Survey time: Should a guy pay on a first date?
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eeek. Am i really that different than most people???
(1) it's silly to say things like MEN HAVE TO PAY
(2) it's also silly to say MEN SHOULD NEVER PAY
For those who think women are crazy when they don't like men doing nice things for them, please remember that it's not just about you doing nice things. One commentor on here said "if he pays for dinner, then she has to put out." Sadly, some people in the real world actually do think like this. Like if I am "pretty" and you are "nice to me" then I have to do something for you even if I didn't ask for you to be nice. Maybe not "put out" but I have definitely had men be furious that I didn't stop everything I was doing to stroke their ego because they held a door for me when I was in fact in a hurry. Of course I say "thanks" but I am not going to stop my errands when I'm running late. Or he swoops in and buys me a drink and thinks that I OWE him the next 15 minutes of my life when I was fine paying it for myself.....And when a man starts calling me names like Dumb ***** because I don't agree to that unspoke social contract...well, I'd rather you just not hold the door for me or buy me that drink, thanks!
Of course that's about strangers doing it.
If I'm hanging out with a guy and he pays for me, that's just sweet. Not required. Which is part of what makes it so meaningful to me when he does it. I have had male friends do this for me KNOWING they weren't getting anything from me. Though by doing so, they did make it clear that they had an interest in me.And I like it when my BF does things like holding doors for me, carrying groceries for me, etc. I'm a HARDCORE ANTISEXIST but when my sweetie does that stuff for me, I know it's his way of saying he loves me and he'll take care of me. He certainly isn't saying he thinks I can't do it for myself (I squat more than he weighs!)... and what the heck! I let him and I thank him.0 -
Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.
If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.
So, if I don't hold the door open for a girl, or worship her every breath, I need to correct my behavior?
the last girl I was with stayed at home, didn't work. I paid for everything. She was a dirty *kitten*. But hey, she was traditional!
So that left a bad taste in my mouth, not women who make me think, "I think she'll be alive next time I come around, since she's an adult and all." Because you know, nothing like having a big, spoiled kid to take care of before you even date! And that's exactly how you seem like you would be.
Then it's your fault for putting up with it. It works both ways, you should have let her know you didn't like it and either gave her a chance to correct her behavior or walk away. No need to take your sour relationship out on me.
Wait, so it's my fault for paying for everything and not making her work and pay for stuff? Doesn't that go against everything you just said?0 -
I pay.
Why, because no matter what society says about equal this or any other crap. I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man. If you do not wish a second date, that is fine. The first date is to see if we both qualify for a second date.
Now, if we have been together for a long time, and we go out and you wish to pay.......
I will still pay. Because I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. etc.
Amen!!
You and I would get along very well lol. Unfortunately though, with the direction this thread has turned (and no one's going to go back and read 20 pages of it.../sigh!), we're going to start hearing big words like 'misogynistic', 'cis-normative', and 'patriarchal' to describe responses like that.
Maybe the best response is just to stand there and repeat:I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man.
Lol.
We need more men like this!
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I pay.
Why, because no matter what society says about equal this or any other crap. I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man. If you do not wish a second date, that is fine. The first date is to see if we both qualify for a second date.
Now, if we have been together for a long time, and we go out and you wish to pay.......
I will still pay. Because I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. etc.
Amen!!
You and I would get along very well lol. Unfortunately though, with the direction this thread has turned (and no one's going to go back and read 20 pages of it.../sigh!), we're going to start hearing big words like 'misogynistic', 'cis-normative', and 'patriarchal' to describe responses like that.
Maybe the best response is just to stand there and repeat:I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man.
Lol.
OK! OK! crisanderson2 I will go out with you. Geeze you made your point! LOL
That is how a man is and should be, if women don't want to be treated right then so be it. I myself believe in chivalry and a gentleman should hold the door open. Sadly not many do.
You're right. I'm not treated right and I love being treated poorly because *GASP* my boyfriend lets me pay sometimes...and sometimes, just sometimes...I get to the door first so he doesn't hold it open. I know, what a heathen.
Now I didn't say anything that you were treated poorly or a heathen by any means. I was speaking for myself. Not you. Go on with your bad self and enjoy your life just like I will. Peace and Love :flowerforyou:0 -
Jesus.
I pay on first dates. When me and a girl get comfortable, sometime she'll want to pay, and I say ok. Sometimes I pay. If we go places, I always assume I'm going to pay, but sometimes she wants to, so i let her. That doesn't make me less of a man. If you think it does, then I hope your goldfish dies.0 -
If he asked the woman out, yes...If she asked him out..Well Im not really sure on that one...0
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I pay.
Why, because no matter what society says about equal this or any other crap. I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man. If you do not wish a second date, that is fine. The first date is to see if we both qualify for a second date.
Now, if we have been together for a long time, and we go out and you wish to pay.......
I will still pay. Because I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. etc.
Amen!!
You and I would get along very well lol. Unfortunately though, with the direction this thread has turned (and no one's going to go back and read 20 pages of it.../sigh!), we're going to start hearing big words like 'misogynistic', 'cis-normative', and 'patriarchal' to describe responses like that.
Maybe the best response is just to stand there and repeat:I am a man. I do not need your permission to be a man. I will not have you dictate to me how to be a man.
Lol.
As a woman... completely and totally agree with you guys!!!! Good for you! The very first thing I told my mom after mine and my husbands first date was "Mom, he paid for my dinner!"
I finally figured out that I was worthy and that guys should be paying for my dinner!!! I was dating such losers. Your So's are very blessed to have you!0 -
UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
THANK YOU! I'm not a man or anything, but I don't think a man would appreciate basically being put on the same level as children or pets who can be "taught" or "trained."
Most guys that I know don't mind this actually. Now if you embarrass them in public, then its different. I've known guys who just honestly don't know any better. Or sometimes the last girl they dated was an "ultra feminist independent type" so it left a bad taste in their mouth and now they think girls hate when they do nice things.
If a guy treats you in a way that you don't like, even if its something small like he didn't hold the door for you, you should let him know. If he actually gives a damn about you, he'll correct the behavior.
Well I mean that goes for anybody, if they do something you don't like, you let them know, they fix it. Duh.
But basically putting a man on the same level as a dog...just seems a little rude to me. I know my bf wouldn't appreciate it if I told him he needed to be "trained." A man's parents should have raised him, not his girlfriend.
Again, as I stated before, and she restated here...most of us don't really care. Many of us actually find it cute that our girlfriends/wives say things like this, and willingly play the part. It comes down to that gender role stereotype thing. When I do something semi stupid that blows up in my face, just to see what happens, and my girlfriend (if I had one) comes out into the garage to see what all the noise, smoke...and smell is all about...sees me standing there covered in a mess of smoke, ash, and other more or less important remnants of my project...sighs, and mumbles to herself 'Men!'...then turns on her heel and goes back in the house...
I've got to admit I smile a little inside
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Umm, that example by the way...purely hypothetical...honest! That NEVER happened...really!0 -
Jesus.
I pay on first dates. When me and a girl get comfortable, sometime she'll want to pay, and I say ok. Sometimes I pay. If we go places, I always assume I'm going to pay, but sometimes she wants to, so i let her. That doesn't make me less of a man. If you think it does, then I hope your goldfish dies.
Ahahaha, loved the goldfish part0 -
UMMMM... YES! And if he doesn't walk out and stick him with the bill anyway. And even before you get to the restaurant, the man should be opening car and restaurant doors for you, pullin' out your chair, etc. If he isn't, he is not the kind of man you want anyway! Some guys these days have no idea what it means to be a gentleman and too many women are letting them get away with it. Women: expect your man to be a gentleman, and if he isn't right now, HE CAN BE TAUGHT!
Taught?? Seriously?? You are why guys think all girl are crazy bitches...
I know right. I personally don't want my husband underneath me ALL the time...I'm a big girl, I can open my own doors and pull my own seat out...that stuff is nice and all..but not EVERYTIME we go somewhere. It's not good to be so uptight al lthe time....relax girl, men aren't your slaves!
'men aren't yours slaves' is what came to mind for me too. I honestly cannot deal with lads constantly holding every door open for me or pulling my chair out-I was given hands for a reason.
Sure I offer to pay but if they persist then I let them, im not going to cause a scene in a public place - just buy them a drink instead. At least then I know ive paid for something 0 -
The man should offer. The woman should decline, and the check should be split.0
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Well, it's nice, but they shouldn't have to. Most dates I've been on, it does go that way - but then I insist on leaving tip.0
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If I ask a woman out on a first date, of course I will pay.
However, if a woman expects a man to pay for everything on every date or every time they go out because it's "traditional", then I will traditionally get the hell out of dodge and not look back.
Most people are adults and I expect them to know what is right and what is bull****.0 -
i wouldnt refuse to pay, but it depends on the situation. if it was on a date with a guy i way already friends with i would pay. if it was a guy i just met i would feel weird paying. not sure why, just would. plus im a super poor college kid so lol.
with my man now i let him pay every time he insisted in the begining. its now two years later and we live together. we spent a month or two not being able to go anywear paying off credit card bills from those dates lmao. he just felt like he had to pay, if i woulda known the situation i wouldnt have thought of him any differently and i would have paid.0 -
It's been a while since I "dated" but even years ago, if the man asked me out, I "allowed" him to pay, but suggested that I cook dinner for him if we went out again. There were times when I offered to "treat him to dinner out" but did it before hand so that he knew I was paying and the situation was not "awkward." I grew up in the 50s-60s and things were much different then. Even though I was single during my 40s and 50s and dating, the men with whom I went out with were my age and expected to pay. So I guess it depends on your age/generating.0
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Jesus.
I pay on first dates. When me and a girl get comfortable, sometime she'll want to pay, and I say ok. Sometimes I pay. If we go places, I always assume I'm going to pay, but sometimes she wants to, so i let her. That doesn't make me less of a man. If you think it does, then I hope your goldfish dies.
So, the question was "Should a guy pay on a first date?" and I say yes. I also agree with what you say on the :When me and a girl get comfortable, sometime she'll want to pay," but to the original question Yes, I believe the guy should pay on the first date. 0 -
Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.
Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.0 -
Just to throw this out there (have fun y'all, this is my last post of the day): What about in same-sex couple situations? Here you've got two women, where obviously neither is a man, or you've got two men who are both...well...men.
Safe to say whoever does the inviting pays? But...what about when you've got two men, does that mean one is less of a man for not paying? I think not.
You didn't pay on our first date...0 -
apparently Women's Lib has gone to far again?? just kidding.. but really, in some cases I have made more money then the male I am going out with so I paid ..and I treated my Marine friend to lunch when he came to visit because he is a solider and fighting for my freedom, hell I'd cut off an arm and leg if he needed them .. PLEASE STOP PUTTING WOMEN'S LIB BACK 40 YEARS , WHEN IN DOUBT WHO'S PAYING ASK BEFORE HAND!!0
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If I ask a woman out on a first date, of course I will pay.
However, if a woman expects a man to pay for everything on every date or every time they go out because it's "traditional", then I will traditionally get the hell out of dodge and not look back.
Most people are adults and I expect them to know what is right and what is bull****.
I agree with Joe as usual.0
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