Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

nikkolec

I'd say split it...

^^This

SenshiV

IMHO, being a guy, that reflects what you will be all the relation, for example, there's nothing wrong with sharing expenses and in this case, sharing the bill, but that's what I'll most likely be if you go a long way forever (if both have a job).

So if you are a guy who still want to be responsible for your house expenses, do pay lol.

lizziebeth1028

If a man asks you out on a date he should pay.

FitLink

Nowadays I think no. My daughter is nine years old and I will teach her she needs to pay for herself on the first date. If they continue to date it would be nice for each one to treat the other to a date night. But in the beginning in today's world my independent, self-supporting, capable daughter can pay for herself.

I do agree it is gentlemanly to offer to pay for a first date but times are a changing'....for the better.

To each their own. I don't mind if others prefer the man pays on the first date.

Your daughter is a lucky girl to be taught independence!

Nice

I would offer to pay for myself, but a gentlemen would most likely refuse

crisanderson27

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

vthetigercat

Whenever I have gone on dates, the guys always insisted on paying, and that's fine with me. I've offered to pay for myself many times, though.

Now that I have a boyfriend, I cook a lot of nice meals for him, and often after he is done working out I make him protein shakes. If we do go out, he definitely pays, as that restores the order of things.

redcat17

If a man asks a woman out, he should pay. And if he expects something in return there should be no second date.

sunnyday789

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

Jenncoc86

ASKER IS THE PAYER

Kikers123

I always go by the who asked who rule. Even for a first date. If the girl asked you, then she should expect to pay. But you should ALWAYS offer. If you asked though, you definitely pay. Even if she offers.

JenAiMarres

yes.

interceptor311

yes

Silverkittycat

yes.

I agree.

crisanderson27

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.

sunnyday789

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.

Agree that probably wouldn't be a good match.
However, allowing a woman to pay isn't really a sign of disrespect. Can a woman not show respect, admiration, love, and affection by paying for a dinner?

itsnevrenough

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.

Love that.

coachblt

If a woman insists on paying for her part of the dinner, she's obviously wanting to control you by NOT letting you pay for the dinner.

How's that for a flip?

crisanderson27

Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.

I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

I still don't see which part of this is controlling.

What if it was important for her to pay?

Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.

Agree that probably wouldn't be a good match.
However, allowing a woman to pay isn't really a sign of disrespect. Can a woman not show respect, admiration, love, and affection by paying for a dinner?

Actually...as you've seen in this thread, for the majority of society it surely is a sign of disrespect, and I agree with them.

As for a woman showing respect, admiration, love, and affection...respecting my need to provide for her in the form of paying for our 'dates' does all of those things and more. Again, if she is so independant that she has to send some sort of message just to express it, by paying for herself, or even for both of us...we're not going to work out well anyhow.

There are many ways, even financially...for a woman to show appreciation for a man, that don't take away from the societally accepted (and sometimes deeply ingrained) ways a man financially shows appreciation for a woman.

Doreen_Murray

If a woman insists on paying for her part of the dinner, she's obviously wanting to control you by NOT letting you pay for the dinner.

How's that for a flip?

HA! Touche...I dig it.