Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

annahiven

The man should offer. The woman should decline, and the check should be split.

alyson820

Well, it's nice, but they shouldn't have to. Most dates I've been on, it does go that way - but then I insist on leaving tip.

joejccva71

If I ask a woman out on a first date, of course I will pay.

However, if a woman expects a man to pay for everything on every date or every time they go out because it's "traditional", then I will traditionally get the hell out of dodge and not look back.

Most people are adults and I expect them to know what is right and what is bull****.

xHelloQuincyx

i wouldnt refuse to pay, but it depends on the situation. if it was on a date with a guy i way already friends with i would pay. if it was a guy i just met i would feel weird paying. not sure why, just would. plus im a super poor college kid so lol.

with my man now i let him pay every time he insisted in the begining. its now two years later and we live together. we spent a month or two not being able to go anywear paying off credit card bills from those dates lmao. he just felt like he had to pay, if i woulda known the situation i wouldnt have thought of him any differently and i would have paid.

janet6567

It's been a while since I "dated" but even years ago, if the man asked me out, I "allowed" him to pay, but suggested that I cook dinner for him if we went out again. There were times when I offered to "treat him to dinner out" but did it before hand so that he knew I was paying and the situation was not "awkward." I grew up in the 50s-60s and things were much different then. Even though I was single during my 40s and 50s and dating, the men with whom I went out with were my age and expected to pay. So I guess it depends on your age/generating.

Monkeymomma05

Jesus.

I pay on first dates. When me and a girl get comfortable, sometime she'll want to pay, and I say ok. Sometimes I pay. If we go places, I always assume I'm going to pay, but sometimes she wants to, so i let her. That doesn't make me less of a man. If you think it does, then I hope your goldfish dies.

So, the question was "Should a guy pay on a first date?" and I say yes. I also agree with what you say on the :When me and a girl get comfortable, sometime she'll want to pay," but to the original question Yes, I believe the guy should pay on the first date.

BAMFMeredith

Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

AmberJslimsAWAY

Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

You didn't pay on our first date...

Sarahbara76

apparently Women's Lib has gone to far again?? just kidding.. but really, in some cases I have made more money then the male I am going out with so I paid ..and I treated my Marine friend to lunch when he came to visit because he is a solider and fighting for my freedom, hell I'd cut off an arm and leg if he needed them .. PLEASE STOP PUTTING WOMEN'S LIB BACK 40 YEARS , WHEN IN DOUBT WHO'S PAYING ASK BEFORE HAND!!

Rae6503

If I ask a woman out on a first date, of course I will pay.

However, if a woman expects a man to pay for everything on every date or every time they go out because it's "traditional", then I will traditionally get the hell out of dodge and not look back.

Most people are adults and I expect them to know what is right and what is bull****.

I agree with Joe as usual.

victoria4321

Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.

If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.

So, if I don't hold the door open for a girl, or worship her every breath, I need to correct my behavior?

the last girl I was with stayed at home, didn't work. I paid for everything. She was a dirty *kitten*. But hey, she was traditional!

So that left a bad taste in my mouth, not women who make me think, "I think she'll be alive next time I come around, since she's an adult and all." Because you know, nothing like having a big, spoiled kid to take care of before you even date! And that's exactly how you seem like you would be.

Then it's your fault for putting up with it. It works both ways, you should have let her know you didn't like it and either gave her a chance to correct her behavior or walk away. No need to take your sour relationship out on me.

Wait, so it's my fault for paying for everything and not making her work and pay for stuff? Doesn't that go against everything you just said?

You said she did nothing, was a spoiled kid, and a dirty *kitten*. I'm saying its your fault for allowing her to treat you so badly and take advantage of you. You shouldn't have to make her do anything but you should also know and respect your own worth and be able to move on when you realize that you deserve better. Its fine if you wanted to take care of her financially but she should take care of you in other ways whether its just being supportive emotionally, taking care of the house, or being there when you need her.

Now if she's going behind your back being a *kitten*, being selfish, and overall just using you, then you should never stay with a person like that at all. There needs to be some kind of balance.

bert16

Absolutely NOT. I have never, ever let a man pay for the first date; I have paid for most of them and, for those who refused, split the bill. If we women want equal rights, we should be prepared to pay for your own grown *kitten* self and figure out how to open your own car door. I think this is a ridiculous artifact of women wanting to have their cake and eat it, too (low cal cake on MFP, of course, but still). I like to establish from the very start that I don't want or need any man to pay my way at all, ever.

chelseathinspired

To be honest, I find this to be a bit silly. Obviously I always offer to pay for myself. I can take care of myself. I don't NEED a man to pay. But if he offers I let him. I'm sorry if you disagree, but men were meant to take care of women. And if he wishes to do so, let him. It just shows he cares.

sunnyday789

Actually, you've completely ran off and taken what I wrote out of context.

Taking it point by point:

If you recall, I never judged you, or your relationship. It was you and the other woman doing the judging from the word go.

So how about you stop picking my posts apart and purposely misunderstanding them?

But you called me irrational....isn't that judging me?

Bravo! Excellent, on topic response!

First, what you wrote, if not irrational...was certainly a huge stretch.

Second, I...and those who believe as I do (that men should pay for the first date at minimum) were clearly judged first.

Would you like to comment on topic? Or have you run out of pertinent arguments that prove somehow that me paying for dates is controlling?

here's your argument:
When I pay for everything I feel like a man. This is the way I was raised.
If I woman pays, I feel that I am not fulfilling my responsibilities as a man
Therefore, I cannot be in relationship with a woman who wants to pay sometimes.

I cannot argue with how you feel and certainly agree that you shouldn't even try to be in a relationship with someone who would like to pay for dinner. However, I would wonder how a relationship would survive the ups and downs of life.

My point is
When a man states that he " won't let " a woman do something, it's a red flag.
Yes sometimes, there's a conflict between what two people want to do, but when one says "never' then I think there's a control issue.
In a respectful partnership, there's give and take. Woman are also capable and should be given the opportunity to show respect/admiration/love the same way (e.g. buying dinner)

On topic enough for you?

I like how you deflected the point I was making that you were judging me

Sarahbara76

Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

I took a girl out and I paid, she didn't have a job tho LOL - We would order pizza and hang at her place most times and I paid unless her ex hubby threw some money at her .
Great point Mer !!

crisanderson27

Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

This is a whole other situation, and isn't directly comparable to opposite gender dating, in that there's no traditional roles to fulfill, no basic belief systems to respect, etc.

Although, I was talking to a gay friend a year ago (spurred by an MFP thread, no less!), and he told me that even then...there's often a more dominant and more submissive partner, and that's the way it usually goes when paying for dates.

Rjdj3530

Depends on who asked who out. If he asked her out then yes he should expect to pay. Upon the wild chance that she asked him out then maybe she should think about paying.

lickmybaconcakes

Split it as I do not have a lot of money to be spending , unless it's something small.

sjebert

I believe that a guy should pay regardless of who asked who out.

victoria4321

Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

This is a whole other situation, and isn't directly comparable to opposite gender dating, in that there's no traditional roles to fulfill, no basic belief systems to respect, etc.

Although, I was talking to a gay friend a year ago (spurred by an MFP thread, no less!), and he told me that even then...there's often a more dominant and more submissive partner, and that's the way it usually goes when paying for dates.

This^ I have a few gay male friends and this is how it goes for them. I'm not too sure about how it goes with women though but I figure its probably similar.

terryjo623

If he wants a second date then yes he should pay on the first.

ChihakuZeal

I do agree that the man should pay instead of the woman. The man is usually the one that makes the money in a relationship most of the time, and that he should provide his best for her, no matter what the case may be on the date.

AmberJslimsAWAY

I do agree that the man should pay instead of the woman. The man is usually the one that makes the money in a relationship most of the time, and that he should provide his best for her, no matter what the case may be on the date.

a date =/= providing for

iAMaPhoenix

Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. :happy: That's how it works people.

No Dumbass...If you offer to pay, you better have the money to fork it over. Don't say something unless it is the truth. Nobody likes a liar.

meerkat70

I prefer to pay for myself on a date, especially a first date. I certainly always ensure I have the cash with me to pay for myself, and I always am ready to do so. I'm a pretty independent person, and it's important to me to stand on my own two feet. However, if it's clear that the man I'm out with would prefer to pay, I'm not going to get into the credit card scramble with him.

NU2U

A real man is gonna want to do it...not because it's his job or anything...but because he wants to, and it's usually the way he was raised. I think it's sweet and romantic. And I also think that it's super sweet when the woman pays...even though she's with a guy who wants to. She's showing him that she wants to be there just as much as he does. She doesn't feel that he HAS to pay.

It's so much sweeter when there are no RULES. Do what you want to do....and if there's a second date...GREAT!!

My boyfriend always wants to pay.....and I literally have to sneak and pay..or do it quickly. I love treating him to dinner. I think he paid on our first date though..but I think I left the tip. We had a great time

alyson820

Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.


Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.

I don't think so either. I think whoever does the inviting pays, and the other person pays the tip.

fromaquasar

Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. :happy: That's how it works people.

^^ This

It's about chivalry from the man, and courtesy from the women.

lbetancourt

if i pay, i expect for him to give it up.

gastankerdriver

The guy pays. It's a no-brainer.