Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?

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Replies

  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
  • sunnyday789
    sunnyday789 Posts: 309 Member
    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
    I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
    Honestly...I think whoever asked should pay....If I ask I usually plan on paying atleast for half....My husband and I were like that...
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
    Just wanting to know everyone's view on who should pay on a frist date. I know equal right and all that but if I guy does not pay for me on the first date I just assume he is a tight a*rse and he not getting a second date.

    Sunday night, first date, dinner came to $75 I gave him $50 and he took it and did not offer any change, hmm nice!

    Whoever asks the other one out, pays. Gay couples have always known this, because we don't have gender to fall back on. Good manners says if you ask someone else out, you're the host and you pay.
  • CompuGirl2
    CompuGirl2 Posts: 14 Member
    I have had a similar thing happen to me. I then considered him a cheap &*@$#%^! and a moocher. I didn't learn my lesson the first time however and continued to see him for a little while. Every time we were together he would say he didn't have enough money for what we were doing and he kept the money I gave him. Also, he never told me how much the outings cost so for all I know he could have had enough money and I paid for everything and he got a tip.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
    I have always TRIED to pay atleast for myself.. I have always been jaded by the thought of if a man pays, sometimes they expect things....and um they never got "things" from me just by buying me things. I am not that type of girl.
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
    i agree as long as he's the guy that asked for the date. if you asked for it, then i'd be willing to go dutch. but it's always a bonus if they pay on those dates too (and they usually do). :)

    Dutch?!? When do you figure it's your turn to pay for both of you? Being a gentleman is great, but if you ask him out, you should be prepared to pay. For BOTH of you. Why should we be treated equally if we don't act like equals?
  • andreacord
    andreacord Posts: 928
    A gentlemen does but usually I'd rather pay for myself because lots of guys who have paid for me in the past have expected "things" as sculley said.
  • BeckiCharlotte13x
    BeckiCharlotte13x Posts: 259 Member
    I think it depends what is discussed before... Plus, circumstances. Sometimes, its not possible, if you know the guy, and you know he is skint at that time, would you really expect him to pay? or wouldn't you just arrange to do something cheaper?

    Neither myself or my boyfriend have a lot of money, but its all swings and roundabouts, sometimes i will pay, others him... who cares. :D
  • jdsmom0104
    jdsmom0104 Posts: 236
    no, split the check evenly...
  • nikkolec
    nikkolec Posts: 204
    I'd say split it...

    ^^This
  • SenshiV
    SenshiV Posts: 131 Member
    IMHO, being a guy, that reflects what you will be all the relation, for example, there's nothing wrong with sharing expenses and in this case, sharing the bill, but that's what I'll most likely be if you go a long way forever (if both have a job).

    So if you are a guy who still want to be responsible for your house expenses, do pay lol.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    If a man asks you out on a date he should pay.
  • FitLink
    FitLink Posts: 1,317 Member
    Nowadays I think no. My daughter is nine years old and I will teach her she needs to pay for herself on the first date. If they continue to date it would be nice for each one to treat the other to a date night. But in the beginning in today's world my independent, self-supporting, capable daughter can pay for herself.

    I do agree it is gentlemanly to offer to pay for a first date but times are a changing'....for the better.

    To each their own. I don't mind if others prefer the man pays on the first date.

    Your daughter is a lucky girl to be taught independence!
  • Nice
    Nice Posts: 84
    I would offer to pay for myself, but a gentlemen would most likely refuse :)
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
    I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

    And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

    I still don't see which part of this is controlling.
  • vthetigercat
    vthetigercat Posts: 35 Member
    Whenever I have gone on dates, the guys always insisted on paying, and that's fine with me. I've offered to pay for myself many times, though.

    Now that I have a boyfriend, I cook a lot of nice meals for him, and often after he is done working out I make him protein shakes. If we do go out, he definitely pays, as that restores the order of things.
  • redcat17
    redcat17 Posts: 267 Member
    If a man asks a woman out, he should pay. And if he expects something in return there should be no second date.
  • sunnyday789
    sunnyday789 Posts: 309 Member
    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
    I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

    And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

    I still don't see which part of this is controlling.
    What if it was important for her to pay?
  • Jenncoc86
    Jenncoc86 Posts: 203 Member
    ASKER IS THE PAYER
  • Kikers123
    Kikers123 Posts: 101 Member
    I always go by the who asked who rule. Even for a first date. If the girl asked you, then she should expect to pay. But you should ALWAYS offer. If you asked though, you definitely pay. Even if she offers. :)
  • JenAiMarres
    JenAiMarres Posts: 743 Member
    yes.
  • interceptor311
    interceptor311 Posts: 980 Member
    yes
  • Silverkittycat
    Silverkittycat Posts: 1,997 Member
    yes.

    I agree.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
    I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

    And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

    I still don't see which part of this is controlling.
    What if it was important for her to pay?

    Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

    Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

    At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.
  • sunnyday789
    sunnyday789 Posts: 309 Member
    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
    I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

    And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

    I still don't see which part of this is controlling.
    What if it was important for her to pay?

    Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

    Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

    At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.
    Agree that probably wouldn't be a good match.
    However, allowing a woman to pay isn't really a sign of disrespect. Can a woman not show respect, admiration, love, and affection by paying for a dinner?
  • itsnevrenough
    itsnevrenough Posts: 65
    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
    I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

    And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

    I still don't see which part of this is controlling.
    What if it was important for her to pay?

    Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

    Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

    At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.

    Love that.
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
    If a woman insists on paying for her part of the dinner, she's obviously wanting to control you by NOT letting you pay for the dinner.

    How's that for a flip?
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Why wouldn't you had let her pay?

    For a multitude of reasons. It's what I was taught. It's my responsibility as a man. I don't want her to have to, or even feel like she has to. I want to show her (in a rather simplistic way) that I hold her above other girls who might be 'friends'.

    The list certainly doesn't end there...and not one of those reasons on that list involves controlling her.

    Please explain to me how not letting someone do something they would like to do not controlling.

    Please explain to me how someone not letting me do something I want to do is not controlling.
    I would say that in a mutually respectful relationship if there are two contradictory ideas, then some of the time one person would do want they wanted to do and some of the time the other would.

    And I would say, that in a mutually respectful relationship, I would give on things that were very important to her, and she should give on things that are very important to me.

    I still don't see which part of this is controlling.
    What if it was important for her to pay?

    Then she should probably move on and find a man more interested in showing her a complete lack of respect...because that man isn't me.

    Simply put...if she can't comprehend and appreciate the fact that I am doing what I'm doing out of a desire to show her my respect and admiration, or at the least my acknowledgement of the fact that I appreciate her accepting (or even offering) to go out with me...she's NEVER going to get the fact that I'll open every door we go through (assuming my hands aren't full with children), open her car door before opening my own, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, take her place in front of a moving car...you know, things men are supposed to do for the women who have graced us with their love and attention.

    At that point, as I said...it's best we simply part ways.
    Agree that probably wouldn't be a good match.
    However, allowing a woman to pay isn't really a sign of disrespect. Can a woman not show respect, admiration, love, and affection by paying for a dinner?

    Actually...as you've seen in this thread, for the majority of society it surely is a sign of disrespect, and I agree with them.

    As for a woman showing respect, admiration, love, and affection...respecting my need to provide for her in the form of paying for our 'dates' does all of those things and more. Again, if she is so independant that she has to send some sort of message just to express it, by paying for herself, or even for both of us...we're not going to work out well anyhow.

    There are many ways, even financially...for a woman to show appreciation for a man, that don't take away from the societally accepted (and sometimes deeply ingrained) ways a man financially shows appreciation for a woman.
  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
    If a woman insists on paying for her part of the dinner, she's obviously wanting to control you by NOT letting you pay for the dinner.

    How's that for a flip?

    HA! Touche...I dig it.
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