Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

ninaquelinda

So if you are poor I guess you can't date...

If you are poor you can date but maybe you shouldn't invite someone out for dinner.

Pretty much, unless you're creative. It's amazing the things you can find to do that cost little to nothing, and any real woman will appreciate the effort you put in to ensure she had a good time. But you'd better have a reason for being poor (student, off work injured, etc). Sitting home on the PS3 all day every day isn't going to cut it.

Creative is good, there are many things to do that cost little or nothing... if I'm not sure I'm really into someone I would just suggest talking over coffee... if there is a connection and you feel comfortable you can just stay in and cook or go for a walk in the park. Much more intimate than sitting in a restaurant anyway... and better for your waistline! lol

j4nash

Rightttt but we all know most guys dont want the girl who has to ask for dates. Unless you were friends prior, any girl asking total strangers out on dates looks totally desperate. Sorry to break it to everyone. But guys be honest here, would you be going after the woman that no one else even wants to ask out?

Are you kidding me? I've asked guys out plenty of times and never been turned down. Did it all the time in college, and not just to guys I already knew. I think men find it attractive when a woman goes after what she wants. Has nothing to do with being desperate, if men can play the field and go on dates with several different women before deciding to get serious with one, why can't women do the same? I seriously lived like a man in college...

if you enjoy pretending to be a man then more power to you. Dont complain when men dont respect and treat you like a lady though.

And duh of course they're not gonna turn you down. They probably think its a free ticket to your drawers lol.

Another thing I wanna add is a man paying applies to potential relationshio dates. If you want a booty call, then it doesnt even matter

I make it known after a few dates what my expectations are... I want to do things for you because I want to, not because I have to. If it's expected, you're gone. I'll always pay for the first date. I asked her out, its only fair.

It's pretty easy to spot the take care of my types, usually little to no money, attractive to where they get enough attention to get away with it, just looking for someone to support them financially at the end of the day. The ones with the good careers don't get their panties in a wad spending 10 dollars on drinks after I spent 100 on dinner.

I'm not going to "pay" to have the privledge to hang out with a woman.

Well I have my own job, apartment, car, went to college and I'm pretty successful. I dont see why I have to settle for a guy who cant even plan a date.

Not planning is just lazy.

Expecting a man to always pay for every date and continue to have that expectation in a relationship? Selfish. If you have a job then seriously, fork out 30 dollars every once in a while.

The way I look at it. Traditional gender roles are stupid. I'd rather have a combined gross income of 300k-400k a year, each of us making ~150k-200k a year, and pay people to do the laundry, clean the house etc. vs. someone who makes 30k a year and cleans my clothes.

AliciaStinger

A man should pay, no doubt! Never have a woman you ask out pay-- unless you never want to get a call from her again!

Sorry, but I'm not that shallow; I wouldn't date someone for a free meal or a night out on someone else. With that attitude, I'm surprised you even believe that women should call men back. It takes two people to have a relationship, and it takes respect.

Roadie2000

Wow...just wow.

So if a random girl is hitting on you at a bar or college party, you honestly think she wants a future relationship?

I'm not saying its bad to go out and hook up, but dont pretend like its something its not.

Two of my best friends met at a college party, they are still married and have two beautiful daughters. Try again, lots of people meet their spouse at a party. Sure plenty just want o hook up but that's getting kind of off topic.

IndyInk

Women wanted equal rights. You got it. Now, fork out the bill for the date

On average, women in the U.S. make about 24% less income than men. It isn't equal. I wish it were. I'd buy all the cranky folks on here an ice cream with that money. Or iced vegan coconut cream.

http://www.catalyst.org/publication/217/womens-earnings-and-income
http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2009/01/wage_gap_numbers.html
http://bottomline.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/13/10603040-the-worst-paying-cities-for-women?lite
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1983185,00.html

Rhea30

Rightttt but we all know most guys dont want the girl who has to ask for dates. Unless you were friends prior, any girl asking total strangers out on dates looks totally desperate. Sorry to break it to everyone. But guys be honest here, would you be going after the woman that no one else even wants to ask out?

Are you kidding me? I've asked guys out plenty of times and never been turned down. Did it all the time in college, and not just to guys I already knew. I think men find it attractive when a woman goes after what she wants. Has nothing to do with being desperate, if men can play the field and go on dates with several different women before deciding to get serious with one, why can't women do the same? I seriously lived like a man in college...

if you enjoy pretending to be a man then more power to you. Dont complain when men dont respect and treat you like a lady though.

And duh of course they're not gonna turn you down. They probably think its a free ticket to your drawers lol.

Another thing I wanna add is a man paying applies to potential relationshio dates. If you want a booty call, then it doesnt even matter

Pretending to be a man?? Are you serious? What century do you live in? You must have forgotten that we are all human and a woman can ask a guy out on a date just like a guy can ask a woman out on a date, its has nothing to do with pretending. If anything having the old fashion stereotypes is more pretending since its all done for show. A date is about two people getting to know each other or to have a good time anyways, not about who can be bought or who is owed.

BTW, my husband and I went half and half on our first date and I was the one who asked and we have been married for 11 years now. We split everything to the best we can (our funds are joint now since we're married, just easier for us to manage things). Mutual respect is important in a relationship and I'm glad I'm not caught into a "I'm owed this" just because I'm a female or one where the guy thinks I could of been "bought" he just because he is a guy, neither of those kind of relationships are founded on respect.

I know the comment wasn't towards me but that just irk me seeing such an ignorant post.

LifeChangingExp

NOPE...**** that.. split bill in half and done.

ekz13

I'm old school, so i would pay regardless, however, things have changed greatly, online dating, stuff getting more expensive, people having to work more hours just to survive..

maybe the first dates doing dinner don't always need to happen, go out for coffee or something like that, cheaper, won't break the bank, shorter time so you can politely bow out if there is no spark.

but I never had to worry that I would ever date the type of girl that orders 6 lobster tails, 3 bottles of wine, etc..

hypallage

If he wants a second date then he should pay.....I'm more than happy to pay my way & will happily pay next time, but not for a first date.

j4nash

Women wanted equal rights. You got it. Now, fork out the bill for the date

On average, women in the U.S. make about 24% less income than men. It isn't equal. I wish it were. I'd buy all the cranky folks on here an ice cream with that money. Or iced vegan coconut cream.

http://www.catalyst.org/publication/217/womens-earnings-and-income
http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2009/01/wage_gap_numbers.html
http://bottomline.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/13/10603040-the-worst-paying-cities-for-women?lite
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1983185,00.html

The income gap is due to job selection IMO.

My sister is a doctor and the other works in IT. They make as much or more than most men but they chose a career that pays more.

Susabelle64

He picked, it was thai, we shared bottle of wine and dish each. Oh and it get's better the food comes out and he serves himself and starts eating before I have even served myself.

Simple, dont see him again. Thanks but no thanks..........this is just bad manners.

Back when I was dating the guys asks you out, he pays, doesnt mean I wouldnt offer to pick up something, tickets, snacks tip. But in this situation he should not even have allowed you to see the bill. When I pay, I dont let my guest see the bill.

kymillion

personally I think That whoever asked whomever on the date should foot the bill... that being said I think that men should always offer to pay for the date ..

I have never had to pay for a date , not that I haven't ever done so, I am a huge gift giver .. and I ask for very little.. my whole concept on this thought has changed as of late and I think that you should be as spoiled as you spoil .. if that makes sense.. its hard being a giving person in a relationship with someone who is selfish.. in the beginning it make work on your devotion alone but it takes two to make it work and for both partners to feel valued and appreciated..

Rhea30

You damn right he should pay. He should pay every single time they go out...until they have established a relationship. At that point, it should be alternated regularly, but still not a necessity.

I will NEVER let a woman pay on the first 3-4 dates. That's just wrong.

^ This is why women should try to pay for their share. To avoid the "Never let" types. It weeds them out.

IndyInk

Women wanted equal rights. You got it. Now, fork out the bill for the date

On average, women in the U.S. make about 24% less income than men. It isn't equal. I wish it were. I'd buy all the cranky folks on here an ice cream with that money. Or iced vegan coconut cream.

http://www.catalyst.org/publication/217/womens-earnings-and-income
http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2009/01/wage_gap_numbers.html
http://bottomline.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/13/10603040-the-worst-paying-cities-for-women?lite
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1983185,00.html

The income gap is due to job selection IMO.

My sister is a doctor and the other works in IT. They make as much or more than most men but they chose a career that pays more.

I wish the entertainment industry would catch up with the IT/medical industries if that's true. In publishing, we all make less.

MelissR75

He should cook the meal himself.

This for sure!! I think its very hot when a guy cooks (or tries too) for you!

shaynak112

Whoever asks the person out should pay.

But, at least from my experience, the guy usually asks out the girl. So the guy pays for the first date, that's cool. I think then the girl should pay for the second date, or at least the third.

AliciaStinger

Of course the man should pay. if he cant afford/doesnt want to pay, then why is he asking me out in the first place? i dont want to date a woman, i want to date a MAN.

The difference between men and women is in our chromosomes, not in some out-dated theory on who should pay (dating back to when most women didn't have money because they didn't work). Maybe he's asking you out because he thinks you're interesting or kind or open-minded or very attractive. Shame that all he's going to get is a ** young lady whose idea of a meaningful relationship is entertainment at someone else's expense. My comment may seem harsh to you, but if you were a man, my guess is you wouldn't hold that same opinion.

** edited by MFP moderator

victoria4321

Women wanted equal rights. You got it. Now, fork out the bill for the date

On average, women in the U.S. make about 24% less income than men. It isn't equal. I wish it were. I'd buy all the cranky folks on here an ice cream with that money. Or iced vegan coconut cream.

http://www.catalyst.org/publication/217/womens-earnings-and-income
http://www.americanprogress.org/issues/2009/01/wage_gap_numbers.html
http://bottomline.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/13/10603040-the-worst-paying-cities-for-women?lite
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1983185,00.html

The income gap is due to job selection IMO.

My sister is a doctor and the other works in IT. They make as much or more than most men but they chose a career that pays more.

No I believe its calculated by industry. I know a lot of male engineers make more than women too.

missboriken

Pays whoever invites- regardless of gender.

melinda200208

I think the guy should pay as well! ESPECIALLY if he asked you out. Either way I think the guys should pay!