"Old Fashioned" or "Traditional" gender roles
Replies
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In my house, My husband and I share the cleaning duties. He generally does the mowing of the lawn and the splitting of the wood. I attempt at gardening(usually fail) but all and all we both work full time and upkeep should be 50/50. Now if one of us was jobless, then that person would most likely do all or most of the housework.0
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Hmm, traditional roles here in a world where there don't seem to be too many - I live in Holland! Basically I do everything including the pleasing and he does nothing except go to work ...
Seriously tho - he takes out the trash when told, I kill the bugs, I do the finances, he empties the dishwasher, I make the food, I clean/iron and take the kids to school, I do the yard, I do all the stuff like make appointments with drs/take the kids for eye exams/sorting dry cleaning etc. We do heavy DIY stuff like painting etc together. He works and plays football but he also studies and coaches kids. Being a SAHM is a lot of work, although it's easier now my kids are bigger and in school, but no less intense from the time they get home after school - lots of homework to supervise etc. My youngest kid has some issues so that takes up some time.
I don't agree with the idea that men should pay on the first date primarily because I believe it raises an expectation of what will follow after that date. In my opinion there is a transaction there waiting to happen and if you pay for yourself it erases that expectation. Better to say 'let's go halves' or if you want to see the guy again say 'hey if you get this one I'll get the next one' and actually do it than raise the expectation of 'I paid so now you must put out'.
Not of course that any of you fine gentlemen think that way ...0 -
If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.
Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".
You're right. I typed that quickly and poorly worded it. What I wrote above was just the immediate feeling/impression the phrase instilled in me. What rubbed me the wrong way about it is that to state "I adhere to traditional gender roles" straight away without having ever met the person you're potentially going to embark on a relationship with, seems to imply that you (a generic "you" - none of this is directed at the OP specifically) are unwilling to compromise and make adjustments to the dynamic that may be more workable given the two personalities involved.
Obviously if I had met the man in person, we hit if off famously, and his view on gender roles came up casually and organically, it would be a different story. I just mean that, if I felt otherwise indifferent about the guy's profile,stating a preference for "traditional gender roles" certainly wouldn't be a factor that would sway me to write to them (if not due to the relationship implications of the term, minimally because it reeks of homophobia/cis-centricity in my mind, and that is a potential deal-breaker in my book).0 -
I don't agree with the idea that men should pay on the first date primarily because I believe it raises an expectation of what will follow after that date. In my opinion there is a transaction there waiting to happen and if you pay for yourself it erases that expectation. Better to say 'let's go halves' or if you want to see the guy again say 'hey if you get this one I'll get the next one' and actually do it than raise the expectation of 'I paid so now you must put out'.
Not of course that any of you fine gentlemen think that way ...
If a guy is expecting you to put out because he paid for a date, or pays for EVERY date...you need to find a new guy.
Also, if a woman absolutely insists on paying, I immediately get the 'she only likes me as a friend' vibe. If she can't appreciate the fact that I feel it's my place to show her appreciation for her company by paying for our outing, we probably shouldn't be dating anyhow.0 -
I don't agree with the idea that men should pay on the first date primarily because I believe it raises an expectation of what will follow after that date. In my opinion there is a transaction there waiting to happen and if you pay for yourself it erases that expectation. Better to say 'let's go halves' or if you want to see the guy again say 'hey if you get this one I'll get the next one' and actually do it than raise the expectation of 'I paid so now you must put out'.
Not of course that any of you fine gentlemen think that way ...
If a guy is expecting you to put out because he paid for a date, or pays for EVERY date...you need to find a new guy.
Also, if a woman absolutely insists on paying, I immediately get the 'she only likes me as a friend' vibe. If she can't appreciate the fact that I feel it's my place to show her appreciation for her company by paying for our outing, we probably shouldn't be dating anyhow.
Hmm, maybe it's different in Europe to the US? I have been on dates here (I'm not native Dutch) and if a guy pays there is a definite expectation! Maybe the women's lib is more entrenched ... That said my guy says his ex-gf who was Dutch never paid for a thing in her life, and he paid for everything so who knows! I just know I wouldn't feel comfortable if I didn't know someone very well and was on a first date and they paid. I guess drinks are easier as you can just both get a round.
I know, to get some of what follows the sandwich I'm going to get my guy to invite me on a date, make him pay and then hope he expects me to put out
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I *love* it when a guy asks me what I want and places the order for me. Totally swoon worthy. And I love having the doors held open for me, etc.
I think its not being old-fashioned, its all about a guy being gentleman. Oh but wait I think those rare breeds are starting to become extinct in this modern world that we live in right now.
My husband has always opened doors for me, but I do not expect him to order for me... I like to do that myself, especially since, he has a hard time remembering what I tell him at a drive though when he HAS to do the ordering...
But he is a gentleman, through and through.0 -
If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.
Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".
You're right. I typed that quickly and poorly worded it. What I wrote above was just the immediate feeling/impression the phrase instilled in me. What rubbed me the wrong way about it is that to state "I adhere to traditional gender roles" straight away without having ever met the person you're potentially going to embark on a relationship with, seems to imply that you (a generic "you" - none of this is directed at the OP specifically) are unwilling to compromise and make adjustments to the dynamic that may be more workable given the two personalities involved.
Obviously if I had met the man in person, we hit if off famously, and his view on gender roles came up casually and organically, it would be a different story. I just mean that, if I felt otherwise indifferent about the guy's profile,stating a preference for "traditional gender roles" certainly wouldn't be a factor that would sway me to write to them (if not due to the relationship implications of the term, minimally because it reeks of homophobia/cis-centricity in my mind, and that is a potential deal-breaker in my book).
Gotcha... and sorry if I came off crass as well... I get kinda emotional when I see church going Republican's (which would be me, though I consider myself a Liberal Republican as I don't agree with a lot of things today's Republicans are advertising (not to go on a political rant here, because I could go on all day... just trying to put a reference point on my train of thought)) characterized as homophobic, close minded... blah blah blah.. when that isn't always true..
But honestly, I personally don't mind falling into a "traditional" role of being the homemaker, wife and mother, while my husband "brings home the bacon (which he does)... and I look forward to the point where I can work part time (I don't ever want to NOT work though, mostly because if something happens I don't want to be stuck in a menial job I hate) so I can dedicate more time to our home and family... but that's just something that I personally enjoy... and as long as my husband doesn't "expect" me to do it or take it for granted or otherwise disrespect me for it, I have no problem with it. Just like I won't expect him to be a workaholic to get us the Lexus cars and the huge McMansion...0 -
My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost a year and a half and it's actually been fun to see how we've settled into our "roles." Based on the previous comments, I'd call us pretty nostalgic in terms of our relationship.
Him:
Opens my car door
Walks on the street side of the sidewalk
Puts out his arm for me to cross the street
Lets me order first
Waits for me before eating
Drives us everywhere
Pays mortgage and bills
Pays for dinners and drinks
Makes more than me
Wants to "provide for his woman" lol
Him (Non-traditional):
Does most of the laundry
Vacuums
Dusts
Dishes (often, not always)
Makes the coffee, makes me breakfast if I'm running late for work
Me:
All the cooking
Grocery shopping/putting them away
Will bring him a drink or snack (I'll never let him say he's hungry and then do nothing about it...)
Deep cleaning
Home stuff (change lightbulbs, make sure we are constantly stocked with TP and detergent, etc.)
Tries to look "pretty for her man"
Maintains porch garden
Writes and signs the cards, keeps up with family events/calendar
Me (non-traditional):
Uses power tools
Orders the wine
In the end, we are happier together than we ever have been in the past. He does so much for me, but I adore him. I think he's the greatest man and I know he loves me more than anything and would do anything for me. I don't take that for granted. It only makes me want to make sure that he is as happy as possible every single day.
And, to me, that mutual adoration is what allllll the other stuff is about in the end.0 -
If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.
Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".
You're right. I typed that quickly and poorly worded it. What I wrote above was just the immediate feeling/impression the phrase instilled in me. What rubbed me the wrong way about it is that to state "I adhere to traditional gender roles" straight away without having ever met the person you're potentially going to embark on a relationship with, seems to imply that you (a generic "you" - none of this is directed at the OP specifically) are unwilling to compromise and make adjustments to the dynamic that may be more workable given the two personalities involved.
Obviously if I had met the man in person, we hit if off famously, and his view on gender roles came up casually and organically, it would be a different story. I just mean that, if I felt otherwise indifferent about the guy's profile,stating a preference for "traditional gender roles" certainly wouldn't be a factor that would sway me to write to them (if not due to the relationship implications of the term, minimally because it reeks of homophobia/cis-centricity in my mind, and that is a potential deal-breaker in my book).
Gotcha... and sorry if I came off crass as well... I get kinda emotional when I see church going Republican's (which would be me, though I consider myself a Liberal Republican as I don't agree with a lot of things today's Republicans are advertising (not to go on a political rant here, because I could go on all day... just trying to put a reference point on my train of thought)) characterized as homophobic, close minded... blah blah blah.. when that isn't always true..
But honestly, I personally don't mind falling into a "traditional" role of being the homemaker, wife and mother, while my husband "brings home the bacon (which he does)... and I look forward to the point where I can work part time (I don't ever want to NOT work though, mostly because if something happens I don't want to be stuck in a menial job I hate) so I can dedicate more time to our home and family... but that's just something that I personally enjoy... and as long as my husband doesn't "expect" me to do it or take it for granted or otherwise disrespect me for it, I have no problem with it. Just like I won't expect him to be a workaholic to get us the Lexus cars and the huge McMansion...
I don't think there's any problem at all with a couple mutually deciding those are the roles they want to play in their relationship!! That's great, as long as both parties came to that conclusion together, and not just because it's what society says they should do. The part that got to me was the idea that the roles were pre-set and that any woman embarking on a relationship with that person would have to subcribe to those roles - regardless of her personal interests, strengths or views on the matter -- and personally that lack of choice/flexibility wouldn't be something I'd be interested in, so I wouldn't have responded to the ad.0 -
If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.
Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".
You're right. I typed that quickly and poorly worded it. What I wrote above was just the immediate feeling/impression the phrase instilled in me. What rubbed me the wrong way about it is that to state "I adhere to traditional gender roles" straight away without having ever met the person you're potentially going to embark on a relationship with, seems to imply that you (a generic "you" - none of this is directed at the OP specifically) are unwilling to compromise and make adjustments to the dynamic that may be more workable given the two personalities involved.
Obviously if I had met the man in person, we hit if off famously, and his view on gender roles came up casually and organically, it would be a different story. I just mean that, if I felt otherwise indifferent about the guy's profile,stating a preference for "traditional gender roles" certainly wouldn't be a factor that would sway me to write to them (if not due to the relationship implications of the term, minimally because it reeks of homophobia/cis-centricity in my mind, and that is a potential deal-breaker in my book).
Gotcha... and sorry if I came off crass as well... I get kinda emotional when I see church going Republican's (which would be me, though I consider myself a Liberal Republican as I don't agree with a lot of things today's Republicans are advertising (not to go on a political rant here, because I could go on all day... just trying to put a reference point on my train of thought)) characterized as homophobic, close minded... blah blah blah.. when that isn't always true..
But honestly, I personally don't mind falling into a "traditional" role of being the homemaker, wife and mother, while my husband "brings home the bacon (which he does)... and I look forward to the point where I can work part time (I don't ever want to NOT work though, mostly because if something happens I don't want to be stuck in a menial job I hate) so I can dedicate more time to our home and family... but that's just something that I personally enjoy... and as long as my husband doesn't "expect" me to do it or take it for granted or otherwise disrespect me for it, I have no problem with it. Just like I won't expect him to be a workaholic to get us the Lexus cars and the huge McMansion...
I don't think there's any problem at all with a couple mutually deciding those are the roles they want to play in their relationship!! That's great, as long as both parties came to that conclusion together, and not just because it's what society says they should do. The part that got to me was the idea that the roles were pre-set and that any woman embarking on a relationship with that person would have to subcribe to those roles - regardless of her personal interests, strengths or views on the matter -- and personally that lack of choice/flexibility wouldn't be something I'd be interested in, so I wouldn't have responded to the ad.
As someone who has intentionally sought out more "traditional" males (because it's what I prefer), I can say that most of them aren't as rigid as you might think. Some are, yea, but most are pretty flexible in what they consider to be "traditional gender roles". There might be a few things on which they refuse to bend, but it's not like they're dictators
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If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.
Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".
You're right. I typed that quickly and poorly worded it. What I wrote above was just the immediate feeling/impression the phrase instilled in me. What rubbed me the wrong way about it is that to state "I adhere to traditional gender roles" straight away without having ever met the person you're potentially going to embark on a relationship with, seems to imply that you (a generic "you" - none of this is directed at the OP specifically) are unwilling to compromise and make adjustments to the dynamic that may be more workable given the two personalities involved.
Obviously if I had met the man in person, we hit if off famously, and his view on gender roles came up casually and organically, it would be a different story. I just mean that, if I felt otherwise indifferent about the guy's profile,stating a preference for "traditional gender roles" certainly wouldn't be a factor that would sway me to write to them (if not due to the relationship implications of the term, minimally because it reeks of homophobia/cis-centricity in my mind, and that is a potential deal-breaker in my book).
Gotcha... and sorry if I came off crass as well... I get kinda emotional when I see church going Republican's (which would be me, though I consider myself a Liberal Republican as I don't agree with a lot of things today's Republicans are advertising (not to go on a political rant here, because I could go on all day... just trying to put a reference point on my train of thought)) characterized as homophobic, close minded... blah blah blah.. when that isn't always true..
But honestly, I personally don't mind falling into a "traditional" role of being the homemaker, wife and mother, while my husband "brings home the bacon (which he does)... and I look forward to the point where I can work part time (I don't ever want to NOT work though, mostly because if something happens I don't want to be stuck in a menial job I hate) so I can dedicate more time to our home and family... but that's just something that I personally enjoy... and as long as my husband doesn't "expect" me to do it or take it for granted or otherwise disrespect me for it, I have no problem with it. Just like I won't expect him to be a workaholic to get us the Lexus cars and the huge McMansion...
I don't think there's any problem at all with a couple mutually deciding those are the roles they want to play in their relationship!! That's great, as long as both parties came to that conclusion together, and not just because it's what society says they should do. The part that got to me was the idea that the roles were pre-set and that any woman embarking on a relationship with that person would have to subcribe to those roles - regardless of her personal interests, strengths or views on the matter -- and personally that lack of choice/flexibility wouldn't be something I'd be interested in, so I wouldn't have responded to the ad.
As someone who has intentionally sought out more "traditional" males (because it's what I prefer), I can say that most of them aren't as rigid as you might think. Some are, yea, but most are pretty flexible in what they consider to be "traditional gender roles". There might be a few things on which they refuse to bend, but it's not like they're dictators
This was exactly what I was going to say.
Excepting the seeking out traditional males portion, of course.
~Edited to add...the more flexible the woman is on working with that point of view by the way...the more giving that kind of man often is on the points that are important to her.
Just putting that out there.0 -
As someone who has intentionally sought out more "traditional" males (because it's what I prefer), I can say that most of them aren't as rigid as you might think. Some are, yea, but most are pretty flexible in what they consider to be "traditional gender roles". There might be a few things on which they refuse to bend, but it's not like they're dictators
This was exactly what I was going to say.
Excepting the seeking out traditional males portion, of course.
~Edited to add...the more flexible the woman is on working with that point of view by the way...the more giving that kind of man often is on the points that are important to her.
Just putting that out there.
Exactly. It's just like any other relationship in that, if something is really important to one partner, you try to come to a compromise on that issue.0 -
In our house, "old fashioned" and "traditional" are defined as:
Hubby goes to work and earns the paycheck. Hubby protects the family and disciplines the kids.
Wifey has the kids, feeds the kids, cleans the house, cleans the cars, waits on hubby hand and foot, changes diapers, does the laundry, helps the kids with the homework, does the dishes, drives everyone everywhere, and makes sure no one is choking on/spitting on/strangling/pulling someones hair someone else.
And I get no sex for it.
That....sounds awful. But I'll admit, I have NEVER been one for the whole "traditional" gender role thing, and that's pretty much exactly what I think of when somebody says "old fashioned" or "traditional" when it comes to gender roles. If a man I was interested in outright said he believes in "traditional family values" or "traditional gender roles" we probably wouldn't get past the first date. Just not my cup of tea.
In our relationship, we do what we're good at. I'm terrible at doing laundry, but my bf doesn't mind it. He's terrible at organizing and remembering what days everything is due, so I handle getting the bills paid (we share the cost, but I'm the one who makes sure it happens). He would probably burn our apartment down trying to cook, so I handle that (and the grocery shopping, since I'm the one doing the cooking). We both pitch in the keep the house clean. We both pitch in taking care of (and disciplining) my son (who is not his biologically, but he assumes the father role anyway). We're a team. We both work full time outside the home, so we divide responsibilities pretty evenly.
We go half on big purchases, we split the bill at dinner (unless it's a special occasion, ex. me taking him out for his birthday, him taking me out for Mother's Day, etc). We show each other appreciation in so many ways, and we make major decisions together. I really wouldn't say there's one "boss" of the relationship, because we pretty much meet each other halfway on anything we don't immediately agree on.
As for the little things, sure, he opens doors for me, pulls my chair out at restaurants, those sorts of things. He's respectful and kind, like any man should be. Just like I am respectful and kind to him.0 -
I think you can be old-fashioned in a modern way. Personally, I would think of myself as being "old-fashioned" in way of not talking about poop and farts, lol. I don't like sexual discussions in mixed company, even though I can discuss some pretty raunchy things when I'm with a bunch of girlfriends, haha. It's an extra sweet bonus when guys open doors, bring flowers, etc. But I couldn't care less about paying for meals or dates or anything like that. I work hard and they work hard, why shouldn't it be 50/50?0
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And I think in the end of the day, being a team to work together towards common goals, as well as, being respectful and encouraging towards each other is what it's all about, regardless of how we portray our "roles"... :drinker:0
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Not read all the posts but here's my thoughts....
I personally think that it's more about equality...in the sense that what you do for him should be reciprocated.
I.e share the cooking, cleaning, raising children.
Manners - please / thank you and general respect for each other. If he opened a door for me I'd do the same. Etc
At the moment in my house my other half works 24/7 do it's upto me to do my motherly duties for my son, the cleaning, washing, bins out, lawn cutting, car washing, cooking is shared - first in cooks unless busy.
I honestly don't mind doing everything because I know he works hard and long hours to put food on the table, a roof over our heads and a quality of life. He provides the tools for me to work with. If it was me working 24/7 I'd expect him to do all I'm doing.
Yes I work too - 6 days a week but I get home after him as he picks up our son from school but carries on working from home until late. He still does fatherly duties and takes an hour each evening to spend with my little one. He also looks after him in Saturdays when I work.
So, to me that's fair....but for every good point there's always a downside..
Just to add, if I come home from work on Saturdays and no washing up done etc, I still get cross...if he's home working or sat on his backside....don't matter...there's still time for washing up whilst at home. Vice versa.0 -
In our house, "old fashioned" and "traditional" are defined as:
Hubby goes to work and earns the paycheck. Hubby protects the family and disciplines the kids.
Wifey has the kids, feeds the kids, cleans the house, cleans the cars, waits on hubby hand and foot, changes diapers, does the laundry, helps the kids with the homework, does the dishes, drives everyone everywhere, and makes sure no one is choking on/spitting on/strangling/pulling someones hair someone else.
And I get no sex for it.
That....sounds awful. But I'll admit, I have NEVER been one for the whole "traditional" gender role thing, and that's pretty much exactly what I think of when somebody says "old fashioned" or "traditional" when it comes to gender roles. If a man I was interested in outright said he believes in "traditional family values" or "traditional gender roles" we probably wouldn't get past the first date. Just not my cup of tea.
In our relationship, we do what we're good at. I'm terrible at doing laundry, but my bf doesn't mind it. He's terrible at organizing and remembering what days everything is due, so I handle getting the bills paid (we share the cost, but I'm the one who makes sure it happens). He would probably burn our apartment down trying to cook, so I handle that (and the grocery shopping, since I'm the one doing the cooking). We both pitch in the keep the house clean. We both pitch in taking care of (and disciplining) my son (who is not his biologically, but he assumes the father role anyway). We're a team. We both work full time outside the home, so we divide responsibilities pretty evenly.
We go half on big purchases, we split the bill at dinner (unless it's a special occasion, ex. me taking him out for his birthday, him taking me out for Mother's Day, etc). We show each other appreciation in so many ways, and we make major decisions together. I really wouldn't say there's one "boss" of the relationship, because we pretty much meet each other halfway on anything we don't immediately agree on.
As for the little things, sure, he opens doors for me, pulls my chair out at restaurants, those sorts of things. He's respectful and kind, like any man should be. Just like I am respectful and kind to him.
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It's awful and it's not - if that makes any sense. We actually weren't into the whole 'traditional role' thing. But it just kinda fell into our lap when I lost my job and we had more kids. So now we just make it work. I do miss sex. A LOT.0 -
In our house, "old fashioned" and "traditional" are defined as:
Hubby goes to work and earns the paycheck. Hubby protects the family and disciplines the kids.
Wifey has the kids, feeds the kids, cleans the house, cleans the cars, waits on hubby hand and foot, changes diapers, does the laundry, helps the kids with the homework, does the dishes, drives everyone everywhere, and makes sure no one is choking on/spitting on/strangling/pulling someones hair someone else.
And I get no sex for it.
That....sounds awful. But I'll admit, I have NEVER been one for the whole "traditional" gender role thing, and that's pretty much exactly what I think of when somebody says "old fashioned" or "traditional" when it comes to gender roles. If a man I was interested in outright said he believes in "traditional family values" or "traditional gender roles" we probably wouldn't get past the first date. Just not my cup of tea.
In our relationship, we do what we're good at. I'm terrible at doing laundry, but my bf doesn't mind it. He's terrible at organizing and remembering what days everything is due, so I handle getting the bills paid (we share the cost, but I'm the one who makes sure it happens). He would probably burn our apartment down trying to cook, so I handle that (and the grocery shopping, since I'm the one doing the cooking). We both pitch in the keep the house clean. We both pitch in taking care of (and disciplining) my son (who is not his biologically, but he assumes the father role anyway). We're a team. We both work full time outside the home, so we divide responsibilities pretty evenly.
We go half on big purchases, we split the bill at dinner (unless it's a special occasion, ex. me taking him out for his birthday, him taking me out for Mother's Day, etc). We show each other appreciation in so many ways, and we make major decisions together. I really wouldn't say there's one "boss" of the relationship, because we pretty much meet each other halfway on anything we don't immediately agree on.
As for the little things, sure, he opens doors for me, pulls my chair out at restaurants, those sorts of things. He's respectful and kind, like any man should be. Just like I am respectful and kind to him.
It's awful and it's not - if that makes any sense. We actually weren't into the whole 'traditional role' thing. But it just kinda fell into our lap when I lost my job and we had more kids. So now we just make it work. I do miss sex. A LOT.
I would too lol...and would certainly be doing something about it =p.0 -
"at the gas station I see an older lady staring at the gas pump like it's completely foreign to her. Went over to ask if she needed some help. She tells me her late husband pumped their gas since they started dating (when she was 18). 56 years later he passed away and she doesn't know how to pump gas. I simply explain everything and do it for her. Look over and she begins to cry and says how blessed she is to have a complete stranger help her out. "
Saw this on Facebook. All the women thought it was sweet. I do feel for her, she lost her husband. But at the same time I thought it was somewhat pathetic. I just can't understand how an individual can be so helpless.
I agree. While I let my husband do things he feels he "should" do for me, its never at the expense of me never learning to do them. I let him pump the gas, and he'll occasionally take my car down and fill it up at night, so I don't have to do it the next day, since there is no gas station on my route from home, to daycare, to work. I CAN very well do it myself, but he likes to "do" for me. It's how he shows his love.
I worked through the first few years of college at a gas station. You would be surprised at all of the ladies, and not just older ladies, but even middle aged women, who can't pump their own gas or to a larger extent, put air in their tires.
I've helped numerous women who would say that their husbands always took care of that type of stuff, and that's fine, but if you are going to drive, you have to know how to do these things.0 -
In terms of jobs, chores, etc...doesn't matter.
But I want my man to cry less than I do, to weigh more than I do, and to know when to take charge in the sack. :devil:
I feel exactly the same way.
In my house the roles have blended, my dad was the bread winner for awhile and now he is confined to a wheel chair so now my mom is the bread winner. My mom always told me, "Make sure you never rely on anyone else because you never know what could happen." Her mom told her the same thing and it's a good thing she listened because if my mom never went to college and then got her Master's degree we would be in financial trouble. So thats how I live my life as well. A woman should never have to depend on a man but instead work together to make the relationship one of mutual resepect.
SO true! I pride myself on my financial independence, and it's something I'll always maintain. I refuse to be stuck anywhere and you really never know what might happen. Good on you and your momma for teaching that!0 -
"at the gas station I see an older lady staring at the gas pump like it's completely foreign to her. Went over to ask if she needed some help. She tells me her late husband pumped their gas since they started dating (when she was 18). 56 years later he passed away and she doesn't know how to pump gas. I simply explain everything and do it for her. Look over and she begins to cry and says how blessed she is to have a complete stranger help her out. "
Saw this on Facebook. All the women thought it was sweet. I do feel for her, she lost her husband. But at the same time I thought it was somewhat pathetic. I just can't understand how an individual can be so helpless.
I agree. While I let my husband do things he feels he "should" do for me, its never at the expense of me never learning to do them. I let him pump the gas, and he'll occasionally take my car down and fill it up at night, so I don't have to do it the next day, since there is no gas station on my route from home, to daycare, to work. I CAN very well do it myself, but he likes to "do" for me. It's how he shows his love.
I worked through the first few years of college at a gas station. You would be surprised at all of the ladies, and not just older ladies, but even middle aged women, who can't pump their own gas or to a larger extent, put air in their tires.
I've helped numerous women who would say that their husbands always took care of that type of stuff, and that's fine, but if you are going to drive, you have to know how to do these things.
Completely agree. My great uncle recently passed away, and his wife never did a thing for herself a day in her life (she's 76). She literally has no idea what to do with herself anymore. Doesn't know how to pay the bills, doesn't know how to drive, nothing. He did all of that for her, so now her kids have to come help her with everything and are looking for a nice assisted living facility for her. I just never want to be that way.0 -
as of right now I am working and my wife stays home and take care of the kids while im there. but if I lost my job and she was working I would have no problem taking care of them.0
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We're blended. I was raised by my dad and taught to take care of myself on my own two feet. I can change a tire, change the oil, change brake pads, mow the lawn, put stuff together, lift heavy things, manage the money, cook, clean, take care of the kids, take care of a house, have a career...
I can do all those things, so it's hard for me sometimes to let the man "be the man".
...I just wanna be treated like a lady. :laugh:0 -
In terms of jobs, chores, etc...doesn't matter.
But I want my man to cry less than I do, to weigh more than I do, and to know when to take charge in the sack. :devil:
^^^^this 0 -
If I saw an ad where a guy wanted a woman with "traditional" or "old-fashioned" values I'd think he wanted a servant he could have sex with without paying. I'd also consider "trditional" to be more of a big into church, anti-gay, Republican stance as well. If I saw an ad where the woman wanted a "traditional" or "old fashioned" relationship I'd think she was lazy, didn't want to work, and wanted to be taken care of without having to get a job. Same bit for the "traditional" part. Neiter would appeal to me at all and I'd consider it a big time turn off and a red flag.
Wow. My husband and I are fairly traditional. I stay at home with the kids because that's what works best for us. When I work, I invariably end up getting promoted to a salaried managerial position, and then I spend more time at work than at home and our relationship suffers. I'm most certainly *not* lazy... and if you think being a SAHM is lazy, wow. On some days, it's a lot harder than the work that I did outside the home. Managing 25 adults can be far easier than managing/parenting a household, a toddler, and an infant.
We're both in favor of gay marriage, and live in a country where that's legal. We're pro-choice. I'm an American living abroad, but I am most certainly not a Republican, nor am I even Christian. Nor is the husband. So, yeah, every single one of your assumptions is wrong in our relationship.0 -
The man has to kill the bugs...
I used a .22 caliber pistol once - not popular with the ladies in the house.
That must have been a freaking huge bug.0 -
This thread has been dead a few days but I randomly found myself thinking about it so thought I'd come on and share a thought.
Please don't blast me. I'm just working things out...
Aren't 'traditional' gender roles in place for a reason? Men and women function differently. How we express love is different.
I always believed men are more doers (I mean this VERY generally and I realize there are exceptions). They show 'love' by taking care of those around them. I wonder if this is how that 'traditional' role took root. This is how men express their love to their wife, by caring for her basic physical needs (IE: working, bringing home food, taking care of the car, the yard. etc. etc. etc.).
Whereas women are more inclined to be nurturing. Providing a comfortable home. Caring for and keeping the children safe. Emotional support. Caring for less obvious needs. Etc. Etc.
Anyway. I wonder if 'traditional' gender roles just stem from a very basic thing that makes males and females express themselves differently (hormones I guess?). Of course there are EXCEPTIONS to this and couples that buck these more traditional ways of expressing oneself but I wonder if the majority aren't more inclined to certain things and that's what makes those things 'traditional'.
I'm not sure if I explained that properly and I apologize if it made absolutely no sense. It was just a thought. 0 -
This thread has been dead a few days but I randomly found myself thinking about it so thought I'd come on and share a thought.
Please don't blast me. I'm just working things out...
Aren't 'traditional' gender roles in place for a reason? Men and women function differently. How we express love is different.
I always believed men are more doers (I mean this VERY generally and I realize there are exceptions). They show 'love' by taking care of those around them. I wonder if this is how that 'traditional' role took root. This is how men express their love to their wife, by caring for her basic physical needs (IE: working, bringing home food, taking care of the car, the yard. etc. etc. etc.).
Whereas women are more inclined to be nurturing. Providing a comfortable home. Caring for and keeping the children safe. Emotional support. Caring for less obvious needs. Etc. Etc.
Anyway. I wonder if 'traditional' gender roles just stem from a very basic thing that makes males and females express themselves differently (hormones I guess?). Of course there are EXCEPTIONS to this and couples that buck these more traditional ways of expressing oneself but I wonder if the majority aren't more inclined to certain things and that's what makes those things 'traditional'.
I'm not sure if I explained that properly and I apologize if it made absolutely no sense. It was just a thought.
I definitely agree with this. I think a lot of people want to take the feminism to such an extreme that they forget a lot of stuff is just basic instincts. I don't think the nurturing characteristics of women just falls out of thin air. The same way, I don't think they men are protective just because someone told them to do it.0 -
This thread has been dead a few days but I randomly found myself thinking about it so thought I'd come on and share a thought.
Please don't blast me. I'm just working things out...
Aren't 'traditional' gender roles in place for a reason? Men and women function differently. How we express love is different.
I always believed men are more doers (I mean this VERY generally and I realize there are exceptions). They show 'love' by taking care of those around them. I wonder if this is how that 'traditional' role took root. This is how men express their love to their wife, by caring for her basic physical needs (IE: working, bringing home food, taking care of the car, the yard. etc. etc. etc.).
Whereas women are more inclined to be nurturing. Providing a comfortable home. Caring for and keeping the children safe. Emotional support. Caring for less obvious needs. Etc. Etc.
Anyway. I wonder if 'traditional' gender roles just stem from a very basic thing that makes males and females express themselves differently (hormones I guess?). Of course there are EXCEPTIONS to this and couples that buck these more traditional ways of expressing oneself but I wonder if the majority aren't more inclined to certain things and that's what makes those things 'traditional'.
I'm not sure if I explained that properly and I apologize if it made absolutely no sense. It was just a thought.
I definitely agree with this. I think a lot of people want to take the feminism to such an extreme that they forget a lot of stuff is just basic instincts. I don't think the nurturing characteristics of women just falls out of thin air. The same way, I don't think they men are protective just because someone told them to do it.
I 100% agree as well.
The problem is, much like happens with many other 'extremist' minority points of view, extreme feminists have hand picked things that represent the 'opposition' (in this case, traditional males), and declared wholesale war on them. Because of what the few have done, the many (within that feminist minority, and usually women who would otherwise be incredibly reasonable) have come to view these 'traditional roles' as 'tools' society in general, and these men in specific, use to 'oppress' and 'control' them.
Here's the thing. If a man makes you walk on the inside of a sidewalk as a way to keep you from walking where you want, gets angry when other men look at you, pays for your dates as a way to lure you into thinking he's a nice guy, forces you to stay home, have kids, and take care of those kids...while he goes to work, and out with his friends...well, obviously that guy is a controlling, and probably eventually abusive (if not already) *kitten*.
If however, a man makes you walk on the inside of the sidewalk as a gesture of protective care, gets angry when other men look at you in a way that makes you obviously uncomfortable, pays for your dates as a way to show respect and appreciation for your attention and time, supports your decision to stay home and have kids, or have any type of career you choose, and helps you take care of those kids regardless of your choice between those paths. Well ladies, in my opinion...that guys a keeper.
The point of my comparison, is that it isn't the actions, or the in this case the 'traditional gender roles' that are oppressive, it's the person behind them, and their motives.
Just like most other things in life.0 -
This thread has been dead a few days but I randomly found myself thinking about it so thought I'd come on and share a thought.
Please don't blast me. I'm just working things out...
Aren't 'traditional' gender roles in place for a reason? Men and women function differently. How we express love is different.
I always believed men are more doers (I mean this VERY generally and I realize there are exceptions). They show 'love' by taking care of those around them. I wonder if this is how that 'traditional' role took root. This is how men express their love to their wife, by caring for her basic physical needs (IE: working, bringing home food, taking care of the car, the yard. etc. etc. etc.).
Whereas women are more inclined to be nurturing. Providing a comfortable home. Caring for and keeping the children safe. Emotional support. Caring for less obvious needs. Etc. Etc.
Anyway. I wonder if 'traditional' gender roles just stem from a very basic thing that makes males and females express themselves differently (hormones I guess?). Of course there are EXCEPTIONS to this and couples that buck these more traditional ways of expressing oneself but I wonder if the majority aren't more inclined to certain things and that's what makes those things 'traditional'.
I'm not sure if I explained that properly and I apologize if it made absolutely no sense. It was just a thought.
I agree with this.. and my husband is a great provider, but .. he is one of the most nurturing men I have ever met.
He loves to rock our son and put him to bed, he kisses "boo boos" , he gives baths and changes diapers.
I think he enjoys "nurturing" more than "providing" but takes great pride in both, and I LOOOVVEEE him for that 0
This discussion has been closed.
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