Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?
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Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!0
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UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
I know right. I personally don't want my husband underneath me ALL the time...I'm a big girl, I can open my own doors and pull my own seat out...that stuff is nice and all..but not EVERYTIME we go somewhere. It's not good to be so uptight al lthe time....relax girl, men aren't your slaves!
Very well put. Men are not women's slaves. Personally, I hate when a man opens the car door or pulls my chair out. The opening the door for me thing, at a diner or whatever is perfectly fine, But I'm in Texas. It's just what people DO here. Other than that I'm good! If you want to take me on a date, I will offer to pay, if you decline, fine! But I will end up buying you drinks or something by the end of the night, unless you just insist on paying for everything.
I hate when women put men in this little box. They are supposed to do EVERYTHING for us. It's BS. You can't "train" a man to do things for you. You can make suggestions on things you like, if he does them, GREAT, if he doesn't? Well... better luck next time.0 -
Hello all,
I havent read all of the comments in depth so apologise if I am repeating anyone but I believe this question is all about self worth!
Women do not value themselves enough in this day and age and if you are taken out for dinner think back 50/60 yrs and act how those ladies would act. Graciously accept to be taken out and paid for..................you are worth it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Believe it!!!!!! Trust yourself girls and do not even take out any money, imagine how much the man offering thinks that you are worth then! Not in a big headed way, of course! Any man will tell you he wants to treat a woman, make her feel good and special. If all fails he can always wash up
I, for one, am worth far more than the cost of a fancy dinner
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Yes, I expect the man to pay. If he asked me out. I also expect my man to hold the door open for me. These men seem to be a rare commidity these days though.
Its rare because those guys keep getting shut down by all the women who feel they need to prove how independent they are. Everyone gets it: a women can get a job and be independent. I have a good job and I'm independent but that doesn't mean that I'll be rude and shut down every guy who wants to pay for dates, hold doors open, order for me and pull out my chair.
I think some women just have hang ups for whatever reason. Maybe they had issues growing up or something, who knows. Whether it be from a man or whatever, when someone does something nice for you its only polite to allow them to do it. If a man offers to pay for you, then let him pay. It's not a control thing, he's just trying to be nice.
I'm so glad I'm not a man lol. You guys try to be nice to a girl and she just calls you a psycho control freak. Crazy.
Wait, didn't you just say earlier that you turn down guys for dates all the time? Aren't they just trying to be nice too?
I'm turning them down because I'm being nice. If I'm not interested and there is no chemistry I'm not going to lead him on a be a mooch.
People don't ask others out to just be nice. That would be dumb. I agree that women need to learn to let men be nice to them... in turn they can be nice back. It's how society works best. Besides, when a man asks you out on an official date, not to hang out, then he is courting you... and you need to let him do it. You don't owe him anything but being good company. Same thing to men if a woman asks you out. Why is it so hard for people to be kind and accept kindness? Why make such a big fuss? It's a date... its supposed to be fun, not work!0 -
Yes! The women should offer to pay and the man should refuse to let her. :happy: That's how it works people.
So agree!! What has happened to chivalry and women accepting acts of chivalry? when a man opens a door for me, I smile and say thank you, when a man pulls my chair out for me, I smile and say thank you, when a man won't let me help pay for dinner, I smile and say thank you....it doesn't mean I'm any less of an equal
Thank you so much for that!
The answer to what happened to chivalry, sadly...is feminism. Don't get me wrong, feminism on its fundamental level is right and necessary. The level its been taken to however is just sad for all parties involved.
I agree to an extent. Women screaming about being tired of being held back by men had a lot to do with this but there's also how men nowadays are being brought up. I have never had a problem with a man showing respect, paying for dinner, opening doors, holding out my chair, letting me order first. It makes me feel nice when a man does something nice for me. I was walking into a restaurant one day with my baby in his carseat and this teenager let the door slam in my face without another thought. Rude! I'm not asking for you to drop your coat over a puddle for me. Common courtesy people!
I realize that was a little off topic. So to answer the question.. A lady offers to pay, a gentleman never lets her fingers touch the bill.
Real gentlemen are a dying breed. If you find one, don't let go and don't hurt him. They're totally worth it. :flowerforyou:0 -
Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!
To each their own. A man being able to pay for dinner doesn't make me feel "taken care of."0 -
Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!
But, I thought women fought for equality and all of that jazz!0 -
Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!
But, I thought women fought for equality and all of that jazz!
Not when it comes to paying for stuff apparently0 -
UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."
Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.
If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.0 -
Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!
But, I thought women fought for equality and all of that jazz!
Only when it's convenient for us! DUH.0 -
If this was an accurate representation of society it doesn't make it right. (not sure if I consider an MFP forum to be an accurate representation of society)
A hundred years ago, most societies didn't allow women to vote; does that mean we shoud have continued that policy/law?
I was wondering when (not if) it was going to get to this. Somehow men being men and doing men things to appreciate women, always gets turned into some equal rights ridiculousness that is completely unrelated.
I think it was you who brought up the suggestion that societal norms are the right way to do things? I was just responding to that notion.
I did, however...there's a bit of a difference...as anyone with a brain well knows...between paying for a date, which is doing something small FOR someone, and suppressing the rights of a whole section of our society.
I mean...if you see those two things as anywhere near comparable...I'll just stop responding to you now, because any further rational conversation will be made absolutely pointless, considering only one of us is rational.
They are comparable just on different scales, which doesn't make it irrelevant or irrational
Why can't a woman do something small for a man, like pay for dinner? Oops, forgot you're not respnding to me anymore
So...I hunt with a 30-06. During WW2, the Navy hunted with a 120mm M1.
Gotcha, comparable on different scales.
And as for your question about a woman doing something small for a man, like paying for dinner...that's great. If she wants to, she can do so for another man.
Again...I'm stating this very, very clearly. If she's so very independant that she cannot handle and/or appreciate the fact that I've been taught to show respect for my date by paying...then one of the very fundamental things required for a real relationships is going to be missing. Unless the other parts of our relationship are stellar (and even then...chances are it won't work), she should just move on and find someone more willing to allow her to express that independance as she pleases, without respect for him or the things he may or may not have been taught.
Wow, so far according to you my husband disrespects me and to what you had just said my relationship isn't a 'real' one since we had split our first date, a relationship that works just fine without that very critical fundamental part since things like caring, loving, respecting and appreciating each other aren't fundamental, nope just that the man had paid the first date is all which matters. I'm just glad the respect in my husband and I's relationship is about the who we are instead of catering to gender roles for show.
Haha, I just could not resist putting in my two-cents... Ok, really peeps? To.each.his.own... I really don't think he was coming out and saying that your husband disrespects you and that your relationship isn't a 'real' one! I feel bad for you that you've gotta read a random forum post and think that someone is calling you out and defining your relationship.. If that's what you think you're just as "bad" as him. Ok now I'm done, carry on!0 -
UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."
Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.
If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.
It was the wording that got me. I read "taught" as "trained" just because it more followed what the OP was saying0 -
UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."
Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.
If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.
So, if I don't hold the door open for a girl, or worship her every breath, I need to correct my behavior?
the last girl I was with stayed at home, didn't work. I paid for everything. She was a dirty *kitten*. But hey, she was traditional!
So that left a bad taste in my mouth, not women who make me think, "I think she'll be alive next time I come around, since she's an adult and all." Because you know, nothing like having a big, spoiled kid to take care of before you even date! And that's exactly how you seem like you would be.0 -
UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."
Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.
If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.
Ok...I'm actually sitting here considering what marriage to a teacup sized yellow and red feline would be like...0 -
UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."
Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.
If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.
Well I mean that goes for anybody, if they do something you don't like, you let them know, they fix it. Duh.
But basically putting a man on the same level as a dog...just seems a little rude to me. I know my bf wouldn't appreciate it if I told him he needed to be "trained." A man's parents should have raised him, not his girlfriend.0 -
Men should pay first dates and all dates!! I am traditional like that. I also believe that they should open doors for me and my car door too!! Give me their coat when I am cold and treat me like a lady… A man that takes care of his woman by paying and doing these gestures is a way of making a lady feel special. Even if your married and have a joint bank account I still think the man should pull out the card to pay. Its masculine and makes a women feel taken care of!
But, I thought women fought for equality and all of that jazz!
Only when it's convenient for us! DUH.
Oh, well why didn't you just say that!0 -
I pay.
Why, because no matter what society says about equal this or any other crap. I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man. If you do not wish a second date, that is fine. The first date is to see if we both qualify for a second date.
Now, if we have been together for a long time, and we go out and you wish to pay.......
I will still pay. Because I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. etc.
Amen!!
You and I would get along very well lol. Unfortunately though, with the direction this thread has turned (and no one's going to go back and read 20 pages of it.../sigh!), we're going to start hearing big words like 'misogynistic', 'cis-normative', and 'patriarchal' to describe responses like that.
Maybe the best response is just to stand there and repeat:I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man.
Lol.
OK! OK! crisanderson2 I will go out with you. Geeze you made your point! LOL
That is how a man is and should be, if women don't want to be treated right then so be it. I myself believe in chivalry and a gentleman should hold the door open. Sadly not many do.0 -
Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.
If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.
So, if I don't hold the door open for a girl, or worship her every breath, I need to correct my behavior?
the last girl I was with stayed at home, didn't work. I paid for everything. She was a dirty *kitten*. But hey, she was traditional!
So that left a bad taste in my mouth, not women who make me think, "I think she'll be alive next time I come around, since she's an adult and all." Because you know, nothing like having a big, spoiled kid to take care of before you even date! And that's exactly how you seem like you would be.
Then it's your fault for putting up with it. It works both ways, you should have let her know you didn't like it and either gave her a chance to correct her behavior or walk away. No need to take your sour relationship out on me.0 -
I pay.
Why, because no matter what society says about equal this or any other crap. I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man. If you do not wish a second date, that is fine. The first date is to see if we both qualify for a second date.
Now, if we have been together for a long time, and we go out and you wish to pay.......
I will still pay. Because I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. etc.
Amen!!
You and I would get along very well lol. Unfortunately though, with the direction this thread has turned (and no one's going to go back and read 20 pages of it.../sigh!), we're going to start hearing big words like 'misogynistic', 'cis-normative', and 'patriarchal' to describe responses like that.
Maybe the best response is just to stand there and repeat:I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man.
Lol.
OK! OK! crisanderson2 I will go out with you. Geeze you made your point! LOL
That is how a man is and should be, if women don't want to be treated right then so be it. I myself believe in chivalry and a gentleman should hold the door open. Sadly not many do.
You're right. I'm not treated right and I love being treated poorly because *GASP* my boyfriend lets me pay sometimes...and sometimes, just sometimes...I get to the door first so he doesn't hold it open. I know, what a heathen.0 -
Yes. And every date after.0
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