like the challenge or maybe they just like trying to mess with me.

It's fun for me though because my husband is so blunt to annoying women like that, right to their faces. He straight up calls them out in front of everyone. It equals embarassment for them and entertainment for me.LOL!

That's exactly what I mean. women TRY when they know he's taken but that doesn't mean the man actually gives in and cheats on his wife/GF. thanks for sharing. Glad you've got a good man.

Thanks, he is a great one. He isn't easily impressed and especially not by women who act like they are trying to be homewreckers.

Drawberry

Honestly I've found it to be the opposite, once I was in a committed long-term relationship guy's came out of the woodwork trying to make it with me (and by 'make it' I mean have sex, no I am not kidding..) and confession apparent long-standing feelings.

Perhaps some people just love a thrill? The idea of 'taking' from what isn't something to take in the first place? Jealousy? Envy of others happiness? Some people just can't take the notion of others being happy.

A better question is this, why do we blame 'the other woman/man/spaghetti monster' for our partners own follies? The partner who cheats is far more at fault in my opinion. This applies to both men, and to women. I don't believe this is a gender-restricted action, but perhaps more widely glorified among women.

WhitneyAnnabelle

I just love the OP's use of caps. That's really all I have to contribute. And that all people can be ****ty people.

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

Honestly I've found it to be the opposite, once I was in a committed long-term relationship guy's came out of the woodwork trying to make it with me (and by 'make it' I mean have sex, no I am not kidding..) and confession apparent long-standing feelings.

Perhaps some people just love a thrill? The idea of 'taking' from what isn't something to take in the first place? Jealousy? Envy of others happiness? Some people just can't take the notion of others being happy.

A better question is this, why do we blame 'the other woman/man/spaghetti monster' for our partners own follies? The partner who cheats is far more at fault in my opinion. This applies to both men, and to women. I don't believe this is a gender-restricted action, but perhaps more widely glorified among women.

i think the CHEATER is more at fault actually---If a woman sleeps with my BF then I should thank her because he isn't someone I should be with, period. be it her or someone else, he would have cheated if he has it in him. She was being immoral, yes, but she has no reason to care how I might be hurt in the process--well not nearly as great a reason as my BF at least.

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

I just love the OP's use of caps. That's really all I have to contribute. And that all people can be ****ty people.

so do i which is why i do it. It's quite DRAMATIC and does a great job at EMPHASIZING key terms. You should try it.

juliecat1

Sorry if that's your experience, but both genders are perfectly capable of being ****ty people.

Exactly. Also... Keep better company. Sounds like your friends might be the problem

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

Sorry if that's your experience, but both genders are perfectly capable of being ****ty people.

Exactly. Also... Keep better company. Sounds like your friends might be the problem

not my friends anymore--moved far far away.

vade43113

because women in general (not all but A LOT ) are a bunch of backstabing dirty over competive hookers

i also agree with this. especially the "overcompetitive" part. How many women have you heard say "I hate women/girls/females." Or "i don't have female friends."

Why do you think that's the case?

Ouch. haha, I only have one female friend from back home but its mostly to do with how quiet and reserved I am.

I'm finding all the responses on here quite amusing. Makes for a good study break. :P

wait, I am quite and reserved, and they flock to me ... when they have questions about anything, hand moving, or what not... at times I have to beat them back with a stick (not really, but still).... but when it comes to dating, They flock away. <.<

Though, I argree with the amusing part. this is better than watching tv lol

alias1001

Why are so many topics on this board reading like a women's or men's magazine? Not that they're not interesting, just curious.
Is it because anything controversial gets banned?

( I have nothing to add to this topic.)

Lift_hard_eat_big

Honestly I've found it to be the opposite, once I was in a committed long-term relationship guy's came out of the woodwork trying to make it with me (and by 'make it' I mean have sex, no I am not kidding..) and confession apparent long-standing feelings.

Perhaps some people just love a thrill? The idea of 'taking' from what isn't something to take in the first place? Jealousy? Envy of others happiness? Some people just can't take the notion of others being happy.

A better question is this, why do we blame 'the other woman/man/spaghetti monster' for our partners own follies? The partner who cheats is far more at fault in my opinion. This applies to both men, and to women. I don't believe this is a gender-restricted action, but perhaps more widely glorified among women.

i think the CHEATER is more at fault actually---If a woman sleeps with my BF then I should thank her because he isn't someone I should be with, period. be it her or someone else, he would have cheated if he has it in him. She was being immoral, yes, but she has no reason to care how I might be hurt in the process--well not nearly as great a reason as my BF at least.

Nothing to worry about babe, I'll never be unfaithful to you. You are my source of happiness and I wouldn't let anyone come between us. I love you with every fiber of my being!!!

love4fitnesslove4food_wechange

My point stands---appears that no one wants to comment on the fact that researchers looked into the phenomenon and actually found it to be the case. I guess I'm not completely crazy for even thinking it. Also the comments following the article by and large support it as well. So I am a happy girl. lol.

Have a good night MFPers...I guess many people would rather duke it out over a point they don't even believe in ((for the entertainment value maybe)) than to just tell it like it is.

It's been fun. Open your eyes--maybe you'll start seeing the very thing you claim is nonsense--or ask some questions of your male friends. More appealing with or without a girlfriend? more flirting? more sexual advances? I'm sure you'll be quite shocked to hear the answers.

LeggyKettleBabe

Ok I hit page five, I would like a little more female venom and name calling while I get the mud ready for wrestling.