Fiance tries to stop me going to Zumba?

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  • sa11yjane
    sa11yjane Posts: 491 Member
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    The phrase that jumped out at me was 'he's always like this when I lose weight'......I think that that is the crux of the issue, but obviously I may be totally wrong as I don't know you/him at all. Maybe he's actually worried about you losing weight, maybe he's worried that you're only with him because you think you can't get anyone else and when you lose weight you may have higher self-esteem and leave him? Maybe bringing this up and reassuring him would help? Possibly sell him the health benefits of you being fitter and healthier? If he really loves you then he can't not agree that those benefits are worthwhile. Maybe he's either jealous of your going out, worried that you will meet someone else and/or wanting to keep you at home so that you can take care of his needs. If I am totally wrong then I sincerely apologise, it's just that the comment at the beginning of my posting that I took from yours really spoke volumes to me. Ultimately it is important for you to be able to things independently and if he can't accept this then I think that you really need to think what you want from life. I wish you every success both in your relationship and in your weight loss journey xxx
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,019 Member
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    You need to seriously talk to him, make it a point to spend time together, even if it is putting the kids to bed and having a nice candlelight dinner the 2 of you, or set up a tent in the backyard and have chocolate covered berries and sparkling apple cider or grapes and talk and look at the stars. Explain to him that going to zumba gives you time to do something that is important to you and makes you feel better so that you can be a better spouse and mom. But work this out before the marriage. I hope it works out
  • Langlady
    Langlady Posts: 51 Member
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    Ok, you have posts that are not what you want to hear I am sure. The sad part is, it usually takes someone on the outside to see what is really going on. YOu are very young and trust me you CANNOT change a person. YOu can't do it, They are who they are and it DOES get worse in marriage. Speaking from personal experience here. Same thing. I gained wieght when I first got married and decided to lose wieght. When I wouldn't stop going, he would try to sabotage my departures. Then came the accusations. It's usually the same pattern.
    He seems very controlling and trying to use your insecurity to control you. BY taking charge and losing weight you are threatening his control over you. If you are set on making it work, I recommend lots of family counseling and personal counseling for him. The fact that he doesn't even want family to watch your daughter shows that he is trying to be controlling over her too.

    I say RUN. Granted you are young enough to get married and then divorced but trust me, divorce and kids is absolutley horrible. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make. If you need to talk you can friend me.
  • LindaCWy
    LindaCWy Posts: 463 Member
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    Prolly cause he doesn't know what Zumba is, or someone convinced him it was a Strippers name... ah... men.
  • onedayillbeamilf
    onedayillbeamilf Posts: 966 Member
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    It kills me how everyone assumes that the OP is innocent and are not concerned about her real motives for wanting to go to Zumba.

    You're right. OP, are you wearing perfume and the FDS when you go to Zumba?
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
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    I have a friend that went through this, they got married, had two kids together, she lost 60 lbs, now they are getting a divorce :ohwell:
  • AmberLee2012
    AmberLee2012 Posts: 540
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    My wife started showering and putting perfume on before going to the gym. I put a stop to that **** quick. Hell no. I bought her a Tae Bo tape to do at home instead.

    You really shouldn't put on perfume before you go to the gym, because it can be very strong and for people who have allergies, it's not fun having to breathe that in. However, it sounds like you have trust issues with her. Making her work out at home isn't going to solve that issue in the long run.
  • vendygirl
    vendygirl Posts: 718 Member
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    Do you really want to marry a man who doesn't like to go out with you? Doesn't want you to go and better yourself? If you like Zumba then you should go.

    I would have a serious talk with him to evaluate not only why he doesn't like it when you go out but why he doesn't want you to go exercise.

    A spouse should be supportive, even if they find it a tad crazy at times.

    And why wouldn't he want you going out with your own mother?

    Good Luck.
  • littlefishtale
    littlefishtale Posts: 6
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    I agree with everyone else, if he is that insecure maybe it's time to take a hard look at your relationship. You can't be happy married to a guy that wants to keep you at home like a prisoner.
  • LauraSmyth28
    LauraSmyth28 Posts: 399 Member
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    It's very easy for posters on a forum to say "oh dump him, don't marry him!". The reality is this is only ONE aspect of your relationship. I'm sure your fiance has many good points.

    My advice would be do not back down. Do the things you want/need to do and if he has a little sulk or a hissy fit over it IGNORE him. You know you're not doing anything wrong. Him not wanting you to go to zumba or go and see your mother is HIS issue, not yours.

    ((((hugs)))) you're a lovely lady and I hope it works out xxx
  • HeealthyMee
    HeealthyMee Posts: 62 Member
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    It kills me how everyone assumes that the OP is innocent and are not concerned about her real motives for wanting to go to Zumba.

    You're right. OP, are you wearing perfume and the FDS when you go to Zumba?

    Hah!
  • GasMasterFlash
    GasMasterFlash Posts: 2,206 Member
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    It kills me how everyone assumes that the OP is innocent and are not concerned about her real motives for wanting to go to Zumba.
    You're right. OP, are you wearing perfume and the FDS when you go to Zumba?
    Does your wife do that too? You need to nip it in the bud now.
  • TheDoctorDana
    TheDoctorDana Posts: 595 Member
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    I'm sorry, but... He sounds like a future ex-husband. I agree that this only gets worse with time, and marriage. Insecure people take a marriage certificate as an agreement that you will put up with their insecurity no matter how bad it gets.


    This^^^^ Please listen!
  • shiseido_faerie
    shiseido_faerie Posts: 771 Member
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    Um, yeah, NOT cool. You've been with him for this long and he can't even bear for you to leave his side to go workout or spend time with your mother?? You say he's always like this when you lose weight. Red flag! Stand up for yourself or it will only get worse!

    ^^Yes

    I'm not going to say dump him, but the control thing is a little concerning, definitely stand up for yourself, address these issues, do the things YOU want to do (they are not unreasonable things!) Please address this before it has a chance to get worse.
  • elguapo911
    elguapo911 Posts: 33
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    It kills me how everyone assumes that the OP is innocent and are not concerned about her real motives for wanting to go to Zumba.

    Yeah that's almost as bad as someone who assumes she has other motives. All we can go by is what she said. If she is doing something bad like that then he is stupid for staying with her, he's a douche either way.
  • wackyfunster
    wackyfunster Posts: 944 Member
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    My wife started showering and putting perfume on before going to the gym. I put a stop to that **** quick. Hell no. I bought her a Tae Bo tape to do at home instead.

    You really shouldn't put on perfume before you go to the gym, because it can be very strong and for people who have allergies, it's not fun having to breathe that in. However, it sounds like you have trust issues with her. Making her work out at home isn't going to solve that issue in the long run.
    Pretty sure he's just trolling.
  • Jamie2007
    Jamie2007 Posts: 169
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    Seriously, you better do something about that now!
  • Sonnie124
    Sonnie124 Posts: 99
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    Hi I'm getting married in December we've been together 9 years I'd like to have an extra 50lbs off by then including the 25lb I lost. (I've 70lbs to goal )
    My fiancé always tries to get me to stay home and not go to Zumba I do it 4 times a week at home and 2 classes but he's like stay home don't go di it here etc , I know he thinks it's a waste of money but I need to go its something for me as I never go 'out'
    He's the same when I went for coffee in a cafe with
    my mum I was gone 1.5 hours went looking round shops when I got back he was like why you take so long?

    We never go out as a couple we've a daughter together and I've 2 from my ex marriage it's his birthday Tuesday he choose to go for a family meal Sunday which is nice but I'd like date nights.

    Felling abit sad ...... It always gets like this when I lose weight, well we rarely go out but used to a few years back

    Any ideas? I have talked to him he's like No babysitter ... My mum offered !

    NOBODY stops me from going to Zumba. Sounds to me that he wants to control you!
  • defor5050
    defor5050 Posts: 33
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    Hi
    Please don't give into him, if you like your Zumba go, you need to mix with people... He sounds controlling to me sorry I shouldn't judge your situation as I don't know you. Your message concerned me
    Jackie
  • defor5050
    defor5050 Posts: 33
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    I am really hoping your comment was a joke
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