Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

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  • spynoodle
    spynoodle Posts: 404
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    I think...we need to shorten up our quotes lol.

    They ARE taking up a lot of real estate!! LOL!!!
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
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    I would appreciate a woman offering!

    And as for what's so wrong about it, technically the answer is nothing...just like there's nothing wrong with him paying every time.

    I'll give you an interesting example, using myself. My last girlfriend and I lived 150 miles away from each other. Our first date was on about an hours notice. She told me she wished I was closer so we could see each other that night. I asked if she was serious, she said yes...I said be ready in an hour and a half. I drove all the way there, took her to a late dinner and movie, and drove home at 5am (we spent the rest of the night sitting on an overlook talking). I paid, of course.

    After that, I drove over 300 miles every single Friday just to see her for less than 12hrs, of which we spent the majority sleeping (or not, as the case may have been lol). I paid for my fuel, our food, drinks...entertainment...and whatever else came up during those visits.

    Now comes the interesting part. Shortly before we'd met...I had seriously injured my arm (requiring major reconstructive surgery), and have been out of work because of it for pushing 4mos. Through the course of our relationship, which had become committed, circumstances came up requiring me to spend a large portion of my savings on an emergency. She immediately wanted to take up financial responsibility for our time together, and even tried to help with some of my bills. I allowed it for two reasons. First...because this was supposed to be a 'permanent' relationship. Second, because it would have genuinely hurt her had I not allowed her to share in those responsibilities, and her feelings were far more important to me than my own...even though it absolutely killed me for things to go in that direction.

    So which part of me paying for everything was controlling her? And what is so hard to understand about it being difficult as a man to allow her to pay for me?

    Also to clarify, I'd like to add that once we are together to the point of shared finances, or even implied shared finances...all of that changes to an extent. At that point, it's 'our' money, and who 'pays' becomes irrelevant.

    That doesn't seem controlling at all but looks like it was a relationship with mutual respect/love.

    Exactly, but from your original commentary/viewpoint...she should have weeded me out, because I'd never have willingly let her pay for ANY date.

    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?
  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
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    More women should ask men out.

    Yep. Should. But they don't. Not enough of them.

    Until that happens -- and it never will -- most men have to ask out lots of women.

    The smarter ones can read nonverbal signals and avoid overt rejection. However, brute force is a far better strategy than waiting for practically nonexistent women to ask you out. That's just dumb.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.
  • dinovino_59
    dinovino_59 Posts: 1,700
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    YES...no discussion, no compromise...the first date, he pays...that's it!
  • Rhea30
    Rhea30 Posts: 625 Member
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    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Thank you for enlightening me on the subject then :)
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Thank you for enlightening me on the subject then :)

    Thanks for being reasonable about it :).

    :flowerforyou:
  • sunnyday789
    sunnyday789 Posts: 309 Member
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    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.
  • Jacole18
    Jacole18 Posts: 716 Member
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    The guy should always pay on the first date
  • jonibeeps
    jonibeeps Posts: 6
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    The guy should pay...but the girl should watch what she orders and make sure the bill is reasonable.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
  • sunnyday789
    sunnyday789 Posts: 309 Member
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    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
    I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
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    Honestly...I think whoever asked should pay....If I ask I usually plan on paying atleast for half....My husband and I were like that...
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    Just wanting to know everyone's view on who should pay on a frist date. I know equal right and all that but if I guy does not pay for me on the first date I just assume he is a tight a*rse and he not getting a second date.

    Sunday night, first date, dinner came to $75 I gave him $50 and he took it and did not offer any change, hmm nice!

    Whoever asks the other one out, pays. Gay couples have always known this, because we don't have gender to fall back on. Good manners says if you ask someone else out, you're the host and you pay.
  • CompuGirl2
    CompuGirl2 Posts: 14 Member
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    I have had a similar thing happen to me. I then considered him a cheap &*@$#%^! and a moocher. I didn't learn my lesson the first time however and continued to see him for a little while. Every time we were together he would say he didn't have enough money for what we were doing and he kept the money I gave him. Also, he never told me how much the outings cost so for all I know he could have had enough money and I paid for everything and he got a tip.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
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    I have always TRIED to pay atleast for myself.. I have always been jaded by the thought of if a man pays, sometimes they expect things....and um they never got "things" from me just by buying me things. I am not that type of girl.
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
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    i agree as long as he's the guy that asked for the date. if you asked for it, then i'd be willing to go dutch. but it's always a bonus if they pay on those dates too (and they usually do). :)

    Dutch?!? When do you figure it's your turn to pay for both of you? Being a gentleman is great, but if you ask him out, you should be prepared to pay. For BOTH of you. Why should we be treated equally if we don't act like equals?
  • andreacord
    andreacord Posts: 928
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    A gentlemen does but usually I'd rather pay for myself because lots of guys who have paid for me in the past have expected "things" as sculley said.
  • BeckiCharlotte13x
    BeckiCharlotte13x Posts: 259 Member
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    I think it depends what is discussed before... Plus, circumstances. Sometimes, its not possible, if you know the guy, and you know he is skint at that time, would you really expect him to pay? or wouldn't you just arrange to do something cheaper?

    Neither myself or my boyfriend have a lot of money, but its all swings and roundabouts, sometimes i will pay, others him... who cares. :D
  • jdsmom0104
    jdsmom0104 Posts: 236
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    no, split the check evenly...

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